Tuesday, 11:35 p.m., Stamford Hospital
Alice Roberts
Throughout her long forensics career, Doctor Roberts had made her share of late night hospital visits. Typically though, they took her to the morgue instead of where she now found herself – in the trauma bay of the Stamford Hospital ER, paging through the hit-and-run victim’s intake sheets.
From what she could glean, Erin Shea was still alive, but just barely.
She skimmed through the EMS log, picturing the horrific scene the clipped jargon described: Young Caucasian female, victim of observed hit-and-run. Nonresponsive on arrival. PERRL (pupils equal, round and reactive to light – a positive sign that her brainstem was still functioning). Pulse 150, Respirations 22, blood pressure palpable. Severe blunt force trauma, multiple fractures, internal hemorrhage suspected.
She shook her head, following the heroic resuscitation effort. Her trained eye picked out more important terms:
DPL+ (diagnostic peritoneal lavage positive, confirming blood in the peritoneal cavity)
Ultrasound: c/w splenic rupture, hepatic laceration
GCS (Glasgow Coma Scale) score = 12
Head CT: 3.5 cm epidural hematoma, multiple small foci of intracerebral hemorrhage
c/w TBI (traumatic brain injury)
Tx to OR 3 for emergency laparotomy, neurosurg
The last short-hand entry told her the hit-and-run victim had been taken to the OR for emergency abdominal and neurosurgical procedures. While one surgical team struggled to control massive internal bleeding, the other would be fighting to relieve the pressure from the intracranial hemorrhage squeezing her brain.
Roberts shook her head before handing the chart to her Deputy Chief. “Any update on the girl’s status?”
“She’s been on the table for almost four hours now,” Patel reported bleakly. “They’ve finished the splenectomy, but they’re still dealing with bleeding from the hepatic and mesenteric vessels. She’ll be going to interventional radiology next to embolize the bleeders they can’t reach.”
“And the head trauma?”
Patel grimaced. “Neurosurg just finished the craniotomy and they’re still working on bringing down her intracranial pressure.”
“So she’s stabilized.”
“Not really. She’s losing heme faster than they can pump it in, and she’s had three V-fib arrests on the table. Longest one lasted just under three minutes.”
“Shit.” Roberts scowled and they shared a knowing look. The girl might not make it through the night. “Why do I suddenly feel like the goddamned Grim Reaper?”
Patel lowered his prematurely balding head in agreement. The way things looked, they’d be doing an autopsy after all, probably within the next few hours.
“And we’ve confirmed the vic is Erin Shea?” Roberts asked, even though she already knew the answer.
“Yeah.” Patel handed her a small weathered Coach purse with keys attached. “Her ID’s in there.”
“Can’t be a coincidence.”
Patel frowned in agreement. They both knew where this investigation was headed.
Homicide.
The part of the job Roberts hated most. She massaged her throbbing temples, wondering why she’d put off retirement for another year. Nightmare cases like this made her really second guess that decision, but Samir just wasn’t ready to take over yet. Still too naïve, too eager to please. Assholes like Redmond would shred him.
“Samir?” She glanced up at her Deputy. “Is Stamford PD still here?”
“Yes,” he confirmed. “They’re interviewing Goodwin in a conference room on the third floor.”
Goodwin, she knew, had ridden in the ambulance with the victim less than five hours ago. According to the EMS report, he’d been one of the first people on the scene and the one to initiate CPR.
“Well…” She rose from the swivel chair, eyes hooded with fatigue. “Why don’t you make sure he doesn’t leave when they’re done? Tell them we have a few questions of our own.”
After Patel had gone, Roberts unzipped the hit-and-run victim’s purse and removed a Connecticut State driver’s license. She turned the card between her thumb and index finger, studying the girl’s pretty face. Copper hair shimmered beneath the hologram-imprinted laminate, framing warm hazel eyes and a cheerleader’s smile.
Who smiled like that for the DMV?
“Damn,” she muttered to the image. “Why didn’t you just return my calls?”
*****
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Hi Gray,
I was hoping another weekend would produce more TTR chapters! : )
POV again, one tense swap ('While one surgical team struggled to control massive internal bleeding, the other [would be] fighting (fought)')
I'm not as crazy about this chapter. I don't think you need it, honestly. Here, the med jargon is much more intrusive, starting with the EMS report. And you know I usually love your MD-talk. ; )
Would the CT CME really be at the hospital for this hit and run case? I don't know, just asking.
The writing isn't the issue for me, of course, except for what I mentioned re med-talk. No nits that I could spot, although with your writing, it's so smooth I'd miss 'em if they were even there!
: )
Terri
Hi Gray,
I've had extra grandkids for the last ten days so I missed this posting. Oh well, they left today, so my life will be back to its normal rut by tomorrow!!
This is a nice setup chapter of big things to come. Erin's incident should also put a new spin on things. Maybe Alice will begin to think in different terms concerning the patient's death.
We'll see. You say this story is finished...so post more and don't make us wait!!
~Ann
Morning Gray,
Looks like Erin will pull through. Glad to think that. For me the medical jargon added realism to this hospital scene. If the goons went after Jake's assistant, his wife and kids are in jeapordy if he doesn't play the role of scapegoat. I only wish I had another chapter to read this morning. take care, nathan
So close...maybe Erin will pull through, and Jake was on his way to meet her so he can explain the call without sounding like he was making it up. And Alice Roberts is a good guy. Ok...I have to know how this ends....Is it all done? Hopefully soon!
It was very nice to meet you....
Simi
Hey Gray...Trying to catch up on all my reading and always go to your story first. I can't decide if the medical info was too much or not. Personally, I love all the medical terms, but I am just wondering about it overall. It might be too much for some readers. Again, I am far from a professional so this is just my opinion. Look forward to reading on tomorrow....Denise
Hi Gray,
I like this Alice Roberts...! Very crucial character as this story progresses... Of course, Jake performing CPR and being in the mix is more ammo against him, if indeed things are still pointing toward him...
You've so have the mystery going..... Cuz you possibles suspects in: the jogger / Caulder / Erin / Bad Al and his wife / can't for get Bree/Kristy... Good Suspense again... !!
Well, got to get to bed, so good night, sweet dreams and happy writing... Keep Smilin'... Jax
Hello Gray,
I have no idea what all the medical jargon at the beginning of this chapter means but I don't think that's a problem because you have Ms. Roberts summarize it all for the reader.
One suggestion here. Could you cover the necessary input about the accident by having some local cop brief Roberts somewhere in this chapter and get rid of the previous one?
This is a good chapter, keeps us up to date on what Roberts is thinking and the fact that she's able to see the real story through all the fog. Jake is lucky to have her on the job. I'm going to be completely baffled if she turns out to be anti Jake in the end.
Hey, Gray - Is this still another tease chapter? :) Erin isn't dead yet but will be? Yikes! Say it ain't so! Again, unnecessary medical chapter if Erin doesn't make it. But it opens up a situation similar to one I had in one of my novels if she does - and is out of it for an extended period of time. That could be interesting.
- PERRL(A) {Accomodation}
- Connecticut [State] driver's license
That's all I got for nits. Moving on to see if my concern is warranted. :)
Take care,
Jack
Hello again.
What strikes me right away is we’re about to get our answer regarding Erin, from yet another 3rd person pov. I honestly don’t remember enough about Alice, but two things hit me over the head right away:
Not having Jake’s pov here, I feel, is a mistake. As the one pov that is 1st person, AND a main character, we’re missing out on the urgency and intimacy that could be had if this were being told from his perspective.
The second thing is I feel the opening is far too clinical for the average reader. As a nurse in another long ago life, I understand some of it, but it’s not the kind of detailed information that lends anything to the forward moving story. It IS highlighting the fact that you, the author, know your stuff. But other than using tiny bits of jargon to lend authenticity now and then, the reader doesn’t need to know about the author on page—what they want to know is if Erin’s alive, and how bad a shape she’s in. That information can be had simply by opening the chapter with establishing her condition as critical. It’s vague, but all readers can immediately relate. Then you can go about zeroing in on the key plot elements for the remainder of the chapter.
That’s all I’ve got for this one.
Take care
LeeAnn
You've shifted to Alice's POV here but I'm not sure it is necessary. Almost everything she goes over can be divulged in other ways. At this point the story is cooking nicely and I would keep the focus on Jake. This is where the tension lies. Maybe you have a reason for doing this but I still think it can all be done without shifting POVs.
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Probably can do this without Alice's POV, but I brought her in as an objective POV to advance the plot elements / medical mystery as it unfolds in ways Jake would be hard-pressed to figure out himself. Not sure how to resolve this issue...
Hello, Gray. Yes, hopefully very soon RC and Co will be undergoing a LOT of scrutiny...got to stop the SOB! Won't be easy, of course. Who knows what power players RC has in his pocket!? Things are going to go past warp speed real soon, I'd expect. At one point, the feds'll be coming in? I'm thinking of RC's global warmth-sharing plan...
Off to the next one, Gray!
Peace,
Mike
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Alice represents Jake's "cavalry" to a certain extent, even though I want it to be questionable whether or not she'll put things together in time to help him. You're right that the story is approaching its climax. Hope that works well for you and doesn't fall flat! Either way, you're close to the end. Gray
She's not gone yet! Yay!
I hope she pulls through. Maybe she can regain consciousness after the killer is revealed if you need her to be out of the picture, but I like that she's not dead. :)
As for the chapter itself, I'd cut it. Move all the information to a Jake-chapter. I think him seeing Erin get hit, doing cpr, etc., would be a thrilling chapter. A real heart-racer like the Clark scene. Moving on!
Lauren
Author
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This chapter isn't needed, so I'll move straight to Jake's POV, then keep his conversation with Alice, which I think advances the plot enough.
Thanks again!
Gray
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