Northeast Corridor

Amtrak Acela to Boston

Sunday, March 29th, 1:50 PM

The Acela thundered through the fog, hugging the Connecticut coastline near Mystic as it picked up speed. When the express train was going at full throttle, careening down a straight and empty stretch of track, it felt like it wasn’t built to ride on such a rickety infrastructure.  Like it was moments away from jumping off the rails.

Just like my life, Ethan thought, staring out the window at the mist-shrouded marshes. What the hell just happened?

He reached into the side pocket of his travel bag, fingers fumbling until they found Jess’s engagement ring. Was it even hers anymore? The way they’d left things, he didn’t know.

He left the bag on the empty seat beside him. He’d picked the quiet car, hoping to take a nap, but sleep eluded him. No matter how heavy his body felt, he couldn’t turn off his mind. Memories of Jess kept bubbling to the surface.

It started with a crush, back when they were freshmen living in Thayer. She’d literally been the girl next door – well, three doors down the hall. Her flip-flops used to make this cute patter every morning whenever she passed his room on the way to the shower. The memory of that sound still made his pulse race.

Wasn’t that love?

They hung out often during freshman year. Played pool in the common room or sat at the same crowded dining room table, always with friends. Sure, Jess flirted with him from time to time, but he never made a move. Never tried to compete with the jocks and final club legacies who were always fighting for her attention.

By sophomore year, they lived on opposites sides of the campus and moved in different social circles. She took mostly humanities, while he practically lived in the Science Center. When he bumped into her once crossing Harvard Square, she said hi with a puzzled expression, like she couldn’t remember his name. They’d gone from being friends, to casual acquaintances, to strangers.

But that all changed during winter reading period, senior year.

He closed his eyes, reliving the moment when Jess stopped by his table at Lamont Library. He heard the click of her heels. Smelled her Gardenia Passion perfume. Saw the warmth in her smile. Felt the heat rising from his chest to his cheeks when she asked if the seat across from his was taken.

Forget about studying. Whenever she stretched and yawned, or absently played with her hair, or chewed on her pencil, his hormones went crazy. After half an hour, he finally got up the courage to ask if she wanted to take a coffee break.

They spent that night in her bedroom, and most of the next day. God, the sex had been amazing.

At least that part of their relationship hadn’t changed. They were kids back then, having fun. No thoughts about the future. No tragedy, addiction, or infidelity to overcome. When did things go so wrong?

Jess summed it up last night. “It’s bad enough we lied to each other for so long. What’s even worse is that, up until now, neither one of us had a clue.”

Maybe she was right. They needed time to figure out what that meant.

An empty station platform jumped out of the fog and whizzed by, receding like an old memory. He pressed his forehead to the windowpane and felt the vibrations of the train. The rattle of unstoppable momentum, miles racing by like years.

“Next stop, Providence,” the conductor announced.

Providence. Such a comforting word. Perhaps there really was some wise, benevolent force working behind the scenes to guide him in the right direction. To push him back to Jess, or forward to Callie, or to some as yet unimagined destination. No need to thrash about or swim against the current if he was destined to wind up in the same place either way.

*

The Acela pulled into South Station at around noon. Despite Ethan’s foul mood, he couldn’t help but laugh when he spotted Larry on the platform. His friend was holding a bright yellow smiley face balloon.

They greeted each other with a fist bump.

“What’s with the balloon?” Ethan raised his eyes skyward. “Did I miss your fifth birthday party?”

“No, smart ass. After our call this morning, I figured you’d need some cheering up, so here it is.” Larry handed him the string with a flourish. “Your smile-even-though-you-just-broke-off-your-engagement balloon. Eat your heart out, Hallmark. I’m patenting that shit.”

“Thanks.” Ethan stepped on the balloon until it popped. “Now I really do feel better. You already know how my weekend went. How about yours?”

Larry frowned. “Sucked, as usual. Lost a whole tray of stem cells ‘cause some jackass forgot to close the incubator door. By the way, was I still high on those magic mushrooms from last night, or did you tell me you bought one of Miss Prodigy’s paintings for two hundred G’s?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Ha! So you really did it. That’s hilarious.”

“Jess didn’t think it was so funny.”

“Yeah, well, she never shared our sense of humor. No offense. I mean, she’s awesome in every other conceivable way. I don’t want things to get weird if you get back together again. It’s just that –”

“Larry.” Ethan held up his hand. “Slow down. You’re overwhelming me. Did you have too much sugar for breakfast again?”

“Not yet. But ask me again in an hour. That’s the real reason I’m here. We’re having your un-engagement brunch at my favorite place.”

Larry had the taste buds of a toddler, so only one restaurant in Boston could get him this excited. “Max Brenner?”

“Exactly. Even you won’t be able to mope over a plate of French toast covered with gummy bears, cinnamon sugar and white chocolate syrup.”

Ethan hoisted the travel bag strap over his shoulder. “Thanks, man, but I think I’ll just head back to the apartment. I’m pretty exhausted.”

“I know.” Larry’s expression turned serious. “Which is why you need this diversion. Seriously, E. I’m sorry about what happened. I’m here for you. But I also want some friggin’ chocolate pancakes. What do you say?”

Ethan grinned. “All right. Show me the way, Willy Wonka.”

*

Larry had a point. It was hard to feel depressed in a chocolate-themed restaurant that had the interior décor of a gingerbread house. Then again, his best friend wasn’t exactly cheering him up. He’d just revealed Jess’s explosive secret, and Larry wasn’t even pretending to be surprised.

“I hate to say it, but it totally makes sense.” He popped a wedge of pancake into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “I mean, you did break up during med school. Technically, Jess was back on the market for a year before you got back together. What did you think she was doing all that time?”

“I don’t know.” Ethan poked at his omelet. “Studying her ass off like me?”

Larry snorted. “If you’re talking about studying male anatomy, you’re probably right. Especially the reproductive tract.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Sorry, dude, but seriously. A girl like Jess plans everything. Did you really think she was sitting around with her girlfriends studying up on torts or whatever boring, useless shit they learn in law school? She was shopping around. Test driving another sports car before settling on the Model E.”

“I realize that now, but at the time, I had other problems to deal with.”

“Exactly. Like Jess said, you both had your blind spots.” Larry slurped his hot chocolate, leaving a white foam moustache. “After you got back together, didn’t the subject ever come up?”

“Sort of. She told me she’d casually dated someone for a few months. She made it sound like no big deal, so I let it go.”

Larry arched an eyebrow.

“Hey, you said it yourself. We’d broken up, so it wasn’t like she was cheating”— he stirred a lump of sugar into his coffee – “yet.”

“Damn. So she kept seeing the other guy, even after you got back together?”

“On and off, until last fall. She only broke it off when we started planning our future together. All those times when she couldn’t see me because she was getting slammed with work…” He shook his head. “I should’ve known.”

“She was getting slammed, all right.”

“Seriously?” Ethan picked up Larry’s chocolate syrup dispenser. “Do you want to wear this?”

“Sorry! I couldn’t resist. You walked right into that one.”

“Guess I did.” Ethan shook his head and grinned. It was gallows humor, but maybe that’s what he needed. “I’ve walked into a lot of things this weekend. The funny thing is, Jess almost seemed relieved when I told her about my struggle with addiction.  After the shock wore off, she came right out and told me about the other guy.”

Larry’s pupils widened. “Do you know who he is? Don’t tell me it’s that douchebag Jace.”

“That’s what I thought. I mean, he was all over her last night. But when I asked her, she got really offended.” He laughed. “Said she would never do that to Bethany, and besides, she didn’t date toads.”

“Who was it then?”

“Some law school classmate. Someone I’ll probably never meet. Looking back, it was so damned obvious. All those weekends when she seemed distracted or had to leave early to study. I was too self-absorbed to notice.”

“It goes both ways. Jess never noticed your trips to Narcotics Anonymous. Even I saw how much pain you were dealing with some days. How you’d get this caged animal look, like you were itching for a fix. You’ve gotten better at hiding it, but Jess should’ve noticed.”

“Why do you think she didn’t?”

“Honest answer?” He put down his fork. “Because she’s kinda self-centered.”

“You don’t really know her.”

“Exactly, and I’m your best friend. Don’t you think I should by now?”

Ethan stared at the grease congealing on his plate. Larry was the only friend who knew about his addiction. The only person he trusted to keep the secret. They’d even gone together to a couple of NA meetings when he’d needed the company. What did it say about his relationship with Jess that he’d felt too ashamed to tell her?

“So what next?” Larry asked. “Do the two big lies cancel out? Are you guys even?”

“I’ve already forgiven Jess. It’s not like we were married with kids, and besides, she picked me over the other guy. That’s what really matters. But my baggage is more complicated.”

“I don’t see it like that.”

“That’s because you’ve never been a drug addict. That stain never washes off.” He pushed some home fries around on his plate, realizing he hadn’t taken a bite. “Jess was pissed I hadn’t told her before we got engaged. Said the fact I’d kept my addiction a secret was worse than the addiction itself.”

“Hypocrite.”

“Yeah. Her cheating threw cold water on that argument. But then she brought up her family, and her dad’s political ambitions. He’s seriously thinking about running for the mayor of New York City next year. When his opponents start digging for dirt, a junkie son-in-law who forges prescriptions for Oxy will be a huge liability.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Maybe, but I wasn’t in the mood to argue.”

“So that’s it?” Larry dumped white chocolate syrup onto his remaining scraps of pancake, then reached across the table to snag one of Ethan’s fries. “She broke it off?”

“I don’t know. She did return the engagement ring.”

“That’s a pretty clear message.”

“Yeah, but she also asked me to keep it safe for her. She wants some time to figure things out. She’s going to tell her parents everything, since this affects them too.”

“Don’t tell me you agreed to that.”

“I did. It’s not like I have anything to lose, and besides, I couldn’t say no. You should’ve seen her this morning, Larry. Her eyes were bloodshot. I slept on the couch, but I could hear her crying all night.” His throat tightened. “I think I broke her heart.”

Larry reached across the table to pat his hand. “It’ll work out, E. I have a feeling she’ll want that ring back.”

“I’m not so sure about that. When I called her from the train, it was brutal. She’d just gotten off the phone with her sister Maddie, so maybe that had something to do with it. The call barely lasted a minute.”

“At least she didn’t break up with you by text.”

Ethan checked his iPhone. “Nope. But the day isn’t over yet.”

Larry leaned back in his chair, looking like a kid who was dying to blurt out something he knew he shouldn’t.

“What? Spit it out.”

“Fine.” His friend sighed. “Don’t take this the wrong way. I mean, everyone knows Jess is amazing. She’s this brilliant, gorgeous, hot shit lawyer with crazy family money to boot. The girl’s a supermodel with two Harvard degrees – basically every type A boy’s wet dream. But do you love her?”

Ethan gazed past his friend, past a wall display made of chocolate chips arranged in a rainbow, from white to dark with all shades in between. A petite girl sat with her back to them, her dark hair done up in a halo braid. His heart skipped a beat. From a distance, she looked like Callie. But then she turned.

She was pretty. Beautiful even, but…  not Callie.

No one else would ever come close.

“It’s a simple question. Do you love her?”

“Yes. I don’t know. I –” He reached into his wallet for a twenty and put it on the table. “I need to go. There’s something I forgot to take care of at Belmont.”

“Now?” Larry stared at him like he’d just spoken in tongues. “Dude, it’s Sunday.”

“I know. This can’t wait.”

“Okay, but just so you know. This might not be the best time to head over to Belmont.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, boy.” Larry puffed out his cheeks. “You’ve been preoccupied all weekend, so I guess you wouldn’t know. Remember that rumor I told you about someone leaking info on Callahan Perrin to Prime Dirt?”

Prime Dirt. Ethan sucked in a breath through clenched teeth. That was the name of the gossip website Jess’s sister wrote for. She’d cancelled their brunch because she had to work on some big story. Dread gnawed at his stomach.

“What happened?”

“Here. See for yourself.” He pulled up something on his cell and his jaw dropped. “Oh, shit. This picture’s new. They must’ve just posted it.”

“Show me.”

Larry clutched the cell to his chest. “I don’t think you want to see this.”

“Give me the phone.”

“No. Trust me on this one.”

“Forget it! I’ll look myself.”

Ethan took out his iPhone and Googled Prime Dirt. He was expecting a damaging expose on Callie’s stay in Belmont. Maybe some leaked patient information, which would be bad enough.

But nothing could prepare him for the picture that popped up on the screen.

A picture of him and Callie, holding hands and looking very much like a happy couple as they strolled through Belmont’s English Garden.

He didn’t need to read the headline to know he was in deep shit.

PSYCH WARD ROMANCE. IS CALLIE IN LOVE AGAIN?

***

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