9:15 p.m, North Stamford
Jake
Caulder’s silhouette, crouched behind the bed. Shielded.
That’s all I see through the sudden burst of light.
If he has a gun, I’m dead.
But he freezes, long enough for me to drop into a shooter’s stance.
“Don’t move!” I shout, taking aim.
My finger caresses the trigger, a split second before I recognize the terrified face staring back at me.
“Kristy?”
She blinks, frozen in shock.
“What…” I lower the gun. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Thank God I didn’t pull the trigger.
“I –” She fights back a sob. “I followed Roy to make sure he didn’t do anything crazy.”
“Is he still here?” I demand, scanning the room.
She shakes her head.
“It’s okay.” I set down the gun and move toward her. “You’re safe now.”
When I sit on the edge of the bed next to her, she leans into me, words coming out in frightened hiccups. “No… I’m not! He’s… gone crazy. I… I thought he was going to… to hurt you… to hurt your family. I followed him –”
She buries her face against my shoulder, sobbing.
“You came here to warn us,” I say, feeling the wet warmth of her tears against my skin.
“Yeah.” She sniffs, looking up at me, and I notice the swelling around her right eye, which is rimmed purple. Son of a bitch hit her again.
“This ends now,” I say, wiping tear-smudged mascara from her cheek. “We’re going to the police, together. That bastard won’t be able to hurt you again.”
She pulls away, lower lip quivering. “You’re wrong. You just don’t know Roy! He’s–”
“He’s a murderer, Kristy. And I have the proof.”
“But–”
“Listen to me! He’s finished.”
"No," she whimpers. "You don't know Roy. You don’t know what he’ll do to me.”
I run my fingers through her tangled hair. “Yes I do. And I know he’ll never touch you again. Everything’s going to be all right. When we get —”
My iPhone cuts me off with an urgent buzz. When I check the number, I see it’s from Jess.
GOOD EVENING DOC. HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT 2 SHOW U. CHECK UR E-MAIL
What the fuck? The message makes no sense. Unless…
Heart leaping, I open my inbox. It’s empty, but seconds later, a new message appears, simply labeled “4DOC”. Holding my breath, I scroll down to open it.
The screen flashes to an MPEG file.
It’s a grainy video, shot in poor lighting. The image pitches back and forth, blurred from motion, but I instantly recognize the maroon-and-black Persian motif.
Walter and Meg’s stairway runner. The one decorating their beach house in Chatham.
The image jerks up from the floor to show a glimpse of ornately carved Mahogany. The stairway railing.
He’s going upstairs.
“Fuck,” I gasp. It feels like all the oxygen just got sucked from the room. “He’s in their house.”
Kristy leans over my shoulder to see the video. “Whose house?”
“My in-laws.”
Before I can explain, the image shifts to a dimly lit hallway.
Muffled footsteps on carpet. Then the rasp of heavy breathing, like the soundtrack to a horror movie.
As we watch in stunned silence, the shaky image slows, then pans hard to the right, slamming into a door. It takes a nanosecond for the lace-trimmed ceramic tile to register. Just enough time for my heart to burst.
EMMA’S ROOM
“No,” I shout into the phone. “Don’t!” I turn to Kristy, voice cracking with desperation. “He can’t!”
But instead of backing away, the image advances. A disembodied hand passes in front of the lens. Pale fingertips caress the doorknob, slowly turning. Silently pushing the door open. The video creeps forward, drifting past the door frame and into my daughter’s room.
“What’s happening?” Kristy asks.
Words won’t come. Instead, my lips shape a silent prayer. Please God don’t let her be there. She’s not there she’s not there she’s not…
I pull up Caulder’s last text and tap out a frantic reply:
PLS DONT. ILL DO ANYTHNG
The answer comes back seconds later:
LMFAO. JUST WATCH N LEARN
The video lurches forward, now brightened by the soft glow of Emma’s nightlight. It pans to the foot of her bed. Over pink blankets. Searching.
Please let the bed be empty. Let it be empty let it be empty let it be…
But it’s not.
My daughter’s asleep, curled with her back to the wall.
Slowly, the camera drifts to her face. Taunting me. Milking the moment. It zooms in until her image fills the screen, close enough to show the blush on her cheeks.
Kristy grips my arm, her voice a frantic whisper. “Oh my God. He wouldn’t –”
The hand reaches out again, this time holding something long and tapered.
A switchblade.
Emma tosses under the sheets, then rolls away as the intruder’s fingers flick open the blade. Like she senses the danger.
“Wake up, baby!” I plead. “Please wake up. Wake up now! Run!”
But she doesn’t stir as the intruder stalks toward her. His blade lifts a corner of the bedsheet, peeling it back to expose her hair, face, neck. Then it hovers, inches from her throat.
My fingers stab out one last frantic text:
PLEASE NO ILL DO ANYTHNG
No response.
The blade rotates, its flat surface dimpling my little girl's cheek.
It traces her jawline, and then…
The blade lifts, snapping shut with a soft click.
Now the image pans backward, retreating. Bedpost. Carpet. Nightlight. Doorframe.
I don’t breathe again until we’re back in the hallway, moving down the stairway.
That’s when my cell buzzes with another text:
DID U ENJOY?
Jaw clenched, I send my response:
MADE YOUR POINT. NOW TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.
Caulder sends his answer moments later, with detailed instructions. I’m to meet him at Greenbeck Dermatology in three hours, making sure the police don’t follow me. He wants the thumb drive containing the evidence extracted from my lab coat. Once we’ve discussed our options, we should be able to come up with a “mutually agreeable solution to our shared problem.”
And just in case I’m tempted to go to the police, he has another video to share.
I retrieve the new e-mail.
This video’s even darker than the last one. It shows an open car trunk, the interior lit just enough to make out the motionless curl of Jess’s body. My throat tightens as I watch the same disembodied hand reach up to slam the trunk shut.
Bzzzz.
I check the text before turning to Kristy. “He knows you’re here with me.”
“But… how?”
I show her the latest message:
1:30 A.M @ GREENBECK DERM
I’LL BRING UR WIFE IF U BRING MINE
*
Ten minutes later, we’re cutting through the forest behind my property. Kristy didn’t want her psycho husband to see her approaching, so she parked her car several blocks away. There’s a nature trail that runs parallel to the road. If we can find it, we should be able to slip away without alerting the cops.
Not that I wouldn’t like to bring them along, but Caulder will kill Jess if I turn to them now. I can’t take that chance.
Flashlight in hand, I lead Kristy through a tangle of vines and brush toward the trail. The air here feels cool and moist, raindrops dripping from branches, reminding me of the last time we snuck through a forest together.
Three days ago. Another life.
After five minutes of jogging, we break into a clearing, the dirt trail turning to asphalt. We’ve reached the road.
I take Kristy’s hand. “You’ll drop me a block away from Greenbeck Derm, then drive straight to the police station. Wait an hour, and if you haven’t heard from me, then ask for Detective Popov or Mackey. Tell them everything.”
“No.” She pulls away from me. “I’m coming with you. If you face Roy alone, you won’t stand a chance.”
“I don’t care. It’s much too dangerous. Besides, if Jess and I don’t make it, someone has to go to the cops. If Caulder isn’t stopped, he’ll come after my friends. You can’t let that happen!”
“But you saw the text. Roy knows I’m with you. He wants me to come.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to. I’ve got no choice. He has Jess. But you…” I grab her hand again, squeezing hard. Her skin feels like ice. “At least I’ll know you’re safe.”
She shakes her head, eyes shimmering in the moonlight. “I’ll never be safe. Not as long as he’s alive. And neither will your family.”
As she says these words, her eyes cut to my leather jacket. To the bulge made by the .357 Magnum in my pocket.
“Then,” I say, lowering my head in agreement, “I'll have to kill him.”
***
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OMG.
Powerful.
I don't think I breathed this entire chapter. Ok, so maybe its weird that Jake is relieved when he sees its Kristy and I wonder if maybe he should be angry, but with all the stress he's under how can I possibly know how he'll react. The description of him going to Emma's room was chillingly perfect. Absolutely terrifying. And then, Jess in the trunk of the car? So, was the guy was Jess meeting with Caulder? Had she not seen his pictures? Anway, this is great...I have to go back to chapter 34, did he pull a gun on her when I thought he pulled out the right documents. Give me a minute...Ok, I'm back and re-read, he pulled out what he wanted. Not the docs. Very good Gray.
This is excellent. Now don't make me wait for more.
Simi
Heyyy You've been busy again!
Nice, tense chapter, and I HAD to finish it without reviewing! So I'm reading it again as I write this : )
The plotting is really really good, and yes, it's hard to believe it was only three days since Jake and Bree had sex in the woods. Poor guy has suffered a total shitstorm since then!
I like the frags and sentence-paras, because they're snappy and tense. But I'd be careful of overusing them, because then, after a while, they lose their effect.
I'm a little confused about Jake's feelings for Bree/Kristy. Does he see a future for their relationship now? I thought he'd considered it over, and that he was going back to Jess again. Doesn't he feel a bit weird with Bree in his house, and seeing the live cam of his family while she's there? It looks like he's ready to commit murder for Bree now. I'm confusedddd : 0
Also, the abbreviations in texts are what young kids use. It's a little jarring to see 4U and LMFAO etc used by an male investment banker type who's in his 40's
Finally, I'd kill off his internal 'filler' thoughts like "I can’t just watch this! I have to do something!~But do what? I’m hundreds of miles away.">> This doesn't push the plot ahead, it just states the obvious and therefore reduces the otherwise excellent tension
Do. Not. Let. Me. Wait. For. Chapter. 37.
Great job!
: )
Terri
Hi Gray,
First, the chapter was full of tension...just the reveal that Jess's client and Caulder are the same person was the best part!! Extremely good plot development!!
Now, I'm thinking waaaayyyyy to simple when it comes to the meeting with Caulder. Jake should know a back way in to the clinic.... why couldn't he set up an ambush and just pick Caulder off from a distance...get Jess from the trunk...go for coffee and head home?
I'm assuming Caulder will be waiting at his car since he can't get into the building...or can he? I'm projecting too much...I don't trust Kristi...how is it that she shows up at Jake's the same time Caulder shows up at Jess's place? Why isn't Jake asking himself that question? I don't know...Jake seems too concerned with Kristie's safety. He's never once considered she may be in on the deal. I think it's odd that Caulder knows Kristi is there with Jake...that would be a big red flag for me. In his situation, I'd be paranoid...I guess I am anyway!!
Maybe Jake does think she's in on it. maybe he'll feed her some wrong information about ambushing Caulder...knowing she'll pass it along, and that's how he'll get him. In my mind...I'm planning out all sorts of endings to the story right now! Hey, if you get your readers trying to come up with a plan...then that's a good thing!!
I look forward to the next chapter.
~Ann
Hey Gray, my head is spinning. I'm wondering if Rollins led Roy to Jess, or if Rollins is Roy? Using the video threat was great! No, great is too small a word. the video was terrifying slow-motion horror is what it is, and him telling Jake to bring the lab thumb drive has me wondering if roy has eyes and ears everywhere. later, nathan
Yikes - Gray....!!
Biting my nails time.... Now I'm thinking Jim is really Caulder - nicely done, even if I'm wrong...! Your building the suspense just right...
Dear Jake is in a real pickle; besides the obvious of being set up for murder, but now his wife and lady friend are smack dab in the middle, and Emma... Jeeze...!!
Next chapter pleeeeeeeze...!
Happy Wrtitng & Keep Smilin'.... Jax
Hi, I wasn't planning to read three chapters at one time but with the hooks at the end of the last two, I couldn't resist a third.
I figured the first one out, Kristy again with one of her cock and bull stories that I don't believe for a second (but that doesn't matter, Jake always believes her, he really is an idiot to believe her). The second one caught me totally off guard.
Are you saying here that Jim and Roy are the same person? Or that Roy manipulates Jim? Either way I'm getting a bit concerned. The story as I understand it has Caulder driving down the value of the company that makes the drug by bringing the validity of the drug into question, buys up the company at a fire sale price, then he plans to resurrect the credibility of the drug by placing the blame for the failure on the incompetence of Jake, and greatly increasing the value of his investment. Okay that's all good and it all hangs together up until Jim comes into the story. If Jim and Roy are the same it means that Roy has targetted Jess for a very long time (since he became involved with the environmental organization whenever that would have been) Is that reasonable? If Roy just controls Jim, it makes one more person Roy is manipulating, and either way he is taking a risk but for what? All he needed to do was orchestrate Jake's 'suicide' and plant evidence that showed Jake screwed up and took his own life. That would seem much easier and less risky than whatever you have planned. I know, it wouldn't be as dramatic and I think you have a great dramatic thriller going here, so I just hope you have the answer to my concern waiting for me in a future chapter.
Nit:
LMFAO. JUST WATCH N LEARN I may be thick and definitely not up on text message jargon but I don't know what LMFAO is.
Hey, Gray - Man, you've got me going now. Either Jim is actually Caulder, or he works for him. Which means this has been in the works for a while. Well, it seems like quite a while, though it's only been a couple of weeks, right? Still, the planning to set this up is diabolically detailed.
- ornately carved [M](m)ahogany.
That's all I got! Good show!
Take care,
Jack
I don't think the last chapter from Jess' viewpoint adds anything; we see her danger here. No need to foreshadow it right before, and the interruption was annoying as a reader, because it was written like she's being flirted with, not like she's in danger. When you set us up with the hero getting a gun because he thinks someone is in the house, I want that resolved immediately, not with a chapter break.
Also, at the beginning:
<Caulder’s silhouette, crouched behind the bed. Shielded.> - I wouldn't already say "Caulder". He can think that, but how about:
A dark silhouette, crouched behind the bed. Caulder?
At the 75% mark, I'll summarize what's working and what's not for me. Jake's story, in his POV is done well. Alone, it's a strong story, with all the info we need.
The other POVs - no. The only one that works for me is the ME. I'd like more of that, interweaved with Jake's, if you want an alternate POV. I'm disappointed at this point that we haven't found out what she's found yet. The others? Drop 'em. What happened to the guy following them? Sure, Jake got a video, but was it from him or Caulder? It's ambiguous. Is Caulder the guy who has Jen? Or this guy following them which you've shown us. I feel like I'm being played after giving me these other POVs then dropping them for chapters at a time.
I'd feel better if I think it's Caulder because the that's what the MC thinks, then find out there's another player, completely unrelated to the main story. It would come out of left feild, but I think it would be more satisfying.
All in MHO, of course.
Cheers,
Don
Gray…Ok, so you did it again. You are really getting good with this high tension writing. At first I thought Kristy was just leading him on and Caulder was there in the room too, but you proved me wrong on that one. Liked how you incorporated texting into the story as that is such a large part of our lives now. Only one small thing. Mid chapter you have this sentence…"What the fuck? The message makes no sense. Unless…" I would take out the unless. For me it defuses the tension you are trying to create…JMHO Nice work….Denise
Spooky chapter. The scene where he brushes Jake's kid with the knife is great in a horrible way. You really get a sense of the stakes.
The texts are good also:
LMFAO. JUST WATCH N LEARN
You really understand what a bunch of creeps these people are.
His relationship with Kristy is a bit perplexing considering he found her in his trashed house. He accepts her excuse perhaps a bit too conveniently, but maybe that's his state of mind. Not a deal-breaker just pointing it out as a minor thing.
At this point the reader is along for the ride so you can afford these types of gray areas.
Author
Reply
Glad this was suspenseful for you. You're right about Jake having a "blind spot" for Kristy. He's pretty much snowed by her beauty and the fact that she's showed so much interest in him, so I'm hoping my readers will give him some slack about thinking with his, um, hormones rather than dissecting the reason why she's in his house. Her explanation, that she wanted to stop Roy from doing something crazy, could be viewed as suspicious, but I'm thinking Jake is so overwhelmed right now that he wants to believe he's got an ally. Plus, he genuinely cares about her... Hope it's not too much of a stretch. Thanks for the feedback! Gray
Hello, Gray. Wow. Just can't get away from the Trophy Wife. And I'm kind of surprised he STILL cares about her wellbeing... Being the kind of woman she was almost forced to become...she might actually enjoy the beatings and other abuse from RC...I mean, not to get ultra-twisted, but to me, it's plausible. I wanted to shout to Jake, "DON"T TRUST HER! DON'T YOU KNOW HER BY NOW!??"
Yes, as I said earlier, she might still have a teaspoon of good in her, but mostly...then too, I did(and still do)predict she will die, a tragic heroine...maybe the teeny-tiny voice inside her has gotten louder over the last few days...
Loving this, man!!
Peace,
Mike
Author
Reply
I want my readers to be as conflicted about Bree/Kristy as Jake is. She's really the catalyst for this story, and also the most morally ambiguous and -- I think -- interesting character. I try to deconstruct her and give some context with more backstory right at the end. Like that you're predicting her fate, BTW. Interesting... Gray
You've got the pages really turning now! Whoever was in the house is a sick SOB. Great descriptions and setting, really ratcheting up the tension. My heart was racing the whole time. I figured it was Kristy, now I'm thinking she was looking for the thumb drive. The only person who could have told him about the thumb drive and lab results was who? The ME? I'm stumped.
Lauren
Author
Reply
Whatever I do, I'll almost certainly keep this chapter. Glad to see the tension was high for you here. Closing in on the climactic confrontation now, as I'm sure you guessed. Thanks for your feedback and advice!
Gray
No
simisez