- still too violent for a Christian audience, and there's no easy way around that
>If you have to get out the walkie-talkies, so be it.
- probably still too irreverent for a Christian audience (e.g., Joseph just spent a chapter rewriting the Ten Commandments)
> I'll need to check out a competitor book to be able to comment. Still, the book you want to write vs the book you want to sell appear to be at odds.
- Christian elements are unlikely to appeal to non-Christians
> Should non-Christians be part of your target market? For example, is it possible to write a story about socialism that will appeal to both Democrats and Conservatives? (btw VQx are socialist stories, so I'm speaking from experience)
- first act is way too long (roughly 40% of the story)
> This makes me think the remaining acts should each be longer. Or the divisions need to be revisited. It seems you're tackling the latter.
- also, I think the angels need to be visible to the boys (no more "radiating"), which is a sizeable change
>What does visibility grant?