Thank you, both. njc, AJCIII is the POV character. I've read more than once that it's best to establish that in the first sentence, even the first word, if possible. Not sure how important that rule it is.
Janet, yours is very close, but I also need to establish that the illegitimate kids are sons of the emperor, not the empress.
I'll play with both your suggestions. Damn am I bad at this.
Gracias.
Can someone please tell me how to rewrite the following without was/were. I give up.
Seven-year-old Apollo Julius Caesar III sat in the game room of the Imperial Palace on Earth with his half-brothers, Caligula, Romulus, and Remus. Caligula was a year older. Romulus and Remus, twins, were a year younger. Although Caligula was the eldest, it was Apollo who was Heir to the Imperium Romanum since he was the only child of the emperor and empress. The other children were illegitimate sons of the emperor.
Thanks
Dirk
NJC, do they allow wifi devices in the hospital rooms? There was a time when they were afraid it might interfere with pacemakers.
The Galaxy Tales - Into the Mind of God v3
There's only one chapter there for now. I recently finished v2, but I recommend ignoring it. It's very rough.
Thanks.
Dirk
Thanks. Interesting article. I've lost track of the amount of time I've spent doing research, much of which never gets used when I go to write. On the other hand, at least I now know how they build office towers in an earthquake zone. I whittled it down to one sentence.
Scenes one & two of chapter two have been rewritten! Two to go.
Mr. Crapper! (Google it.)
Imagine an artificial intelligence system who becomes sentient in the middle of a desperate battle and dreams of becoming a drag queen. (Chapter one of my book. Shameless plug.)
Consistent? Me? I think not.
I trolled a dozen articles this morning on this subject. Not surprisingly none had a usage like mine. I'm going to treat it like an informal title (like emperor). So, capitalized in direct address and if it precedes his name, otherwise lowercase.
Thanks
Dirk
New caps question. As those who follow my neverending caps saga know, I lowercase informal references to titles (e.g., the emperor), but capitalize formal uses (e.g., the Emperor of the Imperium Romanum). That generally works.
Now for the latest. Apollo's father refers to Caligula as Bastardus Minisculus. Should Bastardus Minisculus be capitalized? Why? It's pretty much a "title". If no caps, what would it be in direct address: The emperor said, "Get over hear, bastardus miniscules."?
Thanks
Dirk
I'm working on the rewrite of chapter 2 (introduction of the MCs). I'm struggling to create a real-time galactic simulator to introduce key historic moments in the galaxy (Collapse of Civilization, Rise of the Imperium, etc.) in about 5 pages.
Mao Tse Toe
Go to sleep, you little creep, don't wake up till the morning.
If you do, I'll beat you blue, black and purple, too.
Potty mouth!
inordinate subordinate coordinate
"Hallooo," cried Pooh.
I almost always type with one hand. I'm too lazy to sit up straight and use two. Welcome to the site VV. Tom is one of my favorite people on the site. You're in good hands.
Only if the beef is tiny, cute, and chirps prior to being tossed into the deep fryer. I may change the restaurant scene, though. It's even more vile if they eat them raw. Don't worry, they all die (the people; the chicks are fine). I digress.
Janet said beef. Next word is asdf. (I was looking at my keyboard for a coherent response to Janet, and that's what I saw.)
Le Chick Restaurant. Guess what they serve? Answer in my book. (Shameless plug.)
MzP, would it be possible for you to post the best stuff from Queries into Writing Tips & Advice so we don't lose it?
If I could have clearly defined all of the Roman ranks to match modern equivalents, and if most of those ranks were reasonably well known, I would have gone ahead with it. At various points in the story, I need a general, admiral, colonel, major, captain, and lieutenant, so they need ranks. I'm usually pretty good at hitting readers over the head with explanations when needed. I intensely dislike books that throw terms at you starting from page one without explanations until pages 9, 17, 98, and 123.
Ideally the ranks are so unobtrusive that the story can remain dominant.
Here are some random questions to demonstrate what I mean:
a) In Seabrass's story, Tammon's rank/title is "Cityseer". Can you name the rank of Mawk?
b) Before the term "battle droid" was coined in 1990, how many classes of droid did Star Wars have?
c) Aside from "Prime" name at least 3 ranks of autobot.
(okay (c) is me cheating)
d) Aside from "dinobot" and "triple changer" name 3 classes of autobot.PS: Classiarii and legionarii didn't throw me. I mentally re-assign them as "military guy carrying gun". Therefore no complaint. A 3rd, 4th, and 5th group merely joins this existing classification. Again, no complaint. UNLESS all five are in the same paragraph.
a) I can't remember Mawk's rank. You forget (pun intended) who you're asking. I don't even remember J e n n a's last name before she married blue balls.
b) Star Wars had a lot of types/classes. Remember the Jawa sandcrawler loaded with droids? Plus a few in Mos Eisley, and the mind probe droid in Leia's cell.
c) The whole autobots series is just a blur of crap. Movie pitch: "We'll fill the screen with tons of metal smashing metal until no one can tell what the hell is going on!" Studio exec: "I love it. Will $100M be enough? Screw it. Here's $200M."
I use four classes of ships in chapter one, set in 3994, and another four in the final battle set in 4017. Those eight classes are of one of four basic warship "types", namely command ships, dreadnoughts, destroyers, and battle cruisers. For example, I have a Praetor-class dreadnought named IRS Hercules. Still with me? The destroyers are a recent addition, used by the Realm, while the Imperium has a comparable type, the battle cruiser. To hell with Mickey Mouse. They didn't invent destroyers, although I do yield 'star destroyer' and 'super star destroyer' to them.
law delegating beef label monitoring
Safeway bologna.
