When we burst into the comm room, we find Astrid, Ferro, Thea and Cael huddled around a central console. Thea raises her hand to warn us not to interrupt, but Lily barrels forward.
“Are you out of your flipping minds?” she shouts. “Why did we surface?”
“Thea?” A male voice crackles through the console speaker. “Is there a problem?”
“Who is that?” a woman adds.
The disembodied voices must belong to the Core. I see no vid feed, which means they’re communicating via longwave transmission. Thea apologizes for the interruption, shooing us away, but Lily stands her ground.
“If there’s a destroyer nearby –!”
Thea puts a finger to her lips. “We’re aware of that risk, which is why we don’t have time to argue.”
Lily bites her lower lip but doesn’t say another word. When she crosses her arms in silent protest, I mirror the gesture. Backing her up feels right for some reason, like an old instinct that’s just returned. I wait by her side as the conversation with the Core resumes.
“Why should we commit our fighters to this suicide mission?” the female voice argues. “What you’re asking… it’s just too much to risk.”
“Think of what you’ll risk if you don’t act!” Astrid counters. “Gant’s still weak, but he won’t be for long. He’ll start by purging all rivals, starting with my father. Then he’ll come after you.”
“She’s right,” Cael adds in his calm, measured way. Doesn’t this guy ever emote? “If there’s a chance to return Augustin Blake to power, we should take it. Free the enemy of our enemy.”
After a long stretch of silence, someone new asks Thea if she agrees with Cael’s assessment. The four members of the Core are supposed to be equals, but something deep and commanding in this man’s voice tells me his vote carries more weight than the others. Maybe even more than Thea’s.
“One hundred percent,” she answers without hesitation. “We need to strike Gant now, aiming right for his heart. You said it yourself, Dillan. As commander of the Eastern Territory, you’re the one who must decide if we have the capability, but at least this gives us a concrete target.”
Voices murmur in the background as the Aletheians debate their options. When Dillan finally speaks again, he sounds like a father warning his children. “Don’t fool yourselves. This attack will mean all-out war. Now that the Sinovoss are all but defeated, Gant will shift his focus to us. The bloodshed won’t stop until one side has been completely wiped out.”
Thea thins her lips into a determined line. “Then let it be war on our terms. We pick the first battleground. We pick the time to strike. Dillan, Sera, Eli?” She pauses to take a breath, acknowledging the importance of this moment. “Do we have your support?”
Her challenge hangs in the air, unanswered for so long that I wonder if the transmission’s been broken. But then Dillan’s voice cuts through the silence like a rumble of thunder. “You’re right. By Aletheia’s grace, we’re already in position. The timing may not be ideal, but I see no other choice.”
The other man quickly agrees, while the woman says she’s not convinced but won’t stand in our way.
“Then it’s decided,” Thea concludes, giving Astrid a nod. “Dillan? Will you draw up the battle plans?”
“Give me twenty-four hours,” the Aletheian replies. Now that the decision’s been made, his voice rings with confidence. “Gant won’t know what hit him.”
As Cael and Dillan discuss the diversionary attack, I catch movement out of the corner of my eye. Kobari, striding toward us with Dax on his heels.
“We’re at ten minutes plus,” the Captain warns, jabbing his time stamp with an index finger.
Thea looks up to ask when we’ll make landfall.
Kobari holds up ten fingers, then adds gruffly, “Assuming Gant’s satellites don’t blast us out of the water first.”
Thea leans into the comm. “We’ll reach the rendez-vous point in ten hours.”
“We’ll be waiting,” Dillan says. “May Aletheia guide and protect you until then.”
“As she guides and protects you,” Thea replies before the transmission breaks up into static.
Kobari orders his crew to dive fast and deep. As they run through a rapid-fire checklist, Dax nudges Lily’s shoulder to get her attention. Now that he’s cleanly shaven, I remember why so many Academy girls used to swoon over him. Then again, Lily’s no Academy girl.
“What do you want?” she snaps, hands dropping to her hips.
“Hey now,” Dax shoots back. “Don’t bite my head off, Tiger Lily. Just wanted to say I’m on your side here.” He rolls his eyes toward Thea and Cael. “They wouldn’t listen to me either.”
She ignores the comment, blowing past him to confront her boyfriend. When he tries to take her hand, she jerks away. “You do realize what kind of risk you just took?”
Cael puffs out a sigh. “We had no choice, Lil.”
“Yes you did! You could’ve waited ‘til after we handed off these–” She thrusts her chin at Astrid. “Stalkers.”
“Lily!” Thea warns, but it’s too late to take back the words. She’s just let the truth slip out.
They’re not taking us with them.
I’m not the only one who noticed. Astrid jumps up from her seat. “Handed off?” she challenges. “Not happening. We’re coming with you.” Her eyes find mine, looking for support.
Finally. Something we can agree on.
I turn to Thea, stinging from the betrayal. When was she planning on breaking this news? Obviously not before we reached our final destination. “Is that true?” I ask. “Is your plan to dump us somewhere?”
“No,” she answers evenly. “We promised to take you to safety, and that’s what we’re doing.”
“But the raid on Scilla!” Astrid cuts in angrily. “I know how to find my father’s aura. You need my help!”
Cael eyes her with sympathy. “Not on this mission, Miss Blake. I’m sorry, but you’ll just be a liability in combat. Surely you realize this.”
When Astrid opens her mouth to challenge him, he shakes her off. “We have friends beyond Neoden’s borders who will offer you sanctuary. You’ll be safe there. That’s what your father would want.”
“How in flames do you know what he’d want?”
“Because…” Cael frowns, like the answer should be obvious. “He’s already risked everything to protect you.”
“That’s right!” Astrid fires back. “And now it’s my turn to save him. You said we’re not prisoners. That we’re free to go wherever we want. Or was that a lie too?”
Thea’s response is cut short by the piercing whoop of a siren.
“Dive alarm!” Kobari shouts, his words muffled by the sound of rushing water. The rumble builds to a thunderous roar, coming at us from all sides, but Kobari’s expression remains reassuringly calm.
Was it like this when we escaped from York? Can’t remember.
The sub noses down smoothly at first, but then bucks from side to side, like a Silver Wing caught in hard turbulence.
Ssssss-crack!
When Kobari jerks his head toward the harsh sound, I know something’s wrong.
The deck shakes violently, then drops out beneath my feet. I fumble for something to break my fall, hands catching a loop of pipe. Someone grunts behind me and I tilt my head to see Vin, grasping Brenne with one hand and a seatback with the other.
He’s about to lose his grip when the sub levels out, as suddenly as it dropped. I survey the cabin, relieved to see no one looks seriously injured. All eyes dart to Kobari, trying to figure out what’s happening. His grim expression isn’t reassuring.
“Status!” he shouts into the comm.
The frantic response comes a split second later. “Incoming!”
We’re under attack.
This time, I hear the hit – an earsplitting sizzle and thunderclap, followed by a hard jolt. The sub twists and heaves starboard, like a toy boat that’s just been sideswiped by a tidal wave. My feet lose traction and I’m airborne, tumbling through space. I curl into a protective ball. Take the impact with my shoulder, then carom onto the deck.
Pain knifes down my back, but I’m still conscious. Able to move all my limbs. Groans rise up around me, drowned out by the wailing alarm. Through my blast-shocked eardrums, I hear Kobari’s muffled shouts – “Dive! Dive! Dive!” – seconds before the next crackling explosion.
The deck lurches beneath me, but this time I keep my footing. To my right, Vin struggles to his knees. Blood coats his forehead but his eyes look clear. Alert. Where are the others?
Ssssss-crack!
Another sizzling impact, but this one sounds weaker – a rumble and vibration, chasing us from above.
We’re diving again. Escaping.
I exhale deeply, but the relief is short-lived. Pain swells through my ears and sinuses, drawing my attention to a new problem.
We’re sinking too fast. Plummeting like we’re out of control.
Like the hull’s been breached.
I pivot toward the bulkhead hatch, expecting to see a crushing wall of water.
Instead, I see Kobari, hands braced on the console. “Blow the tanks!” he screams into the comm, fighting to regain control of his ship. “Level! Level! Le-”
His words are drowned out by the hiss and roar of compressed air expelling water from the ballast tanks.
Miraculously, the sub eases out of its nose dive and slows into a gentle descent.
“Countermeasures!” Kobari barks into the comm. “Evasive pattern Oribi!”
We bank hard to starboard, then port a few seconds later, then starboard again and I picture us zig-zagging through the darkness like a fish trying to evade the jaws of a shark. Is the enemy lurking above or chasing us through the water, torpedoes locked on and ready to fire?
As if reading my thoughts, Kobari raises his eyes to the ceiling and mutters, “Satellites. Told you they’d get a lock on our position.”
“Impossible,” Cael counters. “We must’ve been spotted by a destroyer.”
Kobari shakes his head. “Surface scans showed nothing. That attack came from the satellites, and they never miss. We’re only alive because they targeted our propulsion and steering.”
“Trying to capture, not kill,” Thea notes, eyes locking with Cael’s. They don’t have to say the words for me to know what they’re thinking: Gant still wants Astrid alive, but only for one reason. So he can make a public spectacle of her trial and execution.
“Are we out of attack range?” Thea asks.
Kobari frowns. “For now, but I can’t guarantee we’ll make it to Scilla. Not until I get the full damage report.” He leans into the comm after we make another starboard turn. “She feels sluggish. What’s the status on propulsion?”
The answer crackles back moments later. “Upper rudder and aft diving plane are damaged.”
Kobari’s frown deepens. “How bad?”
“Impossible to say without surfacing for inspection.”
“And hull integrity?”
“Aft torpedo room’s flooded but the bulkhead’s holding.”
Guess this is good news because Kobari lets out a sigh of relief, then turns to Thea with what could almost pass for a smile. “Looks like we dodged a bullet.”
“I thought you said the satellites never miss,” I say.
Kobari’s smile vanishes. “They didn’t. We installed attenuation panels last week in preparation for this mission, concentrating on our most vulnerable points.” He turns to Thea. “Like propulsion and sonar.”
When Thea and Cael exchange looks, I suddenly realize the significance of what Kobari just said. If Gant didn’t know about these defensive upgrades, Kobari’s crew must be loyal. None of his men leaked the information.
But then how did the satellites find us so quickly?
“Did our transmission give away our position?” Thea asks.
“Unlikely,” Cael answers, looking at Kobari. “You were right to be concerned, but we shifted bandwidths throughout the transmission. Unless the algorithm’s been compromised, there’s no way they could’ve fixed onto our signal.” He turns to Lily. “That’s why we risked going to the surface.”
“But why didn’t you tell us –?” Kobari starts to ask, but then his eyes narrow with understanding. He and his crew are new to the Resistance. Still not entrusted with every secret, even though Thea had no choice but to rely on them for our escape. Which begs the question: who exactly are the Aletheians, and what if the Resistance isn’t as unified as Thea would like us to believe? Add that to my growing list of nagging doubts.
“I need to inspect the damage to my ship,” Kobari says, excusing himself with a nod. “I’ll give you an update as soon as possible.”
Once he’s gone, I ask the question on all our minds.
“How did Gant find us?”
That’s when I notice Cael, Lily and Dax are backing away. Even Thea retreats to join them. They’re all staring at us. At the collars around our necks
They must suspect one of us tampered with our device. That we’re still transmitting. “No!” I say with a gasp. “You can’t possibly think…”
Dax shrugs, looking at Cael. “Only one way to find out, Wilmington.”
Before I can ask what that means, Cael pulls a metal cylinder out of his pocket. It looks like the RTC scanner he gave me in the ice tunnel beneath York. Without saying a word, he moves toward Vin and Brenne.
The device beeps twice as he scans their necks. Two green blinks. Not transmitting. Safe.
Then he approaches me. “Sorry, Wil. There’s no other way to be sure.”
“I know.” I step forward to close the distance between us, tilting my chin up to give him easier access to my collar.
Another soft beep. Green. Even though I’m not surprised, I let out a sigh of relief.
Cael moves on to scan and clear a scowling Astrid, then turns to the last person remaining.
“I don’t have a blasted chip,” Ferro spits out defiantly. “I’m a High Founder, not some filthy Camp Rat.”
Cael ignores his protests, reaching forward to trace the scanner around his neck. The device beeps once. Then twice – a new, shrill sound that sets the hairs of my neck on edge.
I don’t need to look to know Fahrenheit’s color.
Red.
***
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Regular reviews are a general comments about the work read. Provide comments on plot, character development, description, etc.
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Hi Gray,
So glad to see another chapter up. I'm sorry I have nothing to offer you except my readership and praise.
To answer your questions...I thought the pacing was good, the dialogue believable, and the action at the end was realistic.
LUV (sang that in opera for effect)...cuts through the silence like a rumble of thunder :+)
I suppose this is the beginning of war...since they are discussing the danger of it and they're already under attack!! Liam sounds as if he will be important in the future.
Tomorrow is a snow day for us here in NE Texas...nothing compared to what y'all have had...and unusual for us!!
Write faster!!
~Ann
Hi Gray,
Glad to see another chapter. Hope we don't have to wait so long for the next one. I didn't notice any nits and the pacing was pitch perfect. The action sequence with the attack seemed realistic to me - you must have done a lot of research on that.
You asked about the ending. It's not contrived if Astrid did intentionally send the signal, or some used her collar without her knowing. It is contrived if in the next chapter it turns out to be a false reading, and it was just there for the exciting ending. But I doubt that's what you're doing.
Don
I don't have a lot here. Because I haven't seen this story in a while, it's hard for me to remember the alignments and backgrounds of the various characters. I'm not sure what to suggest, except to write faster! I'm sure there are ways to overcome this in the story, but I'm not (yet) the expert.
§
Two thoughts on recovery from the damage: would they add extra bracing to the bulkhead? I know that space is tight in a sub (and you maybe don't express this well enough) but wouldn't it be routine damage control, even before reporting to the captain?
§
Also, the process of recovery buoyancy and attitude control would be a bit more prolonged. You don't need to spell it all out (go ahead and tell, with just a little show) but making it clear that everyone in that sub is scared, even if we aren't, could give the subsequent scene with Farenheit more power. Even the crew members who held things together should appreciate how close they came. Act first, be afraid after. (They won't all react in the same way or degree.) IMHO and YMMV, of course.
He turns to Perrin, nodding to communicate that he accepts this logic.
>Well, at least one of us gets what happened, cause I didn't. Are they saying they didn't trust Kobari and his crew so they risked getting blown up to test him? It seems if he was untrustworthy they'd now be captured or turned into fishfood.
You have a lot of characters in this room which makes it fortunate that your narrator is very strong and able to navigate all the name-face pairs with ease. Even down to remembering characters who aren't speaking (Brenne) and nicknames for characters. This is very handy for readers like me.
Speaking of handy, I'm lost on the place differential between Jackson and Meridia. I only know three places. York, Washton, Neoden. All other place names aren't solid in my head.
Where's the rest?
-K
Great chapter. Only one pause, but first I'll answer your questions: Nothing reads contrived. The pace is great, and I ALWAYS love the dialogue. That said, I want to add that the action was intense, you do so well with those scenes, and have yet to disappoint. The discussion was just enough rebutting to dredge up concern, and long enough scratch up tension for the time frame. I couldn't help but think that Lily and Wil were the ones that almost cost them their lives. Especially Lily, who detained them just enough to get whacked a good one before they could desend.
~~~My only issue? The trust the team did NOT have for Kobari, yet trusted him enough to even attempt this very dangerous mission. It didn't sit well with me. Maybe simply saying that Kabori's actions nailed down his loyalty and cunning?
The ending is excellent. You know I have never liked Farroe. So either he is Gant's man, or Gant screwed him over too. THAT makes me want to head for that next chapter, buddy - so get on it! LOL
Susan
Hey, Gray - I'll get the question out of the way first. No, the action doesn't seem contrived, and I like the nuance re Kabori's relationship with the freedom fighters. Farroe's supposed treachery comes as a surprise and makes for a nice hook.
Dax shoots back. "Don't bite my head off, Tiger Lily." {This is the first I can remember anyone referring to Liv's "real" name - after she told Wil about it. But weren't they all together in an earlier chapter where Wil first sees Liv is a part of the resistance? Didn't anyone use her name then? I tried to find that chapter but failed. Just something that occurred to me.}
"Liam, Sera, Blake?" {This is Perrin talking with the Core. Is this another Blake? Astrid's father is imprisoned, right?}
One picky nit:
- "[But] If there's a destroyer nearby -" Lily starts, but Perrin cuts her off with an icy look. {I just have this thing with two "but"s in close proximity.}
More chapters of this on the way? Kind of curious where this story will end and sequel will begin.
Take care,
Jack
Some good action here - and a great hook ending. Anxious to read more & see if he did it on purpose or what.
Didn't see much in terms of nits: "No[] I didn't," (,).
You could add a few of Wil's panicked thoughts through the action - but that's about all the suggestions I can think of here - this read well.
Hi Graeme! This chapter was a good one, uniting action against Gant and giving Wil the lead in both offensive and defensive thought. The Aletheian position does seem precarious, but then again we've never actually seen their military strength, either. Hopefully that will change in the future.
Here are a couple of nits:
1) You have the Founders using satellites for offensive capabilities. While orbit is the ultimate "high ground" targeting requires calculations involving orbital speed, Earth's rotation, and a ton of variables such as wind resistance and (in this case) current speed. I'm not saying it is impossible, just that it would be extremely difficult to hit a target as small as a submarine. A far more likely scenario would be to have a satellite monitor the transmission and pass the target to Gant's Air Force or mobile artillery.
2) "strike Gant", which I would recommend changing to "strike at Gant".
3) "Dive, dive, dive" is a Hollywoodism. Navy protocol requires the dive alarm be given twice, not three times.
Everything else was fine.
Lawrence
Morning Gray,
All good here, and I only noticed one typo. Now what will they do to Farroe? And how will this affect Astrid's newfound loyalty to the Resistance?
Nothing seemed unrealistic to me; you covered the attack well, and now I look forward to see what our Guardians will do when they get to Fort Jackson.
Even Perrin retreats to join[t] them.
later, nathan
Outstanding hook at the end with the reader wondering if Farroe knew he was broadcasting their position. My suspicion is that he did but that Gant has a hold on him like he did Wil. Gant isn’t a trusting type. Other than the comments below on time and physics the chapter flowed very well also. I still look forward to reading the next one. I hope my suggestions below are helpful. R.M.
{After a long stretch of silence,} Remember, time is critical when the ship is on the surface and measured in seconds. I suggest you emphasis that at this point. Ie: critical seconds ticked by in silence before…
{Her challenge hangs in the air,} Again, critical time. Draw it and its impact on the ship and the decision into the picture.
{The deck shakes violently, then drops out beneath my feet.} Not drops, rolls. Think about a toy in a bathtub that you push under water, it resists. A blast will push and roll the ship, but mostly roll because the water pressure will resist the push with equal and opposite force.
{…like a toy boat that’s just been sideswiped by a tidal…} this is right.
{My feet lose traction and I’m airborne, tumbling through space. I curl into a protective ball.} this should be described more like a ping pong ball, very quick. ‘losing traction’ is too slow a description. Ie: (I’m slung airborne, tumbling, and curl into a protective ball,)
I'm going to try to write a regular review for this one. Let us hope it posts the whole thing AND I get the points to post my next chapter.
I had no nits at all this go round. Beautiful writing and tense to the max.
Now, I think Farroe is loyal to Astrid and he had no clue he had a chip. Gant implanted it to keep his father in line.
Well done.
Janet
Hello, Gray. Scheesh! What a movie...! I could see this perfectly, man. I'm reminded of - was it U2571? I think that's the title. Bon Jovi played a key part in it. That was another phenomenal story! Sub-stalking is never anything but edge-of-the-seat, harrowing suspense, and you described this very well - in fact, your scene easily matches or surpasses anything in U2571. No kidding! Gray, I don't think you or anyone else could walk a finer line than the one I just read.
The entire chapter is enthralling, but that dive scene...whew! So now Fahrenheit...?? I admit I've wondered about him, but his sister...hey, wait...! A trifecta: Farro, his sister, Violet, their father...but again, I'm not going to jump to conclusions. It's just speculation and if I were to settle on that, that'd obviously be oversimplifying. Still, it IS quite interesting that the three...
Superb, Gray!
Peace,
Mike
I always enjoyed the cat-and-mouse feel of those old destroyer sub hunts. I was a kid when I saw a German movie -- Das Boat -- that left a lasting impression. There are so many good ones, like U-2571 (or whatever its name was) and Hunt for Red October. Anyway, glad you got the feel for the scene. Take care, and thanks for reading on. Gray
Ann Everett