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This is interesting. We had a parallel discussion in another group, and here are my take-aways from it.

1) I don't overly need a description of the POV character beyond gender and eccentricities. Shakespeare never described Juliette, yet she's framed in my head as a certain look. She's framed in your head with a slightly different (but no doubt similar) look. If a thousand people had to render her under  a paint brush you'd get a thousand variations, each personalized to that reader.

(Okay, R&J was a bad example because it's a play but I've often wondered how other people visualize them. I've never been able to mentally match them with the various film depictions through the years - they've always felt "off" to me. I also concede that trendy writers (JK Rowlings) have had great success describing their characters into the minutae)

2) I don't need the POV character's facial expression. If it's there, okay. If it's not, I'll assign one mentally. You're better off if I'm assigning it because I'll always assign the most favourable expression. If I'm doing this, I can ease into the POV character like it's a second skin. If it's there too much, it's a little intrusive - I'd want the story to keep rolling rather than the writer catch me up on what I'm supposed to be feeling for the MC.

Here's an excerpt from South of the Border, West of the Sun:

Now, let's stomp all over it with what the writer (pretend that's me) wants the reader to feel:

If you compare these, you'll see my inserts do little to advance the story. If anything, "grinning" spoils the reader experience for at least the portion of the market who would have been frowning.

So my advice is: when you go to make an expression on the POV character, ask yourself "Am I doing this because it's part of the story or because I need to tell the reader how to feel?"

Disclaimer: Ignore everything I just said and just tell your story the way you see fit.

"Fifteen Years and Fifteen Locks"

I read somewhere the series was north of 400 named places (between cities / planets / stars). If you recited all those names back-to-back at 1-second intervals, you could make a 3 hour feature film.

I think there's a typo. They bury her only 50cm deep? The body will resurface

fyi: Your MC is too flawed to qualify for the Mary Sue title

*Edit* If the above link is blank, you'll just need to wander to the main url log in, then click the link again. The blank page is a deliberate anti-google-foo

I vote: Forget the past and dive right in.

You know how Hamlet starts?

About the halfway point in the tale for the entire story to come out.

Key word there "frequently"... and I refer to my original comment: if you're going to use this device, own it. Make sure it doesn't look like an accident.

This pernicious 4th wall... when Hamlet looks at us and cries to be or not to be... and proceeds to try to convince us his actions contain some modicum of moral fiber...

it's very powerful
intimate
energetic

Yes... "intimate" because it invites the reader to converse with the character. But some readers will find it jarring because they're kicked out from being the character and forced to become spectators. Your deep immersion readers won't like it when this happens. Your 3rd person readers won't mind.

I have a series where the main character is very much aware she is a character in a story. At times, she flirts directly with the reader, daring the one person who knows her true motivation to condemn her. At times she pretends to only be the character and traipses obediently as the plot would require. This series isn't really a "story"... it's more of an "experience"... and it establishes itself as being in this mode early on.

In your case, my observation is that a chapter 35 is rather late to suddenly bring in such elements. I recommend at least one before chapter 10 and maybe another in the late 20's. Make it so this doesn't stick out but is part of the tapestry.

Re: Eyes go wide

Allow me to take an unusual stance. First, go re-read 10 paragraphs of your favourite chapter of Dune, then insert "...and Paul's eyes went wide".

Why don't we see this?

Essentially, the writer is treading on the story and says "Character X feels surprised".

One rule of story-telling they never tell you in school is "Don't tell the reader how to feel". That's what's happening here, and Herbert never does this. As such, the Dune story means many things to many people, and it's why there'll never be an accurate movie rendered of it (though the original comes reasonably close).

"Don't tell the reader how to feel"
I once had this yelled at me by a published writer many years ago. The particular example was fright. The lines went something like this (and I'm going from memory so bear with me).

Round 1 (basic)

Here, the writer was like "NO! Why is John afraid? Show me the elements of John that demonstrate fear, and let me decide if I'm afraid"

Round 2 (regular)

a. John considers sunlight important (eg, he considers night/darkness as something to avoid). Notice, John need not frown - the fact that he noticed the waning sunlight is sufficient to convey the writer's intent.
b. John regularly passes here, and John associates fences with safety
c. Dogs make John think about death
d. delaying the suspense
e. Telling part (No worries here. I do this all. the. time.) This is on par with eyes widening - the writer is basically pausing the story to give the reader clues on how they should be feeling. After all, an open gate is not relevant if the dog is really friendly.

Round 3 (Approaching Stephen King level)

a. Keeping the danger slightly off-camera

Is John scared? The story never says. To some readers, he's terrified. To other readers he's quite calm and merely trying to avoid getting bitten. We basically invite the reader to insert his own judgements on top of John's actions. This is what Herbert managed to do... and is a kind of ideal goal.

If you manage to reach this third tier, Apollo will seem suave to some readers, and surprised to others. Each reader will assign their favourite attributes to the character. He will be inherently personable because he will embody the ideals of each reader's experiences.

Reader A: Vader is in entreaty. He wants to be recognized as a parent
Reader B: Vader is ashamed that his son is so weak. He's boasting that he's the father to try to get Luke to be better
Reader C: Vader is testing Luke... trying to draw him out to see what he knows.
Reader D: (is in Luke's head) Don't, Luke! It's a trrrraaaap!

now imagine:

Here, "pleading" is a slight POV crawl. As Reader B, I have to stop being the character and imagine the character as perceived by Luke. This bounces me into Luke's head for a split second. I've been forced to head-hop and there was no significant benefit.

Most important fact... what you've written is not a deal breaker. Even if you change nothing, you still have a good story. This is all nuance... and as I've said each time, I want to give each of you everything I know.

oh dear