2,101

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Okay, here's that writing box.
http://i1065.photobucket.com/albums/u394/njGreybeard/Kirseys-writing-box_zpsmmmc9op0.png
If you can read Pitman, there's a possible fat spoiler (not absolutely set in stone) in the red text under the image.  No fair getting help on the web!  You have to figure it out yourself.  (Link for the intrepid########bullheaded)  (Oops, 'have to' should be 'have time to'!)

I've got to catch up on errands, so I won't have that much time to work here today.  I've got at least seven or eight hours of reviews to do and I may do half of them.  Then I've got the chapter/scenes I've been working on to type up.

And Merran and Jamen going after the kids, and back to Erevain, and all the training chapters, and probably recutting chapters one through four to move the front-of-the-shop and the back-of-the-house closer together.

YO MAMA!

2,103

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Okay got a minor power moment for Kirsey.  It ties in with some of the existing spellwork I have to clean up.

2,104

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Ouch. Just spent an hour and some thinking how Kirsey may carry his writing instruments.  Did you know the Chinese had nickel ('German') silver during our Middle Ages?  It might work for pen nibs, but they would have to be wiped clean after use because acid can leach  the copper from it.  Electrum is probably too soft.

Might put up a photo later.

2,105

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

If you see a way to improve them, I would like to hear it.  It's just that much of this occurs deep underground.

2,106

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I've got notes worth about 2,500 words on healing the mountain.  It will take about seven hours to put them in usable form.  Amy, you won't be happy.  The power moments are understated.  (I don't think I'll have anything like Sil's transformation.)

But Kirsey will have a small dose of Adventure.

Owe you a review on the new chapter.  (I'm getting a =Prince Caspian= vibe.)  Need sleep first.  (STREP strep strep strep STREP strep strep ...)

Has been tamed by her libido--

In the 'seen yes/no' field, allow 'new comment' (spilling to the left) and put the new-review indicator on on the home page.

2,110

(75 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

amy s wrote:

Janet (no alias) is an Aussie who hates the Queen of England with more passion than I've ever seen. ... engineer for an oil company. She knows everything there is to know about our fickle country. They had a class that they made the new hires attend on how to survive being an ex-pat in America.

And just what would such a class include, I wonder?  That US speed limits are in MPH?  Not to pass a stopped school bus with its flashers on?  Not to order pizza away from a Really Major Metro Area?  To set a safety timer if you are foolish and determined enough to watch Reality TV?  Not to joke about football until three weeks after the SuperBowl and not to talk about Futbol at all?

If I do an inline review of Fred, and Barney comments on my comments, do I get a notification too?

Throw the yule log on, throw the yule log on, throw the yule log ... on Uncle John.

2,113

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Thanks.  I forgot last time.

2,114

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Oh, some forward background: Caneth is the only one who knows where Pike ended up.  He and Kirsey are the only ones who know what actually happened to Pike, and Melayne knows for sure that Pike is alive, though not where he is, or in what condition.

2,115

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

A note on your latest set of reviews: In a sense Pengrit represents what Melayne fears her daughter might become--a feral sorcerer, without the deep sense of responsibility needed to go with her power.  Merran's shown us that her mother is wrong, but Melayne's fears run deep.

Caneth sees things a little differently.  He understands, more than Melayne, that 'the capacity is the need', but he also knows that his wife's fears are based on experience, not fancy.  You saw him tell Merran she could take care of the next two patients, and when he broke the promise, Merran fully understood why.  She would have stood aside if he hadn't spoken.

OBTW, I'm going another bout with strep.  I slept about 15 hours a day from Saturday until Tuesday.  I'm on amox/clavanulate now.  That seems to work better for me than some of the fancier antibiotics, and it's not too expensive.  I have to see if I've got a source of reinfection.  There's a few things to check.

Likewise.

Memphis Trace wrote:
ronald quark wrote:

Butt Man

onolatry

Political rallies

Atlantis

2,119

(5 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Steven Pinker on the central problem of good written composition.

2,120

(75 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

In a few months, you'll be pushing us along!  Each one of us has strengths and weaknesses.  You'll find yours.

Jaylene already was killed, remember?

Was it you who was telling me that I kept ending a chapter on a tension note/hook and that I needed to have a few rest-chapters in between to keep it from looking like a formula? If not, then do you agree with the above statement or think I should continue to move action to the beginning of the chapters whenever possible?

In this case, you also have a natural scene break that provides a good chapter break.

Not every chapter needs to start on a cliffhanger.  But (for example) Jaylene's drop through the Sandfall (revealed as a trap) opens a whole new and unexpected topic.  By putting Tazar's trip first, you set an expectation that you break at the start of the next chapter--and the chapter break signals the reader that something different is coming.

In the Asking the Right Questions chapter, you end on a big question.  But the next chapter Erasing the Runes opens on preliminaries related to the questions, while the chapter as a whole is an action chapter.  The effect may be increased by the lack of a scene break after the "gritted his teeth" line.

If you move the preliminaries to the end of Asking the Right Questions you can move the questions down, pulling the issues back from Anver/Kat to the Jar.

I wouldn't go all Sally Field yet.  It flows reasonably well, but I want to see how the next chapter opens before I complete my comments.

She's only a weakness if the reader looks for her to fill the wrong role.

The problem is that Alina's introduction isn't that of a Big Bad.  It's the introduction of a Very Big Little Person, who can make life hell--or death--for the good guys.

Two books may have room for the detail, but how do you keep the story moving?

I need to take a closer look at Ch's 6, 7, and 8.