A sour odor hangs in Ferro’s jail cell, like old sweat and tears. He’s slumped in a corner, one wrist chained to a pipe that runs along the wall. Another act of overkill by the Aletheians. One look at his limp body and pale complexion should tell them he’s no threat to anyone.
His shoulders drop when he sees me. “Where’s Astrid?”
“She’s safe.”
He turns away and mutters, “So she won’t even see me then.” A statement, not a question. Now that he’s been stripped of all that High Founder bravado, he looks so different. So deflated. This must be what Astrid has seen all these years: a golden boy with chiseled, almost feminine good looks. Vulnerable and insecure. Desperate for her attention.
I close the hatch behind us to shut out Kobari’s guard. What we’re about to discuss is none of his business.
“Astrid negotiated your release,” I announce once we’re alone. “After we’ve landed in Scilla, Kobari will take you to back to Founder’s Bay, where you’ll be set free.”
Ferro aims bloodshot eyes at me. “The pirate promised to let me go? What a relief.”
“That’s right,” I say, ignoring the sarcasm. “And you won’t be traveling alone. Vin and Brenne will be going with you.”
His jaw drops, much as mine had when Astrid presented this part of her plan to me a few minutes ago. “And they agreed to this?” he asks with an arched brow.
I nod, even though I have my doubts. Astrid’s supposed to break the news to our friends, but I can’t imagine them going along without a fight. They’ve come this far, so why would they agree to turn back now?
Ferro must be thinking the same thing, because he mutters, “You’re lying. That rabid guard dog of yours will never leave your side.”
I glare at him, realizing he’s talking about Vin.
“And Brenne won’t abandon Astrid. No, they’ll follow you straight into hellfire, which is exactly where you’re taking them. And Kobari…” His lips stretch into a joyless smile. “Once you’re gone, his men will slit my throat.”
“The Captain promised you won’t be harmed.”
“Is that a fact? And I’m supposed to trust the word of a bloody terrorist?”
“Beats the word of a traitor!”
Guess that hit a nerve. He jumps to his feet and lunges at me, but the chain jerks him backward with a loud thwack. I wait for him to regain his balance before closing the distance between us. Now he can reach me, take a swing with his free arm. I hope he tries.
“Here’s your chance, Camp Rat!” he cries, shuffling into a boxer’s stance. “I’m defenseless. No one will stop you, so do what you came to do. Finish me!”
“Finish you?” I laugh. “Aren’t you being kind of melodramatic, Fahrenheit? Sure, I hate your guts, but I’m no murderer. Besides…” I point to his cuffed wrist. “It wouldn’t exactly be a fair fight.”
“I only need one hand, Settler.”
“Then why don’t you show me?” The subnaut reactor thrums in the background, rhythmic as a war drum. “No Brax to back you up this time. No sucker punches. Just the two of us.” I place my right hand in my pocket to show him I won’t use it. “Evenly matched.”
Ferro doesn’t need to be invited twice. He swings like he’s trying to decapitate me, but this time I’m ready. I dodge and throw a counterpunch to his gut, drawing a satisfying grunt. When he pivots to regain his footing, I grab his free arm and pin it behind his back, twisting until he gasps. If I throw my full weight into the attack now, his wrist bones will shatter like dry twigs, but I loosen my grip instead. No need to inflict real damage. Ten seconds in and he’s already beaten. I’ve made my point.
“Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way,” I say after shoving him back into his corner, “we should really get back to the tracking chip. That was your father’s idea, wasn’t it?”
He rubs his wrist, glaring up at me like a wounded animal. “Drop dead, low-blood!”
“Coming from you, I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“What in spitting flames is that supposed to mean?”
“Figure it out, Fahrenheit. It means I’d rather be fatherless than the son of a traitor.”
His jaw twitches, like I’ve just drilled into one of his molars. “My father’s not a traitor,” he growls. “How dare you –?”
“Choke on it, Peacock! We all saw the vid.”
“And you think that proves anything? Imagine you’re the Chief Justice!” He snorts as if disgusted by the mere idea. “The Prime Enforcer storms into Founder’s City with his army and gives you a choice. Either join him or watch your family get mind stripped and executed.” He jabs an accusatory finger at me. “What would you do?”
I hate to admit it but I see his point. “You’re saying your father had no choice?”
“It doesn’t matter what I say.”
“But that doesn’t explain away the tracking chip in your neck,” I point out. “Or the fact that you disabled your jamming collar.”
He jerks his head away and mutters “bloody lies” under his breath.
“Well, if you didn’t do it, then who did?”
“How in flames am I supposed to know?” He slams his fist into the wall. “Why don’t you ask your terrorist friends?”
I back away, giving him a minute to cool down before circling back to my original question. “Did you know you were chipped?”
He purses his lips, like a child refusing to take his medicine.
“Or that Gant could track you?”
More defiant silence.
“Because I’m trying to understand your thought process, Ferro. I get why you’d betray the rest of us, but what about Astrid? You know what Gant will do if he captures her.” I give him a moment to fill in the blanks. “First he’ll torture her. Then he’ll execute her, and he’ll make a public spectacle out of it. Something for both Founders and Settlers to watch live on Neoden One.”
“We’d never let that happen,” he mutters, refusing to look at me.
“Really? And how did you plan on stopping Gant?”
As I’m asking the question though, I realize he’s already let a clue slip out. He said ‘we,’ not ‘I.’ He still thinks daddy’s coming to the rescue.
“Did you really think your father would protect her?”
When his shoulders tense, I know I’ve hit another nerve. “He loves Astrid as much as I do,” he says in a strained voice. “She’s like a daughter to him.”
“What if you’re wrong about that?”
“I’m not. She would be safer…” His eyes lift to mine, daring me to disagree. “With her people.”
Her people: High Founders. As opposed to my people: Settlers, low-bloods and terrorist scum.
“But what if Gant’s controlling them?” I say, biting back my anger. “Even you must realize that’s a possibility now.”
He sighs through clenched teeth, making a sound like escaping steam. “At least Astrid would have a chance.”
“She has a chance!” I shout back. “If we can rescue her father –”
“Rescue her father?” He snorts out a laugh. “Is that why you think the terrorists are taking you to the Eastern Territory?”
I stare at him, wondering what he’s getting at. Something tells me I’m not going to like what he’s about to say.
“If they cared about Astrid’s safety,” he asks, “then why bring her to a war zone?”
I work my jaw as I wait for him to continue.
“Don’t you see, low-blood? You’ve handed the Prime Founder’s daughter over to a gang of terrorists, and now they’re bringing her to their masters.” He sneers at me. “The bleeding Sinovoss!”
I ball my hands into fists. “You’re wrong.”
“So what if I am? Taking Astrid to Scilla Rock would be even worse. The island is named after a sea monster, and with good reason. Even the most battle-hardened Enforcers are afraid to go there.”
As much as I hate to admit it, I’m hanging on every word now. Who knew the Peacock was such a good fragging storyteller?
“Picture a fortress sitting at the tip of a narrow inlet, carved into the face of a cliff that rises…” He lifts his hand in a towering gesture. “…hundreds of feet above sea level. If you try to approach by water, you’ll be shredded by a thousand frag guns and plasma cannons. And if you try to approach by land…” The corners of his mouth pull into a nasty smile. “Well, let’s just say that’s what they want you to do.”
“And why is that?” I challenge, suddenly wishing I could drag him along as a human shield.
“The southern approach runs through a maze of rock crevasses, trenches and blast-craters. If you’re lucky, you’ll wander into a path that’s heavily mined and die quickly. And if you’re unlucky, you’ll pick one that’s patrolled by shadow rippers.”
Shadow rippers. I study his face, trying to figure out if he’s just toying with me now. Snow rippers are bad enough, but shadow rippers are supposed to make their smaller, less aggressive cousins look like puppy dogs. I’ve seen vids of them hunting in packs, tearing a mature buffalo apart with titanium-reinforced fangs and claws.
“Don’t believe me?” he asks in that arrogant, nasal voice I’ve grown to despise. “Then just ask your terrorist friends. I’m sure they know all this already, which is why they’re manipulating Astrid into coming along. Doesn’t matter if they hand her to the Sinovoss or feed her to the rippers. Either way, they’ll get what they’re after. Think of the propaganda value her death will bring to their cause.”
I grind my teeth, telling myself he’s wrong. Thea wouldn’t lead us to our deaths, would she?
“So,” Ferro taunts, “still think you’re going on a rescue mission?”
*
I back out of Ferro’s cell and close the door, expecting to face an angry guard outside. Instead, I run smack into Astrid. Judging from her alarmed expression, I must look as shaky as I feel.
“What’s wrong?” she demands. “Is he okay?”
“Who? Ferro?”
When she bites her lip and nods, I can’t help but laugh. How is Ferro? Even now, that’s all she cares about.
“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” I snap.
“You know why.”
“No.” I shake my head. “No, I really don’t. He’s your boyfriend, Astrid. You love him, right?” I pause to give her a chance to correct me, but of course she doesn’t. “So why did you send me to see him? Who’s the coward now?”
I regret the words as soon as I say them, but it’s too late. When Astrid crosses her arms, she’s a little girl again, eyes hardening into chips of blue ice. Eight years later and we’re right back where we started, facing off on the playing fields. Fragging idiot. I haven’t learned a damn thing.
“Sorry,” I blurt. “I didn’t mean that. I –”
She grabs my arm. “Stop. You’re right.”
Wait a minute. Did she just say…? I meet her gaze and just like that, the ice thaws and she’s back: the girl who leaped from Academy Peak. Who surprised me with that kiss beneath the frozen tundra of York. Who wasn’t afraid to cry on my shoulder. Maybe she’s been there all along. Maybe I just haven’t been looking hard enough.
“I should have gone to see him first.” She clenches her jaw and I realize I’m not the source of her frustration this time. She is. “Sending you was totally spineless. It’s just… I was so afraid of what he’d say.”
“He –”
“Don’t tell me.” She tightens her grip, fingers cold as icicles. “I’m going to talk to him now.”
“Are you sure you’re up for that?”
“No, but I’ll have to be. We grew up together, Wil. He’s like my brother.”
I frown, picturing the way Ferro’s hand slid into her back pocket in York. She must guess what I’m thinking because she blushes.
“You know what I mean. After Mom and Jake died, my father threw himself into his work. Ferr’s family stepped in to fill the void. I basically lived with them whenever I visited home. I’ll never forget what his mother told me right after the funeral.” She blinks back tears. “She said ‘you’re our daughter now too.’ They were so kind to me. Everyone except for Violet, who only hated me more for being embraced by her family.”
“They gave you a new home,” I suggest.
“Right.” She picks at a cuticle, drawing pinpoints of blood. “And I bought into it. I believed their lies.”
“Lies.” I echo the word, thinking about Ferro’s terrifying description of Scilla. What if he’s right about the Aletheians? What if Thea is using her power to manipulate us? “That’s the problem, isn’t it?” I say. “With so many lies, what’s left to believe in?”
Astrid mulls over my question for a while before finally saying, “You start with a fixed point. Like magnetic north, or simple math. Two plus two equals four. Something beyond doubt.”
But nothing’s beyond doubt! I want to scream, but then I realize I’m wrong. There is one fixed point in my universe. One constant, and that’s my hatred for one man. “Cillian Gant.”
“Yes,” Astrid agrees without hesitation. “Gant is pure evil. Know why he’s so bent on destroying all Gammas?”
I lean closer, hanging on her words.
“It’s because they run in his family.”
I shake my head in disbelief. I know nothing about Cillian Gant’s personal life, and don’t really want to. People don’t just transform into monsters as adults. That kind of venom must take root early on, poisoning a soul over a lifetime. But from what little I know of the man, he’s obsessed with genetic purity. Nothing would fuel his hatred more than knowing his bloodline is tainted with Gammas.
“It’s true,” she insists. “My father once told me. Gant’s younger brother was a Gamma, so he betrayed him. Then he turned his parents in for hiding the boy’s true nature.”
I grit my teeth, picturing a young Cillian Gant with those malevolent gray eyes studying his brother. I imagine him sifting through the boy’s thoughts and smiling with warped satisfaction. What kind of person would betray his entire family?
“And it gets worse,” Astrid continues. “Gant and his wife had a son who died as a newling. The death was blamed on black fever, but there’s a rumor he murdered the boy after discovering he was Gamma-dominant.”
She shudders, like the story she’s recounting is too twisted to be true. It probably never happened, but then again, there’s often some truth behind even the wildest fiction.
“That sounds made up,” I say, “but I wouldn’t put anything past the evil bastard. We need to kill him. And if the Aletheians are his enemies…”
“Then we’ll keep working with them,” she finishes. “At least for now.”
“Thea will be thrilled to hear that!” Dax announces from behind us. He’s standing next to the guard, who was probably here all along, lurking in the shadows. “You can tell her the good news in person.” He motions toward the command deck. “She’s waiting for you.”
Astrid shakes her head. “I need to see Ferro first.”
“That can wait.” Dax shoots the guard a glance, prompting him to step in front of Ferro’s cell. “This can’t.”
The subnaut hull creaks and groans to punctuate his message. When the pressure shift hits my ears seconds later, I understand. Cue the adrenaline rush and hammering heart. We’re heading back up to the surface.
*
The subnaut levels out moments before we reach the command deck. We find Thea, Cael and Kobari seated around a dark holodome. Not surprisingly, Lily isn’t with them. I wonder how she’d react to their decision to surface again.
“Do you people have a death wish?” I say.
“We had no choice,” Thea answers over her shoulder. “Is the transmission complete?”
Cael looks up from his console. “Yes. I just scanned the data.” Wide smile. Big white teeth. “I think you’ll like what you see.”
“Good.” Thea turns to a relieved-looking Kobari. “You can take us down again.”
As the subnaut descends, we crowd around the holodome. The air inside the crystal clouds with priming vapor before flickering to life.
“General Dillan’s scouting team just sent this image,” Cael explains. I recognize the landscape as soon as it materializes before us. The bottleneck approach from sea. The sheer cliff walls towering over a narrow inlet of black water. Ferro painted a picture with his words, and I’m looking at it now, in terrifying 3D.
“This is Scilla Rock,” Cael confirms, “and it appears to be operating with a skeleton crew, except for this building here.” He points to a rectangular structure cantilevered over the cliff’s edge. “Watch what happens when the image shifts to infrared.” When he taps his console, the structure he just identified lights up like a flare.
“That must be where they’re holding my father,” Astrid murmurs.
Cael gives her a smile. “Probably. Our scouts estimate their troop strength to be under five hundred in the fortress itself. Meanwhile, we’re getting reports of tens of thousands of ‘Forcers flooding into the Charybdian peninsula, all along the Eastern Front. The Sinovoss are reacting with a counter-attack.”
“Which means the diversion is working,” Dax notes.
Thea says nothing while Cael murmurs, “It would appear so.” Not exactly a booming vote of confidence.
“And the weather?” Thea asks.
“There’s a cold front stalled over the coastline,” Cael reports. “No clearing predicted for at least twenty-four hours. Gant’s satellites should be blind as long as we attack within that window.”
She turns to Kobari. “Can you get us there in time?”
“We’re running with the current,” the Captain answers in his bass monotone. “If that holds, we should be off the coast in twelve hours.”
“Twelve hours.” Thea checks her time stamp. “Still plenty of time to meet up with our forces before they attack.”
“Then we’re going?” Astrid asks.
“We’re proceeding with the mission,” Thea answers in a guarded voice. “You and Wil—”
“Get to choose our own destiny,” Astrid cuts in. “The decision is ours, remember? That was the deal.”
The deal? I turn from Astrid to Thea, wondering what else these two discussed in my absence. Nice to know they’re planning my future without me.
Thea and Cael exchange loaded looks, like two exasperated parents. “If you insist on coming,” Cael finally says. “Then you’ll stay in the rear.”
“But my father –!”
“Wouldn’t want you to be cut down in the first few minutes of battle. This isn’t a simulation, Miss Blake. You’re not a child playing war games. Open your eyes.” Cael points to the glowing holodome. “What do you think our first wave of soldiers will face?”
His question hangs in the air like a death sentence.
The answer lies in the virtual map in front of us. Ferro wasn’t exaggerating about Scilla Rock being a monster-inspired death trap. Thousands of people will die before the next day is over, and not just in the first attack wave.
When I turn to Dax, he makes a throat-slashing gesture with his finger to let me know what he thinks of the plan.
“Suicide, Wilmington. Fragging suicide.”
***
© Copyright 2025 graymartin. All rights reserved.
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Hey, Gray - An exciting prelude to the climactic battle! So Farroe has a reason for his betrayal. Yeah, well, he's living up to his unlikability rating you established many chapters ago. This relatively long chapter flowed along like a rushing stream. Only one picky nit: "Still plenty of time to rendez[-]vous with our forces..."
Take care,
Jack
<<I find him slumped>> Does your first-person narrator need a transitive verb here, or could Farroe just be slumped there? The PoV focus is between the two, not so much with the narrator alone.
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<<Now he can reach me, take a swing with his free arm.>> What's the subject of the part after the comma?
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<<If you’re lucky, you’ll wander into a path that’s heavily mined and die a quick death.>> Did you try it without that first comma? The part before is so short that a pause seems unnatural to me. Your Mileage May Vary.
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So ... there are wheels unseen here. But we don't know whose, or which way they are turning.
§
Cael and Perrin are proving Farroe wrong ... for now.
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Larger question: the wisdom of sending thousands to die in order to rescue one--especially when Gant is probably expecting it.
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Flow: it looks fine to me. The scenes with and around Farroe are cut short, stretto-like. You can overuse the technique, but it seems okay here.
§
'Suicide Express' seems just a little facile as a hook, at least as you deliver it. As a title, it feels fine to me. "We're the Suicide Express, Wil. Didn't you know that?" might work better, if it were followed by a short paragraph. IMO, of course.
Hey Gray,
Well, here I am. I've enjoyed reading your story from start to somewhere near to finish. I'm glad I still have a few more chapters to look forward to.As usual, this chapter flowed, and the dialogue was excellent. And you probably could've guessed I would like the shadow rippers. They reminded me of the black wolves that roamed along with the sabre-tooth tigers in our history. The black wolves were the size of Shetland ponies. I've tried to imagine how it would be to be a Colusa Indian out hunting while tigers and wolves were stalking me. Gives a whole new meaning to "bravery."
..who was probably here/there all along, lurking in the shadows.
..predicted for at least twenty(-)four hours.
later gater, and keep writing, sir.
Hey Gray,
You probably know I hate long chapters, but this one did't feel long to me. So, apparently,your pace is just fine. It doesn't drag at all and your build up for things to come is good. As always, I think you capture the dialogue of this age perfectly. I've loved this story from the beginning and I still do. I will be so excited for you to get this published.
I wish I could find one thing wrong in order to offer you something brutal...LOL, but I didn't.
~Ann
The calm before the storm of battle is always fraught with tension and the asking of a lot of questions. This chapter holds to the same pattern, and that is good. Wil seems to need the steadying influence of somebody who is sure of their place in life and knowing what is right and wrong. This is the sign of a young man who lacks a place in the world, which is how you've written him. Good job!
Hi Gray,
Sorry to see this one ending. Hope you start working on the sequel soon. That's really all I can say here. The rest was perfect, with no nits that I noticed. You're setting us up for the climax, which should be coming soon. I hope it'll be worth the wait, but I bet it will.
Cheers,
Don
Mmk, well I tried to come up with items to fret about, but no, I got nothing. The characters are all spot on what I've come to expect of them (Unfortunately, that means Wil's still picking all the wrong women, but I think he'll come around!)
I'm a little curious where this one will end up. There's clearly more than can be wrapped up in 2 - 3 chapters. Wonder if our last page with the heros will be staring at titanium teeth.
As for oyur question to my other review, I'm aiming to finish the first draft of Mrs Blue by June, although I have little spurts where I churn out large segments at once.
Anyway, quit dawdling and get this into print
-K
thanks kenny! just saw this review as i was exploring (aka getting lost while navigating) the new site. i appreciate the comments, and insight into wil's romantic choices and missteps. maybe he's a bit of my alter ego, at least during my teenaged years. looking forward to reading more of your work, if i can figure out how to find it! noticed you started a steampunk group, so i'll start there. later, gray
Graeme, your writing continues to enthrall and entertain. I could find very few nits to pick at. Wil continues to grow into a fine young man, despite all the perils that you've put him through. Astrid is shaping up as well, and her tale of woe from her childhood is exactly what I would have expected to hear.
Here's my commentary:
>>Sure, I hate your guts,
Why not just say, “Sure, I hate you…” Hate your guts is a bit of a cliché.
>>“Is that why you think the terrorists are taking you to Meridia?”
This is a sign that Wil is not a good interrogator. He’s giving away information.
>>“Meridia Detention Center sits at the tip of a narrow inlet, carved into the face of a cliff that rises…” >>He lifts his hand in a towering gesture. “…hundreds of feet above sea level. If you try to approach by >>water, you’ll be shredded by a thousand frag guns and plasma cannons.
The weakness in any fixed fortification is that it can literally be used by the enemy to destroy those inside. If it was me, and I wanted to take the Detention Center, I would neutralize their weapons with long-range artillery and missiles. Then I would land by helicopter and pump knockout or nerve gas into the ventilation systems. Once the inhabitants inside are neutralized, strike teams can blow the doors and infiltrate the place and face only minimal resistance.
If the life of the hostage can be discounted (NO prisoner or objective is worth thousands of lives--that was proven at Gallipoli), Bunker Buster missiles could be used to destroy the Detention Center from long-distance. Gant is a fool if he thinks that he can hole up in a fortification and remain unharmed. Remember the words of Carl von Clausewitz, “The purpose of warfare is not to pit army against army, or soldier against soldier. The purpose is to destroy the enemy before he sees you.”
>>The rear approach runs through a maze of rock crevasses,” he explains. “If you’re lucky, you’ll wander >>into a path that’s heavily mined and die a quick death. And if you’re unlucky, you’ll pick one that’s >>patrolled by shadow rippers.”
The same tactic described above (with only slight variations) could be used on the rear approach. I recally the Rippers being genetically modified dogs, right? Animals are effective watchdogs, but they can be poisoned or gassed pretty effectively. Sarin, or even old-fashioned Mustard Gas, will kill animals just as effectively as it kills humans. Granted, wind can be a factor, but there are various heavy gases which can be used, too.
>>“If you insist on coming,” Cael finally says, "then you’ll stay in the rear.”
\
Not a good strategy. Those with emotional attachments cannot be part of a strike force. In combat stress, they snap.
>>Thousands of people will die before the next day is over, and not just in the first attack wave.
The Aletheians (or maybe just Wil, since he’s narrating) are thinking like WW I infantrymen. And they're likely to be killed like them, too. What they ought to do is study the objective and look for a weakness in the defenses, as well as what intelligence they have on the site in question. Frankly, from a tactical point of view, it makes no sense to hold the girl’s father in the structure near the cliff-edge, and surround him with lots of guards, especially if said people can be picked up by an infra-red scan. It’s far more likely that such people are just bait to lure an attack.
If I were Gant, I’d keep the guy in a separate location where people wouldn’t think to look—an ordinary jail in a nearby town. I would make the entire detention center nothing more than a stalking horse to channel my enemies into a Kill Zone where they could be massacred quite effectively.
And such a tactic would be entirely in keeping with Gant's reputation! Think about it!
TEL
Hi Lawrence! I'm not as much of a regular on this site as I used to be, but I'm glad I dropped by and saw this. I appreciate your insight and thoughtful comments, as always. You're right on target with Gant's purpose in channeling his enemies into a Kill Zone. As I'm sure you've guessed by now, this is nothing more than a trap. Remember that he's using Astrid for political / propaganda purposes to justify his coup. What better way than to have her caught "red-handed" in the act of fighting side by side with the terrorists? That's been his plan all along, and he's using Wil, along with Astrid's father, to accomplish this end.
My real challenge here is the following question: "Wouldn't Wil/Astrid and the Aletheians realize that this is a trap?" The short answer I've come up with is that Perrin (Wil's old mentor and one of the Aletheian leaders) does realize this, but also knows that engaging Astrid and Wil in the battle is the only way to help them fulfill their destiny as leaders of a more powerful rebellion to come: one that unites the Aletheians with a new rebel faction of the Founders. Does that make any sense? If not, I may have to go back to the drawing board. Thanks for helping me to work through this again! Take care, Gray
I like that last line about the next thing out of her mouth being an order - funny & tells a lot about her personality. I feel like I'm not much help here - didn't find any nits to speak of. I thought the dialogue flowed well, as usual. It's hard to judge pace the way I've been lately on the site - slow & one chapter at a time. I'm guessing if I were to read it cover to cover it would be fine - but I am anxious to see what's going to happen climax wise.
Hi SP! Got your message about the romance poem, but alas, I'm suffering from some major writer's block on all fronts. Kind of why I chose a career in medicine rather than writing to begin with. Much as I love writing, inspiration has always been streaky and unpredictable for me, so when I'm not having much luck, I turn to reading. In that vein, I'll check to see what you've been up to lately. Take care, and hope all is well. Meanwhile, I have something old that I may be able to tweak in time for your deadline, so I'll see if I can get that poem into useable (i.e. non-embarrassing or only slightly embarrassing) form before your deadline. As always, I appreciate your read/review! Gray:)
Excellent chapter, although it's the last one posted. I expect more soon, hopefullly. Poor Wil is still ten-years-old when it comes to romance. He only seems to take his foot out of his mouth to say something even more destructive to his relationship with Astrid. So now we know there’s going to be a battle in which a lot of people will get killed but not Astrid or Wil. I found only one thing to comment on below and it’s very minor. I hope it helps. R.M.
{ but the chain jerks him backward with a loud thwack.} What chain? He’s handcuffed to a pipe. If you’re describing a chain with a cuff at each end, you need to do so. But a handcuffs are designed to hold the wrists close together. So, basically, he glued to the pole.
Thanks for picking up that glitch, RM! I corrected this. I'm struggling to wrap this up -- it's intended to be the first book in a 2-3 part series, but I don't want to fizzle out in the end, so it's taking me a while. Thanks for the feedback and thoughtful review(s). Gray
Hello, Gray. Well...things are not looking good...Farro and his dad...well, they lack CG's awesome talents...:-> This chapter was a harrowing build-up to the coming bloody warfare. This installment did not drag; none of the ones I've read did. Still plenty of friction between the characters; this is not lightweight or dead reading! Very compelling, in fact. The plot remains twisty, but fun:-)
CHEERS!!
Mike
Thanks, Mike. I wanted to leave some doubt about Ferro, especially in Wil's mind. Is he 100% complicit with Gant, or indirectly through his father, or is he really a clueless pawn here? Not planning on answering those questions any time soon. As always, I appreciate the time you've taken to read and review my story. Take care, Gray
jack the knife