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Fixed the problem caused by the low life expectancy in the 1600s. Instead of comparing priest life expectancy to those of the average male, the sharp-eyed monk compares them to the average *adult* male. A one-word fix. That weeds out the deaths of minors, which greatly skews the average.

I think it depends on the character. A snooty grammarian or a very formal character might talk without passive voice, just to make them sound different, whereas a country hick probably wouldn't give a damn.

I'm not sure how. The stabbing, the shooting, the confrontation with the other guards,  the demonic dagger & holy water, Connor's failed prayer, etc. are all natural elements of the scene based on what occurred earlier in the story. This is the end of act 1 and intentionally very tense, so this is a place for show over tell.

Thank you, gents. Very helpful. For example three, I reworded it slightly to eliminate the issue:

Those are just the plot holes I noticed this time around. The worst plot holes were immediately obvious in the theater. In ep. 8, Leia sent a distress signal to the rest of the galaxy and absolutely nobody came. This time, Lando leaves for a few hours and returns with the largest "rebel" fleet ever seen, easily ten times the one that attacked the second Death Star. And let's not forget that Palpatine has been building/hiding the most massive "imperial" fleet ever (of course). Each ship is so advanced that it can destroy a planet, and all of them are hiding in the cloudy atmosphere at Exogol. However, these super-advanced ships apparently can only go "up" into space with the help of a navigation station/satellite, of which there is exactly one for the whole fleet. Ack.

Rotten Tomatoes gives the film 50%, which is incredibly generous. Anakin pouring his heart out to Padme in ep. 2 was less painful to watch. They all should have stopped after the original trilogy.

Kdot, I'm trying make my use of paragraphs more consistent. Below are two examples that I handled differently and I'm wondering which is more correct.

In the following, I describe actions performed by both Romano and Nnamani, then place their subsequent dialogue in separate paragraphs.

Below, both men look at each other, then Nnamani speaks (Romano does not).

For consistency, I'm inclined to move Nnamani's dialogue into a separate paragraph.

Thoughts?

Thanks
Dirk

Thank you, all. As some of you have pointed out, it needs to be structured differently, which would require a rewrite. Also, as CJ pointed out in his review, the dialogue in question doesn't really add much. The quick fix is to rip it out. Nevertheless, it was surprising/interesting to write myself into a corner. Haven't done that in a while. :-)

Thanks again.
Dirk

Thank you, Linda. Not to beat this to death, but the characters who are telling this shared tale (using double quotes) also relate dialogue that was spoken within the tale. That requires nesting quotes, which is what you see in my initial post in this thread. Maybe I'm just missing something...

Thanks
Dirk

I'm not sure how that would work. The characters in the story weave in and out of the tale, talking to each other, moving around, etc. Also, there is more than one narrator; other characters jump in and tell parts of the historic events.

Episode 9 was a decent wrap-up for the saga given the fact that they didn't follow a story arc for the last three films. It's asinine that they would do that with a multibillion dollar franchise. The best part about 9 is that Emperor Palpatine was back (as a clone). That was an asspull. The worst part was when Lando takes off to round up enough ships to take on the Emperor's massive new fleet. He comes back in no time at all with hundreds of ships, easily ten times the size of the fleet that attacked at Endor. People in the audience burst out laughing it was so bad. At least they retconned all the s--t that went wrong in episode 8. Not to be outdone, my story retcons the original trilogy. :-)

It sometimes take me two to three weeks to reciprocate all incoming reviews. I'm too addle minded to track that much information for any length of time. I want to make sure everyone who is supposed to gets a recip.