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First draft is about 60K words... novella length. I'm generally 75% more wordy on a 2nd draft, so I expect to hit about 90K. I don't like to pass the mid 80's, so at 90, I'll be looking to kill even more characters off.

I agree sometimes the hero needs to win. My original story line called for [K i m] to lose in Book 4, Lorraine to Lose in Book 6, and Books 8 and 10 to be losses as well -- such that even-numbered volumes would be downers followed by comeback volumes. Not all has gone according to plan with characters often refusing to die et al, but I'm working on it.

This is why I think letting Anver know about how Alina killed his friend before he commits to the duel is a mistake.  It's too much outer reason and not enough Anver

... Egads! I'm in agreement with njc. Note if Amy will agree the universe could cease to exist

what are Anver's flaws?
Anver had no standout flaws that I recall

Meh. Anver doesn't need flaws to keep himself interesting because he's surrounded on all sides by enemies & strife. Basic Rocky / K1mberly formula - Keep the MC's back to the wall. Make sure he's fighting desperately against overwhelming odds with zero chance of success and knows at best he might pick up his own broken pieces from the field. He wins by thinking outside the box - or by daring what little he has left... or by sheer determination. This kind of hero need no extra rendering.

Samurai for me because of "to smack". But I'm able to puzzle it out to Apollo with no difficulties

AKA Solsol iirc

Hosted off Kwan's website... I think I just link them in HTML... eg <img src="http://www.mysite.com/my pic" />

You have tons of antagonists - what you need is a villain

You should make one up because you're not stuck in hard sci-fi. I suggest it not be a mineral or an element (because it's likely that we've discovered all the stable elements).

As a complex molecule, you could make up the conditions that cause it to exist. Then, you can tailor the conditions to suit the worlds where you want it to exist in abundance.

The "Spice" of my series has been given the condition it only forms in heavy rocks exposed to minimal heat or sunlight during its formation. This causes my character to chase down objects in the Kuiper Belt to get it - a place no one would want to be, otherwise.

Hi Unbar... you're doing okay. Deep breaths.

The nicest thing anyone can do for you is tell how why they didn't like your story. What you don't want is tons of feedback that it's average or good only to release and have a readersip silence and not know why. Every negative comment makes you more powerful. In so doing, a negative comment is not negative at all but a strengthening comment.

Having read book 1 of Tommy's journey, allow me to weigh in on her points

1) Use of modifiers. I didn't notice this. I'd say it's not that much of an issue. My advice re: editing hasn't changed. Your editor has a vested interest in saying nice things, even if she's unaware of this interest. You're not going to get objective edits from her. Also, everyone on TNBW is falsifying our reviews including me. The only honest reviewer I've ever seen here is Robert Stockington, and they ran him off the site in a day. CFB is close, but he tries too hard to be unreasonable.

2) Descriptions as dialogue tags. I used to be guilty of this - still don't see an issue. I'm saying I don't have a problem with your usage which is 100% of the reason you should ignore me.

wait... what?

Pretend 4 people read your story once it hits market. #1 & #2 like it. #3 is so-so. #4 doesn't like it. 9 times out of 10 it's #4 that leaves the review. You're not writing to please #1 and #2... you're writing to not displease #4. Therefore, even though descriptions as dialogue don't bother me, if they're considered bad by a quarter of the market, you might consider giving it a close look.

(A lot of people have attacked my opinion on this saying "It's my story. I'll write it how I like". This is commendable, but I want you to sell a million copies. 3 million. A billion million.)

3) Too many dialogue tags

I struggle with this on a daily basis. No matter which way I go, someone says not enough or too many. At this time, I lean towards too many deliberately, because no one really wants to read a story where they don't know who's talking. Whereas at least if too many, you know what's goig on even if you don't like the writing

4) Fancy tags

I'm guilty of this too. I'm always reminding myself to stick with the he said / she said.

5) Two spaces after period

I can't recall if I commented this when I read your book 1. Not an issue for me, but see the rule of 1-in-4 above

6) Book too long

Didn't notice the length in book 1. I did notice in book 2, but I was certain to highight the parts in 2 that made me feelthis way.

7) Flat characters

Oooh, this is a difficult one. It's their very flatness that makes them fascinating later in book 1 when they pop. Especially the mother-brother. I like them in all their initial flatness. You won't often hear me say that in my reviews. I can see your reviewer's point that they seem generic and no one wants to wait for them to fill out. That's the problem with today's society - no attention spans.

overall:

Glean what you can from this. Don't need to try to pick what's usable - your instinct will tell you that. Remember she's trying to help you and she belongs to group #4. This is rare and a blessing.

-K

His response to the SHogu is one of the best parts of Act I. Please don't delete/dilute it

speaking of description, here are the promised diagrams... I wish to note in advance, it's not the fact that the lines occur so far apart, it's all easily fixable ordering. I'll get to that at the end

Fixes...

a) would reverse opening vs tunnel. Since the opening is later described as a tunnel, I would make first mention of it "mouth of a tunnel"

b) If "tunnel" appears before "candle" everything is good. If (as is now) "candle" appears before "tunnel" I would mention time of day near the beginning. Once you turn on a light source in a narrative, I must assign the stage evening or night unless instructed otherwise.

c) I suggest a cursory overview in paragraph 1 that contains the fact of i) wall ii) tunnel so that later paragraphs might refer back to these without causingg me mental revisions

As a famous guy I know says, YMMV