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Okay, here's a gherkin.

Following is the list of Roman ranks I pulled together from the internet:
- Praefectus classis - admiral
- Legate - general
- Tribune - colonel
- Praefectus castrorum - major
- Centurion - captain
- Optio - lieutenant

Note that admiral and major are both prefects. Not exactly logical in our day, so that would be confusing to the reader. Even if that wasn't the case, the reader is going to forget what each Roman rank means unless I reinforce it over and over. A further complication is that some of the above ranks are Anglicized, while others are not. Add to this the fact that I use legionarii (ground troops) and classiarii (marines) in their Latin form, since I thought it was cool. Yet, I use Praetorian Guard in English. I also learned that candidati is the Latin word for the emperor's personal protection detail, which I called the Elite Guard in v2. I prefer the Latin whenever possible, provided the reader's head doesn't explode.

So, what do I do with this crap? Options are:
1. Leave everything as is, except add candidati. That means keeping modern ranks in English for the Imperials, and use just legionarii, classiarii, and candidati in Latin. Use the best of the Latin titles for classes of Imperial ships (Praetor, Consul, Tribune, and Centurion), which is how it's currently written.
2. Make it all Latin. Hopeless, as far as I can see. Too much for the reader to remember.
3. Use only the best known Roman ranks in place of their English equivalent. That would definitely include centurion in place of captain. It may also include tribune in lieu of colonel, and Praetor or Consul in place of governor. That leaves me with a mix of Roman and English: legionarii, classiarii, candidati, centurion, tribune (or colonel), admiral, general, major, and lieutenant.

Number 1 is easiest and relatively easy to understand. I could even rip out the ship classes, so there is no reference to Roman ranks in the book. Not sure if that's needed.
Number 3 is a bit of a mess, unless I limit Roman ranks to just centurion. Let's face it, the word centurion belongs in the book.

I'm leaning toward option 1.

For those who read the battle chapters and the new chapter one, did it strike you as confusing that I used Roman ranks (praetor, consul, tribune, centurion) as ship classes?

Thanks.

Time for deep breathing exercises, Aussie.

I'll throw another shrimp on the barbie for you, Mate. With two bottles of apricot brandy as a chaser. Damn, that stuff tastes good!

And we can watch reruns of the Star Wars prequel trilogy all weekend!

Eighttrackphobia

The increased tension seems like a good idea. Most of it is already swirling in my head - the hidden assassin, the homophobic decisions he makes that kill Andrew and his cadets, him truly despising Adam, as opposed to simply being mad at him (boo hoo), etc.

He'll get more nuanced screen time (setting up the Caligula chapter), plus he undergoes a miraculous change of behavior after the blast to his head. I want there to be enough clues that something's not right, right up to the reveal. I didn't care for him as a character until I came up with his hidden plot. Now I love him, which is the main reason he survived the battle. I want to do more with him. I could see putting him, Lady Kay, Leonardo, and Aussie in a book on the edge of settled space.

No plans to get rid of them. Just expressing a preference for the stuff in Act III. I was thinking of trimming the chapter with the Essence. I crammed in too much stuff. It drags.

There are other ways to write it, but there's not much point to the Caligula chapter unless he gets an enemy. Who better than Apollo?

Very nice stuff. Is it copyrighted?

Awesome idea.

Janet, I added "mate" to the chapter, as you suggested. It's hilarious. I only use it once at the end when the AI is pissed off about the lack of respect. It says: Listen, Mate, I've asked you repeatedly to refer to me as Queen Aussie...

So, Australia goes for Windsor. You do realize, Janet, that I named her after the Queen, don't you? Windsor-Mountbatten, I believe is the correct spelling.

Group Think:

What do you think of my putting Admiral Windsor in Joseph's head (he's her grandson) for the whole story? Her appearance in chapter two, having just died in chapter one, would strongly suggest to the reader that she is real (in storytime, it's actually 11 years after her death, which I'll mention). Windsor is one of several ties to chapter one (Lupus and Aussie being the others). Naturally, I'll include the bit about mental illness, so there will still be some doubt from chapter two onward, just less so.

I'd have to reduce God's role in Joseph's half of the story. It also means the admiral would be the one to give Joseph his spine, rather than his deceased mother. The mother would die and disappear, so there would be no happy appearance by the mother in his head to assuage his guilt.

Similarly, Emperor Nero will appear in Apollo's head once Nero dies, but not until the end of act II.

Thoughts?

4500

Quick poll. Is it okay that my opening chapter is 18 double-spaced pages (roughly 3.0 points)? I usually try to keep my chapters between 10 and 15. It grew by a couple of pages because of the return of the loony AI. I'm not finding much to trim. And no, K, I'm not ripping out the AI again. It's a recurring character.

Thanks, Don.

LMAO (apologies for all the cursing)