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Quick poll. Is it okay that my opening chapter is 18 double-spaced pages (roughly 3.0 points)? I usually try to keep my chapters between 10 and 15. It grew by a couple of pages because of the return of the loony AI. I'm not finding much to trim. And no, K, I'm not ripping out the AI again. It's a recurring character.

Thanks, Don.

LMAO (apologies for all the cursing)

It works again.

Thank you.
Dirk

Huh? (That's the first word that came to mind.) :-)

Okay, on to Kdot's post. Same disclaimer as with Amy. What follows is mostly planning. Not all of it is in stone yet, otherwise I wouldn't have asked the questions.

- I'm not surprised that you think Joseph is ambling along. He's caught up in a whirlwind that tosses him from one place to another (cadet massacre, Central Haven riot, slavery, prison, battle, etc.). However, he believes it's all part of God's plan and doesn't question how insane his actions are until his crisis of faith.
- Apollo scheming? Apollo is also caught up in events beyond his crontrol. In his case, he's fighting God every step of the way, and the more he does, the more he fails. Only when he grows a pair and follows God is he able to gain control.
- I agree that Apollo's arc is more dramatic. I'll see if I can further amp up the tension in Joseph's chapter.
- As I mentioned in my response to Amy, Act II needs work. There isn't enough animosity between the MCs, fur flying, etc. I do have to stop a couple of times in the book to actually allow Joseph to define the Christian Heresy, beginning with the New Commandments, which slows the pace. His thoughts that lead him to unify the Essence, reincarnation, and evolution need trimming, but I think they're more interesting than the commandments.
- Is the end of Act II the neutral phase you refer to? If so, I'm confused, because that's where both the queen and emperor die. Most of Act II drags, except for the deaths at the end. Acts I & II need quite a bit of rewriting.
- The introduction of a smart, scheming Caligula was too good to pass up. His scheme mirrors that of the Imperium's founder, which is a nice connection. I also needed a chapter from his point of view in order to hide the surprise that Apollo is still alive. It also served as a place to flesh out battle chess, which first appears in v6 of chapter one. It will also come up during Nero's sham invasion of New Bethlehem.
- Joseph's descent into madness continues throughout Act III, so I assume you refer to where Apollo stops fighting God. That change to him relying on God should be more gradual. Will fix.
- I'll need to keep the animosity going between the two MCs.
- The madness for Joseph continues right until the finale. Joseph still hears God, although I could bring up a conversatiion between Apollo and God in the finale, although the main conversation between Apollo and God has already happened (God led Apollo to the decision to conquer the galaxy, but through colonization, not violence). Kind of weak reasoning. I'll have to think about that.
- The cult will truly go nowhere in book one. I've decided that in v3 he has at best a few followers, which is why he assumes the role of Messiah.
- The world that got blown up included scenes in palace, the senate, the parade ground, the church/graveyard, and the havens. Amy had me rip out a nice short description of the world's rings and moons, which I'll be putting back in.
- I'll have to think about your suggestions for the battle chapters. The new Caligula would never run from a fight. And he has the (lukewarm) support of the governors and the fleet, so he needs to be gone to trigger the cascade of defecting governors declaring for Apollo. If you recall, the battle began with Apollo+Realm vs. Caligula+Imperium, then morphed into Apollo+Realm vs. Lupus+Imperium, then Apollo+Imperium vs. Lupus+Imperium, then Joseph+marines vs. Lupus+classiarii, ending with Joseph+Realm + Apollo+Imperium.
- I don't see any way to bring the Christian Heresy into play in book I, since it takes more than a week to build up millions of followers (unless you're Pokemon). Plus, Joseph failing miserably with his religion adds to his sense of failure, hence the reason he declares himself the Messiah. The timeline within the books will be about four years apart, so 4017, 4021, and 4025. The Christian Heresy will catch on in a big way and will go head-to-head with Apollo's new empire.
- Personally, I found the lightsaber duel with Palpatine very enjoyable, were it not for the fact that Yoda looks CGI. The emperor hurling pods down at Yoda and cackling was fun. And who doesn't love Force lightning? The stupid leaping about by the CGI Yoda was a bore. I digress...
- I don't understand your suggestion that I was shelving Apollo. Caligula gets his chapter, then Apollo, then Joseph (with Apollo's revival within it). The post-battle is also Apollo's chapter.
- I agree that Apollo should continue to fear discovery, although it's going to get tedious at some point. There's only so many ways I can shake an arm. Amy's idea of having them mumble their dialogue with God is a good one. I also think I'm going to change Apollo's illness a little from Trembler's Disease to something a little more flexible. I was thinking once his trembling arm is amputated, he might start to laugh at inappropriate times. Or neck twitches. He'll also be a drug addict in v3 because that's the only known way to manage for his disease.
- There will be more to Caligula in the next draft as I mentioned in my response to Amy.

Thanks again for your detailed summary.
Dirk

Einstein–Rosen bridge

I owe K a response, but Amy's reply is easier to tackle. I'm not disagreeing with you here, Amy, just giving you details of what's to come.

- Joseph could use an antagonist. Perhaps. I'm considering a highly placed Imperial spy or android who repeatedly targets Joseph to undermine or even kill him. I'm also thinking about Joseph's God being a strict disciplinarian. Admiral Windsor will be his primary guide throughout much of the book. God being strict with Joseph messes up my desire to make Joseph's God the NT God, while Apollo's God is from the OT. TBD.
- Joseph's universe does however serve as an antagonist. A homophobic decision that he makes in v3 causes the deaths of his cadets. He also decides in v3 not to make a plea on Andrew's behalf before the hanging, even though it's in his right to do so. Andrew dies and winds up in his head looking for a little revenge. His video of Anikh dying kills his mother. He's thrown into a violent prison (to be fleshed out in v3).The shogun humiliates him with the toilet bowl baptism, then chokes the life out of him. He blew up Lupus, resulting in the full-scale bombing of New Beth. He has zero luck (in v3) trying to attract followers to his religion. Eve is killed in battle. Those reasons combined cause his last actions on the cliff. Those are a lot painful events arising from his pursuit of the Christian Heresy.
- Joseph and Apollo will definitely both remain in the story. I just need to do a better job at putting them at each other's throats. Maybe I can figure out an ending that has them on opposite sides, but the bombing cannot directly be the fault of Joseph, Apollo, or Caligula. That's what Lupus was for. I need the others later. Did anyone catch that Lupus was Joseph's only kill? It's also the only place where someone's head explodes. I saved it for that moment.
- I'll see if I can find a way for them to interact more. One change I'm considering is for Apollo and Joseph to be dueling with public, hostile messages over Galaxinet. However, they're already together for most of Acts II (the conference) and IV (the battle). I intend to reinforce the animosity between them at the conference.
- As for Apollo's old man (Nero), there's a chapter in v1 that I'm going to reuse. There's tons of pain and humiliation inflicted upon Apollo, raising the animosity between them. I'm also definitely putting Nero in his head later.
- Caligula's role will be more prominant. I need him to be vicious toward Apollo, because that changes when Caligula's head is partly blown off. There will also be foreshadowing about his secret scheme for power.
- As for writing plot with characters later, in my opinion, they go hand-in-hand. v6 of chapter one (in my v3 book) evolved based on both. For example, I wanted to make the chapter one more realistic, so I threw in Colonel Montford as head of the marines, and I gave him plenty of screen time and a great death. I didn't know before I created him that he would be such a powerful figure in the battle with the classiarii. Brain evolved into a useful (humanish) character, which drove me to the whole drag queen subplot. K really loves that part. The subplot with Caligula's scheme for power came about as I tried to fit Caligula into the final battle. It almost ended very differently.
- I think I hit all your points, Amy. Please let me know if have questions or more suggestions.