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A.T.Schlesinger's post in Premium regarding his query letter led me to try and expand my book's summary on this site. I moved mine here so as not to further highjack ATS's thread. Goodness, I caused a kerfuffle there today. The following is also intended for any query letter, Amazon product description, and printed back cover. Preference? Anything missing? Too much?

Old:
Into the Mind of God is the story of Joseph and Apollo, teenagers who live worlds apart but share a common bond — both are visited by a being who calls himself God. God takes each of them on an incredible journey to fulfill their destinies. With God’s help, one leads a holy crusade to conquer a perilously divided galaxy, while the other founds a radical new religion to steer mankind away from the Apocalypse. Ultimately, their destinies will collide, something neither may survive. But is God a real deity, or the imagination of two mentally ill boys?

New:
Joseph and Apollo are teenagers living in the 41st century who grow up worlds apart but share a common bond — both are visited by a being who calls himself God. God takes each of them on an incredible journey to fulfill their destinies. With God’s help, Apollo, heir to Earth’s grand Imperium Romanum, leads a holy crusade to conquer a perilously divided galaxy. At the same time, God helps Joseph, the deeply religious crown prince of the strategic world New Bethlehem, found a radical new religion to steer humanity away from the Apocalypse. Ultimately, the teens' destinies will collide, something neither may survive. But is God a real deity, or the imagination of two mentally ill boys?

Thanks, Janet. I like your changes, except that you leave the age of the MCs unknown until the end of the paragraph, whereas mine has it up front, where I think it belongs. I'll tweak yours to pull that info to the beginning. I'll also probably write a longer version just to see if I can build on what I have.

I would but I'm busy critiquing everyone else's. :-) Seriously, I don't know enough about the book (what's important, what's not) to attempt one. My own is in my book summary, but it's much shorter than two hundred and fifty words, so I have room for more. Sor far, I included only the main characters, the overall story arc, and the stakes. I end with a major mystery. I left out all secondary characters, including several villians. I also left out subplots and settings, although I do mention the (sci-fi) story is of galactic scale. Now that it's come up, I'm going to try expanding on my summary to see if I can add anything that would make the book more appealing.

Service Canada. (A Government of Canada organization. Thppt!)

I'm also using Win 7/Word 2007/Google Chrome. Same problem as you. I just manually go through it to fix the chapters after I publish them. I haven't raised it with Sol.

Gack! :-)

Unless it's changed in the past two years, there is no automated way of going back and forth with an editor. It can generate a Word file and you can then use Word's track changes/comments to work with your editor. When that's done, you cut and paste bits (scenes?) of the Word file back into Scrivener. I'd be very interested if someone has found an easier way to handle that.

Flayed alive, actually. Useless trivia: it turns out, the origin of chemises dates back to Roman tunics, and has at various times been both a man's or women's garment or undergarment.

There are seven unique names in this short summary. I had to read it several times to wrap my head around it. Also, I was unable to figure out what the Silver Rose referred to. At first I thought it was the name of the sisterhood, but the last sentence seems to suggest otherwise. I suggest simplifying it to reduce the number of names. And definitely lose the italics. It's hard to read. Also, I believe the word "which" after "enchanted ruby" should be "that".

There will be some brief hints before she dies that all is not as it seems. Maybe she rolls her eyeballs up into her head, claiming it's a nervous tic. TBD. At first, Joseph will welcome her to his head. Who would do otherwise for a sweet little girl? Later, once her sinister nature becomes evident, there will be a discussion with God about why she's there. Apparently, it's to help Joseph found his religion, although God won't explain why. She does sh*t that Joseph wants but would rarely dare do himself. She also does things that will horrify Joseph.

They all want increased time with the body. Joseph kept them mostly in check during v2. I was saving the subplot of Andrew taking over for book two. But, hey, why wait? I'm going to make Billie so nasty even Andrew is afraid of her!