Saturday, June 12, Boston, MA
Jake
Overcast skies clear by Saturday morning, making the trip up to Boston sunny and uneventful. After finally finding a parking space for my rented Hyundai in the Copley Place garage, I rush to meet Jess.
I’m late, as usual.
She’s waiting for me on the marble steps of the Boston Public Library, pacing. The late morning temperature must be approaching seventy degrees, but you’d think from her body language – shoulders squared, arms crossed tightly in front of her – that there’s a winter chill in the air.
“Jess!” I call out, waving to her from across Huntington Avenue.
When I reach her side, I give her a loose hug, feeling her slender frame tense against mine. Not exactly a passionate reunion; any bystanders watching us would think we’re work colleagues or, at best, casual acquaintances.
“Where are the kids?” I ask.
She jerks her head toward the temple-like façade of the library. “You were late, so Mom and Dad took them into the children’s reading room. They should be back in a few minutes.”
“You look terrific,” I say, taking in her black cocktail dress, Pashmina shawl and dressy sling-backs. She smells like her parents’ flower garden in the spring.
“Thanks.” She gives me an absent nod, fidgeting with the shoulder strap of her laptop.
“It’s good to see you.” I say, waiting for her to react. When she doesn’t, I continue, “So… where should we go this afternoon? How about starting with brunch on Newbury?”
She shakes her head. “I’ll have to join you and the kids later. I’m meeting with an important sponsor of the ‘Save the Sound’ coalition.”
“When?”
“Right now.” She glances at the slender black Movado I bought her for our first wedding anniversary. “In fact, I’m late already.”
That explains the laptop and chic outfit.
“That’s too bad.” I shift my weight from foot to foot. “I was looking forward to spending some time together.”
“Really?” Jess’s calm façade suddenly cracks. “So let me get this straight. I don’t hear from you for almost a week. Then you call a few nights ago, asking to see me and the kids. And now…” Her voice trembles, green eyes smoldering with resentment. “You show up, half an hour late, all smiles and hugs, like there’s nothing wrong?”
“I –”
Before I can react to Jess’s surprise attack, I hear Emma’s excited squeal, coming from the stairs above. “Hey! There’s Daddy!” she chirps, skipping down the marble steps to greet me. She throws her skinny arms around my waist, practically toppling into me with excitement.
“Hey there, sweetie,” I say, pulling her into a bear hug. “I’ve missed you so much!”
She squirms away, regarding me suspiciously. “Then why’ve you been gone so long?”
“I was working,” I say, dredging up the explanation Jess and I agreed to use. “In Connecticut. I still have patients to take care of, remember?”
“You mean the people with rashes?”
“Exactly.” I grin at my daughter’s concept of what I do for a living. “You wouldn’t believe how many rashes I had to fix last week.”
“But why can’t you fix people’s rashes here?”
It’s a simple enough question, but I still can’t answer it without stammering.
“Hey Em?” Jess interrupts, stepping in to put a protective arm around our daughter. “Dad’s going to play with you and Jamie while I go to that meeting I told you about. Is that okay?”
Emma tilts her head skyward, eyes focusing behind us. “But what about Grandma and Grandpa?”
I turn around to see Jess’s parents approaching. Meg is toting Jamie in her arms while Walter trails behind, wearing his usual scowl. I greet Meg with an enthusiastic hug, then shake my father-in-law’s hand, pretending not to notice his stone-faced expression. It’s a look that says: if you were one of my employees, I’d fire you.
Without saying a word to me, he glances at his daughter, and the look they exchange says it all.
Walter may be closer than I’d realized to getting his wish.
*
Once Jess and the in-laws have gone, I put thoughts of imminent divorce on the backburner, taking the opportunity to enjoy a beautiful spring day with my kids. We head to the Boston Public Garden, crossing through the park until we reach the 'Make Way for Ducklings' statue.
Dappled sunlight streams in through the trees, warming my children as they play.
“Careful, guys!” I warn. Jamie is climbing onto the back of one of the ducklings, seconds from spilling head-first onto the cobblestones below. I scoop him up, hoisting him onto my shoulders, and then race after Emma, who has skipped off toward the lagoon. I half expect her to wade into the murky water, but instead, she pauses at the shoreline.
“Can we take one of those?” she asks, pointing to a row of swan boats moored next to an ancient weeping willow. Tourists cram the nearby dock.
“Sorry, sweetie, but the line’s way too long. We’ll never make it in time to meet Mom in half an hour.”
Instead of throwing the usual tantrum, Emma surprises me by nodding maturely, and I picture in that moment what she’s going to look like ten years from now. I see a willowy teenager with unruly waves of auburn hair framing a pretty, heart-shaped face. I see her clear green eyes, always sparkling with curiosity and the hint of mischief. And I picture another girl who could pass for her twin, the girl I lost along with the rest of my world in one life-shattering moment. The girl who, if only she’d lived instead of me, would have never let her life crumble around her the way I have.
What a cosmic waste it was Abby on that plane instead of me.
“Hey Dad?” Emma asks, bringing me back to the moment. She’s holding up the remnants of a corn muffin. “Can we feed the ducks?”
“Sure, sweetie. Just try to stay dry.”
After watching my kids feed the muffin crumbs to a family of hungry mallards, I let them loose on a wide expanse of lawn. It’s unseasonably warm and the weather is close to perfect, with bright puffs of cumulus clouds accenting a vivid blue sky. This is the ideal vantage point from which to enjoy Boston, a crossroads where the city’s rich past mingles with its future, where stately red-brick townhouses stand in the shadows of a modernistic skyline highlighted by the blue slab of the John Hancock Building. It’s a place where octogenarians from Beacon Hill rub shoulders with an ever-changing rainbow of students and young professionals. On a day like today, hundreds of couples meander through the park, taking in the scenery. Some hold hands while others stride by purposefully, sipping on their Starbucks or talking on their cells. To my right, a cluster of Asian tourists wearing Red Sox caps snap pictures with their cell phones.
Emma skips into the scene, her brother in hot pursuit.
“Dad!” she trills. “Can we get ice cream at J.P. Licks? Please?”
“Sure, Em,” I say, jumping at the opportunity to earn her affection. “Sounds like a great idea.”
The walk down Newbury Street takes much longer than I remember, probably because I’m not used to making the trip with Jamie on my shoulders. When we arrive at J.P. Licks ice cream parlor, we’re greeted by a long line of people snaking out the door. By this time, Jamie has grown tired and cranky, and I can tell he’s seconds away from a total meltdown. Emma, on the other hand, seems eager to jump in line. It’s the classic parental no-win situation. Wait in line or leave? Either way, one kid’s going to throw a fit. With my luck, they probably both will.
“Honey, the line’s too long,” I suggest gently. “Can we take a rain check on the ice cream?”
“But you promised!”
“Yeah, I know, but your brother’s too tired to wait. Maybe we can get ice cream somewhere else?”
“But it’s not the same!” she whines, puffing her cheeks. “You said we could get J.P. Licks ice cream! You’re a liar!”
So much for Em’s new, mature persona. Now we’re making a total scene. A bovine woman on line in front of us turns to give me a self-righteous look, then takes the hand of her perfectly behaved toddler, pats her on the head and moves forward a few steps.
“Emma!” I warn under my breath. “You’re seconds away from a huge time out.”
She puts her hands on her hips. “He-llo. You can’t give me a time out here!”
“Well then how about no ice cream for a week?”
“You can’t do that!”
“Wanna bet?” I take her hand and march her out of the line. “How about no ice cream for a month? Or a year? How about no ice cream ever again!”
For a moment, she’s left speechless, her eyes wide from the shock of actually being removed from the line. As the reality sets in that I’m taking a stand, her lower lip quivers and she lets out a melodramatic sob.
“You’re the worst dad in the world!” she wails to the crowd. “I hate you! Where’s Mommy? I want Mommy!”
As if on cue, Jamie joins in by wailing at the top of his little lungs. J.P. Licks Supermom shakes her head in disapproval and I notice that by now, she’s not alone. The entire line seems to be filled with perfectly behaved kids and their smug parents, all rolling their eyes. So much for a dignified exit. There’s nothing left to do but flee the scene, screaming kids in tow.
Fifteen minutes later, I flag down our Explorer and deposit the kids in the back seat. To Jess’s credit, she doesn’t comment about my desperate phone call. Instead, she skillfully soothes Emma as I secure the baby in his car seat. By the time we reach Storrow Drive, Jamie’s out cold and Emma has started to doze off. As the first waves of sleep wash over her, I study her placid, beautiful face and sigh.
“I tried,” I say wearily. “What did I do wrong?”
“They can be a challenge.”
I catch a glimpse of Jess’s eyes in the rear view mirror. Tired eyes. Guarded eyes. She grips the steering wheel, straightening her spine against the seat, and I can tell she’s composing herself, like an actress preparing for a challenging scene.
“How did your meeting go?” I ask.
“Fine.” Her eyes dart in my direction. “I thought we could get some lunch at the North End… just the two of us.”
“What about the kids?”
“My parents volunteered to babysit for a few hours. We’re meeting them in front of Government Center in ten minutes.”
This should be great news. Under better circumstances, just the thought of a relaxed, intimate meal with Jess would bring back a flood of warm memories. How many restaurants, bistros and bars in the Boston metro area still carry a lingering imprint of the perfect couple we used to be? How many waiters still remember us as that annoyingly cutesy pair, the one that never stopped holding hands, even while eating? The couple that lingered long after dessert had been served, tying up their table for hours, check left unnoticed on the table?
Judging from Jess’s stiff body language, there won’t be much handholding on this lunch date.
Sometimes, it blows your mind how much things can change in just ten short years.
***
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Regular reviews are a general comments about the work read. Provide comments on plot, character development, description, etc.
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Morning Gray,
It doesn't look good for Jake's troubled marriage. His kids' behavior are a reflection of the marital troubles. Emma seems to be parroting her mother's take on the situation, too. Gotta think Jess has someone else waiting in the wings.
Hey (D)ad?...
After watching my kids feed the muffin to a family of mallards, I let/turned them loose on a wide expanse of lawn.
..by the blue slab of the John Hancock Building. *should building be capitilized?
Hey (D)ad!...
Emma, on the other hand, seems eager to jump on/in line.
Wait on/in line or leave?
By now,/Now we're making a total scene.
I catch a glimpse of Jess's eyes in the (rearview) mirror. *Jake's in the front seat, so could he see her eyes in the mirror?
..that lingered long after des(s)ert.
later, nathan
Hi Gray,
I have a feeling about the lunch date. I expect Jess to spring some big news on Jake. Of course, he's expecting it, so it won't come as a surprise. I didn't think you had too much family stuff. Right now, it's a big part of the story. The reader needs to understand Jake wanted to make things work. If they don't, they won't like him.
You mention another girl and Jake makes comparisons. Is this the first mention of her, or did I miss something? If it's a child he's speaking of, then that would explain why his marriage is falling apart. Divorce rates are extremely high after facing the loss of a child. I may be off base. Maybe it's a sister. I dunno. Again, I may have read about her and don't remember...old age is a bitch.
Anyway, good chapter. I'm moving on.
~Ann
Hey Gray.....Moved onto your next chapter and thoroughly enjoyed. You write Emma very well. She is a very realistic child. I don't think the family scene is too long, and I think is shows what kind of father Jake is, which is important to the overall story. they say it is also a good idea to slow things down after or before alot of action. Will read more soon....Denise
Hi Gray,
I think this chapter provides a good break from the medical thriller/Bree/Roy action in the prior chapters. The kids are well-drawn, as are the disapproving parents at the ice cream store. Been there, done that -- I feel Jake's pain!
Only nit is to change Jess's dress from a cocktail dress, which implies a tight, sequin-y, formal number.
I suspect she's having an affair, and is about to tell Jake over lunch that she's hired a divorce lawyer. Hmmm, sounds like a decent case to me!
: )
Terri
I think the interaction with Jess is again, believable. And the interaction with the children charming.
Aaaaand, the tantrum and the way he takes out his frustrations on his kids.....is.
Damn graymartin your stuff hits kinda close to home you know?
Sometimes it is hard to read without thinking.....
Well anyway, moving on to next chapter.
Great scene at the ice cream shop. Very real. I kept expecting Bree to show up, I thought she'd rescue him, surprisingly being at the front of the line and giving Jake and his kids her spot. (remembering that Bree was in Boston in the previous chapter). So, you've got me guessing. Now I'm thinking that there's some connection between the drug and the deal with the sheikh. Whatever your're doing, you're doing it well. Very well.
Simi
Hello, in response to your question in the summary, I think it is important to put in these occasional chapters when he tries to connect with his wife and kids. They show he's still trying (at least to connect with the kids) but frustrated by difficulty and especially unfriendliness of Jess and Jess's father. It looks like Jess's father is going to be lined up with the Caulders and Al and Nina and others against poor old Jake.
I might suggest not making Jake late (that seems to be overdone and it seems to me he is trying to impress so he wouldn't be late), just have her unfriendly and say the kids were fractious so grandparents took them for a little stroll or something.
I thought earlier that maybe Jess wasn't quite so negative about Jake (I'm not sure why I thought that) but here she seems pretty unwilling to try to bend. I don't know if that is your intent.
Hey, Gray - I think you have to have a chapter like this to show the strain in the family dynamics.
A couple of issues I assume are from a faulty memory: Why does Jake rent a car? Something wrong with his? And who is Abby? A pre-Jess love of Jake's?
I don't think Jake would be able to see Jess's eyes in the rearview mirror if he were in the front seat, which he was, apparently, since the kids were in the back seat.
Jake is still acting like a love-sick puppy, letting his wife hem and haw to her heart's content, with nary a protest from him. But let's see what he does at the lunch date. So far, he's just sitting back and taking it, tiptoeing around, afraid to say or do anything which will increase his wife's already obvious displeasure with him. I hope he mans up pretty soon!
Another well-written chapter, as expected.
Take care,
Jack
Back again.
I loved some of the slice of life family stuff because it helps illustrate their painful dynamic. I do think it went on a little too long but only because Jake’s narrative stayed on the surface emotionally and he spent the majority of his time (as usual) describing his surroundings.
To me, the bulk of this chapter was a golden opportunity for Jake to finally dig a little deeper about everything going on in his life. He has a seriously troubled marriage and Jess is acting very cold (he barely thought about it), he did mention the kids acting strange toward him but didn’t go the natural step further—like where’s the associated pain, guilt or embarrassment?
Then he has a flipside situation with a growing attraction to Bri, his car getting wrecked, the warnings from Roy….he has a LOT going on in his life that *should* illicit some below the surface emotion. Doing so would give him significantly more depth and dimension. As is, it feels like he’s a passenger in his own story.
Who’s Abby? I gathered from the way it was written that she was a daughter that died? Did I miss something somewhere? That info felt plunked…and then glossed over.
It’s been a while since I lived in Boston, but what struck me most was you had him walking really substantial distances with 2 small kids. What happened to hopping the T? I get that you were trying to highlight a few landmarks and demonstrate some of *your* knowledge of the city—but this read a tad too much like a downtown travel log than it did someone who has a firm grasp on navigating that area. Also of smaller note, all of the areas you chose to highlight (barring the Common itself) are some of the most densely auto trafficked areas of town. You never made any mention of the traffic or congestion they would no doubt encounter.
All that said, as a breather chapter this was a fairly good one. I like getting those, particularly when I’m doing a sit down, straight read because it allows me to catch my breath.
Overall, my main issue is I'd like to see Jake become more than a passenger in his own story. But otherwise, this chapter had some very nice high points too. Nice job.
Good Morning Gray,
I really like the insight into the cool weather between Jake and Jess's domestic problems with the comparison of old lunch dates to the one they are about to have that will be quite different - The kissoff and the big 'D' word is coming...!
The progression and downfall with the kids also paints him a trying dad in deep water and not knowing what to do... Makes him real, so when all the bad stuff starts happening to him, we'll pull for him all the more...
Well done Gray... Looking forward to reading on... Happy Day & Keep Smilin'... Jax
Gray,
I liked the family stuff. I was a little perplexed when you began to describe the setting as the kids finish feeding the Mallards. It fit perfectly, but then you finished that paragraph with a gorgeously written description of Boston. Although the latter was really nice, I wondered if the setting in Boston has some major bearing on the story. If it does, I'd suggest putting in elsewhere.
This is a simple line: "Emma skips into the scene, her brother in hot pursuit." but it was clever and visual. I swear I saw her.
I was racking my brain trying to remember who the girl was who looked like Emma--one he'd lost. Then I thought I remembered Bree asking him about losing his family. Then when I read the other critiques I wondered if I had imagined that. Anyhow, I think you need to remind your reader who she was.
I loved this description: "How many restaurants, bistros and bars in the Boston metro area still carry a lingering imprint of the perfect couple we used to be? How many waiters still remember us as that annoyingly cutesy pair, the one that never stopped holding hands, even while eating? The couple that lingered long after dessert had been served, tying up their table for hours, check left unnoticed on the table?"
I feel really sad for them. They were really in love.
All About Connection
Hi Gray,
Once again, I like your writing. It's smooth and carried me right along. This may be one of the top books I've read so far on the site.
Now, to this chapter. I think the family stuff is okay if it serves a purpose. Right now, it isn't clear to me what the propose is. We don't need the full chapter to realize he's heading for a divorce and that he still loves his family, despite lusting for Brianna. The scene in the ice cream store is cute but once again, what is it taking us that we don't Ajay know. That's how I would approach the chapter. If there is another reason behind all of the family dynamics, give us a clue how it all fits together. Or maybe some foreshadowing. Right now it sort of seems like a separate storyline.
I how this helps.
-C
Author
Reply
Hi Cobber. You're definitely right about the family stuff, and this was pointed out by a literary agent who gave me rather extensive feedback. When I get the inspiration to revisit TROPHY, much of the family dynamic stuff will get the axe. My hope is to do this without losing empathy for Jake as a good father and "family man." Thanks for your feedback, which is spot on as usual. Gray
After reviewing your note and the chapter, I would say the answer to the kid question depends on why the scene is there. It does strengthen the fact the protagonist personality profile, but in an unflattering way.
I didn't fine much in the way of nit for you. However there were three places I wanted to point out:
1) 'Make Way for Ducklings' statue' The description of the park was much more detailed and this is an interesting site. I'd expand the description.
2) What a cosmic waste it was Abby on that plane instead of me. I'd drop the 'it was', and put 'was' after Abby. It's smoother that way.
Finally, 3) A bovine woman on line in front, 'on' is wrong but 'in' doesn't work either in that sentence. I'd rewrite it.
Overall, a very well written chapter otherwise. R.M.
Author
Reply
Thanks, RM. Helpful points, as usual. Sorry I've been so derelict in my writing and reading duties. Trying to get back into it, but then again, I've told myself that many a time and life has gotten in the way... Gray:)
Hello, Gray. I'm wondering if there's a connection 'tween what Caulder has in store, globally, and Jess's project.... So Jake and Jess might be getting a D...not surprising...and her father's contempt is rather obvious. Again, in this chapter especially, poor Jake seemingly can't win for losing!
I'm guessing that very soon, maybe while he and Jess are "talking about icy weather...", Bree will happen upon the scene...wouldn't jar me...
Still a very fine read, Gray!
Peace,
Mike
Author
Reply
Jess is definitely going to play a role here, so you're right to suspect there's some connection between her and what Caulder has planned. Jake definitely has a black cloud hovering over him. Wish I could say things are going to get easier for him, but that wouldn't make much of a story! Thanks for reading on. Gray
No
Nathan B. Childs