Brown University, College Hill
Providence, Rhode Island
Monday, 12:00 PM
Callie
Fog blanketed the Brown campus, hiding the green clockface of Carrie Tower and shrouding the tops of elm trees like gauze. Callie squinted into the drizzle, feeling less sure of herself with each step. Maybe it was a mistake to come back so soon.
She paused at the edge of the Main Green to gather her thoughts. What did she expect Maya to say? That she was willing to let her back into her life despite all the bullshit? That wasn’t going to happen.
Besides, all she wanted to do was talk about Ethan.
She blinked away tears, trying to force him out of her mind, but it was futile. She hadn’t expected to miss him so much. Every happy couple that walked past reminded her of what could have been. She kept picturing his smile. The musical sound of his laughter. The way his face lit up whenever he saw her, eyes as vivid and deep as the Blue Grotto in Capri.
I could have lost myself in those eyes. I would have happily drowned there.
But there was no going back. Those pools had been mirages. Even if Ethan wasn’t a con artist and a liar, he was an addict like Dad. He’d hurt her because that’s what addicts did.
Learn to identify the self-destructive patterns of behavior.
As much as she didn’t want to believe it, he probably had sold her information to Prime Dirt. Addicts did backstabbing shit like that all the time. Her father had abandoned her to feed his drug habit. He’d left her marooned and freezing to death with nothing to cling to but Elin the Iceberg. Why should Ethan be any different?
And even if he were innocent, did it matter? He loved someone else. He’d made that painfully clear. She cringed at the memory of that aborted kiss. The way he’d pulled away when she tried to hold his hand. Then there was the watercolor incident. She’d poured her emotions onto that sheet of paper and he’d barely given it a glance before folding it into his pocket.
He didn’t love her. End of story.
Time to move on, Cal.
She took a deep breath and walked toward Faunce Arch, head low to avoid unwanted attention, but no one seemed in the mood to linger. The usually cheerful College Green felt like a graveyard, with brick lecture halls and white marble libraries poking through the mist like tombstones and mausoleums. Somewhere in the distance, a chapel bell tolled mournfully.
Maybe I’m already dead. Maybe I’m a ghost haunting the life that could have been.
She paused in front of Sayles Hall. A cluster of students milled about under the arched entrance, probably killing time before class. She gazed up at the brownstone façade, feeling a trace of the awe she’d felt as a fourteen-year-old standing in the same spot.
Dad had been invited to give a guest lecture at Sayles. She remembered sitting in the audience with Izzy, marveling at the soaring arched ceiling, ornately carved wood beams and chandeliers hanging overhead. It felt like she’d stepped into the Great Hall at Hogwarts, complete with a massive organ behind the lecture podium.
Afterwards, they’d strolled through the Brown campus, admiring the hodgepodge blend of Georgian, classical, and modern architecture. She recalled the lushness of the quad, with neatly mowed emerald rectangles fringed by towering elm trees that reached into the sky.
When she closed her eyes, she could almost hear the laughter of students hanging out on the green. Taste the frozen lemonade they bought on Thayer Street. Smell the incense in the funky clothing store where she and Izzy had tried on summer dresses and wraps while Dad laughed at the impromptu fashion show.
She blinked away tears. A year later, Izzy would be dead, Dad would be using again and as good as dead, and she’d be stuck with Elin.
Now I have no one.
To her left, an Asian guy paused mid-stride and stared at her before turning to say something to his friend.
Great. By dinnertime, word would be out that Crazy Prodigy Chick was back on campus.
That didn’t matter. If things with Maya went as badly as she expected, she’d be gone before then.
She pulled her hoodie over her head and kept walking.
*
A month ago, Callie could eat lunch at the Blue Room Café without turning too many heads, but now she felt like she was naked and walking under a spotlight. She hurried past the crowded tables, stirring up excited whispers in her wake.
Guess that’s what you get for making a splashy suicide attempt.
She found Maya at a corner table, working on her laptop. She was typing with one hand and twirling a thick, dark braid with the other. The familiar mannerism brought a much-needed smile to Callie’s lips. When Maya was in study mode, she tuned out the world for hours at a time. The girl could type and twirl through a fire, hurricane, and alien invasion – all happening at the same time.
Maya only noticed her when she was standing inches away. Normally, they would have greeted each other with excited shrieks and hugs, but her friend just looked up and gave her a tight smile.
“Hey. Thanks for meeting me.” Callie shifted her weight from foot to foot, not sure whether she should sit or wait for an invitation. “I know you’re crazy busy.”
“No problem.” Maya closed her laptop and slid a paper coffee cup toward her. “Here, this is for you.”
“Sweet. Just what I needed.” Callie grabbed the cup and took a greedy slurp. “Thanks, babe.”
Maya flinched. “Don’t call me that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I get it.” She shrugged like it was no big deal, but her heavy brown eyes said something different. “Old habits are hard to break.”
Callie sat down, not sure what to say. Small talk seemed like the safest bet. She took another sip of coffee and mustered a smile. “Ahh. Hazelnut with half-and-half and two sugars. Still hot. Just the way I like it.”
Maya nodded. “Figured you wouldn’t feel like standing on line today. The gossip bugs are swarming.”
“Yeah.” Callie glanced over her shoulder. “I noticed.” How many exes would be so thoughtful? She resisted the sudden urge to grab Maya’s hand. “Guess I deserve it though.”
“Bullshit. People need to get a life.” Maya glared at a bug-eyed guy with messy blond hair who was shamelessly gawking. “Wanna join us, bro?” She motioned to their table. “There’s an empty seat.”
The guy shrugged and moved on, triggering snickers from a nearby table.
“Stalker.” Maya stared daggers after him “Should’ve brought my mace.”
Callie grinned, feeling her mood lighten. “That might count as an overreaction, but it would be fun to watch.”
Maya shoved the laptop into her knapsack and stood. “Wanna get out of here?”
“Please. Do you have the time?”
“That depends. Are you willing to listen?”
“Yes. That’s why I’m here.”
“You won’t like what I have to say.”
“I know.”
“And it’s not like you’ll follow my advice anyway.”
“I might surprise you.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Maya glanced at her watch and sighed. “I’m meeting my thesis advisor at Metcalf in fifteen minutes. We can talk on the way.”
*
Callie’s mood brightened as soon as they stepped outside. The rain had stopped, with shafts of sunlight burning through the fog, and a keyhole of blue sky peeked through the clouds. Maybe it was a sign things were about to get better. At least Maya was willing to talk. That was already more than she’d expected.
They walked down the sloping pathway to Lincoln Field, pausing in front of Blueno – the whimsical sculpture of a giant, powder blue teddy bear with black button eyes. Callie wriggled circulation back into her toes, which were freezing from walking through the wet grass. She couldn’t wait to ditch the psych-issue Keds she’d been given at Belmont. First thing she’d do when she got home was throw them in the trash. Then she’d take a hot bath and try to scrub the past week off her skin.
She gazed up at Blueno and smiled. “Wow. I really missed this place.”
Maya sighed. “Listen, I’ll just come out and say it. You shouldn’t be here. It’s too soon.”
Callie turned to face her. “I get why you feel that way, but I’ve got nowhere else to go. It’s not like I can return to Belmont. Not after what they did to me. And there’s no way in hell I’m crawling back to Elin.” She took a quick breath. “Please, Maya. I need your help.”
“That’s funny, because two weeks ago you called me a clingy loser.” Maya’s hands dropped to her hips. “Right before you told me to get the fuck out of your life.”
“I didn’t mean that. I…” She swallowed the painful knot in her throat. “I was sick. I didn’t know what I was saying.”
“Sure you did. Manic Callie might be a total bitch, but at least she’s honest. She’s just you without a filter. We broke up because you weren’t into me anymore. I was always bringing you down, remember?”
Callie looked away, sniffing. “You’re right.” Tears streamed down her cheeks as memories of their last fight flooded in. Maya had every right to hate her. She’d been vicious, hurling insults like knives. “I’m a raging bitch, just like Elin.”
“No.” Maya placed a hand on her shoulder. “You’re nothing like that puta. And I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. My brain gets that, even if my heart’s still torn up. But that’s not the reason you can’t stay. You need to go back to the hospital.”
“But the apartment lease –”
“Don’t worry about that. I already found someone to take over your share.”
Callie recoiled as if she’d just been slapped. “Why? I told you I’d pay for the rest of the year.”
“It’s not about the money.” Maya sucked in a breath through clenched teeth. “God, this is surreal. You tried to kill yourself. You can’t just step back into your old life like nothing happened. It doesn’t work that way.”
“What choice do I have?”
“Go back to the hospital. Get the help you need.”
“Sure.” Callie let out a bitter laugh. “Because that worked so well. Those assholes at Belmont screwed me over. Haven’t you read the news?” She held up her cell phone. “They turned me into a joke.”
“I know. It’s not fair what happened.” Maya’s shoulders heaved. “And I’m not saying you should go back to Belmont, but there are other good places. You got another chance at life. Thank God for that. But what happened…” Her voice shook. “It’ll happen again, and next time, you’ll be gone. I don’t want to go to your funeral, Cal. Don’t put me through that.”
“I won’t. I promise. Everything’s going to be different now that Elin’s out of my life, and I’m done with all the Prodigy bullshit too. I’m going to finish my thesis and graduate. Maybe go for a masters or PhD in Art Theory. I’ll even go back to therapy.”
Maya raised a brow. “That’s not enough. What about your meds?”
“Sure.” Callie shook her pocket book, which rattled from all the pill bottles it contained. “I’ll take their zombie pills. And I was thinking I’d go back to Downward Bear Studio for some meditation. Yoga and running always did more to pick up my mood than any of the other crap. I’m going to make this work.”
“Maybe.” Maya’s watch alarm chimed, and she cursed under her breath. “Mierda. I’ll call my thesis advisor to reschedule. Then we can run this all by psych services.”
“Go to your meeting.” Callie waved her on. “I’ll be okay. We can pick this up later.”
Maya chewed on her bottom lip. “You sure?”
“Positive. I just need to borrow your key to the Pink House. I lost mine.”
“Fine, but don’t go anywhere until I get back.”
“Okay, mom.”
“I’m serious. And by the way, you’ve got a new stalker. I got a call yesterday from that med student who leaked your health info. Somehow, he found out I was your roommate and tracked me down. I’m thinking we should file a police report.”
Callie froze. “Wait. You got a call from Ethan?”
“Yeah.” Maya fished the key out of her knapsack and handed it over. “That’s his name.”
“What did he say?” Callie grabbed her friend’s hand. “Tell me everything.”
***
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So glad to see another Callie/Ethan chapter posted! It's good one.
I couldn't find a thang in it to nit.
I thought the dialogue flowed right along and sounded natural between friends/ex-lovers. However, that might change once Maya figures out Callie really has an interest in Ethan.
Looking forward to the face-to-face between those two.
~Ann
Thanks so much for your encouraging words, Ann! I think I'm close to wrapping this one up. Maybe five chapters or so, but you know how my writing goes once I get to describing stuff, so it might be more. I know I keep putting off the face-to-face between Ethan and Callie. I think that's something you do too, right? Take two romantic leads and throw as many obstacles in their way as possible so they have to earn their happily ever after. I'm still not sure whether there will be that kind of ending here. My original plan was quite dark, but now I'm thinking that might wait for a sequel.
Hope all's well and sunny in Texas!
Gray
Hello, Gray. Callie, like Ethan, is a thinker. A heavy one. That's one of the reasons they're good for each other. Then too, Jess was not necessarily bad for him...if he'd never met Callie, I expect he and Jess would take the plunge.
Maya's a good-hearted young lady. She's kinda tough, but tough love is what Callie needs at this point. I like Maya much more'n Maddie.
The next chapter should be very interesting, namely in regard to how Callie will react/respond...
CHEERS!!
Mike
Thanks, Mike. Some personal reminiscences here too, as I went to Brown undergrad and met my wife there. Happy days, but not without some socially awkward moments and growing pains early on! Glad you like Maya. That was my intention for her character.
Cheers,
Gray
Ann Everett