2:05 a.m., CCI Building, Stamford
Roy Caulder
“Goddamn it!”
Roy Caulder swore at his laptop. Moments earlier, he’d opened Bree’s latest e-mail, the one containing the protein fingerprinting evidence taken from Goodwin’s thumb drive.
How the hell did he figure this out?
Blood pounded in his ears as he rehashed the details. Accidental discovery. Lab coat splashed with the altered reversal agent. Lab rat friend in Boston who knew how to identify the proteins. By some miracle, they’d pieced things together, all because of a goddamned accident.
It was chaos theory in action. People always wound up getting killed because of some random little event.
Of course, the evidence wouldn't hold up in court. If the damage had stopped there, he could’ve still contained the situation without more bloodshed.
But then the fucking wife had to get involved.
What kind of woman would go out on a limb for a husband who was screwing a supermodel behind her back?
Jess Goodwin, apparently.
Caulder scrolled through her last e-mail to Jake, gnashing his teeth as he read. She’d found hard proof of his motive, linking Caulder Capital Investments to Saber Life Sciences.
And all because of another random event. Fucking chaos theory in action again. Some paparazzo getting a lucky shot of the “Playboy Sheikh” as he groped an under-aged bimbo in the Plaza.
If the information contained in Jessica Goodwin’s e-mail ever got out…
Not that it would. His tech team had been monitoring the couple’s cell and internet communications for the past six months, and they’d already scrubbed any potentially incriminating material. Earlier tonight, he’d sent a freelance crew to trash their home, paying special attention to all electronic equipment. Before destroying Goodwin’s desktop computer, they’d logged onto his AOL and Optimum accounts to do some incriminating web searches. Key words like “painless suicide,” “lethal injection,” and “sodium pentothal.”
That would raise some eyebrows when the drug turned up in the dead wife’s bloodstream.
Next item on the agenda: send Rollins to eliminate all remaining threats, starting with Josh Carpstein and Harley Choi.
His cell phone pulled him back to the moment. Bree's ringtone. Finally.
“And you’re sure the wife didn’t communicate with anyone else?” he asked once she’d given him an update.
“Absolutely. She’s been contained, but you were right about her. We were too focused on Jake.”
No shit. He’d always known Jessica Goodwin’s legal connections posed the greatest threat. He’d suspected this from the start, which is why Bree had been used to drive a wedge between the couple. But things hadn’t worked out that way. Thanks to faulty intelligence, he’d underestimated the resilience of their relationship, and now…
More people would have to die because of that failure.
Caulder pressed his lips to the cell, aware these next words couldn’t be taken back. This dog wouldn’t go back on his leash.
“Is Rollins in position?”
Silence. Was Bree still on the line? Yes… he could hear her breathing, and just like that, he knew.
“Bree?”
“Yeah, I’m still here.” Weariness. Uncertainty. “Listen, Roy, I was thinking… Isn’t there, uh, some other way? I mean, we’ve never done this kind of thing before. We’re not cold-blooded killers, right?”
“We’ve been through this before,” he answered firmly. “We have no choice.”
Another long pause, then: “I don’t know. There has to be another way.”
Instead of responding, he picked up a pen and started doodling on the back of an envelope. Long, flowing hair. Smoky eyes. Full lips shaping that enigmatic smile. Men would do anything to taste those lips. Powerful men. Brilliant men. Men who should’ve known better.
“Roy? Are you listening to me?”
“Yes…” He sighed. “The loss of life is unfortunate, Bree. We didn’t ask these people to go digging for trouble, but that’s what they did. You tried to warn Jake off, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, but…”
“And his wife? What business did she have tracking down Al-Sadhiki? She’s given us no choice. What do you think will happen if we just let them go now?”
He let the question sink in before continuing: “Tell me, baby, do you want to spend the rest of your life in jail?”
Bree had no smart answer for that. Instead, she shifted the discussion to Rollins, whining about how unstable he’d become. Whatever happened next, she wouldn’t work with him anymore.
Cue the fucking violins. “And where is he now?” he asked, eyes rolling.
“Guarding them. Doing, I don’t know, whatever psychos like him do to get off. He’s dangerous, Roy. We need to get rid of him.”
“We still need his services. Like you said, we’re not cold-blooded killers, but…” He smiled. “Sometimes it helps to know one.”
“Not someone like this. Listen, he really creeps me out. It’s like he’s totally obsessed with me. He thinks we’re together. Like, a couple.”
Caulder recognized the fear creeping into her voice. Instead of walking her back from the edge though, he felt the sudden urge to push.
“Well,” he jabbed. “Maybe you should’ve thought of that before you slept with him.”
“Slept with him?” Her voice cracked with outrage. “Are you fucking kidding me? If you’re referring to that one time up in Boston last year, I already told you what happened. The asshole raped me.”
“You didn’t complain much at the time.”
“That’s because I still had a fucking job to do!”
Caulder sighed as he added more details to his sketch, moving to the delicate curve of her upper lip. He could spend days on that cupid’s bow alone and still not do it justice.
Such breathtaking beauty… like God had put all his eggs in one fragile basket.
What a tragic waste.
This had always been destined to happen. Teaming Bree up with Rollins had been a huge gamble, like mixing two volatile chemicals, but the formula had been too productive not to use. In just over a year, they’d already taken down a dozen of his enemies, starting with that asshole Attorney General from New York.
“Bree…” Caulder stared at the sketch taking shape in front of him, wishing he could feel something.
They weren’t lovers anymore. That phase of their relationship had ended a long time ago. But he still loved Bree, didn’t he? She was the most valuable piece on his chess board, his queen.
“Pawn takes queen,” he whispered. The only path to checkmate.
“Huh? What did you say?”
He crumpled the sketch and tossed the balled paper into a waste basket. “I’m sorry. I should’ve been more understanding when that bastard took advantage of you. Let’s just get through this, and then I’ll make it up to you. Okay?”
That perked her up. “You mean you’ll get rid of Rollins?”
“Sure, baby. Consider it done.”
Once she’d disconnected, he closed his eyes and tried to feel something. Remorse. Regret. Anything. But all he felt was numbness – the emotional equivalent of poking anesthetized skin. It was always like this. Didn’t matter how hard he jabbed in the needle. He still felt nothing.
He picked up his cell to fire off a text.
No doubt Rollins would be thrilled to get this message.
***
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Hi Gray,
Well I'm reading on to find out what the text is to Rollins. I first thought it was to get rid of Bree along with Jake and Jess...but Caulder considers her his best asset, so maybe not.
~Ann
No shit. He’d always known Jessica Goodwin’s legal connections posed the greatest threat. He’d suspected this from the start, which is why Bree had been used to drive a wedge between the couple. [Isolate the doctor and he wouldn’t pose any real threat.] I'd take this out because it's a little redundant.
“Bree…” Caulder stared at the sketch taking shape in front of him, >>>>wishing he could feel something.<<<< Anything.
Once she’d disconnected, he closed his eyes and tried>>>>> to feel something.<<<<< Remorse. Regret. Anything. But all he felt was numbness – the emotional equivalent of poking anesthetized skin. It was always like this. Didn’t matter how hard he jabbed in the needle. He still felt nothing.
In the previous two sentences you use the same phrase...may want to change one.
Hi Gray,
I know why you did this (cardboard-y, hmmm!) but you know, I don't think you need this chapter at all. I still don't see much more depth to Royboy, the Sheikh thing is unclear to me, and K/B is the same conflicted woman as she's been. Adding Spitzer to the mix made it a little funny to me - can you believe that creep is running for comptroller now?! - but that's probably not the reaction you want. I think it's kinda over the top here.
Keep it believable, keep it real. Keep the tension! This chapter pushes all the great stuff you've got going on off track, I think.
Moving on to catch up to you.
: )
Terri
I liked these insights into Roy, but I just read Nathan's comments and I wonder if he's right. We were at the brink, and this pulls us back. One of the difficulties is reading this in spurts, maybe I need to read the last 3 chapters one after the other to assess the flow.
But, I do appreciate the review of what is going on, because it is still all about Pulsar, I was off on that one, I thought it was veering toward the environmental work that Jess was doing..but now it all makes sense, she's the target, but because of the help she's providing.
Anyway, I think this chapter is very good, well written as ever, and it gives readers a chance to regroup and understand all the details. Nathan may have a point, (see thats why I almost try to NOT read other reviews because then mine gets influenced), but maybe not an entire chapter...maybe (not sure). Sorry. I definitely think this is good and should be included, but maybe, once everything is written, the placement of it could be reconsidered so it doesn't break the tension that was building up in the previous chapters. Or maybe you want to give your readers a commercial break so they can regroup and exhale.
Sorry, I keep going back and forth here. Bottom line, good chapter. Just not sure about where you should put it.
Keep 'em comin,
Simi
Hey Gray, I think Caulder has control of my computer, too. I know I read this chapter, and I never leave a reading without giving a review. He's such a dick-weed, but with lines like this, it's going to be hard to despise the dude: This dog wouldn't go back on the leash. And: cue the fucking violins.
All I gotta say, is Run, Kristy-Bree, run. All kidding aside, this is a great chapter from start to finish, and having Roy sketching her face while he's thinking of rubbing her out actually did cancel out his quick wit. later, nathan
Hey Gray,
NIT: Caulder scrolled through her(his) last e-mail to Jake,
I think if Caulder puffed out his egotistical chest anymore, he'd burst...! No way he could ever win the warm and fuzzy award....
I really thought this Jim guy was Caulder in disguise - wrong -!! I don't see any problems with having to tighten things up... Your writing is so smooth that the read goes quickly...
Happy Day... Keep Smilin'... Jax
Hey, Gray - The chapter fills a hole or two, so I'd leave it, except for: 1. The paragraph beginning, 'No shit. He'd always known Jessica Goodwin's legal connections...' That paragraph recaps what we already learned in the last chapter and could be eliminated without further change, IMO; 2. The "tell" of how Caulder was going to pin Jess's murder on Jake. That could be brought out later and would leave the reader for now wondering how he planned to get away with it. Caulder's persona works the way you've presented it. Rollins is more of the cardboard cutout to me. But he's a thug, and not worthy of nuance, so that's okay.
- ...cell and [i](I)nternet communications
- ...that asshole Attorney General for New York. {Ha!}
Take care,
Jack
Hey Gray….I didn't feel like there was too much "tell" here, but I'm not all together sure you need this chapter. We already know that Kristy has remorse over what has happened. And I don't know as if this chapter really moved the story forward. Possibly cutting it down a bit or adding his thoughts somewhere else. Not a bad chapter, just didn't feel it was needed, but of course that is just MHO…My goal is to catch up with your chapters, so will be reading forward….Denise
Hello, Gray. I wouldn't really say that RC is "a cardboard cut-out villain." I admit that he's not as rounded out as CG...but in that story, imho, there was more of a need to really build up, fill out THAT bastard. This story doesn't necessarily need the Big Bad Wolf to be ultra-unique. Again, just my 2 cents.
Another thing is, that Roy has much in common with many other Bad Guys is not necessarily a bad thing. Don't evil people(especially ones with power)have a lot more in common with each other than other folks? Earlier, I mentioned features of sociopaths... Psychologists have long established that "evil" people have a great deal in common.
Now maybe Roy could've been fleshed out more, but in my op, in this story, it's not a problem. Some readers want - demand even - that evil have a face, an easy-to-see face. But think about diabolical Randall Flagg in Stephen King's ultra-ultra popular, The Stand. Flagg was pretty sketchy. King gave him just enough personality... Yes, there were some quirks to Flagg, but he really wasn't developed all that much.
In this story, I think there's basically enough to RC's character. Too, think of MANY villains, male and female, on screen. How much did/do THEY have in common? Even the scariest folks: Nicholson, Bette Davis, Christopher Lee, Henry Silva, Jeanette Nolan, and so on, had/have, reg. their screen characters, relatively few differences reg. their personalities. And their commonalities: rage, evil stares, vile smirks, tantrums, depraved laughter, etc. - I hope I'm not coming off as a know-it-all, Gray. I'm just offering my opinion.
But if you feel that RC needs a lot more work, that, of course, is up to you. I don't think it would take too much to give him more "bad boy charisma", though. Movies obviously SHOW people what they want to see, more easily than books - at least reg. faces, mannerisms, etc.
Too, I don't think there's too much "tell" in this installment. Well, maybe a little "head hopping"(yes, true, many readers hate that)could work. Have the reader see each of their faces with their various expressions as the conversation goes on. Just a thought.
Sorry for being so long-winded and "lecturesome", Gray. Just wanted to put forth my opinion/s. Wish I could do that in fewer words! :-)
CHEERS!!
Mike
Author
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Love your musings on RC. One of the agents who did request my manuscript (before ultimately rejecting it) passed it around her office (hope she did this because she thought it showed potential and not to make fun of my writing, LOL), and one of her co-agents critiqued RC for being too stereotypical a villain. I have to admit my reaction was much the same as yours. There's so much pressure to make every bad guy sympathetic on some level, and this is really a pop culture trend. Take one of the most famous movie "men in black," Darth Vader. He started out as straight-up evil, but then morphed into this tortured, tragic figure who had to be redeemed in the end. Is there anything wrong with creating a purely hateful psycho? I did try to give RC a dry, somewhat twisted sense of humor though ("Cue the F-ing Violins" when Bree starts to complain about Rollins) and thought it was a bit quirky to have him doodling a picture of her as he decides to tell Rollins to kill her. Those touches came after the agent critiqued RC for being too much of a cardboard cut-out, so I guess the criticism helped me somewhat. Thanks again for reading on... Gray
Hi Gray,
Not too creepy at all, but also not necessary. :) I'm not trashing the book, like I said, beautifully written as always, but maybe change just the one POV to match the rest. Even so, if the intent is to make him less cartoonish, I still don't think that's necessary. You can do that in previous chapters I think. I do love the complexity of the con. Hoping Josh and the lab girl end up okay!
Lauren
Author
Reply
You're not alone in thinking this chapter wasn't necessary. I thought I needed to explain the motive behind using Bree to drive a wedge between Jake and his lawyer wife, but that could almost certainly be revealed elsewhere. I also liked the idea of Caulder sketching Bree's face as he coldly concludes he needs to eliminate her. That seemed like some cold psycho shit (excuse the profanity), but I may need to sacrifice that juicy moment since it doesn't justify giving him a POV throughout the story.
Gray
No
Ann Everett