1 Topic by B Douglas Slack (edited by B Douglas Slack 2017-07-05 02:34:23)

Topic: Notes on The Long Trek Home

Chapter 15 is our of order. I somehow messed that up. So, I've taken it down and will repost when I straighten things out. I'm sorry about that. Good catch, Megan.

I have something else I'd like to gather opinions on. Should I insert. before Chapter 1, Two more chapters? The first chapter, would give some background on Shell's travels and his brush with the robbers, plus his decision to travel to where he meets Marnee. The next chapter would be a departure from Shell's POV and be totally in Marnee's POV as to how she fares after being captured and sold to the slaver camp. I'll also detail how she escapes and ends up falling over Shell in the woods.

Would this help to improve some of the confusion as to where they're coming from (literally and figuratively)?

Bill

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Re: Notes on The Long Trek Home

Just read/reviewed chapter one. I like the start with action rather than background but need to read more to be able to help.

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3 Reply by B Douglas Slack (edited by B Douglas Slack 2017-07-05 14:31:03)

Re: Notes on The Long Trek Home

I saw the review, Randy, but I haven't read it yet. When I originally posted the story the way I outlined above, I was told several times that it felt like an info dump and not a true beginning. This was probably true because I didn't have any dialogue at all. If I did this again, I'd have a lot more dialogue. I feel this is a good story, but I'm having trouble getting it underway. In most of the stories I've read, if there are more than one MC, then they usually meet or are active in the first chapter. I'm basically floundering here after my inability to get my first one on the road.

Bill

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Re: Notes on The Long Trek Home

B Douglas Slack wrote:

Chapter 15 is our of order. I somehow messed that up. So, I've taken it down and will repost when I straighten things out. I'm sorry about that. Good catch, Megan.

I have something else I'd like to gather opinions on. Should I insert. before Chapter 1, Two more chapters? The first chapter, would give some background on Shell's travels and his brush with the robbers, plus his decision to travel to where he meets Marnee. The next chapter would be a departure from Shell's POV and be totally in Marnee's POV as to how she fares after being captured and sold to the slaver camp. I'll also detail how she escapes and ends up falling over Shell in the woods.

Would this help to improve some of the confusion as to where they're coming from (literally and figuratively)?

Bill

My thoughts, for the minuscule amount they are worth, is that the two additional chapters at the front could be a good idea if they let you get on with story without all the backstory. It would be important to start with a chapter with conflict, action etc. but from what you have included in the backstory this shouldn't be difficult. So chapter that explains why and how Shell decided to set off on his quixotic quest could have could have the conflict/action you need for a good first chapter.
Second chapter from Marnee's POV could also have lots of action and conflict.  Only problem I see with this one is that if it is the only chapter in the whole book told from Marnee's POV it might seem odd.
These two could nicely lead into your current chapter one (with all the backstory from this chapter and the next ones purged).
So, I would say, go for it. It seems like a good way to get the story off and running and a way to work in answers reviewers have been posing about what the hell is going on here anyway.
cheers

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Re: Notes on The Long Trek Home

That's good advice Al. I could do that and eliminate some of the backstory in dialogue that Marnee and Shell have. As for Marnee's POV, I have noted several places where I could include a chapter only from her perspective. In fact, there might be as many as five or six chapters spread out through the novel that would be from her viewpoint. I've found that writing in first person and showing reaction from others is hard to do. Changing POV is a good way to do it. I've read several books that intermingle POVs in the same chapter, but I always have a hard time keeping the timeline straight between them. I suppose i could insert a long break with the person's name between asterisks or something, but that also is disruptive.

Let me wait and see if anything else turns up for discussion.

Bill

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Re: Notes on The Long Trek Home

I vote: Forget the past and dive right in.

You know how Hamlet starts?

Shakespeare wrote:

Ghost: I've been murdered. Avenge me!

About the halfway point in the tale for the entire story to come out.

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7 Reply by Seabrass (edited by Seabrass 2017-07-05 23:41:45)

Re: Notes on The Long Trek Home

Shoot! I start my latest in the middle of a card game. Of course, I have a big-ass Prologue before that, to set the stage. But... right in the middle of a card game. And as kdot suggests, a lot of the backstory is told in slow moments through character's recollections, or in conversation between characters (when the moment is right for such backstory, of course). And did I mention... in the middle of a card game?

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Re: Notes on The Long Trek Home

Kdot wrote:

I vote: Forget the past and dive right in.

You know how Hamlet starts?

Shakespeare wrote:

Ghost: I've been murdered. Avenge me!

About the halfway point in the tale for the entire story to come out.

Now, that's what I call succinct. Hamlet's timeline is a real twisty tale, that's for sure. No doubt Shakespeare was thinking in reverse - killing the MC and then telling us how it happened.

Bill

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9 Reply by B Douglas Slack (edited by B Douglas Slack 2017-07-05 23:45:12)

Re: Notes on The Long Trek Home

Seabrass wrote:

Shoot! I start my latest in the middle of a card game. Of course, I have a big-ass Prologue before that, to set the stage. But... right in the middle of a card game. And as kdot suggests, a lot of the backstory is told in slow moments through character's recollections, or in conversation between characters (when the moment is right for such backstory, of course). And did I mention... in the middle of a card game?

My own take on this is now leaning toward not messing with it. I'm sure to have a few more bits of input, and I'll heed every one of them, though. I've written up notes on where I could eliminate the backstory in dialogue, but I'm reluctant to just rip it out. However, if I go with the two intro chapters from each POV, I can still leave the dialogue because they don't know how each other got to where they are now.

Bill

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