Tuesday, June 1, Caulder Capital Investments (CCI), Stamford, CT
Roy Caulder
On a clear day, Roy Caulder could see from his penthouse office suite all the way to Long Island, but today, he could barely make out the contours of nearby Shippan Point. Sheets of clouds hovered over the sound, coloring the water gunmetal gray, and to the south, another round of thunderheads loomed. The hedge fund CEO was usually too busy to notice the weather, but even he couldn’t help but read meaning into these atmospherics. The coming storm would be a bitch.
Well, bring it on. Caulder’s lips pulled into a wolfish smile. This was his type of weather. Bring on the fucking flood to drown the weak.
He drifted to the floor-to-ceiling window and pressed his forehead against chilled glass, gaze dropping forty stories down. The streets of downtown Stamford were bustling, but from this vantage point, Caulder saw the people below for what they truly were: meaningless drones, ants pushing grains of sand around, all so busy building their futile little tunnels to nowhere.
That was the problem with humanity. Few people had any real sense of purpose. Any true drive or vision.
Which is what made Roy Caulder so unique, so blessed. He had that vision. He’d painstakingly anticipated all possible variables, and now, the future was shaping up nicely. Success seemed inevitable.
Why, then, did he still have an unsettled feeling? What was that gnawing, ulcer-like sensation in his gut?
He shook his head impatiently. Now wasn’t the time for this shit. His mind needed to stay razor sharp. Focused. Free from all distractions.
Crossing the room, he settled into his $65,000 gold-inlayed desk chair. Took a sip of coffee as he lifted a file from the desktop. Slowly paged through the background sheet. The resume. The head-shot.
What was it about this particular ant with an M.D. that had so gotten under his skin?
The ringing of his cell pulled him back to the moment. As expected, it was Bree, wanting to know if he’d made the call yet.
“Of course,” he answered. "I just got off the phone with Nina a few minutes ago. We discussed our concerns.”
Caulder tried to tune out Bree’s hysterics as she chirped her opinion. Give-you-a-hard-on-in-one-second-flat gorgeous, but so fucking high strung. Like some Hollywood celebutante’s neurotic pet. She had matured over the two years since he’d found her, but not by much. As she continued to vent, he scrolled through his iPhone, pulling up the live NYSE feed.
“Yes,” he agreed once she’d finished. “You were right on target. It only took me a few seconds to get that impression too. He's not who they promised he'd be."
Bree asked what their next move should be.
“We need to make our position clear,” he answered absently, eyes now following the stock symbols scrolling by. “I’ll call Nina again to let her know how unhappy we are with this situation. They'll need to be more hands on if they want to keep our business. Gotta go now.”
He ended the call, shifting his full attention to the stock crawl. He waited for his symbol with eyes fixed on the screen, as tunnel-visioned as a lion stalking his pray.
When those three magical letters finally appeared, he practically salivated. The stock was beyond hot. It just kept going up like there was no ceiling.
He imagined the scene unfolding on the floor of the exchange. Pictured the herds of sheep huddled over their cells, brokers making their frantic last minute calls, wearing down the screens of their smartphones in a mad dash to pour other people’s money into the next big thing.
Incompetent morons. Mindless plodders, all of them. Always moved by the market, never doing the moving.
Well, Roy Caulder played by a different set of rules.
Content that the deal was shaping up nicely, he returned to Goodwin’s file. On a superficial level, he understood why the Greenbecks had chosen the young doctor; he certainly looked the part. Tall and broad-shouldered, with an easy-going smile showing off just the right amount of white teeth. A strong, masculine face softened by empathetic green eyes. He was handsome in a clean-cut, Ivy League sort of way, the kind of handsome that would make the trophy wives of Fairfield County swoon. That shit-eating grin looked so eager to please.
But Bree was right. He'd gotten the same impression in that three minute phone conversation with the doctor. The kid had an edge. Maybe he’d check to see how sharp that edge was in person.
Scrolling through his address book, he located and dialed Nina’s private number. As usual, she appeared to be in no rush to pick up. More power games – the calling card of the mentally and spiritually weak.
As he waited, he glanced down once more at Goodwin’s photo, noting that the coffee mug had left a ring around the young doctor’s head. The muddy brown stain transected his neck in a perfect decapitation.
Caulder took another lukewarm sip, smiling.
***
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This works very well because you stay in Roy Caulder's persona for the whole chapter.
In last pgh, "chuckling to himself," bothered me because it seems too melodramatic. I always have trouble, myself, with making villains too black, which is why that bothered me.
In pgh. beginning "Caulder rolled his eyes" (as did Jake's wife if I remember correctly): last phrase "trying very hard to tune out the hysterics. Because of its position in the sentence it first seemed as though Bree was trying to tune out the hysterics. Maybe consider "Caulder tried very hard to tune out the hysterics as Bree chirped her opinion?"
Good work! I will be on the lookout for more.
Hey gray,
Excellent chapter that flowed well as we get to meet Caulder. I really liked this sentence: The muddy brown stain transected his neck in a perfect decapitation. A sociopathic investment banker, with a pension for jealousy, makes a great antagonist.
Well(,) who was laughing now?
That's the part [that] I don't like.
..as a lion stalking its pr(e)y.
This just keeps getting better and better. I love the fast pace and your attention to detail.
take care,
nathan
Gray..Love the voice of this character and how you stay so solidly in his POV. I also enjoy your descriptions. They are visual and clear without being too overdone. You make me feel the place that you are describing and since it seems that you are writing about points on the east coast, I can def relate to the tri-state area. Looking forward to reading the next chapter and also will be posting the second chapter of Paradise tonight, so when you get a chance I would most def like you to give it a read.....Happy writing.....Denise
Hello, I have to say right off the top in response to your question in the summary that your change of tense and person did catch my attention and distract me. You should probably ignore this comment because I'm an unsophisticated reader and even more unsophisticated writer and I tend to stick to a boring straight forward chronological description that stays in same tense and person. But you presumably have something in mind when you set this up to be a first person present tense narrative, so I think you should listen to the other reviewers and go with this. But maybe you could keep the changes distinct, perhaps as separate chapters (even if they are short). Regardless of tense and person, you have done a great job of describing an intriguing but despicable antagonist for your rather downtrodden main character.
Nits:
<Which is what made Roy Caulder [so] unique[,]( and) so blessed. He had that vision.> {I don't think so unique makes sense, unique already means one of a kind, I don't think you can have shades of unique. I guess you could say so outstanding or something like that.}
< The muddy brown stain transected his neck in a perfect decapitation.> {Great image, but wouldn't it look more like a garotting than a decapitation.}
well we certainly get to meet Mr. Caulder. You paint him quite well.
Your details makes this thing mouth-watering. The change of POV works.
moving on.
I like the beginning "on a clear day" it pulls me right in. I like that we learn a lot about him in one setting, one scene without moving around too much. That works well for me as a reader. T Cat
Hi Gray,
More excellent writing, first off! : )
One nit: No one needs to wait for the stock crawl to find out the current stock price of a company they follow. You can easily get second-by second stock quotes by typing in the symbol. CNBC has a customizable 'follow' list, updated every few seconds or less. Yahoo Finance pulls up and updates prices by the mili-second. And if it's YOUR stock, the symbol (e.g., AAPL for Apple) would be on a saved watchlist screen so you would simply touch it if it weren't already visible. As Roy's company, it would be odd if his NYSE symbol weren't on a pop-up
I t0tally understand the need to get into his head. That's the problem with 1st pp pov. But I think you need to make a choice: stick with Jake's 1st pp POV, or switch everyone to 3d pp limited. I love Jake's 1st pp, so I suggest getting into Roy's via his actions, that Jake witnesses or sees on TV. Or through conversation: Maybe Jake's partner talks to him. Maybe Jake reads a newspaper article about Roy, or his broker tells him about Roy.
Another suggestion: Roy is too 1000% nasty. I had the SAME problem with the wife in CR- i made her so bitchy (I had her 3d pp limited POV in one version), that you could practically hear her laugh, 'nyeh-eh-eh!' Maybe tone him back a little, or give him some trait we can all identify with, even if we don't like it...
The story continues to entertain, so.. well done!
: )
Terri
Hi gray! Personally, I never have a problem with a pov or tense switch as long as it is separated from the rest of the text, whether by chapter or just a break in the text - tons of novels do this, and I find it a handy tool for getting the whole story across. So no, it didn't jar me a bit.
That said, it does seem to me that you may run the risk of readers brushing through these chapters just to get back to Jake, because his is a very engaging voice.
I'm anxious to see where you are going with the Roy plot line. He definitely has "villain" written all over him. The "decapitation" line was awesome, lol. Is Roy actually going to be out to get Jake, though - all over his wife's acne?? Something tells me there is going to be more to this than meets the eye, and that's great. The hook is in. :)
You writing is wonderful, very smooth, with nothing at all to trip up the reader. No real nits from me, sorry!! Cathy
Hey, Gray - I think I've commented before that I have no problem with your POV technique - since that's exactly what I've done in my last two novels! But enough about me. :)
Well, I guess I was wrong about Caulder; he's a finance shark, but not a gangster per se. But still a man with a power complex who doesn't suffer fools gladly. Thanks to his wife, he now has a bee in his bonnet concerning our MC. Nobody tells his wife - and by extension, him - what to do. I think you've presented the character well, promising some trouble for the good doctor.
A few picky things, since I know how much you like them ;) -
- ...and now[,] the future was shaping up nicely. {Don't think you need that comma}
- What was that gnawing, ulcer-like sensation in his gut? {I think this should go with the previous sentence-paragraph.}
- gold-[inlayed](inlaid) desk chair.
- "Well, yes," he answered briskly, "[A](a)s a matter of fact..."
Smooth chapter as always.
Take care,
Jack
Loved the second to the last paragraph. I'm in the middle of reading something else but came back to this because I was interested in the the story. I think you could delete the sentence "turbulent times..." Shift in pov doesn't not bother me. It gives you much more latitude to explore the characters and provides depth for the reader. Curious if you have tried to get representation for this book.
Hi - I'm a little uncomfortable with the switch from first person to third person but I'm not ruling it out yet. I like this chapter and think you are creating an interesting "villain". What I like about him is that he seems a bit vulnerable as well as nasty. The fact that he is unnerved by Bree's reaction, makes him seem human opposed to some super villain. I like how he tells us enough about Bree to get a bit of a sense of her too. You handle the dialogue well - not using too much direct dialogue instead giving us details from his POV. I could learn from that, thanks! Nice chapter.
(Question answered before read)
I question the use of a POV shift as dramatic as from 1st POV limited to 3rd POV limited. I tend to follow a singular style if POV much easier than multi styles.
Which is to say shifting the POV from one character to another is easier as long as the main style is kept the same.
(Question answered after read)
Masterwork! I like it. Perhaps because your character here reminds me of someone. Either way what a way to move the plot forward. Though I imagine someone like him would just have the Doc fired and let that be that.
I like Roy, he has alot of qualities I try to emulate, and admire in others.
Though I imagine he is not too admirable, the conversation last chapter speaks much of his less than admirable traits.
Oh wow.
This Caulder is quite a guy. He definitely reminds me of someone.
Though a little too evil for my taste.
Hi,
It just gets more intriguing. I think you did a great job with Roy, who is clearly a shmuck. Interesting that he and his wife don't even pretend to like one another, they acknowledge their arrangement. He didn't meet or fall in love with her, he found her. The writing is so fluid that I feel like my reviews are cheats...I'm not telling you anything constructive, I have nothing constructive to offer, and I apologize for that, but you're just too good. ('m also trying to not read any other reviews because I don't want to make sure that what I tell you comes from me and not from other influences)
One tiny suggestion: I loved the way he studied the photo at the end and the foreshadowing of the decapitation. So, I would remove the last sentence, " Now if that wasn’t a sign of things to come, then he didn’t know what was." Just leave him sipping the coffee and smiling. We know what he's thinking, or we think we do.....
I’m on the fence about the POV switch. I think mainly because this third/limited has so much more ‘voice’ than the first/limited you are using for Jake. I do like it and you seem to be handling it well, but that only serves to exaggerate what you aren’t doing as successfully with Jake's POV.
Either way, unlike most third person narratives, there is an intimacy here that is very engaging.
A small point, but it does have me wondering; I know for stylistic reasons you chose not to show Briana’s end of the telephone conversation. And because of the spoiler in your summary, I know that Roy is the bad guy in this tale. I’m just wondering with a name like “Trophy Wife” why we aren’t hearing much of anything from her yet. After Jake’s POV (maybe even before Jake’s), I would have expected to hear from her.
I agree with the reviewer who suggested you cut the last line. The smile is very implicit on its own, so the last line is only serving to over qualify.
Overall I think you handled the POV very well. I liked getting a peek inside Roy’s world, but I’m not so sure I needed it to be quite as obviously painted as the ‘rich and evil” guy. It was, for me, a bit melodramatic.
Onward I go.
Gray, I like the POVshift. Worked for me.
In the second paragraph, you have his “eyes dropping forty stories.” A fellow writer has passed on her bias, one which made me laugh at the image of his eyes falling out of his head and dropping 40 stories. She suggests using “gaze” instead.
I liked how you described Roy’s description of humanity, particular the “little tunnels to nowhere.”
That was the problem with humanity. Few people had any real sense of purpose. Any true drive or vision.
In describing his plan, I’d avoid a cliché and just say “simple.” The “diamond, expertly cut” rounds it off nicely.
I stopped dead at the $65,000 for a desk chair. It isn’t needed to describe this man. I liked the image of an ant getting under his skin.
His conversation with Bree shows patience, which surprised me. It seemed contradictory to the way he ridiculed and challenged Jake on the phone.
The description of the stock exchange and its brokers worked well, especially “never doing the moving.”
Loved the “calling card of the mentally and spiritually weak.”
Nice hook at the end. Well done, Gray.
Hi Graymartin,
I love the POV switch... I'm not one to stick to the norm, so writing outside the box or norm is great... I like getting to know, what would appear to be a rather slimy fella in Caulder... You are definitely building the suspense of what is to come... I like the way you handled Caulder's expression when he leaves the ring around the good doctor's neck... Interesting...! Happy Day & Keep Smilin'... Jax
I wanted to get back to this book after a delay due to my schedule. I'm glad I did.
This chapter worked very well. The shift to third person worked fine. You introduced what sounds like the main protagonist nicely and built him to doing like a ruthless business man.
I wanted to leave you an inline review but there was nothing to comment on.
I also like how you introduced the fact that all is not what it seems with the dermatology practice.
I forward to the next chapter.
Author
Reply
Thanks for revisiting this, Cobber. I've been quite sporadic on this site, but hoping to get back soon. I see you're posting again, so I look forward to checking out your latest WIP. Your feedback is much appreciated! Gray
Found my way back to this one - if you still need input. Let me know which of your projects you'd like me to check out.
I like the 3rd person for the antagonist. Lets us know we're no longer in the protagonist's head. Sets it apart. My only suggestion was that he keeps comparing people to ants then all of the sudden he refers to them as sheep. Maybe stick with the ant/insect theme?? That's all I found. Clean writing. Great insight into a sick mind. Love it.
Author
Reply
Thanks, SP. This one is on the shelf for now. Too many POVs and family stuff. So I need to figure out how to revamp. Man, this writing thing is hard! Congrats to you on completing so many novels. It takes a frustrated writer like me to realize how much of an accomplishment that truly is! Gray
Hello, Gray. Yikes! Caulder....the name's not far off from cauldron...interesting:-) A male witch of sorts, imho. I mean, he's beyond power hungry, I'd say. I'd bet the proverbial house he's an exemplary psychopath... NO ONE treats this guy with contempt! At least not those on his radar.... He's obviously intelligent, cunning, coldblooded, and VERY likely beyond the help of the best psychiatrist and the best meds...I hope there's NO ONE remotely like RC living nearby...
I think I understand what's going on, Gray. I didn't feel put off by this chapter.
Going very well!!
Peace,
Mike
Author
Reply
Thanks, Mike. Not all my readers approved of jumping to another POV here, but I wanted to through in some variety and, at some points, it became clear I couldn't take the story where I wanted to while stuck in Jake's head all the time. You're on target about Caulder being a sociopath. Glad that came through from the start! G
Hi Gray. I wanted to skim over the first few chapters I'd already read to refresh my mind. I remember wanting to read more of this. I'm really enjoying it.
Now, as for Ray Caulder, in my humble opinion. I wouldn't add this chapter to the book. He is only confusing things and possibly giving too much of the plot away. Maybe you should just stay the course. Regards KL
I'm suspicious of him because he don't care about Bree thinks. I can tell she don't mean a lot to him. He's always tuning her our whenever she speaks I believed. He takes her granted a lot no matter what he tells himself. What's up with him how he treats Bree. I have my eye on him. I'm loving this story a lot more than I expected.
Author
Reply
Hi, and sorry for the delayed response! I've been dormant on this site forever. In fact, I assumed my membership had lapsed, but guess it hasn't!
I appreciate the read and review. I've been away from Trophy for a while, but am in the process of a re-write, trying to streamline and tell the story only from the MC's POV, especially for the first half. If you're still active on the site, thanks again for reading!
Cheers,
Gray
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