3,101

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I'm working on the rewrite of chapter 2 (introduction of the MCs). I'm struggling to create a real-time galactic simulator to introduce key historic moments in the galaxy (Collapse of Civilization, Rise of the Imperium, etc.) in about 5 pages.

3,102

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Mao Tse Toe

3,103

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Go to sleep, you little creep, don't wake up till the morning.
If you do, I'll beat you blue, black and purple, too.

3,104

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Potty mouth!

3,105

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

inordinate subordinate coordinate

3,106

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

"Hallooo," cried Pooh.

3,107

(6 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

I almost always type with one hand. I'm too lazy to sit up straight and use two.  Welcome to the site VV. Tom is one of my favorite people on the site. You're in good hands.

3,108

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Only if the beef is tiny, cute, and chirps prior to being tossed into the deep fryer. I may change the restaurant scene, though. It's even more vile if they eat them raw.  Don't worry, they all die (the people; the chicks are fine). I digress.

Janet said beef. Next word is asdf. (I was looking at my keyboard for a coherent response to Janet, and that's what I saw.)

3,109

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Le Chick Restaurant. Guess what they serve? Answer in my book. (Shameless plug.)

3,110

(4 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

MzP, would it be possible for you to post the best stuff from Queries into Writing Tips & Advice so we don't lose it?

3,111

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

If I could have clearly defined all of the Roman ranks to match modern equivalents, and if most of those ranks were reasonably well known, I would have gone ahead with it. At various points in the story, I need a general, admiral, colonel, major, captain, and lieutenant, so they need ranks. I'm usually pretty good at hitting readers over the head with explanations when needed. I intensely dislike books that throw terms at you starting from page one without explanations until pages 9, 17, 98, and 123.

3,112

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Kdot wrote:

Ideally the ranks are so unobtrusive that the story can remain dominant.

Here are some random questions to demonstrate what I mean:
a) In Seabrass's story, Tammon's rank/title is "Cityseer". Can you name the rank of Mawk?
b) Before the term "battle droid" was coined in 1990, how many classes of droid did Star Wars have?
c) Aside from "Prime" name at least 3 ranks of autobot.
(okay (c) is me cheating)
d) Aside from "dinobot" and "triple changer" name 3 classes of autobot.

PS: Classiarii and legionarii didn't throw me. I mentally re-assign them as "military guy carrying gun". Therefore no complaint. A 3rd, 4th, and 5th group merely joins this existing classification. Again, no complaint. UNLESS all five are in the same paragraph.

a) I can't remember Mawk's rank. You forget (pun intended) who you're asking. I don't even remember J e n n a's last name before she married blue balls.
b) Star Wars had a lot of types/classes. Remember the Jawa sandcrawler loaded with droids? Plus a few in Mos Eisley, and the mind probe droid in Leia's cell.
c) The whole autobots series is just a blur of crap. Movie pitch: "We'll fill the screen with tons of metal smashing metal until no one can tell what the hell is going on!" Studio exec: "I love it. Will $100M be enough? Screw it. Here's $200M."

3,113

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I use four classes of ships in chapter one, set in 3994, and another four in the final battle set in 4017. Those eight classes are of one of four basic warship "types", namely command ships, dreadnoughts, destroyers, and battle cruisers. For example, I have a Praetor-class dreadnought named IRS Hercules. Still with me? The destroyers are a recent addition, used by the Realm, while the Imperium has a comparable type, the battle cruiser. To hell with Mickey Mouse. They didn't invent destroyers, although I do yield 'star destroyer' and 'super star destroyer' to them.

3,114

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

law delegating beef label monitoring

3,115

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Safeway bologna.

3,116

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Kdot wrote:

Well... take my thoughts with a grain of salt because I was confusing legionarii and classiarii (and still can't keep them straight).

Adding more divisions and ranks will only make me more lost. Thus, you must choose between "fresh" readers and readers with a good command of latin. I see no major issue with any option as long as you know your readiability going in, and provide sufficient explanations to handle it.

-K

I'll take that as a preference for option 1. I'm surprised that classiarii (Imperial marines) and legionarii (Imperial ground forces) threw you. I assumed everyone was fine with it, since there were no complaints. I guess that means you're looking forward to the addition of candidati. :-)

Did the use of Roman ranks as the names of ship classes cause any problems?

3,117

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Okay, here's a gherkin.

Following is the list of Roman ranks I pulled together from the internet:
- Praefectus classis - admiral
- Legate - general
- Tribune - colonel
- Praefectus castrorum - major
- Centurion - captain
- Optio - lieutenant

Note that admiral and major are both prefects. Not exactly logical in our day, so that would be confusing to the reader. Even if that wasn't the case, the reader is going to forget what each Roman rank means unless I reinforce it over and over. A further complication is that some of the above ranks are Anglicized, while others are not. Add to this the fact that I use legionarii (ground troops) and classiarii (marines) in their Latin form, since I thought it was cool. Yet, I use Praetorian Guard in English. I also learned that candidati is the Latin word for the emperor's personal protection detail, which I called the Elite Guard in v2. I prefer the Latin whenever possible, provided the reader's head doesn't explode.

So, what do I do with this crap? Options are:
1. Leave everything as is, except add candidati. That means keeping modern ranks in English for the Imperials, and use just legionarii, classiarii, and candidati in Latin. Use the best of the Latin titles for classes of Imperial ships (Praetor, Consul, Tribune, and Centurion), which is how it's currently written.
2. Make it all Latin. Hopeless, as far as I can see. Too much for the reader to remember.
3. Use only the best known Roman ranks in place of their English equivalent. That would definitely include centurion in place of captain. It may also include tribune in lieu of colonel, and Praetor or Consul in place of governor. That leaves me with a mix of Roman and English: legionarii, classiarii, candidati, centurion, tribune (or colonel), admiral, general, major, and lieutenant.

Number 1 is easiest and relatively easy to understand. I could even rip out the ship classes, so there is no reference to Roman ranks in the book. Not sure if that's needed.
Number 3 is a bit of a mess, unless I limit Roman ranks to just centurion. Let's face it, the word centurion belongs in the book.

I'm leaning toward option 1.

For those who read the battle chapters and the new chapter one, did it strike you as confusing that I used Roman ranks (praetor, consul, tribune, centurion) as ship classes?

Thanks.

3,118

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I'm back to toying with military ranks in the Imperium. Currently, I use modern military ranks (captain, colonel, general, etc.). However, I also use Roman names for legionarii and classiarii. And I use Roman military ranks as classes of ships. Confused yet? Anyone with a basic understanding of Roman history will probably wonder why the hell military titles aren't used for the Imperial military.

Ranks that would be used for the Imperial military would include prefect (general), praetor, tribune, centurion (captain), etc. I'd like to use the titles correctly, but I worry that readers will constantly scratch their heads when they see these ranks. There are, however plenty of films about the Roman era that do use these ranks, although probably not as many as I need.

Thoughts?

3,119

(27 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Time for deep breathing exercises, Aussie.

I'll throw another shrimp on the barbie for you, Mate. With two bottles of apricot brandy as a chaser. Damn, that stuff tastes good!

And we can watch reruns of the Star Wars prequel trilogy all weekend!

3,120

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Rindfleischetikettierungsueberwachungsaufgabenuebertragungsgesetz (longest German word)

3,121

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Eighttrackphobia

3,122

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Janet (AJ) Reid wrote:
Norm d'Plume wrote:

Janet, I added "mate" to the chapter, as you suggested. It's hilarious. I only use it once at the end when the AI is pissed off about the lack of respect. It says: Listen, Mate, I've asked you repeatedly to refer to me as Queen Aussie...

You're my hero! I think that spot is perfect! smile

I can't wait to do more with Aussie. I'll make the AI way over-the-top Australian. He'll hail from your neck of the woods, Woop Woop. tongue

3,123

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Kdot wrote:

- I agree that Apollo's arc is more dramatic. I'll see if I can further amp up the tension in Joseph's chapter.

I don't believe that's possible within the desired structure. I also don't believe it's warranted. I did not suffer a disconnect between the two stories (Sorry, Amy).

The increased tension seems like a good idea. Most of it is already swirling in my head - the hidden assassin, the homophobic decisions he makes that kill Andrew and his cadets, him truly despising Adam, as opposed to simply being mad at him (boo hoo), etc.

Kdot wrote:

My disconnect, as you know,was Caligula.

He'll get more nuanced screen time (setting up the Caligula chapter), plus he undergoes a miraculous change of behavior after the blast to his head. I want there to be enough clues that something's not right, right up to the reveal. I didn't care for him as a character until I came up with his hidden plot. Now I love him, which is the main reason he survived the battle. I want to do more with him. I could see putting him, Lady Kay, Leonardo, and Aussie in a book on the edge of settled space.

Kdot wrote:

- As I mentioned in my response to Amy, Act II needs work. There isn't enough animosity between the MCs, fur flying, etc. I do have to stop a couple of times in the book to actually allow Joseph to define the Christian Heresy, beginning with the New Commandments, which slows the pace. His thoughts that lead him to unify the Essence, reincarnation, and evolution need trimming, but I think they're more interesting than the commandments.

This is the basic premise of the story. Why are you trimming that part?

No plans to get rid of them. Just expressing a preference for the stuff in Act III. I was thinking of trimming the chapter with the Essence. I crammed in too much stuff. It drags.

Kdot wrote:

. His scheme mirrors that of the Imperium's founder, which is a nice connection. I also needed a chapter from his point of view in order to hide the surprise that Apollo is still alive.

Why hide it?

There are other ways to write it, but there's not much point to the Caligula chapter unless he gets an enemy. Who better than Apollo?

Kdot wrote:

Stage 3:
After the mumbling stage he should start to see furtive mevements from the car of his eye. When he randonly turns to look, people are staring at him quizzically. He's not sure if they're doing it to unnerve him. He finds muddy footprints in his room when he wakes up. Security assures him no one was in there. He starts imagining Aphrodite is cheating on him. He can suddenly no longer write straight - he hires a scribe.

Stage 4:
He starts to worry about poison (specifically of the exploding bowel nature). Hires a tate tester. Hires a second backup tester. Aphrodite grows distant. He thinks it's a conspiracy. He randomly has her arrested and searched for evidence (comes up empty-handed). Good time to throw in an exploding car bomb from the Heresy.

Need more? Amy and Seabrass are also good at this.

Very nice stuff. Is it copyrighted?

Kdot wrote:

S: Joseph needs a burning bush encounter. It's kind of a Judaic staple.

Awesome idea.

3,124

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Kdot wrote:

that would be like trying to ignore the sun

The sun? Giver of life?

3,125

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Janet, I added "mate" to the chapter, as you suggested. It's hilarious. I only use it once at the end when the AI is pissed off about the lack of respect. It says: Listen, Mate, I've asked you repeatedly to refer to me as Queen Aussie...