1

(7 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

"Your name", an anime movie also in Netflix that somehow touches the same topic. It's about two teenagers (a boy and a girl), one living in Tokio and another one in a faraway town, who exchange bodies and only communicate through notes on their mobiles. Worth watching.

Kiss,

Gacela

2

(25 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Congrats Bobby! The story has a lot of potential, that was evident from the first time you published it here.

Kiss,

Gacela

3

(13 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

I'm subscribed to Office 365, so I always have Word's latest version. Pasting from Word to TBNW represents no formating issues except that, from time to time, there are some phantom question marks at the end of some paragraphs.

Pasting from Microsoft One Note to TNBW messes the thing up, so it's a no-no. I write in Word, but I keep, my project in One Note and that's where I have my cards, etc. While One Note is great of all that stuff, I need to paste the chapter into Word first, and then copy it from Word and paste it into TNBW.

Kiss,

Gacela

4

(16 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

I agree with Bobbie. You must back up everything in One Drive, and somewhere else like Google Drive or Dropbox. should you need help setting it up, just ask.

Kiss,
Gacela

5

(1 replies, posted in Close friends)

Well done Bobby. Looks terrific!

Kiss

Gacela

6

(9 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Welcome to the site. The more you read and comment, the more people will be reading and reviewing your work. It's nice you're already self-published one story.

Don't forget to add some bio. It helps to learn about you.

Kiss,
Gacela

7

(8 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

If you're worried about a publisher considering this site public, despite being a paid site, peer-to-peer review, etc., a recommendation is to use here a pseudonym different to the one you'll use when you send your work to an agent/publisher, and to use here a different name for your story, so it may be difficult to trace.

Bill's idea of completely removing the story from this site prior to sending it out is also a good one.

Kiss,
Gacela

8

(17 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

You're welcome.

Kiss,
Gacela

9

(17 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

My personal opinion is that it all depends on how deep or shallow (how subjective or objective) the POV is.

A narration from a "shallow" or very objective POV may be limited to stating facts. Like, "As Mary entered the house, John noticed her keys tinkling and grimaced. She stared him, as if she could read his mind, and asked, "What's wrong with you?" This is purely objective but still from John's POV. The tinkling is mentioned only because JOHN, the POV character, noticed it, otherwise it wouldn't have been observed. It's also indicated that he grimaced, meaning he somehow disliked it, but without explaining exactly why. When she stares at him, she does it "as if" because the POV character can't actually know what she's doing or taking place in Mary's brain. He can only speculate. In this case, rewriting the line as "She stared at him, reading his mind ..." would be a clear POV shift.

A narration from a "deep" or very subjective point of view comes from the depths of the POV character's mind and much resembles a first-person POV narration, even though in third person. "As she entered the house, the ominous tinkling of the keys set off every alarm in John's mind. The same tinkling he had heard as a kid before his mother's murder. Mary was the right age. Had she done it? Her movements that night had never been fully explained. John grimaced, he couldn't help it. She stared at him, reading his mind. She knew he knew. "What's wrong with you?" she asked in that velvety, menacing tone.

The above narration comes completely from the character's POV. The tinkling is only ominous because he perceives it a so—in the first, objective narration, it's only a sound. The important part is when she stares at him and "reads" his mind. No reader—maybe only a few POV-Nazis—will perceive it a POV shift but clearly as John's guess. Whether or not accurate is another kettle of fish, but it's his guess, not  POV shift. If this little paragraph were a full story, the extra context would provide the answer. If he has been digging into his mother's murder, and Mary, the actual murderer, learns about John's digging, this could have been a moment of truth for both of them because both could have remembered that her keys tinkled when she entered John's house gun in hand. John's grimace, his expression, could have allowed Mary to guess that he has finally put together the whole puzzle and has discovered her. On the other end, her own expression, the staring, accurately allows John to guess that she knows that he knows. This happens in real life all time given the proper context and background without the need to read other people's minds or get into their bodies for a short while.

So, conclusion: whether it's an POV shift or not, whether you need to use "as if", depends on how deep, how subjective, your narration from a particular POV is. Should it be subjective, or "deep", enough, then you can avoid the "as if"s because it won't be a POV shift, but part of the subjective narration. If your narration is more objective, describing the reality through the POV character's eyes, but not involving the POV character's opinion, thoughts, and feelings, then you need to use "as if" to make it clear you're not shifting the POV, but still judging the event with objective eyes.

My humble opinion.

Kiss,
Gacela

10

(11 replies, posted in Close friends)

It looks straight to me now.

@everybody else: how does it look for you people? Is Bobbie's pic straight now?  Please perform a ctrl + F5 refresh to your browser before answering.

Kiss
Gacela

11

(11 replies, posted in Close friends)

marianareuter@live.com.mx

I'll be more than happy to help you.

Kiss,

Gacela

12

(11 replies, posted in Close friends)

Bobbie:

Your pic is still laying on its side.

If you want, you can send me the file and I can make sure it's in the right position.

Kiss
Gacela

13

(8 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

It won't work, Dirk. The POV character knows the hooded demon/person/entity's identity the moment the cried "It's you!" There's no way he won't think of it. No way. You may conceal it from the reader during a while, but it depends on how deep into the POV character's mind you work. If all through the story you have narrated the story from deep within his mind, then you can't keep the identity from the reader, at all. If your narration is kinda objective, then there's room to keep the identity from the reader for a while, but not too long. It would feel like cheating.

You may want to read Agatha Christie's The Murder of Roger Ackroyd. It's one of the few successful examples in which a POV character is able to keep important information from the reader without it feeling like cheating.

Kiss,

Gacela

14

(1 replies, posted in Close friends)

Please notice the following post from Bobbie in the premium forum:

"Hi everyone.

Just wanted to let y'all know I'm doing a major revision on INTO THE WELL. Need to make a major shift in the plot line, going back to Ch. 25. So, I've made those chapters inactive until I can get each revised and reposted. I'll be reposting with points available, so if anyone who's already reviewed any of those can grab points if you want to take a look back over the revised version.

Thanks to everyone who continues to support my humble efforts at literary genius.  smile

Bobbie"

15

(1 replies, posted in Close friends)

Congratulations Bobbie! Second place in the "She picked up the knife" contest!

Such a gifted writer!

https://www.thenextbigwriter.com/contes … e+Knife-20

Kiss,

Gacela

16

(1 replies, posted in Close friends)

Christine:
Is this the first time you post this story in TNBW?

Kiss,
Gacela

17

(14 replies, posted in Close friends)

I would even suggest T'Laan has a positronic brain. Asimov invented the term to avoid explanations on a robot's brain how it actually worked. In times when the smallest things they have were these bulbs inside TV sets the size of a car, it was difficult for Asimov to explain unlimited miniaturisation to his readers. Thus, he envisioned computer "brains" working thanks to the creation/destruction of particles as small as positrons (recently discovered by the times of his first stories). While it's not miniaturisation's limit, it's small enough for gazillions of positrons to fit inside a human-size android--or warlock-size--and perform the "thinking" process.

Kiss,
Gacela

18

(14 replies, posted in Close friends)

Bobbie:

My position is that that you should come with your own terminology around those elements that are unique to your story. You invented this warlocks and "the flow" and the Alpha crazy-chap-god who wants to conquer the universe, etc. That is the virgin field for your creative process. That's your personal world-building arena. For the rest, don't overcomplicate yourself. A tractor beam is a tractor beam, and anybody with a who has heard about Star Wars, even if it was only once in a dream, knows tractor beams are fancy rays that pull Millennium Falcons into Death Stars' hangars.

The problem with using terminology different to the one commonly recognised "(hauling ray" instead of "tractor beam") is that you cause the reader to trip against your term. The reader strops reading (even for few seconds) until she says to herself: "Oh! I get it. A hauling ray is a tractor beam." Why changing the name in the first place? What purpose did it serve? Making your story super original? It's already original through your world-building, so there's no need to use fancy, confusing terminology, unless you're creating a 100% new world nobody has thought of before, but the latter is unlikely.

Take Twilight for example. Neither vampires nor werewolves are new. Meyer's new contribution is that hers are vegan. For the rest, she rested on common places about vampires and werewolves. Did she talked about wolfmen, weremen, or vampwolves? No, because the readers would have stumbled upon the new term until they realise it's werewolves. By the end of the story, the readers would be fed-up because of the new fancy words more than what they would usually should because of Bella's stupidity, and that's much to say!

Kiss,
Gacela

19

(14 replies, posted in Close friends)

I recently invited Christine Dreier and Bobbie. R.Byrd to join our little group and they accepted.

Please join me, welcoming both of them and don't forget to look into their stories: The Eyes of the River Revision 2 (Christine's), and Warlock Chronicles  I and II (Bobbie's).

Bobbie/Christine: Feel free to add anything to this thread and share with us the main issues you're looking for when we review your material.  I'm looking forward to lots of fun reading your stories.

Kiss,
Gacela

20

(16 replies, posted in Close friends)

But your states are not Mad-Max like. They're constantly at war because, unlike Aunt Entity, they do want to expand, not only to shut down for protection purposes. And that's what turns railroads into valuable assets.

Besides, in Mad Max III, technology is dead and the people are living of what still works of it. In your world, you even have a space academy.  While a steam-punk like, yours is a society moving forward, not stalled.

Kiss,
Gacela

21

(16 replies, posted in Close friends)

Merci, M. Kenny. C'est très illustratif.

Le train est un moyen de transport de masse très utile dans un point de vue économique. You can load it with tons of everything: food, fuel, weapons, soldiers, civilians, etc. Since railroads were laid, they have always played important roles, both in peace and in war. E.g., in the Mexican revolution (actually a civil war, but it started as a revolution against the acting dictator), railroads were so valuable for both sides, none of them dare blow them, keeping both lines and cars in good repair, even at the cost of delivering a tool in the enemy's hands if territory was lost. In WWII, the railroads were the German's mobility spine. Your tyrants would find them quite useful and would be eager to maintain them working, in their best interest.

Kiss,
Gacela

22

(14 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Glad it worked. While I don't fancy the site's owner will disclosed it, it would be interesting to learn who published it through that site.

Kiss,
Gacela.

23

(10 replies, posted in Close friends)

Is she the same model on your Kwan book?

Kiss
Gacela

24

(10 replies, posted in Close friends)

I also vote for 2.

Kiss,
Gacela.

25

(9 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Congratulations. Mind posting the link?

Kiss,
Gacela