Hi Sunday, June 13, Back Bay
Jake
I awaken in the early morning, just as the first rays of sunlight touch the horizon, and press my face against the cold window pane. Briana’s room is opulent, to put it mildly. This kind of suite at the Fairmont Copley costs around four thousand dollars a night.
I should know. Jess’s parents put us up in a similar one on our wedding night.
She’s still asleep, the curve of her body motionless under the sheets.
I glance at the door, wondering how she would react if she woke up in a couple of hours to find me gone. Would she throw a tantrum? Frantically reach for the telephone to call her husband? The Greenbecks? Or would she simply shrug it off, understanding that I had to go, that I was only making the responsible decision for both of us?
Not that I’m actually going to leave.
It would be easier to pry open this window and do a swan dive onto Copley Square below.
Instead, I walk to her side of the bed and slide a tentative hand under the sheets. Run my palm up her leg. Massage until she lets out a sleepy moan.
She’s still on top of me half an hour later, her muscles so relaxed I wonder if she’s gone back to sleep.
“Briana?” I whisper. When she doesn’t stir, I repeat her name, a little louder.
“Don’t call me that,” she murmurs sleepily, and I can feel her lips pressing against my ear. “Call me Kristy.”
“But –”
“That’s my middle name. I don’t want you to call me Briana, okay? All my close friends call me Kristy.”
She doesn’t have to explain any further. I can tell from the pleading undercurrent in her voice that he’s the reason. By turning her name into a term of possession, he’s ruined it for her. Suddenly, I can’t stand the name Briana either.
“The birth control pills,” I say softly.
“What?” She rolls off me, laughing. “Hey, you don’t have to worry about that. I told you… I just switched to a different brand.”
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
In the early light, I watch the playful sparkle fade from her eyes. I know I should just drop the subject, even as I press on. “You don’t want his child,” I say, lightly touching the bruise on her belly. “That’s why you’re taking the pill. That’s why you didn’t want him to know.”
As I finish saying the words, she pulls away, wrapping the sheets around her waist. Her face is shadowed so I can’t read her expression, but when she finally speaks, there’s sadness in her voice, not anger. “I – listen, I don’t want to talk about that, okay?”
“I don’t either, but you can’t keep hiding. I’m not blind, Kristy. If he’s hurting you, then you have to leave him. There really isn’t any other choice. These situations… they only get worse over time. You’ve got to get out. Now.”
“And then what?” She spins away, and when she turns back to face me, her eyes show that same wounded edge I saw in Café Versailles the other night. “Are you going to be my knight in shining armor, Jake? Is that what this is? Are you riding in to rescue me?”
“I just want to help.”
She shakes her head, laughing to herself. “That’s what they all say. Everyone loves a damsel in distress, right? Roy was the same way when he found me in the City, struggling to make it as a model. He promised to use his connections, to put me up on every billboard in Times Square. So many promises. I guess men will say anything to get what they want.”
“I’m not like that.”
“Oh, really? No broken promises, right? Well what about your wife? How would she feel about your latest act of…” She holds up my discarded terrycloth bathrobe. “Chivalry?”
“I’m not sure how she’d feel,” I admit. “Truth is, there are a lot of things I don’t know about Jess anymore. One of the things I do know, something I found out this weekend actually, is that she wants a divorce.”
I pause to let that information sink in. “For reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you. My marriage has been falling apart for a while now.”
I close my eyes, hearing the sharp intake of her breath. “I’m sorry,” she says, reaching under the sheets to take my hand. “That wasn’t fair of me to say. I guess I just assumed—”
“I’m not looking for your sympathy. I should’ve told you sooner, but it seemed… irrelevant. I’ve gotten kind of numb to the whole situation. At any rate, I like to think that if my marriage hadn’t already crashed and burned… well, then I wouldn’t be here right now.”
She leans forward, brushing her cheek against mine. “It can’t be easy. Believe me, I know what it’s like to be stuck in a shitty marriage.”
“Yeah, but you’re the victim. In my situation, I’m at least fifty percent to blame. Probably more. I mean, look at what I’m doing now. I still shouldn’t be here.”
She kisses me lightly on the cheek. “You’re here for the same reason I’m here.”
“I don’t know.” I lower my head, still feeling her lips on my skin. “To be honest, I don’t really know why I’m here. You’re probably an addiction. How else can I explain it? My career is going nowhere. My wife just asked for a divorce. She wants sole custody of our kids, and I can’t even imagine fighting her on that one. I’m about to lose the only family I have left and all I can think about right now is you.”
“I’m the same way." She kisses the back of my hand, and all I want in the world is those lips on mine. “Not all addictions are bad. The truth is simple. I think you need me. Maybe that’s why I need you so badly too.”
As she says these words, I look up at her. At Kristy.
Knowing with absolute certainty that this is one addiction I won’t be able to break on my own.
***
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Good Lord, Man...you're posting these fast!
I didn't copy and paste, but I noticed Time Square...shouldn't it be Times?
Lordy, I couldn't sleep if I knew the room was costing $4000 bucks a night! I'd expect dancing girls and an animal act for that much.
Okay, I think the conversation between them felt natural...especially if she's playing him. But, even if she's not, she's a wounded soul, so it's logical she'd seek comfort from someone. People do that in unhappy marriages. I think the chemistry is also good. They're both showing doubts, but rationalizing what they're doing. Also normal.
I'm still kinda concerned he's not worried about the safe sex part. Sure she's on the pill and even if she's not promiscuous, I'd think there might be a good chance her hubby is. Probably just me.
~Ann
Hey Gray,
Bree/Kristy is a great, complicated character, seemingly moreso than a woman who feels trapped in a bad marriage. It's as though she's a player to a higher degree than the run-of-the-mill gold digger. So I'm wondering what Jake will do now, will he give in to her needs, and his, or will he take the high, lonely road? This scene played well, and believable, and the dialog made it work.
I'm not sure how she'd feel," I admit, sitting bolt-upright against the headboard. * "sitting bolt-upright" sounds off.
At any rate, I like to think that if my marriage hadn't already crashed and burned...well(,) then [hopefully] I wouldn't be here right now.
...all I ever think about anymore (...) is you. *does the pause give his confession more emphasis?
Good stuff, looking forward to more.
nathan
I enjoyed reading it. They have great chemistry. Love addiction is always a good subject. He's hooked, but something tells me that someone is going to get their heart broken. That or their head considering the circumstances. I will be interested to see what happens in the next chapters. Nice work.
Ah hah, Gray, I'm catching up to you (sort of)!
NOt sure I'm too crazy about the extended 'addiction' dialogue. It doesn't sound that sexy to me as I read it.
"You’re probably an addiction." >> If some guy said this to me right after a few rounds of sex, I'd be left feeling cold.
And saying that he's thinking of her when his wife is talking about divorce and custody nulifies what you showed before, about his being a loving dad. Which makes me wonder if he was obsessing about Bree when the kids were feeding the ducks....
Also not wild about the 'call me Kristy' thing. It's like that's her hooker name, I dunno.
Jake's inner thoughts work, since he sounds tormented.
“You’re here for the same reason I’m here.”>> Are they attracted to each other out of lust, or loneliness? I'm not feeling the passion yet. Which is okay - you can build up to it...
: )
Terri
Ah, morning after passion.
This chapter starts incorrectly graymartin.
As soon as jake is reminded of his wedding night, he should be wracked with guilt.....or some kind of feeling,
That this act of last night was so easily glossed over feels.....unnatural to me.
Addiction eh?
I must have issued the portion where the wife asked for a divorce.
Though I hardly believe that Kristy will save Jake from dying eh?
We shall see.
Gray....Very realistic morning after. Nice pace and dialogue and I particularly like the name change and how she wants him to refer to her as would her friends. Just can't shake the feeling that something is to come and you weave that tension very well in their movements and speech. I also likes how she calls him on being a married man and that maybe he has some secrets too. Nice piece and will def be going forward soon, but I must stop reading now and vacuum my pool....lol You have me hooked....It's that addiction thing....lol
Great morning after interaction. Just one question...has he really been obsessing about her as much as he says? I think he's been extremely distracted/attracted to her, resisting it, but when you wrote about the lunch with Jess, his memories, his reactions, when he met with Josh, I didn't get the sense that this was a man obsessing over another woman, I thought he was very much present. When he spent the time with his kids, his mind didn't wander to Bree (unless I missed it). So I think it's OK for him to acknowledge that he's been suppressing his potential obsession, and now he's free to acknowledge what a strain thats been. Does that make any sense? Or else, maybe you have to have him think about her once or twice, and then make himself stop thinking about her when he does, earlier on. Like he can get pissed at himself when he studies how nice Jess looks when he first meets her in Copely Square and then he can find that he's comparing her to Bree. There can be conflict built up, mourning his marriage but obsessing about another woman simultaneously. I think that could be very powerful. And he's a smart guy, self aware, so he'd know what he's doing.
Just a thought, take it or leave it. I was just surprised by his obession statement, maybe more of an recognition that its been there.
I love that she had an inside name. And that he takes to it so readily.
Great great great.
Hi, This is well done. You keep adding colours and textures to your picture of Briana without tipping your hand as to who the real Briana is. The conversation works fine, consistent with the vulnerable version of Briana and the uncertain Jake. One small problem might be that you've revealed that Jake has been thinking about Briana when he should have been thinking of other things. Have you hinted at that earlier? If not should you have?
Nit:[delete]
<It would be easier to pry open this window and do a swan dive onto Copley Square [below].>
I echo pretty much every thought that GP was kind enough to note on an earlier review. In fact, when I saw her review I had to erase most of mine because it was almost verbatim.
Putting those suggestions aside for a moment, THIS is the exact kind of intimate conversation that was probably needed long before they reached this point (the post-sexual intimacy stage). There was a realism and natural feeling progression to this conversation that many of your others between them lacked. I’m not talking specifically on content (that could probably use tweaks) but in how it slowly dances, builds and grows around and between them.
It is a perfectly natural and very believable inclination for you to choose to engage them in pillow talk—but—had you worked to motivate the building of this physical encounter a bit better, this specific content wouldn’t be a necessary post-sex component. Plunking it here took it out of a passionate realm and turned it into a “I don’t usually do this sort of thing”, conversation more suitable to rationalizing strangers after a one-night stand.
Lastly on the subject of obsessing/addiction--if you want the reader to believe Jake when he says she's all he thinks about, you should probably consider showing that to us. As is, it rings significantly false because we've barely seen him think about about her at all. But certainly not in a particularly obsessive way.
That’s all I have time for today. Hopefully it won’t take me much longer to catch up to your writing. Until then!
Fantastic Gray,
These two are getting past the hot sex, well a little past it to talk about valid issues - questioning what they are doing, but know they sure as hell aren't going to give it up any time soon...! Jake is finally admitting life as he knew it with Jess is kaput, so he't going with it to see where it takes him...
Something tells me though, hubby Caulder will be getting is dander sooner than later, cuz Kristy just may start rebelling or some such... I like the Bree/Kristy persona...
Another great one, Gray... Happy Day * Keep Smilin'... Jax
Hey, Gray - So it is Briana's room, with cameras rolling, leaving us to wonder if she's a spying victim or participant.
When did a mention of BCPs come in earlier? I don't remember that.
Jake's favorability rating declines for me in this chapter for a couple of reasons:
1. Telling a woman he's obsessed with her after one night? Not cool, even if true. It makes him look weak to the reader and Briana, and might give Briana pause: Have I created a potential stalker? Is this guy a wacko?
2. Fantasizing about Briana while getting hit with the divorce and child custody demands tarnishes his role of a concerned husband and father who is distraught over the pending breakup of his marriage/family.
To me, his conclusion about the BCPs and his plea that Briana get out of her marriage felt premature. Before Jake gets this frank in his conversation after a one-night stand, I think he should have some validation - from Briana - of his conjectures. But her coyness throughout the exchange was good for increasing suspicion she's in on a scheme targeting Jake.
Better, I think, is to have Jake confine his bewilderment of what brought him to Briana's room to introspection, rather than have him blabbing to her about an addiction. He's confused, at wit's end, Briana turns him on while his marriage is falling apart. 'Have I lost it completely?' That kind of thing. If he must dig deeper into Briana's motivations at this point - and I think that would be natural if he wants to continue the "relationship," he could ask her about her husband, and thus open himself up for a similar question from her about his wife. Just my take, Gray. Obviously, I don't know what's going to happen, but his confessions/accusations seem a bit rushed to me, a leap before he looks approach I wouldn't expect from a presumably smart guy. But if it's your intention to show how readily Jake gets ensnared in Briana's web, mission accomplished! :)
Take care,
Jack
The chapter worked well. I had no issues with it and it flowed nicely. The only suggestion I might have is add some little indication they are being observed. Maybe the reflection off binoculars or something. This week heighten the tension if that is the direction you want to go in.
Author
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Thanks for that good suggestion, Cobber. Your continued feedback is much appreciated! Gray
Hello, Gray. Well, regarding their interaction...it is quite believable, the dialogue with it. Looks and sounds like they're much more in lust than love. Had their marriages not been disasters...maybe they'd have been quite faithful to their spouses. I expect Jake would've...
I know much about Kristy/Bree by now, but I don't fully know her...for example, her giving the jogger the evil eye... We've all got some of THAT in us, but I sense that Kristy has a little more...I only know a little of her back story...she's playing 'em pretty dang close...
Very intriguing story, Gray!
Peace,
Mike
Author
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Bree/Kristy is supposed to be a mystery right up until the end, although I do tip my hand a bit in the short prologue. That scene catches her at the moment when she has to make THE critical choice that will define her as a villain or tragic heroine. Interested to get your reaction when we return to that moment... Gray
No
Ann Everett