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oblate spheroid

Tick tock. I don't see Charles writing cameos for you. Unless you're Abbix. She's in deep Bantha poodoo.

If you have the time, I'd be very interested in your feedback about my chapter one in my v3 book. It's a bear of a chapter, so I'll do another review or two of you're work to be fair. Then we can see if we're interested enough in each other's stories to keep going. I like YA stories and you're off to a good start.

I'm still planning the rest of v3.

For those who read v2, what changes would make the story more enjoyable and compelling? Also what bored you the most? Hammer me on that point, please. Also, what do you think about the two MCs, and what would make them more interesting?

Finally, what about the two sets of characters in each MC's head? Currently, Joseph's God is mostly serious, Andrew is the resident wiseass, and Joseph's mother gives him his spine, while also getting him into trouble. Apollo and his God have a mostly "testy" relationship. In v3, Apollo's father shows up in his head after he dies. I'm looking forward to writing that.

Suggestions?

Thanks!
Dirk

Bart said, "There's been a little problem in the cockpit."
Homer walked to the front of spacecraft to see for himself. When he got there, he slid into one of two side-by-side seats. The other was occupied by Marge, who drooled as she slept. Homer looked around. The cockpit had two large viewports, one in front of each seat. Homer felt overwhelmed by the dozens of switches and guages all about him. That's when he remembered he had no clue how to fly. "Doh!"

The problem with Dark Eden's opening is there are quite a few items named here that I have to either remember (until they're properly defined) or gloss over and forget. It wouldn't be until a second read of the novel that I could fully understand the above lines. Not a great opening, in my opinion.

I went back into the review to answer your questions or expand on something I said. I don't think the system automatically notifies you about my second round of feedback. If it does, please let me know. That would be useful to know.

Wool makes me itchy.

Nerd

Did you 'off' the first husband, or just planning ahead? ;-)

Your 3rd POV will probably be fine, as long as the reader knows whose POV he/she is in. Don puts the name of the POV character for each chapter just below the title.

I also alternate between two POV characters throughout my book, but it's 3rd person limited. I have one chapter that needs to be in another character's POV, and it worked out fine.