I do that all the time... when listing a series of descriptions. Not often with so few - in that case I'd probably join with "and".

pair of items wrote:

She wore a cream-colored, wraparound dress made of lightweight silk and matching shoes.

Note, this technically implies the shoes are silk too... or that the dress is made of shoes.

pair of items - sorted for logical ordering grouped by color then direction wrote:

She wore a cream-colored dress and matching shoes. The dress, wrapped loosely around her thighs, was pinned at her collar by an ornate red stone that glittered under the harsh rays of Bethelem's sun. Her shoes were suede, and everyone knows yellow suede signififies only the hardiest of souls.

list of items wrote:

She wore a cream-colored, wraparound dress made of lightweight silk with matching shoes, a designer purse in which was perched a tiny dog, and an obnoxiously large yellow hat whose brim might shelter three grown men from a sudden shower.

Ouch! I've had that happen where an idea I had got used before I could reach publication.

I was using the term "Synthoid" in VQF's first draft. Then the Aliens movie came out (I'd never seen part one at the time) and I lost that term. I switched to Synth, but that sounded too similar. In this draft I'm using Synthite, but I don't like that either. Basically I feel like I'm kicked off my term.

Slightly related, my concept of hands-free invisible computing (Buck Rogers was using terminals and Star Trek was using chest badges) which was revolutionary in the 80's has basically been stolen by real life. I totally need to release VQ before someone invents time travel and trumps Imager.

Unfortunately, this could go either way depending on the story's political structure... but I'm leaning towards lowercase personally

wait up. I'm slow.

You can get away with it using this little trick IMHO

881

(18 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Seems to originate from new user Nyx whose profile page is littered with code possibly seeking vulnerabilities

882

(5 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

A temporary work-around for this problem is

a) disable scripting
b) remove the offending quickee
c) re-enable scripting

Hey all... just a PSA... malware code running about in the quickees redirecting you to some spam site. Advise avoiding them until Sol can resolve

a) You could have it that all weapons in your universe injure and don't kill. (kinda ew)

b) Pull a Lucas and have the gunmen have terrible aim. (Actually when you look at it. GI Joe had this problem too. So did the transformers cartoon - it wasn't until the movie that any of them actually struck a target).

c) There is killing but the camera isn't really centered on it. Kind of like Firestarter's r*pe scene. We know it occurred, but the camera never quite settles on it (admittedly, reviewers are asking me to show that moment explicitly, but I can't fathom why)

Interestingly, I've never held back on violence with intent to get to a specific rating. in Firestarter's case, the idea of suppressing it is to ensure the scene doesn't overwhelm the story. Lord of the Flies was up there for violence, but we were reading it by like age 12. Actually, I was reading Green Arrow & Black Canary kill people by grade six and look how I turned out tongue.

Anyway, on a more serous note, it sounds like you're appplying movie ratings to literature. By that approach, watching Julius Caesar getting stabbed thirteen times by his trusted friends would never be allowed into a grade 10 reading list, and don't get me started about Romeo and Juliet's underage sex scene and subsequent double suicide.

I vote... just write the story and let readers decide the rating as pertains to their own perceptions.

-K

885

(22 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

I've often wondered why Hollywood hasn't done a Christine remake. Imagine her re-cast as a Dodge Avenger in hot pink coming out to Justin Bieber.

But on a more serious note, there's a lot you could do with that story in the hands of the write director (which, sadly, very few Stephen King movies ever seem to see)

...and off she goes hmm

If it's excruciating, why not use general anaesthesia? I can get that for much less than excruciating irl such as having a tooth drilled.

Not me. Mostly caught up in the marketing engine. And this current series is so very hard to write

careful... he's Canuck now. "Cooked food" means poutines and beavertails

890

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

description that must stand Amy's scrutiny.

Yeah, good luck with that

I've snipped / killed characters who had far more relevance

892

(5 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

I guess I'll chime in since I'm one of the perpetrators...

I don't have a fit with a POV character's eyes widen... but I will notice it every time, and if I'm noticing things it means I've been kicked out of the story.

Ah, but why did I notice it? I can't explain that easily, so let me give you a parallel example from another story here (slightly paraphrased for brevity)

not naming names wrote:

Helga's nostrils flared

Yes, you know when your nostrils flare - and sure you can even perceive it, should the nostrils in question be of sufficient diameter. However, I must ask if you've ever seen a beautiful member of the opposite gender and thought "Boy are my nostrils flaring!". If the POV character points out his reaction (be it nostrils or eyes, a tapping boot, or a ruptured spleen) I'll tend to zero in on that, which might not be the writer's intent.

But fear not... plenty of writers use this device. Remember Pippi Longstockings? IIRC her hair adjusts position depending on her level of excitement. Doesn't seem to have dented her book sales.

I liked Windsor

this summary... it's marketing text eventually destinedfor mass market? Or only for use during the search for a publisher?

mmm 15 yrs old and murder was 14 years ago. I see what you did there smile

naming the room is a short cut

You snuff 'em we stuff 'em

To clarify, I had an unusual case where all the characters existed in in-print books and were being actively searched. Combined with an uncommon name, Google couldn't help but join them up. But then tnbw had more hits on my character-names than any other site, so Google happily indexed it first.

I'm not experiencing the issue with this other series of which none is in print and character names are common. (Also I've hidden my name on here).

The company name doesn't fit into the tapestry you've woven. It's like that one pesky red thread that sticks out.

I presume it's like my use of the word "Internet" suddenly in VQF. I've contemplated references to some of the other major brands of today, but I'm so far in the future, I can't see any of those companies surviving. My setting experiences (social) entropic loss. This is to say, the broad message is cultures tend to boil down to nothingness over time, barring brief spikes of inserted energy. This is true of the others such as Star Wars where basically tech hasn't much improved in the past thousand years and there seems to be no will to move forward, and Enders Game where it took an alien invasion to get mankind to stir.

Your setting is one of renewal where old things become new again. This is quite unusual in sci-fi (quick: name all the movies/shows in the last 30 years with a greco-roman, mayan/aztec, Prussian, Babylonian, you-name-the-empire cast in space. Done? Off the top of my head, I only came up with Star Gate). As a result of this scarcity, you're going to have to do unusual things like have a company called Acme.

Side note: In VQ, Arkaya Corp is my equivalent of Acme. They made the droids that hunt Andrea down in her chapter one, and run the waste disposal company in Laurie's story. They so this and much more through a vast series of subsidiary companies. I've devoted significant page space to joining all these companies up, but you might want to go that route if you decide against Acme.

As for chapter one, my thoughts of the AI remain the same. I haven't commented that because I don't want to prompt you into an editing spree on a chapter one. Not until you write those other words "the end". I think a good chapter one is finalized after the last chapter is set in stong. The two chapters should reflect each other in theme, style & tone (reflect -- not rival)

Hope this helps

Careful... Google will follow you here. You may get cases like I did where tnbw results show up in searches ahead of your actual sale items