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That strikes me as a hangar, but I dun care which term or even if they're swapped

This is a tough act to follow

Regarding when to publish, for a first ever book, I highly recommend waiting until at least the 2nd is written. There'll be things in the first you'll decide to change by the time you've written the second. Little plot-related things in a book 2 will undo a book 1.

Also having smaller gaps in series is good for bridging readers. It's often I see a copy of book 1 sell, then shortly after, sales on books 2 & 3. This is good because books 1, 2, 3 centre around the same half dozen characters ([J e n n a] doesn't even get a mention in them. Books 4, 5, 6 revolve around another half dozen characters, culminating in Victorious, so I'll release those relatively close to each other. Lorraine takes over in Books 7 and 8, so I'll release up to 9 together and advance her supporting cast to that culminating plot.

I'll always be fresh on a reader's mind... if he liked 1-3 then a few years go by and he sees 4, he won't have to wait long before 5 comes out then 6=satisfaction/conclusion.

Unlike Frederick Pohl, one of whose series I'm still waiting on the conclusion of. (He dies 23 years after writing it but even if he did write it with a 10 year gap, I know I'd have read the last page i na bookstore looking for the words "The End". If I saw "To be continued" I'd gently put the book down and walk away).

Hungry readers gotta be fed!

1. When I see an expression like "This scene needs X characters" I always ask myself "All at once?".

One trick in wrestling that's so famous people don't even see it happening under their noses is "spooling in wrestlers during the match". Four people are in the ring. Some guy #5 wants to be in the match but that's too many people for the choreography. A member of the original four will take a hit and fall off the ring apron. He will proceed to lie on the floor while #5 interacts - it's still a 4-man fight until someone gets eliminated (usually #5) and then the guy on the floor will rejoin the match.

Another trick wrestling uses is to break the unneeded opponents away into a simple brawl at the side of the ring while the main participants continue the match. You (the choreographer) may add as many extras to the minibrawl as you like. It doesn't matter what's going on down there - only matters that punches are being thrown and some combat occurs. The voice announcers will not discuss the brawl until some winner emerges and rejoins the main event.

2. I've learned over time that I can only take three new names per chapter. After that it's just so&so, son of so&so. This averages across chapters, so if chapter one contains 9 names, I should have them all straight by chapter three. You can safely exceed this limit. Return of the Jedi did in its final battle. For me it was just so&so in an XWing and so&so in another XWing. I don't think Lucas cares if I can't name the 3rd guy on the left five minutes after watching the movie.

3. I've heard the dog-fighting complaint before, but it's the future. Fighter craft can still chase each other. Sure they don't need to "bank" as they turn, but they can still turn. And they can try to get "uplight" of each other so one side a quarter second behind due to the speed of light. The guy who's behind is gonna have a harder time scoring hits.

In the VQ stories, Firestarter is in a ship that is braking in space, and a reviewer commented that ships couldn't really brake in space. This is true for "current" ships - they just plow into the atmosphere as full speed, but the Enterprise had to problem coming to a dead stop.

Net point: If you deem your ships will maneuver for tactical advantage, just go ahead and do it. Maybe just don't call it "dog-fighting" so people don't get confused.

You're on fire

I'm not sure it makes a difference as long as its consistent and matches surrounding technology. If Joseph wears a wisewatch, it's best if the guards do too, even if they typically choose to use their private channels / ear piece.

Re consistency: Consider Star Wars (Clone wars?) where the droids can't hear each other over sounds of battle. It would have been awkward for the droids to switch to internal radio because viewers would ask why R2 and 3PO didn't have internal radio. As painful as it was, they toughed it out with consistency over logic (Not 100% sure they won, but they sure have less explaining to do - as a writer, I'd just have not written my cast into such a predicament).

Hope this helps

-K

Why ouch?

Went with 3m (10 feet?) for Venus due to heavy flooding. Who wants aunt Irma showing back up for the family reunion. Had no idea 1,5 feet was even feasible. Must be a heavy shale region to support that.

"Exile" makes me think of "banishment" or even "self-banishment"

Sword of Rhiannon makes me expect a story about a sword. Meanwhile the sword is a small fraction of the story (if we shall measure the story by % of paragraphs for which the weapon is a thematic agent and not merely a tool to accomplish some greater element). Then again, I recall reading Sword of Shannara or some such and there was barely even a sword in it and they spent the entire book looking for it.

I think the nude was the best epithet you have among available options.

Maybe you'll surprise me with a better one before you sign off on the galleys

I did a lot of thinking on the battle these past few weeks... turning it this way and that. I made some charts. Erased them. Made more, erased them too - nothing quite captured my thoughts, so I'll try to explain.

I think I counted 5 occurrences of the classic "here's the cavalry in the nick of time" in a two-chapter span (Circa where the goblins show up). Knowing what I read about how she gathered up allies in the past 10 or so chapters I realized the pattern after the 2nd occurrence. It creates a vibe of "Rhiannon can't lose because there's always going to be somebody there to rescue her."

Ack! New danger! - Phew, someone showed up to solve it
Oh no-- another problem! Oh wait, that's solved too.

Might I suggest you have Rhiannon more actively aware of her allies motions through the birds and reserve the "surprise cavalry" for only the last entrance? If Ellsbeth could also talk to the birds you could give her the role of brilliant tactician.

An alternative (and this sounds like too much work) is to have her link up with her allies and form a larger allied force. Except the one you'd really (really) want to be the group that saves the day in the nick of time.

--

Also you are missing a Rosencrantz and a Guildenstern who will be important to the MC but will find a way to die yet the MC is too caught up in the events to mourn / care / plot-around. I recommend Ellsbeth for one. And you might introduce a shield bearer that MC likes, but gets taken out by a random arrow.

That was Garth in Elf Queen of Shannara or the father-son pair in 300 (I forget their names). These characters imprint on the reader but are not MCs (Ok technically Garth was) so they can die at the 50% mark and on and it's understood by the reader that's why they're there. You could also get rid of an MC. It seems painful, but hey... Tasha Yar... Obiwan... the list goes on.

Lacking these two, Rhiannon enters the largest battle in her history and comes out with 100% of her close circle intact. Yes, we lost a lot of nameless characters, and we lost civilians, and yes those losses affect the MC. But they don't affect the reader, and they don't build pathos.

So you can see in in other writing, let me point out "Alan" who dies in the spaceship Laurie blew up. I would venture it is not possible to generate pathos for him (or for her) because he's only a name. To elicit even a note of sadness, he must do much more to imprint on the reader (talk about his dreams? Wife/kids? Rescue the MC?) then still manage to die.

Note: I have taken it for granted you want the reader to feel loss as a result of this battle.

--

Returning to the battle, amalgamating forces would logically shorten the fight, which is probably the opposite from what you intended, but it could (with a lot of work) be accounted for. If you put Seidel's main town on a hill and give him surface-to-air attacks, he should be able to hold his ground a little better and make MC have to spend a few pages in siege. Storming and breaking walls would more than gobble up the page difference, plus it's a change of pace from the flat-land melées that dominate the current scenes.

The MC enjoys too much air superiority (flora/fauna/sparrows/etc, harpies, dragons). This isn’t an equally matched war... it’s US vs Iraq where the good guys can just sit in the air all day. You should give Seidel the dirigible flotilla and the flaming ballistas. Make it so the good guys can’t envelop/suffocate him.

(Also you have two dragon characters but only seem to need one. Also, you need more named deaths. *wink*)

I do like the relative simplicity of the battles (in terms of relatively flat terrain and no zaniness such as turn-coats or undead-ninja-assassins). No Legolas - that’s a bonus. Just two armies coming together in a bloodbath. Don’t lose that if you take any of these suggestions.

As usual, YMMV

Unfortunately it's long been expunged from here and can't repost or people will ignore the messages "do not review" and review it anyway and I hate wasting people's time.

I copied a backup to:
https://www.arshistoria.com/content?vie … &id=30