2:40 a.m.
Jake
The reversal agent is working fast. Less than fifteen minutes after my death and I’m sitting up without support, but breathing isn’t easy. I have to strain every muscle in my chest just to inhale.
“Help is coming,” Jess says, squeezing my hand, and now I hear them: the wail of approaching sirens. Sounds like they’ll be here any second.
Too late to save Kristy, or Bree, or whatever her name was.
I don’t remember her injecting the reversal agent into my neck, but Jess told me what happened. She described how Kristy turned her gun on the psycho in the end. Guess I’ll never know why she changed her mind. Why she saved us.
I suck in another shallow breath before turning to look at her again. She’s curled up like a fetus, knees tucked into her chest as if she’s trying to hide the knife wound. Like she’s embarrassed by the way she died.
The floor beneath her looks like something out of a slaughterhouse. Most of the blood came from the psycho with the hole in his head lying next to her, but some must also be hers. I gag as the sweet metallic smell hits me. Or maybe it’s the thought of their blood mingling like that on the floor.
I'm sorry, Kristy... so sorry it had to end like this.
When I came to, Jess left me for a moment. It's like a dream, but I'm pretty sure I saw her crouching next to Kristy. Trying to comfort her. I hope I'm right. I hope she didn't die alone.
I turn to Jess now and ask if she said anything before she passed.
“Yeah,” she answers in a weary voice that’s almost swallowed by the sirens. “She told me to take care of my little girl.”
***
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Hi Gray,
These chapters are very short... : (
It's frustrating because I want to know what happens next!!
I'm glad to be back with my favorite dermatologist -- besides you, of course : ) !
I would like to know if he feels anything besides horror at the blood and gore. Is he sad about Bree's death? Does he know she saved his life? What does he think about seeing his wife next to Bree? What's he feeling with those sirens in the background? Is he glad to be alive?
Don't rush such an important scene, pretty please??
: )
Terri
Hey Gray,
What a bloody scene, doc.
I think this chapter need some clarification. Jake was unconscious and essentially on death's door when Kristy took the blade (I'm assuming Rollins stabbed her in the heart) right before she put a round in his head. But I don't think a bullet would take off his head. A hollow point would blow out the back of his head, but I wouldn't think Jake would've had hollow points in his gun. (Kristy has his gun, right?) Maybe give Rollins a third, red eye in his forehead. And when Jake regained consciousness, he wouldn't have a clue what just happened, so maybe have him ask the obvious question, "What the hell happened, Jess?" Then, when she tells him how Kristy had injected him with something, Jake would know that she had taken his cue, and had given him the reversal agent. Then he could express his sympathy for the misguided girl in his thought. Now all we have left to do is take care of Roy Boy. I'm thinking he's long gone, or about to hop a jet.
Always like a story with a life lesson. In this case, forgiveness is possible when there's true love is in play. later, gater
Hi Gray,
I think you could combine these chapters into one. There would be pov switches, but I'm not sure that would matter. Of course, if you get this published in the traditional way, then your editor will have lots to say about the arrangement of chapters and such, so I'm blabbing for nothing!
I think you do a fine job of writing action scenes and that's a hard thing to do. You're not too bad with the aftermath either. I know we must be close to the end. I'm wondering about Caulder and what will happen with him. I'll stay tuned.
~Ann
Hmm, I agree with the other reviewers that this chapter is short. but at this point I think that's ok. It's all happening so fast, that I think the writing needs to be quick, like the breathing, like the action. Quick snapshots whirring around, nobody is thinking straight, nobody is articulating.
I think that when you do a wrap-up chapter, all the questions can be answered in longer more detailed responses. Kindof like how Dumbledore always had to debrief Harry after a Voldemort encounter. I read all of HP...many many times each (and listened in the car..it was a family bonding thing), and never could follow exactly what was going on in those scenes, with wands connecting and flashing, people dying, people resurrecting, curtains opening and closing, but I read on, all excited and invested. Then, afterwards, when I knew Harry was safe, I slowed down to understand all the details. I think that works, and I think that will work here, in answer to people who what more. And besides, it will allow us to take a long slow time saying goodbye to our favorite couple, Jake and Jess...and see justice prevail.
Sorry that Bree had to be sacrificed, but really, it was the only redemption for her...
Simi
Hey Gray,
Not so sure the short chapters work so well; appears a bit choppy... Might just be me....
I'm bummed Kristy bought the farm, but then after her involvement, things would not have gone well for her anyway, sooooooo...
Still wondering about Caulder/Al/Nina....?? Perhaps another surprise or two coming...? As pushy as Al/Nina were in the beginning, it just seems like they have to come back before it all ends....
Keep Smilin'... Jax
Okay, now I have a problem. What's this about a reversal agent? A few chapters back (the one where Caulder talks about trashing Jake's house and placing false web inquires about poisons) you mention a poison. so I assumed Rollins was planning to inject Jess with the poison. that seemed to be the plan. He decides to inject Jake a couple of these very short chapters ago. It now seems he was injecting Jake with the doctored skin treatment and then Briana injects him with the antidote. How would these two have access to these and how would they know how to use them? Wouldn't specialist knowledge be needed to set up the solutions, put them in the syringes, etc.? Or is this a reversal agent for the poison they planned to use on Jess? But then, why would they have a reversal agent on hand?
I'll have to read the next chapter and see if I've misunderstood this or you have the answers for me.
Gray....Was a little confused by this chapter. I felt it read more like and outline, with alot of telling instead of showing. Would like all these great scenes flushed out more, and maybe not in Jake's POV since he was unconscious for most of what happened to him. If you do keep it in Jake's POV I think you need more dialogue between them. It just seems too short and choppy to me, especially since you are so good with the dialogue and scene building.....Reading on....Denise
Hello, Gray. Yep. I guess Kristy died as I predicted. Not very happy about that. I often don't like being right! If only she could've drilled him through the skull with her first shot..! Now it's time for Caulder's demise. May it be brutal, painful, and prolonged...may the bastard make some music...!
I'll tell you, Gray...I wanted to read this story more slowly, but I couldn't, lol!
CHEERS!!
Mike
Author
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I was sad to see her go to, but it had to go down like this, right? Didn't see any other way that would be consistent with her character and choices. She had to sacrifice herself to be redeemed.
Jake's way more forgiving than I would have been. He must still be under the impression she's a poor battered wife. Which, incidentally, she might be battered by Roy but how would he know if everything else was a lie? I'm not sure I'd feel so forgiving, although she did save him in the end. I think it's right that she died. Now to see if Roy gets his due.
Lauren
Author
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I didn't think about Jake being really forgiving here. That's an interesting perspective. All my readers seemed to agree this is the only way for her character to earn "redemption" in the end.
Gray
No
GPyrenees