PART III
“And the wicked were cast out of the Garden, but they rose again, led by the Fallen One. They built a city in the west, steeped in evil and corruption. But then the Great One, blessed be he, sent forth his mighty army to wipe this abomination from the face of the world for all time.”
Sacred Vision, Chapter 20, Verse 35
“The Fallen One”
28.
The Last Gamma
I haven’t spoken since Thea confirmed my guess. None of us has. I glance at Astrid now, recognizing the shell-shocked look in her eyes. One short month ago, the universe made sense. Day followed night and you always woke up from your dreams. Even the nightmares.
But not this one. It just keeps expanding, adding more layers, new rules. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if the laws of physics suddenly changed and we all shot off into space.
“What do you mean, you’re Aletheia?” Astrid challenges to break the silence. “Aletheia’s a place, not a person.”
“She was both,” Thea says. “But now, I’m all that’s left of her.”
We wait for her to explain, but she just smiles.
“Well?” Astrid arches a brow. “Care to tell us what in flames that’s supposed to mean?”
If Thea is bothered by the attitude, she doesn’t show it. She takes a deep breath, then pats the edge of her cot and suggests we all make ourselves comfortable.
“I’d rather stand,” Astrid says, crossing her arms like a petulant kid. Ferro grunts and mirrors the gesture.
“Suit yourselves." Thea sighs. "But it’s a long story.”
“Looks like we’ve got the time,” Vin notes, flopping down onto the nearest cot. He makes room for Brenne, who nestles up to him and covers a yawn. Her eyelids flutter, like she’s fighting to stay awake. Come to think of it, I’m suddenly having a hard time keeping my own eyes open. I kick off my boots, then climb into the cot across the aisle from Thea. As soon as I hit the soft sheets, a warm wave of fatigue washes over me.
“You’re right,” Thea says. “We have a long journey ahead of us. Which is why you should get some rest now.” She motions toward the rear bulkhead. “You’ll find food and water through there, if you need it. We’ll pick up this conversation when you’re ready.”
When she gets up to leave though, Astrid moves to block her path.
“I’m ready now."
Thea regards her for a long moment before slowly shaking her head. “I wish that were true, Miss Blake. You certainly have the courage, but you’re not ready to accept the truth. Not yet.”
She dims the lights on her way out.
*
It’s the whispering that’s keeping me awake. Not the fact that Astrid and Ferro are sharing the bunk next to mine. Not the mental image of them lying there together, her body curved snuggly against his. I keep catching snippets of their hushed conversation. Words like “terrorists” and “plan.” You don’t have to be an astrophysicist to figure out they’re plotting their escape. Without me.
Not that I give a damn. I’ve still got Vin, and maybe even Brenne now that they’ve grown so close. My friends will help me to slip away once we reach land, and Thea won’t blame them for my escape. She’ll understand why I had to try rescue my sister. Why I’m prepared to sacrifice my life for hers.
But first, I need a workable plan.
If only I could shake off this exhaustion. It drags me under with the force of a riptide. The more I resist the pull of sleep, the heavier my body feels. No point in fighting the current. Nothing to do but sink into the darkness.
Only the place I go isn’t dark.
Instead, I open my eyes to a rich orange glow – the kind of sky that only comes at twilight. I’m…
Standing on a road of cracked asphalt, a crowd of angry people surging toward me. They slam into the fence that separates us, buckling the metal with a crash and groan. Men in green uniforms try to push them back. They’re fighting now. Punching. Kicking. Trying to climb the fence as the soldiers beat them back with long black sticks. I cover my ears, but the screams won't stop. Daddy taught me how to filter out the bad thoughts, but it's not working this time. I can't stop them. Can't get away.
“Allie!" someone cries out behind me. "There she is! I’ve found her!”
Mommy. When I spin around, she’s running toward me, pushing her way through the wall of soldiers. She pulls me into a hug as firecrackers explode all around us. “I told you to stay close." She sniffs into my ear. Her face is all warm and wet with tears. She’s crying. “God, baby. I thought I’d lost you.”
More firecrackers go off, this time followed by screams. The soldiers are shooting into the crowd now. People start falling down. Bleeding.
“Don’t look,” Mommy warns, leading me away from the fighting. I bury my face in her arm, and when I look up again, there’s another fence, this one covered with spiky wire. More soldiers let us through. Now we’re facing a rock wall that climbs so high I can’t even see the sky above it. Mommy shows me where we’re going next: toward a dark tunnel at the bottom of the mountain. A column of trucks rumbles past us and disappears into the opening, like space ships being sucked into a black hole. I don’t want to go inside. Don’t want to be eaten alive by the mountain, but Mommy promises it will be okay, that Daddy and Luke and Sarah are already safe inside. She says I have to be brave and follow her, that she won’t let anything bad happen to me, and then all of a sudden, the angry crowd and yelling soldiers go quiet behind us, the whole world goes quiet, like someone just stuffed cotton balls in my ears.
I turn around, my back to the mountain, and that’s when I see it: a ball of fire so bright it hurts my eyes just to look at it. It streaks across the sky, fire and smoke shooting out behind it like the tail of a burning dragon, and as the people start screaming again and Mommy yanks me into the tunnel, all I can think is that Luke and Sarah were right, they were right all along when they said the world was going to end today…
Darkness. I open my eyes again, this time to blue, fluorescent lighting. I’m inside the High Founders’ Chamber, hiding in my usual spot in the utility closet. It’s cramped in here, with computer equipment and files stacked up around me. I have to move carefully. Don’t want them to know I’m here, spying again.
I crack open the door, trying to sort through the voices outside. Dad’s rich baritone is the easiest one to recognize. He’s talking to the two other members of the High Founder’s Council: Chief Scientist Lindley and General Samson.
There’s a mirror mounted on the inside of the closet door. If I can adjust the door to the right angle, I should be able to see them. I catch a quick reflection of myself: wild blonde hair, frightened eyes, lips chewed raw. Maybe they’re right about me. Maybe I am defective, just like Mom.
No time for dark thoughts now. I slide open the door another few inches – just enough to peer into the chamber.
Dad is seated in his usual position at the head of the conference table, flanked by Lindley and Samson. He runs a hand through his gray-streaked hair, then massages his moustache like he always does when he’s upset.
“These scouting reports must be wrong!” he shouts, pushing away papers and glaring at Samson. “How could those degenerates be organizing into a functioning society again?”
The General clears his throat before answering. “We estimate that the impact killed roughly five billion. The famine that followed whittled the survivors down to under twenty million. Add to that the War of Purification and there can’t be more than a few million degenerates left worldwide. We think most of them are concentrated in Sino-Russia, the horn of Africa and along the Rockies. We're picking up radio transmissions from those locations."
“Low bloods!” my father spits out. “Inferior mutts and mongrels, breeding right above our heads. Contaminating the land that our Lord just cleansed!" He slams his fist down on the table. "For us! How could you let this happen?”
My father is a short man with bland facial features and a skinny frame, but when he goes on a rant like this, everyone knows to stay silent. Samson stares down at his meaty hands while Chief Scientist Lindley adjusts his glasses and then studies his tablet computer.
After a long stretch of silence, Samson finally looks up. “We always knew this was a possibility,” he says in an appeasing voice. “That’s why we prepared for the third phase of purification.”
“It was always going to end this way,” Lindley agrees. "You said it yourself, before the Cataclysm. The Lord would only take us so far. This has always been our destiny. It’s our job to finish the cleansing.” He reaches into his pocket to retrieve a vial of liquid, secured in a shatterproof metal frame. “That’s why God gave me the wisdom to create this.”
The triple plague.
I hold my breath, eyes moving from the deadly vial to my father. No! Please, Dad. There’s still time to stop this. If there’s any good left in you, you’ll turn away from the brink. You’ll start preaching peace, not mass murder.
My father steeples his hands on the table, cold blue eyes fixing on Lindley. “How long will it take to vaccinate our people?”
“Less than a week,” the Wise One answers. “Just give the order. Release the Angel of Death to cleanse this world."
“Do it.” My father presses his lips into a line and nods with grim determination. It’s the kind of icy expression that reminds me just how much I hate him. It’s the same look he gave me right after Mom died: a look that told me the fault lay with her and her defective genes.
Turns out Mom’s genetic code was jam-packed full of imperfections. One of them gave her the cancer that killed her and another – the one she passed on to me – made her mentally unstable. Erratic. Defiant. Dangerous.
Two years ago, Lindley’s eugenics team isolated the defect and invented the screening test to weed it out of our gene pool once and for all. Luckily, Luke and Sarah didn’t inherit Mom’s disease. I’m the only black sheep left in our family.
I’m the last Gamma.
Which is why I’m here, hiding in the shadows.
I know what the Great One – my father – plans to do. I know he’s about to unleash a plague that will kill millions of innocent people.
And I know I’m the only person who can stop him.
*
My eyes snap open to absolute darkness. Who am I? Terror grips me as I struggle to answer that simple question, but then reality slowly filters in.
It was just a nightmare. Slowly, my lips shape the reassuring words: Just. A. Nightmare.
The most vivid, realistic nightmare I’ve had in my life.
But I’m Wil, not some girl living in an alternate reality. The drone of the subnaut engine through the walls provides a welcome confirmation. Yes, it was only a dream.
“It wasn’t a dream, Wil.”
I jump up from my pillow, slamming my head into the bunk above me.
“Who said that?” I whisper, but now that my eyes have adjusted to the darkness, I see her, perched on the side of the cot facing mine.
Thea. She leans toward me, elbows propped on the mattress.
“Her name was Aletheia,” she says in a voice that’s raw with emotion. “She was the Great One’s youngest daughter, and probably the bravest soul to ever grace our world. It’s her memories that you just lived through, Wil. You just learned the truth about the Founding Three.”
***
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Oooooh, this is good. Love the ending. As I was reading, I kept thinking I didn't remember (from the original draft) anything about Wil's relationship with his father and how good this was to get that out...then I find out it's not his memories! Fabulous.
You're making this story better and better, Gray...and I thought it was wonderful to begin with. I think this definitely works...at least it did for me. Great job.
~Ann
Well, the dream sequence certainly works, and if is a very good tool here. I do have a thought or two below.
§
<<Perrin regards her for a long moment before slowly shaking her head. “I wish that were true, Miss Blake,” she says in a somber voice. “You certainly have the courage, but you’re not ready to accept the truth. Not yet.”>> This assessment is made with such confidence that I can imagine a younger version of Gant making it. Can it be justified? Is there a timetable? Is there a hint of evidence to come.
§
Perrin is trying to win allies. Astrid has only two choices: go back to Gant or go with Perrin and Co. At least one of them will be fatal to her, and all she belongs in. Perrin has to allow Astrid to make that decision without the sort of pressure that might drive her back toward Gant. Does this, in its present form, do that?
§
The transition into the dream is tricky. It needs to provide a sense of departure, of change. It has to say DREAM without using the word or any synonymn. I think you might be able to tweak this a little more.
§
This isn't actually a dream; it's a memory. That means that the usual rules about dream experiences don't apply. (And some of them are wrong; I can tell you that from experience.)
§
One thing you might do is slip hints into the memory that the first person is a girl. The name isn't enough for me. Maybe something about Father's "wife and his daughter" in a place where it has to mean the narrator? The ideal hint would be disorienting at first, but would settle down by the time the sequence was over. I'm not sure how to do this. Maybe have the narrator see her reflection, and have Wil wake to see in Perrin the older version?
§
(It's so confounded easy to suggest things when it's not your own story.)
§
<<"You've just learned the truth>> is a meta-statement, Perrin talking about how Wil has another quantum of knowledge, rather than talking about the knowledge itself and what it means. Is that what you intend?
§
This would be a great place to end a volume, if you cared to.
§
Now, how do the others get that knowledge?
§
And what was the internal rationale of the Founders and their supporters? What was it that -they- saw as unclean or imperfect? Was it simply that humanity refused to be reduced to a hive, or did they have at least the cloak of some other purpose?
§
So now I have to wait for your next chapter.
That was a nice chapter, Graeme. It fits in pretty well with the story thus far, and is in line with many of my suppositions about the exact nature of this Brave New World. Wil's dream/memory sequence reads well, although the evidence supporting repressed memory recall is still being debated, it makes for a believable revelation.
Nits, Comments & Concerns:
>>The soldiers are shooting into the crowd now. People start falling down. Bleeding.
General MacArthur said that soldiers involved in riot control should never fire blanks, or shoot above the heads of demonstrators, because it is a sign of weakness. Once a rifle is raised, it must be fired upon the insurgents; they must know that the soldiers are prepared to enforce order with death, if necessary. Anything less, and the mob will rule.
>>“We estimate that the impact killed roughly twenty billion.
You're going to have to revise that number, for the simple reason that the Earth could not support twenty billion people. The present global population is 7.13 billion, and already we are beginning to feel the effects of it: homelessness, starvation, and a lack of pure water for all of the people. Current estimates by population scientists suggest that the Earth's 'carrying capacity' is about 9-10 billion. For further info, http://www.livescience.com/16493-people-planet-earth-support.html
>>We think most of them are concentrated in Asia Minor and North America. That’s where they’re organizing now.” He coughs out a laugh. >>“Trying to rebuild the failed republic.”
Which leads me to my next question: if 'York' is New York, and it currently resides at the bottom of the world as the new Antarctica, why would the survivors concentrate there? Asia Minor (aka Turkey) would be the least affected by a gravitic cataclysm, and would have almost the same climate.
The only explanation that makes any sense is that the Neoden movement is not in North America. Yet, Wil's father implies that the shelter is within America itself. This is incongruous with the story we have seen thus far: the Neodens have largely written off North America as unlivable.
Some further explanation is required.
Lawrence
He makes room for Brenne, who nestles up to him
>bow-chikka-wow-wow
Wil's plan to rescue his sister without the Alethians is flawed... how does he plan to hide her without their resources? Or has he just not thought things through?
Also: Why aren't they trying to remove the collars? Dax obviously hasn't laced them with explosive or one slip-up will sink the subnaut. Now's the perfect time to get them off.
I’m the last Gamma
>chapter re-read. I think I get what's going on.
I suspect Perrin is sifting Wil's thoughts, which is interesting.
-K
I think the dream/memory works very well here. It's clear they are being made sleepy and that this dream is more than a dream and probably more of a memory. At least to me. I don't know about your YA intended audience, but it works for me.
The ending was well done and it all flowed so well. The one thing I'm still not entirely sure about is Astrid's relationship with Farroe. You've hinted that she may like Wil more romantically, but she's still into Farroe apparently. I know love triangles are a common fixture of YA fantasy now, but I think this is the weakest part of the story and if you want to keep it, you need to delve more into Astrid and Farroe's relationship.
D
Hey, Gray - You had me going with Wil's dream, reliving a girl's experiences. WTF? Then Perrin cleared it up. Whew! I thought for a while that Wil had a side to him we didn't expect. :) No nits, and Perrin seems to have control of the situation. Astrid and Farroe are back to being a couple and twisting the love triangle knife again. No nits. Good chapter.
Take care,
Jack
Hey Gray, (almost wrote Wil),
Nice chapter! Using the dream was a great way to do this, especially since Vin, Brenne and Wil are all sifters (I'm assuming they dreamed the same dream, since Brenne and Vin fell right onto the bunks?), they can all 'read' it? I liked the flow of the dream, it read very smoothly and the little girl's voice worked very well.
I had a thought about Ferroe, btw, in the beginning of the chapter. He's like an annoying dog, barking all the time, and loyal to a fault? Of course, he'd encourage all of Astrid's doubts, but I don't see how she's ever gonna lose him, and I'm assuming she wants to, if she's liking Wil (or will like Wil when she gets over her distrust issues).
On another note, I was afraid that you might be annoyed at my earlier review, when I asked what was so special about Wil. I'm glad you didn't seem to mind...just readers (me) sometime need to be reminded of why their hero is the hero...and why they care about him so much. I need to know what the stakes are for him...and how they keep getting higher. That said, I really like Wil. A lot.
Also, I'm reading a great book, Me Before You...and the author (Jojo Moyes) has just introduced a new POV around 2/3 of the way through the book. She did that earlier as well, around 1/3 of the way through. And I got the feeling that she needed to do it because she needed to let us know something the first person narrator would have no way of knowing. Just letting you know that it works as a narrative tool...
Talk to you soon,
Simi
I'm not a fan of dream sequences but I loved this. Kudo's for the tell that is probably better then the show would have been. Not an easy task. Well done. So the bad seed was really the good seed. And that has seemed to carry over nicely with the events that led them here. The Great One was not so Great. LOL What a rush! I was thinking The Great One was somehow related to Wil.
This combined with the first time Wil had the dream/vision of Perrin training him, comes together and now I want to know why she has taken such a big interest in Wil from the beginning. Where did Wil come from?
I have nothing to pick at. I really liked the way you placed this and the way it was presented.
I do not, however, like that Wil, after seeing this vision, is going after his sister alone. Was it just a spur of the moment idea based on his jealousy of Farroe? Astrid is in for doom and gloom if she skips too.
Just digs that hood deeper, buddy. I'm on to the next.
Susan
I like the idea of showing it rather than hearing the story through dialogue. Does she project these memory dreams as part of her mind reading powers?
I didn't see any nits to speak of.
So they purified against - any genetic imperfection? Near sightedness, being prone to cancer, asthma, things like that? How about short people? Mind readers? Is defiance a gene?
I'm asking because think it's a fascinating road you're taking. I'm sure you'll provide more details as we go.
Morning Gray,
Pretty cool dream with the burning object in the sky. It sounded like a comet was heading their way. Great timing, Gray, what with a comet streaking past Mars today:) And the mother calling for Allie made me wonder if this dream was induced in Wil or perhaps his memory was cracking through "the ice". I guess I'll find out in the next chapter what the heck happened. As usual your writing kept me on the edge of seat. In this story you haven't capitilized "mom", but here you did: Mommy, Mom.
Now we're facing a rock wall that climbs so high I can't even see the sky above it. * "a rock wall that climbs" sounds off. maybe: Now we're facing a rock wall so high that I can't even see the sky above it.
..and files stacked [up] around me.
Onward, nathan
I tried the in-line review but couldn’t make it work. So, back to square one.
While two thousand words long, the chapter flowed very rapidly from beginning to end. I found nothing to criticize except a few word choices and grammar nit, below. The dream sequence was very well done and worked as a devise to show the events of the ‘founding three’ in their ruthless behavior. Another outstanding chapter. R.M. Nit below
{She takes a deep breath, then pats the edge of her cot and suggests we all make ourselves comfortable.} It’s at ‘and’ that the tell shows up. Convert to dialog and it will work better, IMO.
{I’ve still got Vin, and maybe even Brenne(,) now that they’ve grown so close.}
{the whole world goes quiet,} Why the italics?
{…a ball of fire so bright it hurts my eyes [just to look at it. It] streaks across the sky, fire and smoke shooting out} I think it works better as one sentence.
Author
Reply
thanks for the feedback, rm! i couldn't quite figure out the in-line review option either! i appreciate the comments, and sharp editing eye. hope you're having an easier time getting used to the new site than i am! gray
Nary a nit to pick, so this one is a regular review.
Allie is Aletheia is Perrin.
This was heart wrenching. My only wish is that you would give us more of her memories. Not quite enough. This was only the beginning. I want more!
Now? Did everyone have the same dream?
Author
Reply
Hi Janet! So happy to hear this worked for you. I wasn't sure the dream sequence would work, but you've guessed it right. These "living memories" of the original Aletheia are important for the future motivation of the protagonists. Take care, Gray
Hello, Gray. Very interesting backstory. The Founding Three were/are quite scar-ee. Living through someone else's memories...hmmm...I might take a pass on that...
Off track, I've had dreams that have bled into reality...caused panic attacks. Back on, I can say that the coming chapters are going to be as good or even better...!
This is version one, I see. I, for one, really don't know how many changes could be made or need to be made. As you've very likely noticed, Gray, I read by impact...I care much more about how much TNT a story has than about it's technical merits. Not saying the nuts & bolts of writing aren't important, though...
Continues to enthrall me, Gray!
Peace,
Mike
Author
Reply
Thanks, Mike. This chapter probably needs some more fine-tuning, but I hope the flashback to Aletheia's memories wasn't too abrupt or confusing. That's been my concern. Take care, Gray
No
Ann Everett