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That doesn't work for me, any more than "The thought of President Trump spat"

Thoughts and presences can't spit. It's an affront to spitting.

Anyway,  usually pass on chapter 2's but I'll make an exception

I like njc's approach....

Note the lines in original don't pull my eyes in a consistent direction...

(lines drawn across the eyes of the background shapes)

njc's is a bit more organized, albeit centered on the lower back instead of the upper back

(the curvature he puts in the ground works well againstthe staff)

if you go with njc's approach, might I suggest you rearrange the title text to improve the line work?

I like the color scheme but I think it's missing a"book" element

Written by Sir James Knowles. It's pretty good when he's got a recognizable character on the scene (eg Sir Lancelot)... but that round table has to be seating 40-50 knights and he's not scared to name them all during a 10-page window which makes his scenes more like a revolving door.

I'm in the opening throws on Colourless. I'm also still slogging through the Arthurian Tales but it's been several months on that and I must concede I'm lost and might not finish

I got voice from Rogers and data from wind. Best of both worlds - great voice reception and unlimited data. Only drawback lugging around the extra device

tap water counts as running water. Blocks certain powers in our mythology including vampirism (and including telepathy in my world)

After letting it roll around in the back of my head for a few weeks, I wish to nominate "glop" as the count noun for gillis.

This word is sorta comprehensible and is something the characters could believably coin on the spot.

"Mentally ill" is a polite word you're used to hearing used as a weapon against you if you suffer from any a mental health problem. I would recommend saving such a word for character speech. Used in the right place, it will really colour your principals. Used while I'm making a buying decision, it will worry me.

highlighting were my eyes rested...

Joseph and Apollo are teenagers living in the 41st century who grow up worlds apart but share a common bond — both are visited by a being who calls himself God. God takes each of them on an incredible journey to fulfill their destinies. With God’s help, Apollo, heir to Earth’s grand Imperium Romanum, leads a holy crusade to conquer a perilously divided galaxy. At the same time, God helps Joseph, the deeply religious crown prince of the strategic world New Bethlehem, found a radical new religion to steer humanity away from the Apocalypse. Ultimately, the teens' destinies will collide, something neither may survive. But is God a real deity, or the imagination of two mentally ill boys?

Some of the words I've deliberately overlooked (so you can see my thought process):
living > that they're alive is implied
grow up > implied they're growing at least a little unless they both die in chapter 1 paragraph 1
common bond > implied by them being mentioned together
incredible journey > superlative / advertising speakum
deeply > I realze you meant deeply with respect to Apollo but it reads out of phase here
religion > appears a lot in this little paragraph if we shall equate God / holy / religion / crusade
(destiny appears a lot too)
I dropped Imperium Romanum for reasons I'll make a separate post about
didn't like perilously because a) adjective b) it's not that "divided" when it's 3 parties but kept for now

And then taking what you wrote and joining all the blue parts:

Other notes:
a) I tried to shave off words wherever I could by joining / grouping concepts.
b) tried to get religion fown to 3 mentions (crusade / religion / Apocalypse)
c) Made God realer by asserting he's an entity (as written that last line forces him to be imaginary in the head of a believer)

yes, I'm accusing njc of erudition

yes