Saturday night, June 12, Back Bay, Boston
Jake
The line outside the Gypsy Bar must be at least fifty people deep, but thanks to Briana and her strapless gold Herve Leger dress, we breeze right in.
“You don’t wait on lines much, do you?” I say into her ear as we enter the trendy Back Bay club.
“Yeah, well…” She crinkles her nose. “Sometimes the bouncers are women. Then I’m out of luck.”
If said seriously, the line would come across as arrogant, almost bitchy. But the way she says it, with humor and a goofy grin, the message is clear. She wants me to know she doesn’t take her beauty too seriously.
Which, of course, only makes her that much more appealing.
As we pass into the main bar area, the faces around us seem friendly and festive, an attractive crowd of sharply dressed college students and young professionals, all looking to have a good time on a Saturday night. They swirl around us like fish, schooling in front of the narrow Art Deco bar. This part of the club has a prohibition-era feel, complete with dark mahogany wood and chocolate leather accents, mirrors lined with brightly colored rows of bottles, and gilded ring chandeliers hanging over a tiled floor. One quirky detail immediately grabs my attention: a brightly lit fish tank mounted in the wall behind the bar. Inside the large tank, hot pink clouds of color float against a neon blue background.
“Jellyfish,” Briana explains, following my gaze. “That’s what everyone remembers about the Gypsy Bar. That and the fact that celebs sometimes party here.” She grabs my hand, tugging me toward the tank. “Come on! You can buy me a drink while we check them out.”
The bar is packed, but with Briana hanging on my arm, it takes only seconds to get the bartender’s attention.
“So what do you think of this place?” she asks as we take our drinks, bare legs brushing against mine. With only one barstool to share between us, she’s practically sitting on my lap.
“I had mixed feelings until I saw the jellyfish tank.”
She takes a sip of her dirty martini, eyeing me thoughtfully. “I’m really glad you called me, Jake. It was such a nice surprise.”
“Yeah, for me too,” I say, reaching for my beer. “I was sure I’d get your voice mail. Anyway, thanks for seeing me on such short notice. I hope I didn’t steal you away from your friends tonight.”
“Actually…” She plays with the olive at the bottom of her glass. “Your timing was perfect. I wasn’t really in the mood for another girls’ night out. Thanks for saving me.”
Briana has one of those voices that carries well, even in a crowded bar. Despite the noise buzzing around us, I can hear every word she says, like she’s speaking right into my ear. “So,” she asks. “What brings you up to Boston?”
For a moment, I debate whether or not to tell her the truth.
“I’m visiting my family.” I raise my voice to be heard above the bar crowd. “My wife and kids are spending the summer out in Cape Cod. Boston seemed like a logical place to meet.”
If Briana is surprised by this confession, then she doesn’t show any outward sign. “Cool. So what did you guys do today?”
As we finish our drinks and order another round, I recap my day, focusing on the kids. I don’t even mention my catastrophic lunch with Jess.
“Emma is such a beautiful name," Briana says, her lips curving into a warm smile after I’ve finished describing my daughter’s latest meltdown. “How old is she?”
“She’s five. My son Jamie just turned one. In case you’re wondering, that’s quite a lethal age combo.”
“Hmmm.” Her smile widens before her lips become pouty. “I’ll bet they’re sooo cute. Do you have any pictures?”
I flip open my wallet to show her a snapshot of Emma dressed in her navy school uniform, taken on the first day of kindergarten.
“Oh… she’s adorable.” She focuses on the image for a long moment before shifting her attention to my face. “She’s got your eyes, Jake. There’s that same sparkle. And her features… they’re so delicate and pretty. Just look at those cute, full lips. I think she gets those from you too.”
She hands back the picture with an affectionate smile. “I hate to break it to you, but she’s going to be a knock-out when she grows up. You’ll be beating back the boys with a stick.”
“Is that what your dad had to do?”
“Not quite. I was a late bloomer.”
“That’s hard to believe.”
“Well it’s true.” She tugs at one of her perfectly toned arms as if it were somehow unattractive. “I was all skin and bones in high school. All the girls used to whisper that I was anorexic, and the guys…” She laughs. “Oh, you know how it is. Most guys tend to go with what the girls say. I didn’t have too many dates.”
“Yeah, well I’m sure those guys are kicking themselves now.”
She absorbs my compliment by looking down with a bashful smile. “That’s nice of you to say, but I’ll probably never know. It’s not like I plan on going back to Laguna Beach High any time soon.”
“That’s where you grew up?” I ask, adding this new detail to the picture of Briana that’s emerging.
“Yup. I’m an OC girl. And in case you’re wondering, all the clichés about us are pretty much true.”
“I somehow doubt that. You strike me as a little more complicated.”
She shrugs. “My life might be complicated, Jake, but I’m not.”
It’s a comment that begs to be questioned, but before I can follow-up, she quickly adds: “Enough about me. Do you have any other family pics?”
“Sure.” I fish out another wallet-sized print, this one of Jess and the kids taken in front of the Christmas tree last winter. As Briana’s eyes drift over the image, they flicker with a competitive edge.
“Is that your wife?”
I nod, noticing how her martini glass is empty, how she’s starting to slur her words just a little.
“She’s beautiful.” She slides the picture over the bar-top toward me. “You’ve got the perfect American family, Jake.”
“Thanks,” I say, feeling the alcohol wash over me in a warm wave. “I’m lucky, I guess.”
She leans forward, hair brushing against my cheek, and I feel my body responding as she whispers into my ear: “So then why are you here?”
I’m still fumbling for an answer when cheering erupts from deep inside the club, followed by the amplified voice of an unseen DJ. Moments later, the air around me throbs with dance music, played so loudly that my teeth vibrate from the bass.
Colorful strobe lights pulse from the ceilings and walls. Taking the cue, everyone surges toward the dance floor.
“Hey, come on!” Briana shouts into my ear. “I love this song! Dance with me?”
Without waiting for an answer, she takes my hand, pulling me through the sea of gyrating bodies.
If Briana’s drunk, the alcohol certainly hasn’t impaired her dancing abilities. As she sways and bobs to the music, an admiring crowd gathers around her. Here on the dance floor, where people are bumping and grinding so close it could pass for foreplay, all manners go out the window. One especially aggressive guy with a buzz-cut and thuggish face elbows me out of the way to get to Briana. As I watch in amazement, he circles her in some primitive mating dance right out of ‘Animal Planet.’ I’m not sure how she’ll react to this display. She looks pretty pissed at first, but then she simply slips past him, laughing as she drapes her arms around my neck.
The guy reacts predictably, muttering “bitch” under his breath before turning away.
“Sorry about that idiot!” I shout, loud enough for him to hear me.
The stranger pivots menacingly, sizing me up before storming off. Guess I look tougher than I thought. Then again, maybe he’s reacting to the back-the-fuck-off-you-creep look Briana just flashed him.
Jesus. If looks could kill.
“Are you all right?” I ask.
“Yeah.” She shakes her head as thug-face disappears into the crowd, looking a little shaken. “What a total asshole.”
“You’ll get no disagreement here. Hey, who knew Neanderthals still lived? And in Boston, no less.”
She gives me an appreciative grin, then buries her head against my chest, laughing. It’s such a wonderful sound that I can’t resist the urge to draw her into a hug. When she speaks again, her words sound muffled against my shirt, but I’m pretty sure she’s saying something along the lines of “My hero.”
“Yeah. I almost got my ass kicked for you.”
“Nah.” She bats her eyelashes up at me. “You could’ve taken him.”
Still giggling, she leans into my shoulder, and before I know what I’m doing, I’m running my fingers through her hair. Kissing the top of her head. Breathing in the flowery scent.
Instantly, I sense the change in her body, the sudden stillness. When I try to loosen my grip though, she leans into me.
“Don’t let go.”
For the next few minutes, we rock back and forth like that, glued together in a slow dance. Her breathing deepens with each swaying motion, rushing through the fabric of my shirt, heating my chest in short, warm blasts. Then, as one blaring song transitions into another, I feel a sudden surge of heat against my neck.
Her lips.
Slowly dragging upward. Tracing along the curve of my jaw. Lingering just below my earlobe, then drifting across my cheek in a slow, sensual arc. Breathing. Searching. Gliding to the corner of my mouth, then over my lips, which part to welcome the explosive warmth of her tongue.
The music swells in my ears, throbbing as our mouths open, greedily discovering each other. My hand slips under her dress, fingers caressing lace and hot skin, but then one of us suddenly pulls away.
“Sorry,” I gasp, swallowing the salty taste of her martini. “That was…” The music is blaring so loudly I have to shout out my apology. “I shouldn’t have done that!”
When I look into her eyes though, I’m amazed by the invitation I see there.
She sidles up to me. Breathes into my ear.
“Hey. It’s okay to want me. I want you too.”
All I can think to do is nod.
As the music pulsates, she leads me away from the dance floor. I don’t even notice how we gain access to the secluded VIP section. I don’t remember taking off her dress, but it’s gone by the time we reach the private seating alcove. So are my trousers. As we slide onto the deep leather cushions, our bodies already half naked, I tell myself I’m doing nothing wrong.
I deserve this.
The throbbing club noise fades away as we explore each other’s bodies, tentatively at first, then with a hunger that rips through clothing. It doesn’t even bother me that someone could walk in on our private alcove at any moment. That only intensifies the thrill.
“Come on,” she murmurs, guiding my hand to the inner curve of her thigh. My lips follow, tracing lightly, climbing, circling, searching, stroking, pressing until her breaths come in jagged little gasps. We’re building to a crescendo, but then, unexpectedly, she pulls away and rises from the cushions. Takes a step backward. Climbs up onto the alcove table so she’s standing right above me.
As I watch in awed silence, she kicks off her shoes and peels off her lacy thong. Without a word, she stands there naked, perfect in the kind of way I thought only existed on the airbrushed pages of magazines, posing just long enough for that image to become permanently etched in my mind.
Then, slowly, she climbs down, straddling me, and as we push into each other, all thoughts become irrelevant, all except for one stark realization.
I don’t care how much this moment will cost me. Whatever the price, it will be worth it.
Even if it costs me my career. My marriage.
Even if I somehow wind up paying with my life.
*****
© Copyright 2025 graymartin. All rights reserved.
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Hey Gray,
Well, I'm certainly not the one to ask if something is too smutty!! You've read my love scenes and they'd have to get much worse than this for me to call smutty.
Slowly dragging upward. Tracing along the curve of my jaw. Lingering just below my earlobe, then drifting across my cheek in a slow, sensual arc. Breathing. Searching. Gliding to the corner of my mouth, then over my lips, which part to welcome the explosive warmth of her tongue.***this is so well written...it always begins with a kiss....just like Tizzy says...that's uptown shopping for downtown business!! AND, once they get downtown, you do a great job of that too.
Man, if he's even willing to give up his life...Bree must be the lay of the decade!! I do like how you have him telling himself he deserves her/sex...because I think he'd be with any attractive willing woman at this point, but because it's Bree that makes it that much better for him.
No complaints from me. I thought you did a terrific job. Love scenes aren't easy...so kudos...most men don't write them this well.
The only thing that caught me off guard was her saying...I'm glad you called. At that point, I stopped and went back to chapter 15 to see if I'd read it. I didn't read over the whole thing, but did you mention in that chapter he called or thought about calling? Probably did...and I don't remember. It's not really necessary, but I was just surprised.
~Ann
Morning "Fifty Shades of Gray",
So that's what goes on in VIP rooms! I really need to get out more:)
Not cheesy or forced or nuthin' like that. Surprising perhaps, especially for Jake under her spell, going along for the ride; but that can happen when you're vulnerable (said in defense of man's libido). This scene made me think of the scene in the modern version of Great Expectations, when Gwynette Paltrow nonchalantly strips down for Finn in his bedroom. Not a criticism, just a thought.
So what do you think of this place? she asks as we take our drinks. *"as we take our drinks" made me think for a moment that they were on the move.
With only one barstool between us, she's practically sitting in my lap. *almost sounds like there's a barstoot IN between them. perhaps: With us having to share a barstool...
Her smiles widens, becoming pouty. *She seems to be reacting to Jake's comment about his kids' age difference, but the construction seems a little off. see if this works for you: Her smiles widens before her lips becomes pouty.
*you have them sliding onto the cushions in the VIP room, then shortly afterward you have her taking a step back and climbing onto the table. didn't see her get up.
..perfect in the kind of way I though(t)..
later, nathan
Geesh... not 'smutty' at all....It would need many, many more descriptors to even come close ...LOL... I do love the way you lead the reader without having to describe more than you are comfortable with:
"As I watch in awed silence, she kicks off her shoes and peels off her stringy lace underwear. Without a word, she stands there naked, perfect in the kind of way I thought only existed on the airbrushed pages of magazines, posing just long enough for that image to become permanently etched in my mind.
Then, slowly, she climbs down, straddling me, and as we push into each other, all thoughts become irrelevant, all except for one stark realization."
HI Gray,
I'm promising myself this will be the last chapter.
R rating, huh? Sex scenes are really rough going. I have THREE in CR and man, each one was soooo impossible. I mean, what do you call those ding dang body parts, right? : )
First off: Look at you, knowing your designers! You MUST have gotten help on Herve Leger! ; )
"They swirl around us like fish, schooling in front of the narrow Art Deco bar." > Nice!
Bree starts a lot of sentences with 'so,' just so ya know...
I'm surprised he doesn't have digital photos in an e-pack, btw.
The sex itself isn't smutty, although the setting seems awkward to me. It feels more like a hook up than anything else. Get 'em drunk, thrown 'em in a LOUD nightclub, bing bang boom... I'd like to see these two get together in a quieter location, with more foreplay, more tenderness, and then? THEN they can rip each other's clothes off... : )
Her line, “So then why are you here?” works the best in this chapter.
The Neanderthal guy isn't needed- we know Bree's hot, and there's a lot of chit chat.
Nothing as attractive as a man who loves his kids, though! (I did the same thing in CR - great minds think alike! : ) )
Okay, ONE more chapter and then I'll stop annoying you!
: )
Terri
Questions answered after read
Cheesy? Smutty? Forced?
No, no, maybe.
Give jake a SERIOUS moment of reflection here. Give him a hard undeniable motivation to cheat.
Suggestion = have Jess cancel plans for a future date because of her "client" a promise she broke maybe?
The minimalist description of the night is good. In need of nothing actually.
Though again, more references with poison.
And.....always in Bree's company eh?
Now I am thinking the drug he is injecting is addictive poison?
Hmmm now that's a thought.
Aaaaaand........more foreshadowing.
Hmmmm
Poison references
Poison murder in the beginning
Always a mention of a woman with the references.
Yeesh, are you sure the genre shouldn't be horror?
Onward!
Gray....OK def not smutty, but of course you've read my work and know how I go....lol You did a nice job on the club description and the bouncer joke was well placed and spoke volumes about Bree's personality....Good job there. I thought the conversation and dance scene was very realistic. I just have one small nit, and it kind of goes to Jake's character. I am having a hard time seeing a button up doctor like Jake, a good guy, and family man getting it on in a VIP Room. As you know I've owned clubs and believe me I have seen some crazy sh!! in bathrooms, back halls, and VIP Rooms, but for me it was just too against his character. Also was confused about the setup of this VIP Room. Most clubs have VIP areas that are raised with separate tables and half partitions, but they are basically open. Also on a Sat. night wouldn't other ppl also be in the VIP area. Some do have curtained areas, but you don't mention that. I did go back and reread, but I just find it odd that a guy like Jake gets bare assed that fast, and would be doing Bree almost out in the open. I know he already had a few beers with Carp, but it just doesn't ring true for me. Maybe if they did some hot and heavy petting, and then went to his place or even the car. Again, the writing of the scene was perfect, its just the circumstances that I can't get with. But of course that is just MHO and I am certainly not a professional, so please take it as it comes. Can't wait to see where you take us next......Denise PS And just one more thing.....How about lacy thong instead of "underwear"
so well done! These scenes are not easy to write, there can be a self consciousness to them, but this was perfect. I love the way he talks about his family, shows her the pics, even one with Jess in it. He is so much not a sleaze, and I LOVE that he's able to go to the VIP room and remove her dress by the time he gets there. You've done a great job with this, we still like him, we're afraid for him, but now he's sexy too. Perfect.
But, what is the deal with Bree? Is this all staged? She's supposed to remain faithful and on script...is this a double cross, cos I do like her, maybe, not sure..but isn't that how you want me to feel.
Great.
Hello Gray, I think the sex scene is fine and the way you make it happen quickly without even leaving the night club makes it believable, otherwise, if they had to leave to a hotel I think he would have had time for second thoughts. He only thinks of the consequences in the last three lines of the chapter, and the last is a pretty morbid one.
But the immediate question is which Briana are we seeing here? Is this all an act and she's playing a role orchestrated by her husband and seducing Jake at his command? Or is she defying him? I guess we will find out.
This is largely well penned. A few brushes for realism here and there, as well as tweaks to motivation, and it would be stellar.
I do think we need to experience more inner struggle from Jake. He’s just had one of the harder days in his life, so yes, in that sense blowing off steam in a rebellious (cheating) sense isn’t all that unpredictable or unrealistic. But other than a minor mention here and there, he’s never really processed the associated dangers of tangling with Bri. It’s tough I know, he’s a guy and they don’t tend to over think as much as women do. But they are often analytical and I think you run the risk of his coming off as lacking dimension if you don’t allow him the room to do more of that.
I think the sex scene was good. It wasn’t overly described or crude in any way and had some steam to it. My only issue with it is timing and location.
As to timing, I just haven’t seen enough of these two together alone (only one other time) for them to reach the “hot rocks ain’t got no brain” stage of their coupling yet. They’d need this kind of slowly simmered growth of sensuality before a hot, risky scene like this would feel perfectly motivated and thus realistic.
What the choice of location removed was any chance for initially awkward intimacy, self consciousness, second thinking, exploration, foreplay… all the things you’d expect out of a first sensual encounter, and then some.
Mind you, what you have is good, but for this to feel very realistic for me, I’d like to see it moved to a more intimate location, and given room to grow more naturally, and awkwardly (doubtful inner thoughts) to a sensual fever pitch that can’t be ignored or analyzed. This could take one chapter, or to be more realistic, it probably should take several.
Nice job overall.
Hey, Gray - Cheesy, no. Smutty, no. Forced? A little. Despite the booze, the throbbing music, and Jake's vulnerability, screwing openly in a nightclub strikes me as too reckless a move for him to make. Get a room! :)
So Jake calls her and asks for a date? Kinda bold, isn't it? And doesn't she live in Connecticut? So he's asking her to drive to Boston to meet him at a bar? After only just having had coffee together? With both of them married? And he's only had a few beers with Carp at that point, so can't blame the alcohol. Now that's chutzpah! Better, I think, to show us that phone conversation, during which Jake starts off with, "Yes, I enjoyed that afternoon, too, blah, blah." Then he happens to mention he's in Boston, his family isn't around, etc. and Briana takes over from there, saying her husband is out of town, she's bored and doesn't feel like sitting around the house on Saturday night, etc. "Hey, why don't I come up there and we can keep each other company, have some fun?" Something along those lines. Otherwise, his asking her to come didn't work for me.
I'd consider deleting the last two sentences. The first of those goes without saying, following the previous line, and the second seemed to me like it came out of the blue.
- ...strapless gold [Herve Leger] dress... {I think I commented once before about Jake's knowledge of women's fashions. Would he really know the brand of Briana's dress?}
- "I hope I didn't steal you away from your friends tonight." {What about stealing her away from her husband?}
- "What brings you up to Boston?" {Why Jake is there would have been relayed during that phone conversation, no?}
- I don't [even] mention my catastrophic lunch with Jess(, of course).
- ...but before I can [follow-up] (follow up)...
- "So then why are [you] (we) here?" {Exactly!}
- ...bumping and grinding so close it could pass for foreplay... {Good one!}
- My hand slips under her dress... {Couldn't visualize that. How short IS that dress? :) }
Despite my quibbles, this was a fun chapter and one that ratchets up the tension as Jake irrevocably takes the plunge into forbidden territory.
Take care,
Jack
Hey Gray,
Perfect amount of innocent going to not so innocent to who gives a damn...!! No smut anywhere... You showed Jake trying to figure out why he is where he is with TROUBLE, but can't resist, cuz let's face facts... the dude isn't getting it at home... Just sayin'...!! ('_')
At one time I had a 1000 book library, but last move I downsized by half... I miss all my books, cuz I read 99% of them; the other 1% were new ones I hadn't got to yet.... Soooooooooo, what I'm getting at, is it's interesting to see a mans take on a sex scene versus a woman's vantage point, cuz last I noticed there is a vast difference between the sexes mentally and physically...!
So, well done - written in good taste, building to something big - just don't know what that is yet, but I'm riding the wave to find out.... Happy Writing & Keep Smilin' Gray..... Jax
As someone who's written his fair share of sex scenes in the last year and knows how difficult they can be, this was well done. Not as explicit as it could have been, but definitely not cliched or tame either. I think just right for this scene. And the entire set up was very nicely done.
I did have one minor suggestion for earlier.
<With only one barstool to share between us, she’s practically sitting on my lap.> - although it gave me a chuckle, it's hard to picture how they're sitting. Is he sitting and she standing in between his legs, close. Or leaning back into him? Or is it reversed. There's something very erotic about a woman sitting with her legs spread and pulling a man toward her.... I'm just saying. :)
Gray,
Taking a hiatus from TNBW only puts me more behind in your well-written story. I have a question right off the bat: I remember that you wrote up front that Jake thought Bree was abused. Is that still a premise in your story? If so, the progression of their relationship seems out of place. Maybe he could reflect on that after they have sex.
I love the line: They swirl around us like fish, schooling in front of the narrow Art Deco bar." Nice description of the lounge.
Maybe I'm just jealous, but it might be overkill to refer too often to her extreme beauty opening too many doors.
In the following sentence, you need to add "her"... "her bare legs brushing," because you've used pronoun, "we" as part of we've just before you refer to legs. "...drinks, her bare legs brushing against mine.
POV problem with "with an affectionate smile."
This sentence didn't work for me. "...a competitive edge" poses another POV problem. Jake couldn't know that and he would be assuming a lot. He might wish it was competitive, but...
Not sure how the "idiot" fits in and not sure why he would finally take off
looking shaken.
Great question: “So then why are you here?”
This didn't make sense to me: "...but then one of us suddenly pulls away."
Either I need to read more or get out more, but the VIP section was too hard to imagine. Although I believe that there are men and women for whom the thrill of getting caught just adds to the excitement of cheating, I don't think Jake is like that. I think his sex with Bree would be out of control passion, followed maybe by "I deserve it--which is also a defensive reaction to the guilt.
All in all, well done, Gray.
All About Connection.
Hello, Gray. His last words are largely prophetic, based on what I recall from the prologue... You set that up perfectly. IT "had" to happen...! Cheesy, smutty, or forced? Huh-uh. I'm wondering, crazy as this may sound, if the "creep" might be our friendly jogger. I'm partly speculating that way because he "braked" when Jake insulted him. Probably, I'm overreaching, lol. You hinted at another "player" in one of your replies, and I'm eager to discover who else is a threat.
Another thing is that Bree's look seemed to have an impact on the dude. That part had me wondering if they know each other, and she was silently warning him about Roy... But again, I expect I'm overdoing things again:-)
Digging it, Gray!!
Peace,
Mike
Author
Reply
Thanks, Mike. You're right that I wanted to give this hook-up a sense of inevitability. Jake has been manipulated into this from the start! Poor guy, LOL. Gray
No
Ann Everett