Topic: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

This Forum is to discuss Rhiannon's, Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

Lines that caught my attention:

A tall, handsome, mysterious Terran colonel...
Daughter of a coffee baron...
He looked like you were supposed to lick him
I acknowledged this by lowering my eyelashes.
she is 1500 light years away
Every seventh son of a seventh son
His smile could have melted the ice caps
Yes, you have been boring me.  So if you would kindly free my skirt, I will leave now.

The small talk taking place in the Great Hall, comparing guests to funny animals. Well it really reminds me of a piece I have written with some correspondences to your plot.

Dancing is a big deal in my life - but what you got here is some surrealistic dancing. Sort of throwing her in the air at the level of the heavy chandelier... or having her float and levitate in space... I like the place the man's lips are positioned - it gives him an unique appearance. I love the coffee theme, this beverage melts our hearts... The whole work  has this surrealistic flair to it, it looks illogical in an imaginative way - it reminds me a little of the cubism in art. For some reason I was hooked while reading it, probably because of all the unexcpected changes that take place in every other sentence. 

The dance reminds me also of this wonderful video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aPwOC7cZCo

It's really amusing how they converse during a dance.
It feels this piece of writing is heavily based on personal experience... with a very extraordinary man, who makes you feel challenged intellectually  in an abnormally exotic manner.
Dialogue is wonderful.

What I would love to see is your characters getting hot for each other...and disarming themselves.
Like in this scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-RO_Q3NkD8

Thank you for your work!

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

Well I read the first chapter and it reminds me of the Avatar Movie. My comments were it rushed the information while the story was taking place in a tense survival moment.  Not a good space for back story.  Some reviewers called it confusing, but if you can slow down the information I see it as a fine opening chapter.

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

Rhiannon sent me this quickie:

And I'm proud of you breaking the semi-colon barrier. Was it your first time? How did it feel?

My answer:

It was my first time, and it had the bittersweet taste of the perfect crime.

Kiss,

Gacela.

5 (edited by rhiannon 2016-06-22 23:41:17)

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

Just read a review by Suin and thought I'd mention some of my inspiration. I lean heavily on English history: sometimes unconsciously.  In order to do the battle scenes,  I drew a map. Then compared it to Wales. Yep, its a great big Wales. Rhiannon wanting the clans and packs in the constitution is based on the struggle to integrate the classes in Britain. The battles coming up are a lot like those in the War of the Roses and the Civil War, although there wasn't an alien invasion to complicate things. There's a scene right out of an incident involving the Duke of York, only Rhiannon did right by the innkeeper. So if things get confusing, just whip out your history of England.

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

By the way, because of you I read "Swords & Deviltry".

Interesting...

Kiss,

Gacela

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

Rachel:

I'm glad my comments have been helpful. It's kinda interesting they enlighten you in a different direction than originally intended, but it's all the same. By the way, speaking of Fafher and the Grey Mouzer (I didn't spell them right either), I see you're deeply influenced by Fritz Leiber. I mean your style: free and easy, irreverent some times, naughty some others... I actually enjoy Rhiannon's voice. She has this mixture of candid naïvete Fafhrd owns, a mixture allowing him to move on easily after his girlfriend is slaughtered , taking life as it comes and keeping few hard feelings after debts have been paid.

Even your fondness for semicolons (which fortunately is not that much passionate anymore) imprints a peculiar aftertaste, if I'm allowed this expression. It would be interesting if you would upload that map of New Fairy somewhere.

Kiss,

Gacela

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

I'm glad you like Rhiannon's voice.  I hadn't really thought of how similar to Fafhrd she is, but now that you've pointed it out, I can see it.  Thanks so much for the comparison, I humbly accept the imputed resemblance to the Master (Fritz Leiber). I suppose you could say he is to me as J.R.R. Tolkien is to George R.R. Martin, who even went so far as to steal Tolkien's R.R.  Only Fritz Leiber would have written the story from the point of view of Ioseff, and not from the point of view of the naked slave girl.


I don't think 'aftertaste' is quite what you mean, as that usually mans a bad taste, but thank you  I have considered that.  I don't know how exactly to do that in this forum, but I'm sure there's a way.  I can certainly do it to my Flickr account.

Hugs, Rhia

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

I have no clue how to upload images to the site. However, there are people who do so. Maybe we can ask some advice in the general forum

Kiss,

Gacela.

10 (edited by rhiannon 2016-07-08 23:07:50)

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

Mariana:  Well, at worst it will wait until I can use Flickr.  But I've been working toward a nice map, and I'm glad I did.  In this way, you've helped again.  I noticed as I put things on the map that the major river, the Severn, had to be divided into two branches to make any kind of sense at all.  I had it one branch that went through New Dyved, making a coastline for that kingdom, then, on the other side, a way to the sea for New Fairy merchants.  This didn't work, as the humans in New Dyved would be stymied by the Mists of Llyr.  So right before the Bright (or Enchanted) Forest, it branches into an east and west tributary.  Another problem came about when I had troops move from east to west.  Of course the Western Severn would be right in their way.  So now there is a Roman style bridge, and, not to give away too much, a battle on it.  I had a kingdom right next to another kingdom, when it's in the west and the other was in the east.  Another difference, although not so much for these stories, is I had in mind England when I had the kingdom of New Prydain, but it looks a lot more like Chile now. (lol) The map, once you see it will look like it's on its side:  although it doesn't play much of a role in the story, originally all of this took place on Uranus, and Uranus is "on its side," i.e., it's magnetic poles would be west and east, so the upper part of Dareau is the west the lower part, the East, the North and South are reoriented accordingly.  The map making made me realize where The Minnow was--it had to be bayed in the Delta.  So now, there's a nice description of the Delta, with some hints that Rhiannon's narrative is a bit naive when she fails to realize just what kind of port the Delta is, and what that would mean about her father.

11 (edited by rhiannon 2016-07-08 22:42:54)

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

MAP OF NEW FAIRY POSTED

It's at my Flickr account, which is Rachel Parsons.  You will have to have a Flickr account to see it, but that's easy:  get a yahoo mail account, and then join Flickr  My account is considered unsafe, i.e., adult, so you will have to have that maturity rating to see it.  You will learn some things from the map:  where everything is in that part of Dareau, how forested New Fairy is, that it's a world 'on its side,' and why I don't teach handwriting or map making.  It really helped me to get it ready for view, and I modified my stories accordingly.  I changed the location of a kingdom, which doesn't play much of a role in this novel but will in the future, diverted the Severn, a river the width of a Great Lake, into two tributaries, and built a bridge where none had been before.  You may have to consult the story to figure out my handwriting, sort of a Rosetta stone to my scribbling. It is best seen with the Firefox viewer, as that allows you to zoom.  Things are clearer in large print.  Trust me on this. lol

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

That Rhiannon is a VERY unreliable narrator is evident since chapter 1!

BTW, I haven't yet created my Flickr account, the last three weeks have been hectic. But I promise I will. I'm curios about that famous map.

Kiss,

Gacela.

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

Gaciela, per your suggestion, I'm re-posting my quickee to you here:

"I enjoyed your review today, Gacela. I tightened up some things, and made the chapter not just advance the plot, as they are one step closer to a crisis point, but in one of the sub-plots: can Heather really be trusted. A couple of simple adds, and it worked. Wouldn't have done it, had you not asked your questions. Now, your questions show that the distractors in the chapter work. Might not have been intended by you, but it was extremely helpful. No points for it, but you might want to read the edited version just to see what your remarks led to. Hugs."

I'm glad that Rhiannon's status as unreliable narrator is evident from Chapter 1. It invites the reader to dig further to see what's really going on.  Some of it is surprising, and there are a lot of distractors throughout the novel.  Of course, mentioning that helps clue people in, so I want all of you to forget I said anything. 

The map isn't to any scale, and there is more farmland than it might look at first glance, but it does give the reader an idea of what's going on in the story, where it all takes place, and maybe even answers some questions.

Hugs to all,

Rhia

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

MAP OF NEW FAIRY:  JUST EMAIL ME IF YOU WANT IT.

It would probably be best for you all to just send me a message with your email address to find the Map of New Fairy.  That way you don't have to do anything complicated.  You'd have to join Yahoo, set up your Flickr account, then scroll throw the 2000+ photos I've put there to find it.  I may also post it on FB, in my copious spare time.  lol

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

That might be better than creating the Flicrk account! Please send the map to MarianaReuter@hotmail.com. No secret about this email. Is my public author email available in my webpage.

Kiss,

Gacela.

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

Mariana Reuter wrote:

That might be better than creating the Flicrk account! Please send the map to MarianaReuter@hotmail.com. No secret about this email. Is my public author email available in my webpage.

Kiss,

Gacela.

It's sent.  And that is the easiest way for everyone, so you all just request it, you hear?  Or you can wait until publication. lol

Rhia

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

Oh, my! 100000 apologies. The email is MarianaReuter@live.com.mx. No wonder why I couldn't find it. Duh!

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

Mariana Reuter wrote:

Oh, my! 100000 apologies. The email is MarianaReuter@live.com.mx. No wonder why I couldn't find it. Duh!

Oh, oh.  I didn't get any daimons, and my email said it was sent.  Somebody out there is going to think that New Fairy is part of Nigeria now...

I'll wait on re-sending it.  I got a brilliant idea yesterday.  I have a huge white board and I am thinking of putting a more accurate version on it and photographing it.  I'll still use the pencil-version for my own notes.

19 (edited by rhiannon 2016-07-23 19:38:18)

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

MAP OF NEW FAIRY

A new, improved version is now available.  I put it on my white board, and it is much better.  My handwriting still sucks, but as you read the story, you should be able to figure out what the scrawls mean.  I is amazing how clarifying map drawing is.  I noticed that there was no bridge between New Fairy and New Gwynnedd (much later in the story than I've posted.)  Rhiannon's sister and brother-in-law visit her from that kingdom. I suppose they could have taken a boat.  lol  Just let me know if you want one of these.  I'll email a picture to you.

There is no picture of New Dyved, the next kingdom over to the south.  It's a coastal kingdom, it's capital city is on the Severn, which is a river/Great Lake.  The mountain range that is on the New Fairy map continues, and it has what used to be lush farmlands to its south, as well as provincial capitals.  But just knowing that is a big aid in visualization, for those of you reading that story.

Love, Rhia

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

Friends, do I need to explain what a vrocalaca is?  I make about ten references to the creature. I try to follow the John Campbell dicta, and write as though for an audience that exists at the time and place of the story.  It presents a challenge, as though the people of the time would know certain things, but the reader wouldn't, and you'd have to sneak in an explanation.  So let me see if I need more on the following.  There's a being in my story:  a vrocalaca.  I don't define them.  It is a word that can be looked up.  When a werewolf dies, through decapitation and disemboweling, they rise from the dead as a vrocalaca.  A vrocalaca has to wear all over clothing in the sun, or heavy sunscreen.  He drinks blood to live.  He can be skewered or impaled and not die, but being impaled through the heart does it. He is allergic to garlic. Can turn into a flying creature. So who has guessed what a vrocalaca is?  And does it matter if I don't explain it--wouldn't the properties I've mentioned be enough?

21 (edited by rhiannon 2016-07-29 06:09:14)

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

One nice thing about fresh eyes is that it makes you reconsider what you did in the first parts of a book.  Two people thought it was funny but unbelievable that Rhiannon wouldn't know that a fire-breathing dragon could light a fire better than her.  I kept it, but had her make the same observation, crediting her denseness to her anger at male ego (every woman can relate to that.  A guy actually being better than you at something.)  A couple have voiced problems with the deus ex wyrm of Lido just showing up.  Now you can add Lido and Rhiannon to that chorus.  (There is a reason, but the reader learns it when Rhiannon does).  Another coincidence was dealt with in a similar manner.  I'll call this the Count of Monte Cristo gambit. I read the extravagant way in which he arrives at a hotel in preparation for his revenge to my spouse, and she said, "What, no dancing girls?"  On the very next page, one of the characters goes, when told of the extravagance, 'What, no dancing girls?"  It's a great technique to put a reviewers problem in the mouth of a character.

22 (edited by rhiannon 2016-08-03 19:03:53)

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

I"ve posted an edited version of "Oh, Zusanna."  It is just a reediting, so you won't get points from reading it, but it has some significant alterations.  More scenes of Rhiannon's vision, more past sins being revealed.  The surreal elements of her recovery from it are more pronounced, and the reader is left to wonder:  where did she get that scroll, anyway?  I re-edited all my chapters as reviews come in.  If you want to know your impact, or the latest version, just look at the date of the last reediting.  Thanks you all for your observations, which motivated the changes. I can't always pay you in points, but you will always get a critique in return.  Hugs

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

you know Rhiannon, you did describe what that creature vro... whatever was.  As far as keeping the reader in the dark and write to a mythical audience who never will read this, to me, that borders on insanity.  I don't care who's done it. When we write we are fundamentally translators living in our minds that no one else has a clue of, writer's are a lonley breed, who live in their own worlds. Our quest is to make these strange worlds acceptable to others who have some of the same time constructs we have, but not all the same time constructs. Writing sly hints, sneaking in clues, being devious, shadowing the story in unneeded mysteries, only makes it harder to translate.  Mysteries are only fine if they are absolutely essential to the structure of the story. Finding a common chord for our minds to be translated to others is thinner than a strand of hair.  Fogging it up with such shennagins doesn't help.   Just a raging comment from a blunt writer. I spoke my piece.

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

I disagree.  It associates the reader in to follow the Campbell dictum.  You feel you're part of that culture or time, and not outside looking in.  Writing clues, being devious, shadowing the story in mystery enhances the reader's interest.  A WTF reaction is always good for getting the reader to turn from one page to another.  Different stylistic sensibility, I suppose.  Always be honest and blunt, esp. important in building a critical relationship.  Just expect people doing the same back.

Re: WIP Rhiannon the Nude, Vol 2: New Fairy by Rhiannon

Rachel:

That's exactly what I thought: "What, no dancing girls?"

You always surprise me. I'm always worried that my reviews may fall short, and you always claim I'm super useful. I'm glad I'm being helpful.

By the way, you're the only one whose bio is missing in the group's forums.

Kiss

Gacela