18,
Ambush
Get down!
Liv! Her telepathic warning ripples through my mind, seconds before a bolt of lightning streaks from the market stall behind us.
Without thinking, I grab Astrid and throw us both to the ground.
More blinding pulses of light.
Then three sharp hisses, splitting the air right above us, followed by the thud of exploding ice. The sharp smell of ozone stings my nose.
Slicer fire. Streaking toward Vora, Dax and the Enforcers.
In a daze, I reach up to activate my ear bud just in time to hear Dax’s screamed warning: “Take cover! Cover! Cover!”
Astrid must hear him too because she’s already rolling into a nearby ditch. I belly-crawl after her, barely escaping the barrage of return fire.
If the Enforcers know we’re caught in the crossfire, they don’t seem to care. Sparks and stinging pellets of ice rain down on us as the firefight intensifies.
This shallow ditch won’t protect us for long.
“Move!” Astrid cries. She’s already crawling toward the shelter of a partially collapsed building. I lunge after her but something whistles past my ear, knocking me to the ground. I get back up and scramble forward, ears ringing. The taste of salt and metal fills my mouth.
When I reach Astrid, she stares at me in alarm.
“You’re bleeding!”
“I’m fine! Stay down!”
As the words leave my mouth, a massive explosion rips through the far side of the market, blowing us down. No way was that slicer fire. Someone’s using heavy weapons now.
I risk a glance back to the market stalls where the ambush began. Nothing remains but flaming debris and the bodies of Settlers who couldn’t find cover in time, their blood reddening the snow. Three white blurs dart through a shattered storefront window, followed seconds later by a blood-curdling scream.
Snow rippers, tearing into their victim.
“We have to stop this.”
Astrid’s voice behind me sounds grim, determined. She’s lying on her stomach, propped up on her elbows to witness the unfolding massacre. She taps on her mask transmitter and orders all Enforcers to cease fire.
Static, followed by Dax’s staccato reply: “Can’t… hostile fire. Enforcers engaged. Hold position!”
“But they’re killing Settlers!” Astrid shouts. “Tell them to stop firing, now!”
Another burst of static, then Dax’s clipped response: “Vora’s down. Evac team’s coming. Enforcers know your position. Just stay where you are!”
Astrid shoots me an exasperated look. “This is insane! We have to do something!”
“But what?” I duck as more slicer fire crackles overhead. “The Enforcers won’t listen to us.”
“Like hellfire they won’t!” She pushes up into a crouch. “We’re the ones in charge here. They follow our bleeding orders!”
Before I can respond, she taps her mask transmitter back on: “Dax! Tell the Enforcers to stand down! We’re coming out!”
His answer practically blasts out my eardrum: “Negative, damn it! Try it and I’ll shoot you myself!”
She turns to me, jaw clenched. “Spineless idiot! We need to stop this, Wil. I’m going.”
There’s that determined look in her eyes again – the same wildfire I saw at the top of Academy Peak, right before she jumped. Problem is, she won’t have a chute to save her this time. The Enforcers won’t stop firing. One step outside and she’ll be shredded.
I’m about to explain this when Liv’s watery voice calls to me again.
Stay where you are. We’re coming.
Then a promise: We’ll protect you.
The telepathic message fills me with dread. It’s happening. Just as the Prime Enforcer predicted, the terrorists are coming for Astrid. All I need to do now is keep her here. Keep her from escaping before the trap has been sprung. Just let it happen.
But I won’t.
To ashes with the consequences. They’ll take her over my dead body.
“You’re right.” I jump to my feet. “We can’t stay here. The Aletheians are coming.”
“How do you –?” Astrid stops mid-sentence, eyes widening. “Wait! Are they communicating telepathically with you right now?”
“Just Liv. She wants us to wait here. She says they’ll protect us.”
“Great.” She gives me a wry smile. “Some choice we have, Wil. Caught between the Enforcers and the terrorists.”
“Well?” I edge toward her. “What do you want to do?”
“Make a run for it.”
“Okay.” Using a gloved finger, I scratch out a crude map on the dirt-caked floor. “So we’re… here. And most of the slicer fire is coming from here.”
“The Enforcer position,” she agrees. “If we stay low and keep to the ruins, we could make it.”
“What about the rippers?”
She flinches. “You saw that?”
“Yeah. Heard it too.”
“They’re trained to attack on command. If we’re not targeted, they should leave us alone.”
Should. Not exactly the most reassuring word, but I agree we have no choice but to move. I can feel the terrorists approaching, fast.
“I’ll go first,” she says in a tight voice. She must sense them too. “If I’m hit, don’t stop for me. Slicer fire usually kills on contact.”
She swipes her mask transmitter to warn Dax we’re coming, then sprints into the open before either one of us can object.
I race after her, head down. Slipping when I reach the base of a small hill. Then crawling on all fours, glancing up every few feet to regain my bearings. Astrid’s several strides ahead of me, moving over the ice with the grace of a skater. She’s about to crest the hill when –
Boom!
The ground shatters in front of her, throwing up a wall of snow. For a terrifying moment, she’s swallowed up by the debris cloud. Then I see her again, brown parka poking through the white powder. Half buried. Motionless.
I tumble after her and frantically dig until I’ve freed one arm.
Then the other.
Now pull.
Her head and body follow, sliding out with surprising ease.
“Astrid!”
When I roll her onto her back, she coughs and then lets out a weak groan.
Still alive!
Pulse pounding, I check the snow around her.
White. No blood. Maybe it’s not as bad as it looked.
If her spine is injured though, more movement might paralyze her.
I lower my lips to her ear and ask if she can move her legs.
She shivers and mouths the word “yes” just as another explosion rips though the market. Further away this time, but still close enough to knock me down. Tongues of lightning flicker to our right, coming from behind a low concrete wall. The Enforcer position, less than a hundred feet away now. We’ll have to cross through open space to get there.
Why in flames are they still firing?
Because the terrorists are right behind us. I don’t need to look back to know. I can feel their determined auras closing in, like a hot breath on my neck.
I ease Astrid over my shoulder and stagger to my feet, then carry her toward the Enforcers. Head down. Ignoring the slicer fire as it hisses by, vaporizing the snow behind us into hot jets of steam. One slip and we’re finished, but I won’t let that happen. Not now, when we’re so close to safety. Just a few more feet and…
Silence.
The slicer fire cuts off abruptly. They must finally see us!
The tip of one of my boots catches on rubble, toppling me forward, but something stops my fall. Someone.
An Enforcer, trunk-like arms extended to support me.
Dax rushes out from behind the concrete barrier to scoop up Astrid. “I’ve got her!”
With the help of the Enforcer, he transfers her onto an improvised stretcher made of plywood and blankets and they set her down behind the barrier. Seconds later, her eyelids flutter open.
Dax throws his arms up in frustration. “I told you to hold your position! Why didn’t you listen?”
“Because the terrorists were closing in!” I say. When I lean in to check on Astrid, she shifts her weight and tries to lift her head. Her eyes look cloudy. Distant.
“Where…?” She blinks back into focus. “Wh — what happened?”
“You got caught in a blast,” I tell her. “The dizziness will pass. Try not to move until the medics check you out, okay?”
“Hey rookie!” Dax grabs my shoulder and spins me toward him. “What in flames were you thinking?"
“Get off our backs,” I warn. “We had no choice. The terrorists almost had us.”
“Doesn’t matter!” He moves closer, getting right in my face. “I ordered you to stay put!”
“Well, we didn’t! Why don’t you report us?”
Dax cocks his head to the side, studying me. I’m thinking this could go really badly, but then I notice the amused sparkle in his eyes. “Are you giving me attitude, Wil?” he asks with a smirk.
“Only if you’re looking for it.” I turn my back on him and kneel to check on Astrid.
“Huh.” He snorts behind me. “So the Camp Rat has some balls. Wonders never cease.”
I glare at him over my shoulder.
“Yeah, that’s right. I know where you come from, Wil-mington. Not that I give a damn, as long as you’ve got a pair. Who knows?” He slaps me on the back. “You might not be totally useless after all.”
“Where’s Vora?” I ask, ignoring the back-handed compliment.
“In there.” He points to a structure right behind us – steel awning arched over concrete stairs that drop into darkness. “Shrapnel clipped her leg, but she’ll be fine. The medics should be here any moment.”
As he says this, I hear a new sound above the wind – the mechanized whir of rotors, growing louder, a steady chop-chop-chop echoing through the canyon of ruins. The evacuation team. If I time things right, their landing should provide the perfect distraction.
The Enforcers are busy scanning the horizon for targets, having lost interest in us already. Good. I don’t see any snow rippers though, which means they’re still somewhere out there, hunting. That could pose a major problem.
“Wil?”
Astrid’s voice interrupts my thoughts. When I turn, she’s already sitting up in the stretcher, ignoring my advice as usual. Wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to stand.
“Hey. You really shouldn’t move.”
“Yeah, well…” She looks over her body, apparently deciding that any injuries are minor. “Too late for that. Besides, everything seems to work okay. I’m just kind of woozy. What happened?”
“You came within inches of being blown apart.”
“But you –” She winces as the details come back to her. “You saved my neck. Again.”
“No problem.” Despite the circumstances, I can’t help but smile. “Just returning an old favor.”
She matches my grin. “The playing fields?”
“Right.” I nod. “Those Peacocks would’ve beaten me to death without you.”
She rolls her eyes and laughs. “So you do remember. Founder’s blood, you were such an ungrateful little idiot.”
“Not ungrateful.” I reach down to dust the snow off her facemask. “Just an idiot.”
My last words get swallowed by an ear-splitting explosion. The Enforcers have opened fire again, blasting the perimeter with everything they have left.
“The Green A?” I scan the horizon for any signs of an attack, but Dax shakes his head.
“Nah!” he shouts above the chaos. “They’ve all run off! This is just cover fire! Evac’s coming down!”
Seconds later, the rescue heli drops through a gap in the canopy of ruins, whipping up the snow around us. The landing spindles hiss as they touch down, broad blades swooping overhead.
Dax tells me to help Astrid on board before turning to the nearest Enforcers.
“You two!” he barks above the whine of decelerating rotors. “Take that stretcher and follow me!”
They’re going to fetch Vora.
I glance at Astrid, who’s now surrounded by a team of medics. They hover over her to do their assessment, backs toward me. Blocking her from sight.
Won’t get another chance like this. As much as I hate to abandon Vin, he’ll be better off without me. Gant needs to believe I’m dead. That’s the only way to save my sister without betraying Astrid.
I pivot and face the debris-strewn ice field we just risked our lives to cross.
Look beyond the shattered market. Past the rubble and bodies. Toward the Aletheians.
Somewhere out there, Liv’s still waiting for me. She must be.
Now! I order myself, leaping over the concrete barrier.
No time to think. Just run.
***
© Copyright 2025 graymartin. All rights reserved.
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Hi Gray,
Great action here and you've done a fine job of describing the attack. I was right there with them. I love the loyalty shown here by Wil. I also like the exchange between Wil and Dax at the end. Dax sees something in Wil and gives him credit. I like Dax better now. I can see them more willing to work together as a unit now that they've survived this first attack.
Loving your story. Who knew someone like me would? (I have a son your age...so that means I have cake pans older than you!)
~Ann
“Move!” Astrid cries out hoarsely.***here, maybe do a comparison for her hoarse voice in place of just telling us "hoarsely" I wish I could think of one as an example, but can't...especially for this type of story. "Move!" Astrid's voice sounds like a cheerleader after the big game...Astrid's scream comes out like a cat trying to cough up a hair ball...(I think I actually used that one somewhere) Astrid's voice sounds more animal than human...you can do much better than I. I just thought it would be a good place for one. It's a small thing. It's fine the way you have it.
“The terrorists?” I ask, scanning the horizon for any signs of an attack, but Dax shakes his head. ***Personal thing, but I'd like to see some of your tags disappear, but keep the action. ex: “You’re right,” I announce, jumping to my feet. “We can’t stay here. The Aletheians are coming.”***"You're right." I jump to my feet. "We can't stay here. The Aletheians are coming."*** You notice I said "some"
I forgot to say in my last review that yes, I do think Dax and Vora add to the story. They exist to fill in details that Astrid and Wil can't possibly know, so from a storytelling perspective they serve a very pragmatic function.
Perhaps Wil should stay away from markets from now on!
ears ringing. Tasting salt and metal. -> it could just be me, but this almost sounds as if his ears are the ones tasting salt and metal.
I like how brave Astrid is. Of course, Wil shows initiative which is very good, but you're not letting Astrid be a quivering specimen of feminine modesty, either. I think their traits balance out well.
like hot breath[s] on my neck. -> I know it's technically correct because terrorists is plural, but at the same time, I like it better without.
Ahh, great ending! Wil takes matters into his own hands again. (He's very appropriately named, you know. :-P)
Excellent chapter. I don't have any suggestions for improvement, really. Action sequences are your forte, methinks. I could see everything clearly and it moved at a great pace. Nice work!
JLiz
Hi GM. This was an interesting chapter, filled with danger and death. The terrorists have finally shown their strength, though I have to question their motivations. They need to read up on Sun Tzu and Carl von Clausewitz before they can be any kind of a serious threat. Good to see Wil showing some guts.
Nits, Comments & Concerns:
>>The telepathic warning ripples through my mind, seconds before a bolt of lightning streaks from the market stall behind us.
Interesting that the Aletheians are using laser guns. Contrary to the Star Wars image, lasers are power-intensive, and are not immediately fatal. They inflict damage by burning. They are also subject to refraction or deflection by material in the air, and the driving snow would seriously impinge their effectiveness.
Far more sensible weapons for the terrorists to use would be IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices). Given the shattered hulks of buildings in the area, it would be remarkably easy to plant bombs in the area. The glass faces of the buildings would make superb shrapnel, and even the Enforcers would be hard-pressed to figure out where the terrorists were hiding. The death tolls in Iraq and Afghanistan are ample proof of the effectiveness of this kind of weaponry.
I also have to question the experience of these terrorists. The fact that they are attacking Wil and Astrid who are on point is the sign of an amateur. During the Vietnam War, the Viet Cong and NVA nearly always let the patrol pass, and then attacked the column in the rear. This served a dual purpose of eliminating the heavy weapons which were usually at the back of the patrol, as well as sewing confusion in the ranks. If the enemy also had an MG (machine gun) further up the trail it was possible to catch the patrol in a crossfire and completely eliminate them.
>>The Enforcers are using heavy weapons now.
Oldest trick in warfare: use a bigger weapon to overwhelm the enemy.
>>“The Enforcers won’t listen to us.”
In the heat of battle, civilian casualties are an acceptable loss. All that matters is eliminating the enemy.
>>“What about the Rippers?”
The two best solutions for dealing with dogs: a blast of Mace to neutralize them, or a hunk of meat to distract them.
>>Slicer fire usually kills on contact.”
Which leads me to believe that slicers are not lasers, but something else; so what are they?
Lawrence
Hmmmm….interesting turn of events. This is a fantastic action scene. The only thing that seemed to be missing was a sense of the cold and pain. Of course in such a battle one might block out those things, but it does help to have some other sensory involvement to really bring the reader in. I don’t think I would add much though because it would slow down the pace. Just a sentence or two.
Bimmy
Hey, GM - Good action chapter - which took a turn I didn't expect. Wil has gone over to Liv and the "terrorists," leaving Astrid behind and disobeying Gant's directive. So that opens a new plot line, or at least an accelerated one.
Slicer fire. Streaking toward Vora and Dax (and) the Enforcers. (To me, putting "toward the Enforcers" in a separate paragraph implies an added emphasis and that Vora and Dax are Enforcers. A little thing, but that's all I got!)
Take care,
Jack
Some nice action here - good description. Remind me - was the evil dude's plan to let them catch Astrid? Wil's getting himself into serious hot water here. Very exciting. I did not see any nits to speak of. Great hook ending. Really anxious to see what this rebel chick is all about!
Crap, your ending took me by surprise! I soooo did not expect Wil to run towards Liv, especially after warning Astrid the terrorists were right behind them. It was like hitting a brick wall at 75mph. Damn. So, okay, it's not like I didn't figure Liv would get some major page time, and not like I didn't figure there was a major connection between her and Wil.. but still. LOL
Dax manned up with a major compliment for Wil - in a snide, holier then thou kind of way - better than nothing. Cool!
Great action, love the lingo: 'slicer fire', 'snow rippers'(want to see one of these, up close and personal), Enforcers, and all to a backdrop of smell, sound and touch. I was so right there. Are they trying to kill Astrid? Seems they'd cool it the minute she bolted - give her cover. As all this was happening I was very aware that Gant is hearing and watching the whole thing. Makes me wonder why Astrid is so verbal. I know there is something she is hiding...What? I want to believe that Liv is one of the good guys/gals and hopefully lead Astrid and Wil on a 'get rid of Gant' mission. I can only hope - I'm full of questions - and that's a good thing.
Hope my comments add something, even if it's that you have accomplished what you set out to do... or not - LOL - because there is nothing else to pick at. As always, a clean chapter, and this one blew me away.
Susan
Mmm yes, TE is correct in that Astrid fails to display proper hunter-warrior tactics. Ignore civilian casualties and get the area secure. I forgive her for this because she's a) new and b) a free-thinking character. Very few sci-fi stories note time for laser-train. I wouldn't bother with it, unless you want to get into lurid details.
"I love the loyalty shown here by Wil"
>Wait... was there an edit?
There's going to be a mighty migraine coming down on Wil for that last move. I hope he has a pack of tylenol 4's with him.
-K
Great chapter, fast moving, and action packed. You've got just the right amount of descriptions and short, tight sentences. It kept the tension high for the reader.
I liked the fact Wil made the decision not to give Astrid up, and helped her escape. It only reinforces their growing relationship and will anger Gant. That can't be good in the short term, but in the long term I think he'll mess up.
I hope Wil knows what he's doing at the end, but we'll see. Great ending, got to keep reading!
This was great. I love how Wil and Astrid keep getting closer, and acknowledge what has been between them all along, going back to the schoolyard.
And the ending is terrific...Wil's decision to jump and run.
The action sequences are great too, I can follow them, I get a sense how things are laid out, and where Wil and Astrid are. It's not an easy thing to do. The snow rippers are a great touch. I keep waiting for some kind of betrayal, or reveal, which is good. It means I'm hooked and you're building the suspense.
Very fast paced chapter with a lot of action. Very well done. The one weakness is your tendency to switch to summary tell when show dialog would work better. Show dialog can include descriptions, including emotions. It’s only a few times at that. I’ve listed one below for you to see what I mean. I hope it’s helpful. R.M.
{I remind her that she just came within inches of being blown apart.} This pulls the reader out of the action and can easily be converted to dialog. For example, I shrugged my shoulders. “You had a near thing with mortar round. A foot closer and I’d still be picking up the pieces.”
Hey Gray,
Wow! What a great chapter of fast-paced, riveting action. And Wil goes AWOL!! It's rare when I see a plot twist ahead of time, so I'll be savoring this all day. I'll be back tomorrow, gotta go make a buck or two. The snow rippers remind me of a dog I trained thirty years ago. His name was Julius, a German shepherd K-9 unit on the Boston Police Forcel that is, until he circumsized a perp down to a nub. My job, when they sent the dog to the kennel where I worked, was to be the bait in his attack work. Guard dogs and K-9 units are typically just doing their job when they make a bite, but Julius loved to bite.
Slicer fire streaking toward/over Vora, Dax(,) and the Enforcers.
..because she's already rolling into a nearby ditch. *ditch sounds off, since we're on the ice. maybe hollow?
..a massive explosion rips through the far side of the market, blowing us down. * "massive" and "blowing" sound off. maybe "thunderous" and "and the concussion knocked us down".
Further/Farther away this time...
Are you giving me attitude, Wil?
Only if you're looking for it. *what a great exchange. Your dialogue is really, really good.
..she's already sitting up in/on the stretcher...
manana, nathan
Last two have been too clean for an inline.
“Well(,) they’re t
No blood. Maybe it’s not as bad as it looked.
What a chapter! All kinds of action and still Astrid comes out looking good. I'm finding it hard to believe the circumstances of Wil's birth are still posing a problem with his co-workers, considering the dangerous conditions. But I guess you needed to show that he's accepted by everyone now. And now that he has everyone's acceptance, he does something dumb and goes AWOL to meet with the enemy!
Thanks, JP! Sorry, I thought I responded to this sooner. I'm glad the scene worked for you. Wil has an inferiority complex based on where he comes from (this word's equivalent of "the wrong side of the tracks") so he carries a bit of a chip on his shoulder. Showing this without making him sound too whiney and annoying is a fine line to walk, so let me know if I cross it too many times. Thanks! Gray
Ann Everett