Astrid shifts her gaze from Thea back to me, forehead creased with uncertainty. She must be debating her next move: stay and confront us or leave. Almost a minute passes before she takes a step forward, eyes lifting to mine.
“She’s manipulating your mind.” Her voice calms, like she’s trying to talk me off a ledge. “That’s what Abominations do.”
I check Thea for a reaction, but she just holds her smile. “She’s right. Gamma Sifters know how to manipulate minds, especially the weak ones. But yours is as strong as ours, Wil.” Her eyes return to Astrid. “Isn’t that what you discovered in Washton, Miss Blake?”
“What—?” Astrid’s eyes flick from mine back to Thea. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m talking about the Fox Hunt simulation. When you realized Wil was closing in on your Gamma, you tried to throw him off the trail, but he resisted, didn’t he?”
I’m about to ask what she’s talking about when I suddenly remember the jumble of voices that flooded my mind during the Fox Hunt. They started in the market, right after Thea first made telepathic contact with me. Right after Vin spotted Brenne.
I turn to Astrid now, wondering if she could have been responsible. “You did that to me? But… how?”
When Astrid won’t answer, Thea steps in for her.
“It’s called clouding,” she explains. “We use it to disorient other Sifters. Most of us are taught how to cloud by other Gammas with the gift, but you must have figured it out on your own. I’m sure your father warned you never to use that trick. But you didn’t listen, did you?”
When Astrid flinches, I know Thea has hit a nerve.
“That’s because rebellion is in your nature, Miss Blake. It’s in our nature.”
Astrid shivers and takes a step back, like she’s retreating from a ghost, and I can’t say I blame her. What Thea just said… it can’t be true. I’m still coming to grips with the insane notion that I might be a Gamma, but Princess Astrid?
No. Fragging. Way.
She looks up at Thea, defiance in her eyes. “I’m nothing like you.”
Thea leans toward her. “Your parents would have realized you were a Gamma early on, probably when you were a toddler. Your father must have used his position to avoid the screenings. Otherwise, you would have been detected in Prime School...” She thins her lips. “And purged immediately.”
“Purged?” I ask, my heart skipping a beat.
“Eliminated. Like all Abominations who are discovered.” She turns back to Astrid. “But your father refused to sacrifice you. He hid you instead, just like I hid Wil. It’s amazing he managed to keep such an explosive secret for so long, but someone in his inner circle must have eventually betrayed him. They told Cillian Gant the truth about you. That’s why he sent you to York.”
“I—” Astrid backs away from us again. “That’s not possible.”
“According to our intel source,” Thea continues, “Gant discovered your identity right after he engineered the Washton firebomb attack. That’s why he rigged the Assignments to send you to York. You’re smart enough to fill in the blanks yourself. The Prime Enforcer wanted us to capture you. Ask Wil.”
“He’s going to claim you joined the Aletheians,” I say, suddenly seeing Gant’s plot unfold before my eyes. “He’s going to use your so-called defection to justify his power grab.”
“That’s right,” Thea confirms, eyes not leaving Astrid. “Only it’s happened already. Gant made the announcement a few hours ago. He claimed your father knew you were an Abomination all this time. That he committed treason by hiding your identity, then helped you to escape. We picked up the broadcast on Neoden One right before you came on board. You can watch the recording if you’d like.”
Astrid’s mouth moves but no sound comes out. When I reach for her, she slaps away my hand. That’s when I realize she’s about to lose it.
“You’re lying!” she shouts, pounding my chest with her fists. I stand there and take the beating because I deserve it. I thought I could outwit Gant, but I was wrong. He played me perfectly. He tricked me into delivering Astrid to the Aletheians and now…
Now Gant has seized power while her father sits in a detention cell, awaiting a staged trial and execution.
“You’re twisting everything!” Astrid cries, now throwing her full fury at Thea. “That’s what you bleeding Gammas do! You warp reality until nothing makes sense anymore!”
Her shouts must finally wake up the others, because I hear alarmed voices, then footsteps clanging against metal. When Ferro pops his head through the bulkhead door, Astrid pushes past him and into the crew cabin.
He starts to follow her, then pivots and points an accusing finger at me. “You! What did you do to her?”
“Nothing!” I throw up my hands. “We were just talking when—”
Before I can finish my sentence, he snaps my jaw shut with a sucker punch. The blow knocks me backward and onto the galley table, taking Thea’s coffee mug with me. By the time I’ve staggered back to my feet, Vin has Fahrenheit in a headlock and looks like he’s about to slam his head into the bulkhead.
I yell for him to stop, just as Brenne grabs his arm and whispers something into his ear. Whatever she says has the desired effect, because he slackens his grip enough to let Ferro pull free. The Peacock staggers backward and glares at us, nostrils flaring.
“If you hurt her,” he growls, fists thrust out toward me. “I’ll kill you!”
Thea steps between us. “Stop this! If we must separate you physically, then we’ll do that. Or you can try to work through your differences instead of acting like spoiled children.”
Ferro backs half-way through the bulkhead hatch, eyes trained on me. “I don’t talk to Camp Rats,” he snarls, glancing at Thea. “And there’s no way in flames I’ll ever take orders from a bloody terrorist.”
And with that, he ducks into the crew cabin to run after Astrid.
To ashes with you both, I think, throwing my negative thoughts after them. Who needs you anyway?
Vin turns from Brenne to Thea, shaking his head. “They still don’t get what’s happening, do they? They don’t have a fragging clue.”
“Give them time,” Thea answers as she towels up spilled coffee from the table. “The truth won’t be easy for them to accept. Their anger is understandable, especially for Miss Blake. She just learned she’s indirectly responsible for her father’s arrest.”
“Is that true?” Brenne asks in a calm voice. I glance at her in surprise, wondering why she doesn’t seem more distressed by this news. Thea must think the same thing, because she gives her an impressed smile.
“Yes, Miss Florin,” she says, motioning for us to join her at the table. “Your friend is a Gamma. Believe me, that revelation came as quite a shock to me too. I wasn’t searching for her in Washton. I was only looking for Wil, but when I picked up her aura, I knew right away. I knew I had to protect her too. And then, when I saw her face…”
Her eyes move to mine, asking an unspoken question: Did you see her reflection?
“What do you mean?” Brenne asks, taking a seat next to Vin. He wraps a protective arm around her and I realize that’s why she doesn’t seem surprised by all these revelations. Vin must have already primed her by sharing everything he knows. If only Astrid gave me a fraction of that trust.
Thea sets three mugs on the table and pours coffee for us. Then she sits across the table and clears her throat.
“The Sacred Vision is filled with lies,” she begins. “Fabricated by three evil men who lived thousands of years ago. They created the Vision to enslave humanity, and used our psionic power to crush all resistance. But I believe they were right about one thing.”
She pauses to make eye contact with each one of us before continuing. “There is a Divine Spirit. It guides us with invisible hands, like the pull of the moon on water. Eight years ago, it brought me to you, Wil. And now it’s brought us to a girl with High Founder’s blood. A girl who, at sixteen, is already one of the most powerful Sifters alive. A girl who also turns out to be a hidden Gamma.”
I shiver when I recall the vision in the bunker. The fleeting image captured in a mirror, glimpsed once and then forgotten.
An angel’s face peeking out through tangled blonde hair. Blue eyes scared but defiant, and brave… so heartbreakingly brave.
“It can’t just be a coincidence,” Thea says, echoing my thoughts. “You saw her reflection, Wil, just like I did.”
I nod, unable to form the words.
She’s right. Why didn’t I see it right away?
The girl in the bunker.
The Great One’s youngest daughter.
Aletheia.
Astrid is her mirror image.
***
END OF BOOK ONE???
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Hi Graeme! Hope you're having a good holiday! This chapter moved nicely, and had the effect of ratcheting up the tension. The similarity in the two women had the effect of providing a surreal backddrop to the story. Was this foretold by some sort of prophet? It was that sort of effect. There was another dimension to it as well, wherein the reader began to see that Wil and his friends are more naive than the the Aletheians. Was that what you were trying for? If so, then it's working.
Nits, Comments & Concerns:
>>“That’s because rebellion is in your nature, Miss Blake. It’s in our nature.”
This sentence is a little nonsensical. Did you mean to say, “That’s because rebellion is not in your nature, Miss Blake.”? As it is, it sounds as though Perrin is condemning the human race as being rebellious by nature, therefore the Aletheians are not really responsible for their actions.
>>He hid you instead, just like I hid Wil.
That “I” should be italicized, otherwise it sounds like she is the one who put Wil into hiding.
>>They don’t have a fragging clue.”
I know that you’re using “fragging” as a placeholder for a more common epithet, but you might want to consider another word. Fragging is Vietnam-era slang for killing your superior officer, usually by way of a fragmentation grenade. Given the centuries separating the Neoden culture from the Ancients, it is unlikely that this expression would have survived.
>>Astrid is her spitting image.
These kinds of genetic crossovers are actually more common than people realize. In the early 80’s I discovered a complete stranger living in Boston who was virtually identical to a buddy of mine who lived in San Francisco. When I showed him the photograph he was struck dumb, saying it was like looking in the mirror. These people were not related (as far as I was able to determine), nor had they ever met each other.
I’m also reminded of the case of the bog-man in England. In brief, a body was pulled from a peat bog in the English midlands, and dated as a Bronze-Age man who was sacrificed to a peat bog. His DNA was sequenced, and then checked against the population. Not only was one of his descendants located within the area, but the present-day Englishman (a high school science teacher) even looked like the ancient one!
Lawrence
This carries the story along -very- well. I have two thoughts.
§
First, you might use a few more words, in a phrase or a sentence, to help the reader remember just what went on in the Fox Hunt. You characters remember it and so do you, but the reader could use a little help.
§
Second, there is a term in chess, Zugzwang. It refers to a situation in which a player has no move that does not lose something. It seems to me that this is what Gant has achieved. At some point your characters have to realize that Gant has been playing chess for a long time, andthey have to accept that he will be able to use them for at least a few more moves.
pounding my chest with her fists. It hurts like hell but I stand there and take the beating because I deserve it.
>Oh, Wil
I hear alarmed voices, then footsteps clanging against metal
>Hah, no one else has ninja powers
Nothing to nit this chapter. Everyone follows the rules, especially Brenne who even remembers her last name and Farroe who wants to fight everything.
-K
All caught up and what a chapter to do it on. I don't see anyway to not have these revelations about Astrid come so owe to the others. Especially since Wil has seen the face in the mirror. I wonder how Farroe will react when he learns Astrid is a gamma.
Everything has fallen into place now, and much of the earlier plot details that seemed implausible, such as why Gant wanted the A to get Astrid, make complete sense now.
Well done. Now, what will they all do with this new found information. I can't wait to find out!
Hey Gray,
Well, duh. How did I let this chapter and the next sneak by me? I guess I'm not paying attention! Thanks for pointing them out. I need lots of help!!
I really liked this chapter and it has a great reveal. A real surprise. At least for me. I never suspected that at all. So, great job there.
I'm moving on to the next chapter.
~Ann
Ah, I love all these revelations. And now, it's all making sense. I kept feeling like I was missing something in the earlier chapters...I didn't quite 'get' what the backstory was. NOW I get it and I love it....
And Ferroe, yep, he's a dog. He even follows commands...
But Astrid, she's really in a bind, isn't she? Did she not know she was a gamma, even though she had these powers? This is pretty intense stuff, especially how she inadvertently caused her father's arrest (which I was also confused about). Yes, it's all coming together.
And I love that Gant knew about her, that explains volumes.
Gotta run to the next chapter now.
Simi
Hey, Gray - It's all coming together now - nicely done. Can't comment on whether it's premature, because I don't know how many chapters are left! :) But I think this is a good place for the reveal. And our heroes will eventually work together to bring down the empire, methinks. Unless that will be in a sequel!
One really nitpicky miscue noted: Farroe backs half[-]way through the bulkhead hatch...
Nicely done!
Take care,
Jack
No, this is definitely not too close on the heels of the last one. In fact it works amazingly well here and moves the story along nicely.. Astrid is clearly having second thoughts although she's running from them. Her feeling she's partially responsible for her mother's and father's incarceration could be the reason. It may press her to do something stupid. I think she needs to see Gant making his address to the public. Then stand back and figure out how to best help her parents (if they really are her parents) and remove Gant from the position he just stepped into.
Everything is falling nicely into place, and it is not a letdown to jump these hurtles because we still have the downfall or attempted downfall of Gant and his followers. That is a battle I am eager to see.
The ending is cryptic. Want to know what that's all about.
See you in the next chapter,
Susan
You're always really good at those hook endings. I think this chapter flowed naturally from the last one. The imagery of the memories he relived are still fresh with the reader & the scene continues from where we left off. So I can't see moving it. You write so clean, I rarely find anything to pick at or even suggest! Will read more soon.
Wow, Gray, like a vidalia onion that tastes sweeter the farther you go to the core, so it is with Founders. And it now seems like Founders is the right title for your story. When did Perrin get her coffee? Did she have it when she came to Wil? It seems as though there is a mole in the tyrants' inner circle, for Perrin to receive the sensitive intel of why Astrid was sent to York. And you also have me wondering if Astrid's DNA may have been engineered.
When Astrid refuses to answer, Perrin steps in for her. * "steps in for her" sounds a tad off. I know what you meant, that she offered an explanation for Wil's benefit.
..then helped you [to] escape.
Her shouts must finally wake up the others, because I hear alarmed voices, then footsteps clanging against metal. * present verb tense can be tricky, and this is probably why most writers use the past tense. In this sentence "Her shouts must finally wake up the others" sounds off to me. See if this reads any better: Her shouts must've wakened the others, because I hear alarmed voices followed by footfalls on metal.
I never get/got to finish my sentence.
And with that, he ducks into the crew cabin to run/and runs after Astrid.
later, nathan
Now that was a shock, Astrid being a Gamma. I expected Wil to be a Gamma without his knowing it, but Astrid? Great move! The chapter flowed very well and very quickly. I had to read it twice to find anything to comment on, and that just word choice. I hope it’s helpful. R.M.
{A full minute passes before…} A minute is too long. I’d replace it with something like, (Astrid seemed frozen in place for a few moments before…)
{Perrin takes a slow sip of coffee before continuing[:](,) “Your parents…} I don’t think a colon works well in this use.
{She presses her lips into a line. “And purged immediately.”} It’s not possible to do this. Try it. The ‘d,’ ‘p,’ and ‘m’ won’t let you. Also, the dialog is part of the prior sentence as a dependent clause. How about, (Otherwise, “ she said in a near growl, “you’d have been detected in prime school---and purged immediately.”)
{“Eliminated. Like all Forbiddens} I don’t think ‘Eliminated’ is strong enough for the shock Perrin would want to use. I think she’d use either ‘killed’ or ‘slaughtered’ for effect.
Okay. Now we're dealing with genetic memory and possibly reincarnation? Astrid is Aletheia?
No, this seemed a natural progression the stream of revelations. I think there are more. Next step is to get Astrid to accept who and what she is and then to use her power to stop Gant.
Nicely done.
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I hope this isn't a bridge too far, but Astrid's "spiritual" connection with the original Aletheia is central to the story I'm trying to build. Unfortunately, the so-called "chosen one" scenario is pretty cliche in the dystopian YA world, so I'm trying to add the twist of telling this story through Wil's POV.
Hello, Gray. Maybe Astrid will lead a rebuilt Aletheia when the smoke clears...? Maybe even take the youngest daughter's name? Hmmm...I can see that without much difficulty. And again, my hat's off to your great plotting!! I also think this chapter's timing is fine...I see no awkwardness in it's placement...and this installment, like so many of the others, leads me to the following one:-)
Superb, man!!
Mike
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Thanks, Mike! You may be onto something with those A girls (Astrid... Aletheia).
No
Lawrence Burdick