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Suin:

I saw you're publishing a second part of Being Fifteen. Wouldn't it be better to consider it a second book and publish it under a different title even if it's a continuation of the same story? You know, like these trilogies so common in YA. It's three books, each one finishing a story arc, even if the story continues.

Just a thought.

Kiss

Gacela

I wish I could take that kind of breaks, forgetting about work, phones, and family.

Kiss,

Gacela

Rachel:

Sometimes I'm afraid I'm being harsh with my observations. If so, please accept my apologies. I never intend to be so. I just raise my hand trying to cooperate.

Kiss,

Gacela

I had all of them correct except number 3. It might have been because of the missing comma, it confused me. 

Kiss,

Gacela

Dear CJ:

I told you, you're a wonderful editor, or however you call the person who checks a manuscript and discusses it with the author pointing at weaknesses. Thanks a lot your willingness to discuss my story. I'm really, really grateful!!!

Lemme elaborate a bit further: I switched chapters 1 and 2. Because of this, the reader will have no clue what's going on with the red man until the reader reads chapter 2. That's okay. The confusion will last only one chapter, two the most (until the reader reads chapter 3). So, no biggie here. What I've just realised is that I need to put a stronger accent on the fact Athens and Helga are connected. They're both on high towers (Helga on one built by Mephisto and Athens on one built by men. Okay, okay, a ten storey building is not exactly a tower, it's not the Empire State Building, but for Athens is high enough) and they connect for a second. You're right, when Athens sees him, Mephisto should be flickering or something. He mustn't be completely solid so the reader is hinted there's something amiss.

Indeed, he cried "bitch", but again, he wasn't addressing Athens. He was addressing Helga. This is not clear nin chapter 1 and the reader will assume he addressed Athens. In the next chapter, readers should be able to grasp what really happened. Well... not the way it is written now. It's sorta vague, so I'll rewrite the last scenes of both chapters 1 and 2 to make it absolutely clear.

You've just been amazingly helpful!

Kiss,

Gacela

Dear:

I'm not a query expert and I have never written a query in my life, but I'd like to provide my two cents. I've read a good deal of the posts in the Query Shark. Using the little I've learnt reading them, here is my advise:

1. Start focusing on the MC. I'm assuming it's Shadya, so focus on her and start the query stating who is her. Rather, you started with scenery ("The great city of Anderholm dangles at the edge of ruin"). Is the fact the city is in ruins important for the story? It doesn't seem so because you don't touch the fact again. Hence, forget about the city.

What makes Shadya a compelling MC? Why should I care about her? Your first lines must indicate the agent why any reader would be interested in her story, because that's what will drive the book's commercial success, which is exactly what interests the agent and ultimately the publisher.

2. What triggers the story? I.e., what is the event that puts everything into motion? Otherwise, Shadya would have been an expensive, classy prostitute for the rest of her life and nobody would have written the story of her life because it'd have been dull. You mentioned a magician and a zealot.  How did they enter her life? What exactly happened that she has to chose one of them?

By the way, you have to explain what is the Silver Rose. If it's a prostitution union, then explain it in plain English. If not, rather than rising my interest, it increases my confusion.

3. Introduce the background, the scenery, etc. only after it is cllear what is the story about and why it's interesting. The best world building shall not suffice if the plot is poor.

4. Do not post open questions (like "Will Shadya fulfill her mission and save the world?"). I don't think an agent would enjoy them. He/she wants to learn, at a glance, whether your story is worth reading. Close your query with something like: "Shadya will start a journey of (whatever) where she will decide (whatever) and will learn (whatever) etc. You may splash it with "risking her life" and/or "risking the life of those she loves" etc to indicate the risk, and some more background and scenery, but at very little doses.

Please check the closing lines of a query praised by the Query Shark. I also think it's the right way to summarise the rest of the plot without going into all the details and actually teasing the agent to ask for the whole manuscript:

"She risks reconnecting with the outlaw underground to prove it, and learns the hard way that she's not nearly as tough -- or as right -- as she thinks she is."

I'd suggest you to rewrite your second attempt. Considering how tough agents are, I don't think it may interest an one of them or stand out amid the many queries agents receive every day.

Kiss,

Gacela

Why do I write? That’s quite a question.

The short answer, the one first coming to my mind is: “because I have a story (stories) to tell”. From that point onwards I can elaborate explaining how I create stories in my mind when I drive home from work every day. It’s as simple as seeing a man waiting at a bus stop, carrying a large conspicuous bag for me to start imagining he’s transporting incognito a device core to a time-travelling machine. And so on, and so on.

The long answer—and this might be the reason why Paty, AKA Flowing Pencil, says she feels my writing too intense—is that I have MY own story to tell.

The MC’s story in Amber Eyes is certainly not mine—I’ve not even been in a trailer park in my whole life, even though I’m a girl scout and have gone camping a gazillion times. That said, I did experience some of the MC’s angst when I was a young teen.

Helga’s story is not mine either—even if we share the same first name. Well a coupla events in Helga’s life did happen to me, but names were change to protect identities, LOL!

What I mean is that I wanted to reflect what I felt when some of the things that happened to the characters actually happened to me. In that way, it’s not that I write because I have stories to tell, but because I have my own story to tell.

Kiss,
Gacela

Not yet, but if you share your experience when you participated in one, I might consider it.

Kiss,
Gacela
(The nick is not either a regular American one. It's not even English. Just for the record)

Suin:

It's not that I want to be pushy, but... are you planning to publish the next chapter soon? Your story is totally interesting; I'm on tenterhooks!

Kiss,

Gacela

PS: the above semicolon is my humble homage to Rhiannon, who has mastered the art of using them.

If you meant my name, Mr Charles F. Bell, I'm not American.

Kiss

Gacela

A horror short story? The title of the conteste might be: A Horror Short Story Contest: Make Us Pee in Our Pants.

Kiss,

Gacela

Karin:

If you receive any advice from ceridwen about Black Rose, would you be so kind to share it with us? It's not that any of us have already been contacted by Wild Rose publishers, but I've heard so much about publishers scamming writers, that it's important for all of us to be aware.

Kiss,

Gacela