PART II
“A man was journeying in the wilderness and he found Aletheia standing there alone. He said to her, ‘Ancient lady, why do you dwell here in the wilderness, leaving the city behind?’ From the great depths of her wisdom, Aletheia replied, ‘Among the people of old, lies were found only among a few, but now they have spread throughout all of human society!”
Subversive Text Z23A119
Title: Aesop’s Fables
Classification: Deviant Myths and Legends of the Ancients.
Possession: Felony Class C (5-25 years, Redemption Camp)
Duplication: Felony Class B (25-50 years, Redemption Camp)
Distribution: Felony Class A (termination, expedited)
14.
The Ice Pit
Sunrise. Something I never thought I’d see again. And yet here I am, still alive, watching a weak red sun bleed through the horizon.
I’m wrapped in a fur-lined parka, shivering on the observation deck of York Command. Fourteen hours after crash-landing on its frozen harbor, York stretches out before me – a ragtag Settlement trapped in a sea of white. Sheer cliffs of ice rise to the north and west, giving this place its ominous nickname: the Ice Pit. In Ancient times, this was a vast and powerful city, with miles of skyscrapers stretching out as far as the eye could see. Millions of people lived their lives within canyons of glass and steel. But that was before the Clysm. Before the freezing of the oceans. Before the War of Purification.
Amazingly, some of the skyscrapers still stand, their rusted shells jutting through the ice like bones through pale skin. The first Settlers used these ruins for shelter, building in their shadows, and this is where we’ll be spending our days on patrol. To the south, a massive complex of gas refineries looms, tongues of flame shooting into the lingering darkness. I’ve heard that two-thirds of the energy fueling Neoden passes through York.
Which, along with the recent surge in terrorist activity, explains the heavy Enforcer presence. There must have been a full battalion on hand to gather survivors after our dramatic crash landing on the frozen skin of York Harbor.
I close my eyes and flash back to the rescue scene, picturing myself huddled with Vin and Ferro on a slab of ice. Body too frozen to shiver. Drifting off and thinking that this isn’t so bad – it really is just like falling asleep. Then peering up from a dream to see the rescue helicraft, spindly landing gear extended. Hovering overhead, then slowly lowering itself toward me like a fat mechanized spider – my nightmare, come to life.
I shiver and turn away from the biting wind. Everyone else is inside: Ferro and Brenne in the infirmary, Vin and Astrid getting some much-needed rest. A few minutes ago, Commander Bridges – a squirrely guy with blood-shot eyes and way too much facial hair – tracked me down to deliver an urgent message: I’m to report to Orwin Locke immediately. The Chief wants an update on the crash landing.
I climb down the ladder that leads back inside, mentally rehearsing what I’m going to say. Our Silver Wing went down because of an explosion in the cargo hold. A poorly secured canister of liquid oxygen, jostled loose during turbulence. A freak accident. At least that’s the official explanation, as broadcast last night on Neoden One, Two and Three. No mention of Blue Wing escorts or terrorists. Or the fact that there wasn’t any turbulence right before the explosion – at least none that I remember.
It’s easy to get lost in York Command’s narrow corridors, which burrow into the ground like the tunnels of an ant colony. After running into several dead ends, I finally find the room labeled ‘Communications,’ which looks like nothing more than a closet with a single chair facing a vidlink screen. There’s no one here to show me how to operate the link, but that turns out to be no problem. When I slide into the seat, the pressure-activated console rattles and hums to life. Seconds later, a familiar face flickers onto the screen, his eyes burning into me.
It’s not Orwin Locke.
I wish I could say I’m surprised.
*
“And you’re absolutely sure there was no turbulence before the explosion?”
“Yes, sir.” I swallow what feels like a mouthful of sand. So far, this interrogation has gone about as well as the last one. “It came without warning.”
Cillian Gant glares at me through the vidlink. I’ve stuck to my story despite ten minutes of rapid-fire questioning. He keeps grilling me on what happened right before the Silver Wing went down, like he thinks I know what caused the crash. Or even worse, that I’m somehow responsible.
“And Miss Blake?” His lips twist around Astrid’s last name. “She wasn’t injured?”
“No, sir. She’s fine.”
“Good. Now I need you to listen closely to what I have to say next.” He removes his glasses and leans into the vid monitor, giving me a magnified view of his owlish face. “The Aletheians will try to contact you, probably within the next few days. We’ve learned from a reliable source that your terrorist friend ‘Liv’ is already in York – no doubt waiting for you. She’ll be the one to make first contact.”
I blink my response, too shocked to get any words out.
“When she does, she’ll tell you the foulest lies. Always remember what she is, Wil: a serpent in the garden. You’ll pretend to believe her, and when she asks you to lure the Prime Founder’s daughter into a trap…” His smile widens. “You’ll agree.”
“But –”
Gant slams his fist down on the console to squash my question. “Did I ask you to think?”
“N—no sir.” I shrink back in my chair.
“Then don’t! It’s very simple, young brother: never – think – for – yourself. Remember, you belong to me.” He pauses to let those words sink in before continuing. “Now if you do as you’re told, you’ll be rewarded. I always keep my promises. But if you try to think for yourself, that would be a very dangerous habit. Dangerous for you and deadly for your sister. You don’t want to make her suffer again, do you?”
“No! Please don’t hurt her! I – I understand.”
“Glad to hear it.” His voice suddenly mellows. “And if all goes as planned, you’ll be united soon. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
I nod, hoping he can’t read the hatred welling up in my heart.
“Now, I’ll expect a daily progress report at this precise time.” He clears his throat, eyes shifting to something beyond my field of vision. Is someone else in the room with him? “When you make contact with the Aletheians, tell no one but me. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. That will be all for now.” The Prime Enforcer slips his glasses back on and stares right at me, like he’s running through different ways to murder me in his mind. Then he smiles. “May the Founding Three watch over you, young brother.”
“As they watch over you,” I answer before ending the transmission.
***
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Regular reviews are a general comments about the work read. Provide comments on plot, character development, description, etc.
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Good morning, Gray...well it's not morning there.
Wow,you must be inspired by the beauty surrounding you, because this chapter is wonderful! So much I loved about it...bleed above the horizon, tongues of flames, frozen skin. I'm not kidding...wonderful writing.
And you know I love quotes at the beginning of chapters!!
The hook at the end is also good...he must be the bad guy...I can't recall his name right now, (old age is a bitch) but the one who questioned Wil.
Your description of York Harbor is so good. I could see it and feel it.
My thirteen year old grandsugar starting reading your story yesterday and loved it. That's quite a compliment because she reads all the time and mostly things like Hunger Games, Beautiful Creatures, etc.
I didn't see anything that needed improvement. Maybe others will.
Now, it's off to work for me. Have a great day.
~Ann
Hey, Gray!
LOL. Your spoiler made me laugh. And here I was prepared for this to be your epilogue!!! Kidding.
"bleed above"... I love this imagery, but I think you can change the preposition to better reflect blood. Maybe bleed "through"? Just a thought. What you have is technically fine.
"jutting through the ice like [broken] bones through skin"... again, great imagery. Just a subtle tweak offered as a suggestion. I think the "broken" bit is implicit.
Okay, this is an excellent chapter. Succinct and with great impact. Wil seems a bit changed here, but in a good way. Perhaps stronger, more sure of himself, given that he has survived a nightmarish ordeal. You gave excellent descriptions of the landscape, and Wil's duties/what's expected of him here. I can see it all very clearly. Not much else to say but great work! I'm reading on.
JLiz
Hi, GM. Your descriptions are good, and I found that I could actually picture the place in mind. The only thing that I quibble with is having a fuel refinery in York harbor. While there have been an estimated 75,000 oil and gas wells drilled in New York state since the late 1800s, it seems utter folly to put a refinery at what is now the North Pole. Fuel refineries require steady temperatures for processing, and the workers themselves would demand a livable climate. Even in Alaska and Siberia today, crude oil is piped or shipped south to warmer climates where it is refined. Also, thousands of years in the future I would think that the Founders would have a viable fusion generator online.
Nits, Comments & Concerns:
>>Amazingly, some of the skyscrapers still stand, their rusted shells jutting through the ice like broken bones through skin.
As such, it could be that there are still records or supplies to be found in the ruins. Of course by this time the ruins have probably been picked through many times, but it is still conceivable that things could be found and prove useful. Records from the War of Purification alone could prove quite damaging to the Founders' reign.
>>I’ve heard that two thirds of the energy fueling Neoden passes through York.
The word two-thirds requires a hyphen.
>>I close my eyes and flash back to the rescue scene, picturing myself huddled with Vin and Farroe on a slab of >>ice. Body too frozen to shiver.
>>Drifting off and thinking: this isn’t so bad – it really is just like falling asleep.
Your description is quite correct: death by hypothermia induces unique combination of sleep and euphoria.
Lawrence
Hey, GM - Short, but effective - telling us all the principles have survived, there's a disinformation campaign going about the cause of the crash, and giving us that hook at the end. I have no problem with short chapters if they deliver a punch, and this one does. Having gas refineries in York must be important for the story, and if the gas source is relatively nearby, that would be plausible, despite the severe conditions. There are refineries in Siberia, after all. Only found one nit: blood[-]shot eyes. On to the next.
Take care,
Jack
Short chapter - great description & hook. Wasn't sure if Settlement needed to be capitalized, otherwise I saw no other nits. If you are looking to extend this chapter a bit, you could show the aftermath/rescue of the plane crash firsthand instead of just a brief memory. But it read well!
Hey, Gray. Your visuals are, as always, excellent. I could see the stark white bathed in the blood of an early morning sun. I could feel the cold and hollow desperation of the scene. Well done. Wil starts out thinking he can blow this off, having to report to Locke, but with the surprise voice, I'm now wondering if he'll lay it out like he really sees it because there is a lot riding on this. He does, and maybe Astrid will look more and more like an ally instead of the enemy. She did warn him to tell the truth. Maybe it wasn't to help the cause, but to help Wil.
Not a single issue. Your work reads like a book in hand.
Susan
ugh, so I can just guess the face on the screen.
Nice, the story continues...liked the quote at the start.
I like how you're setting Wil up as the hero of the story, the one who gets summoned to a debrief.
Not much more to write here, so will move right along.
Simi
A nice transitional chapter. We all know who that face on the vid screen belongs to. It was a nice touch to link the descending helicraft to the spider dream.
I also added some more on the forum to the tread that was already there about the last chapter.
Finally, I have one technical comment:
I said in a former life I was a rocket scientist. In my present life, I'm a sea level scientist. Seriously. Just Google "Don Chambers sea level" and you'll find me.
There is no way you'll have rising sea levels and expanding ice caps. These are always inversely related, because the water that goes into making ice come primarily from the oceans. We have rising seas right now because the ice sheets and remaining glaciers are melting. Even cooling of water causes sea level to drop. You mention "freezing of the ocean." I'm not familiar of any process that will cause expansion of permanent thick sea ice to the latitude of New York City without also causing expansion of the Greenland ice sheet, and expansion of glaciers across North America and Europe.
Good chapter, if very short. I’ll have to wait until I read the next one to see if keeping it separate is a good or bad idea. Nothing else really to comment about except, {but that turns out (not) to be [no](a) problem.} Okay, really nitpicky, but I’m almost through a short chapter and so far I haven’t found a think to pick on.
Good work, R.M.
Hey Gray,
Shades of The Planet of the Apes and 1984. What's not to love here?!!Seeing the skyscrapers sticking through the ice floe was really cool.
..a squirrelry guy with (bloodshot) eyes..
At least that's the official explanation, as broadcast(ed) last night...
It's easy to get lost.../It was easy to get lost in the narrow corridors of York Command. *I read, "It is easy to get lost..." when I first read it.
Dear:
No comment about this chapter. Maybe the only comment is that it shouldn't be a chapter. It can be the starting of a chapter. After "I wish I could say I’m surprised" three asterisks may follow indicating the reader that there's a scene change. It's completely valid and many authors do so.
BTW, I was not surprised either!
Kiss,
Gacela
Not enough to comment in for an inline.
Millions of people had lived their lives within canyons of glass and steel.
Amazingly, some of the skyscrapers still stand, their rusted shells jutting through the ice like bones through pale skin
Author
Reply
Yeah, this is kind of too short for a stand-alone chapter. I'm still trying to decide whether or not to drop the "Gant POV" chapters, and probably will try to do this and stay with Wil's POV throughout, with the exception of the prologue. When this happens, this chapter will become an opening scene to be tacked on to the next Wil chapter to come. Thanks again for coming back to this. I know your reading list is long, so I really appreciate the attention! Gray
Hello, Gray. Gotta tell ya, man, that CG is getting more despicable as the chapters move on. OY! When I was in service, I had to put with many nasty works in boot camp and in regular force. Psychotic drill instructors and other recruits. Power-wielding sergeants and conceited colonels. Likewise, in civilian life, many nasty employers and co-workers, for want of a better description...! CG tops 'em all, though. Happy to say so, too:-0
Great job with construction environment and scenes, too, Gray.
Got to sign out now; lots to do...but I'll be back:-)
Peace,
Mike
Author
Reply
Sounds like you've had an interesting life, Mike! Good writing fodder, which explains some of your creativity (and the dark and twisted humor in some of your shorts.) I'm definitely trying to make CG as hateful as possible, but there's always the risk of crossing a line and going too far. I know you're supposed to make villains complex and multi-dimensional, and even give them some appealing and even empathetic traits (our friend Hannibal Lecter is a classic example of this), but up until this point, CG has just been straight-up evil. Thanks again for spending so much time with this! Take care, Gray
No
Ann Everett