I believe you're targeting the wrong word. My eyes settle on "enhanced" as the problem
enhanced adrenaline showed in their...
effecively what you're attempting to convey is that "an unnatural amount of adrenaline" was in their bodies as opposed to that adrenaline being enhanced.
Here... try to stick to these sounds:
Yeh... Chambers is impossible for me to render for you. Chi-ye-m (n) - ba ru zu? Nope. You need to find reviewers with Asian names instead.
Indeed. I get these unfortunate, ugly-looking moments where X appears out of nowhere to save Y and it looks like hideous deus ex machina.
Sure...
Joseph is sitting around in the neutral zone one day when he sees three ships pass by. All three are from Earth... one is Apollo's personal vacation yacht, one if the battle cruiser defending it, and the third belongs to a civilian scrap metals collector. Note that the yacht and the battle cruiser are imperial (eg belonging to a different group than the junk collectors. Note: all 3 ships come from the same place (The Imperium which makes them Imperial).
Quiz: When Joseph looks up and sees the battle cruiser, the yacht, and the garbage ship, what can he exclaim?
a) I see three Imperial ships
b) I see two imperial ships and one Imperial ship
c) I see three imperial ships
I would suggest that (c) is incorrect. The garbage ship is not imperial - it's a civilian craft. It is however from a place whose adjectival form is Imperial. As a place-name, it should get the capitals. The other two ships are both Imperial (from the place) and imperial (belonging to the empire - eg military property).
It follows that all ships originating from Earth Are Imperial, but only a few are imperial.
Hope this helps!
Are you saying not to capitalize because there's more than one of them? If my story had multiple crown princes, they'd still be capitalized, as long as they're not in the same room at the same time
Indeed. Think about the word "Imperial"... it's the name of your league (technically).
The British imperial ship. (It's primarily British (league-assignment), but among the British ships, it's a member of a group known as imperial)
The imperial ship (It's of unknown league-assignment but whatever league that is, it's a member of the imperial group)
The American ship (It's of the American (league). It is not of the imperial group)
The Imperial ship (It's of the Imperium (league). It may or may not also be imperial - or all ships in that league might be considered also members of the imperial group)
I didn't intend to extend this to "regent" or "prince" etc of which there may be many entities... so let me apply it now:
If there was a country called "Regent" I would expect to see:
"The Regent ship"
and not
"The regent ship"
For the Imperial part, you might solve it by changing the name of the league. I mean... if Apollo builds a royal ship, he'd have to name it "the Imperial imperial ship" which is a little awkward
Governor not unique enough to get caps
once they trapped the Borg with an infinite loop puzzle, I was done with them being cool
The first use is a title -> caps -> no problem
The 2nd use...
Apollo is the 45th Imperial heir?
Apollo is the 45th imperial heir?
I would argue that Imperial is unique just as President is unique. The story must convince me that htere are other heirs who also take the imperial descriptor. I'd suggest "Imperial" is more of a league name than a description of royalty. If the latter, imperial makes sense.
as in "banzai"?
Or, you've had a variety of experienced reviewers
Don't trust your reviewers. Due to the nature of the site, reviewers are on your side and will forgive you a lot of greivances.
This includes me. Don't trust even my reviews. A lot of things that would make me put a book down irl I am willing to tolerate here because its a workshop site. I feel like I can overlook giant flaws because I know the writer isn't done yet. Is this a sports novel and the MC rookie quarterback completes every pass? I'll probably mention it in chapter 10 and forget about it. I trust the writer to figure things out. Said writer might think "Oh... only one reviewer commented and not very much. It's ok for a rookie QB to never fail". But the truth is, I (the reviewer) trusted you (the writer) which means you shouldn't trust me.
At the very minimum, paying for a substantive edit is worth the money (usually $1 per page). The harsher the better. Your readers will not spare your feelings when it comes out, so you might as well get that part over with.
a) If your editor doesn't find any major flaws you either have a best-seller or a bad editor
b) a dollar a double-spaced page is about the min you should pay, I've paid $3 per page for line edits plus comments. Generally the more the better work, provided it's a reputable firm.
I put R*cket G*rl Book I through the normal channels. Editor made an interesting observation that MC cries too much. This was a massive comment because my characters don't cry except in extenuating circumstances. This forced me to consider removing the circumstances (or softening them). I haven't made a final descision yet... the changes required significantly alter the story in unintended directions. I haven't decided yet -- still have 40 days to choose. Currently likely to press forward. Only *likely*.
touché.
However #3 died in in book 3 chapter 12 and Book 6 chapter 1. Not my fault she keeps getting better
Hey! Spoilers!
I find the advice in that column is a little weird.
She says to her friend "Don't write a Twilight knock off because that's writing to trend and by the time you could get published, the trend will be gone"
She forgets 50 Shades of Grey is a Twilight knock-off produced years after Twilight was trendy. She forgets that Star Wars is a Flash Gordon remake.
I don't see 50 Shades or Star Wars struggling for fans or money.
I agree with her idea that "John" was struggling with the story and should move back to his comfort zone - at least until he completes his first manuscript.
Indeed... however can you change the title of chapter 54 to a non-spoiler?
You're treating your story like a jigsaw puzzle rather than a story
Anything you can do to bunt the news article out of the important 3rd chapter slot would help (I don't purport to speak for publishers)
too current. Breaks the verisimilitude
I mostly got links to covercritics.com.
He has the advantage that his main character's name overlaps another semi-famous name (I didn't have that - too many made-up names) and he's using a pseudonym as his author name here. Two great combinations for evading the mighty google.
Rather, I question the assertion "...the Grinch actually does something kind..." which implies he normally does not.
The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
Nothing I can see in the original text suggests the Grinch hates anything else or has any reason to be unkind to Cindy Lou. For all we know, he's quite a friendly guy around Easter and maybe coaches softball on the weekend.
*I acknowledge that in the animated version, he mistreats his dog but the original text makes no mention of a whip. Let us say (in order to treat the OP) that the Grinch did whip his dog in the original text. We still have insufficient evidence to determine he is incapable of kindness to the extent that any kindness should surprise us. (And by kindness, I mean not maximizing each opportunity to be mean).
Not sure I follow. He doesn't seem to hate the Whovillians - only their devotion to Christmas. Or am I misreading the original intent?
"John watched the thief skulk away with his gold watch"
Characters Amy appears to not like, she often admires most. So they get picked on more
