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Why ouch?

Went with 3m (10 feet?) for Venus due to heavy flooding. Who wants aunt Irma showing back up for the family reunion. Had no idea 1,5 feet was even feasible. Must be a heavy shale region to support that.

"Exile" makes me think of "banishment" or even "self-banishment"

Sword of Rhiannon makes me expect a story about a sword. Meanwhile the sword is a small fraction of the story (if we shall measure the story by % of paragraphs for which the weapon is a thematic agent and not merely a tool to accomplish some greater element). Then again, I recall reading Sword of Shannara or some such and there was barely even a sword in it and they spent the entire book looking for it.

I think the nude was the best epithet you have among available options.

Maybe you'll surprise me with a better one before you sign off on the galleys

I did a lot of thinking on the battle these past few weeks... turning it this way and that. I made some charts. Erased them. Made more, erased them too - nothing quite captured my thoughts, so I'll try to explain.

I think I counted 5 occurrences of the classic "here's the cavalry in the nick of time" in a two-chapter span (Circa where the goblins show up). Knowing what I read about how she gathered up allies in the past 10 or so chapters I realized the pattern after the 2nd occurrence. It creates a vibe of "Rhiannon can't lose because there's always going to be somebody there to rescue her."

Ack! New danger! - Phew, someone showed up to solve it
Oh no-- another problem! Oh wait, that's solved too.

Might I suggest you have Rhiannon more actively aware of her allies motions through the birds and reserve the "surprise cavalry" for only the last entrance? If Ellsbeth could also talk to the birds you could give her the role of brilliant tactician.

An alternative (and this sounds like too much work) is to have her link up with her allies and form a larger allied force. Except the one you'd really (really) want to be the group that saves the day in the nick of time.

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Also you are missing a Rosencrantz and a Guildenstern who will be important to the MC but will find a way to die yet the MC is too caught up in the events to mourn / care / plot-around. I recommend Ellsbeth for one. And you might introduce a shield bearer that MC likes, but gets taken out by a random arrow.

That was Garth in Elf Queen of Shannara or the father-son pair in 300 (I forget their names). These characters imprint on the reader but are not MCs (Ok technically Garth was) so they can die at the 50% mark and on and it's understood by the reader that's why they're there. You could also get rid of an MC. It seems painful, but hey... Tasha Yar... Obiwan... the list goes on.

Lacking these two, Rhiannon enters the largest battle in her history and comes out with 100% of her close circle intact. Yes, we lost a lot of nameless characters, and we lost civilians, and yes those losses affect the MC. But they don't affect the reader, and they don't build pathos.

So you can see in in other writing, let me point out "Alan" who dies in the spaceship Laurie blew up. I would venture it is not possible to generate pathos for him (or for her) because he's only a name. To elicit even a note of sadness, he must do much more to imprint on the reader (talk about his dreams? Wife/kids? Rescue the MC?) then still manage to die.

Note: I have taken it for granted you want the reader to feel loss as a result of this battle.

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Returning to the battle, amalgamating forces would logically shorten the fight, which is probably the opposite from what you intended, but it could (with a lot of work) be accounted for. If you put Seidel's main town on a hill and give him surface-to-air attacks, he should be able to hold his ground a little better and make MC have to spend a few pages in siege. Storming and breaking walls would more than gobble up the page difference, plus it's a change of pace from the flat-land melées that dominate the current scenes.

The MC enjoys too much air superiority (flora/fauna/sparrows/etc, harpies, dragons). This isn’t an equally matched war... it’s US vs Iraq where the good guys can just sit in the air all day. You should give Seidel the dirigible flotilla and the flaming ballistas. Make it so the good guys can’t envelop/suffocate him.

(Also you have two dragon characters but only seem to need one. Also, you need more named deaths. *wink*)

I do like the relative simplicity of the battles (in terms of relatively flat terrain and no zaniness such as turn-coats or undead-ninja-assassins). No Legolas - that’s a bonus. Just two armies coming together in a bloodbath. Don’t lose that if you take any of these suggestions.

As usual, YMMV

Unfortunately it's long been expunged from here and can't repost or people will ignore the messages "do not review" and review it anyway and I hate wasting people's time.

I copied a backup to:
https://www.arshistoria.com/content?vie … &id=30

Have you seen Iron Fist's series yet? (This question is not as random as it seems)

[K w a n -  C h r o n i c l e s] series (spelled this way because Google trolls the forums) books 1-3 the lead character tells the story in 1st person. Okay quite common. But you discover, after some time, that the narrator "I" is actually in the story rather than on our side of the wall such that the character is aware she is narrating. Things she may say aloud are often not intended for the other characters to process, but rather stated explicitly for the audience.

I've had a lot of readers tell me they couldn't get through it - too weird.  Too unsettling. I had expected this reaction to some extent, but was surprised at how common it was.

I can totally get rid of a major character on a moment's notice without even so much as a goodbye. Foreshadowing is for weenies.

天皇

yeh... I have been slacking a bit

I do that all the time... when listing a series of descriptions. Not often with so few - in that case I'd probably join with "and".

Note, this technically implies the shoes are silk too... or that the dress is made of shoes.