Search options (Page 24 of 47)

+)

re your reply to the fight in chapter 40 (Ya, I'm only now getting around to replying. Don't bug me I'm slow)

You asked about a comparison to a Bruce Lee fight, and my answer is "Yes, I would say the same". It's quite like a movie script -it's how I expect a Bruce Lee movie script to be written:

in a Bruce Lee novel, I'd expect to be placed in the scene rather than a list of events.

Alas, I must end this example in that awkward moment before Lee and Ninja4 get into an embrace and start kissing. And you probably see what I meant by now. The question I should like to place is... is this a story or a sequence of events?

Mind you... a sequence of events is perfectly valid. I'd expect it of "Pulp Fiction" were it a novel. Or "Kill Bill". But it sure does steal from the story...

Let me draw your attention to 'white fangs gleamed'. This gives us such a nice sense of place. Breaks up the two actions (draw to mouth vs fangs snapping shut). Also notice mention of furniture (forgive me for counting chasms as furniture). The fallen on his knees part would correspond to the point where R is getting handcuffed which is great, but it comes after a long chain of blurry events. A lot of salt and not a lot of pepper. Right about the Easter L part, there needs to be a nod to either feeling or place or time or even one of the senses - example: B got R into a nelson, longish hair tickling R's shoulder. They wrestled a moment, and R propped her feet on the (bed | sofa | alligator) for leverage ** moves continue **

I apologize if you use any of this and the 2 paragraph fight takes 16. Ask Norm about the grief I've given his nice (short) summaries.

Slightly more expensive, but Aedre could get scuba gear and immerse herself in a sticky substance and wait for it to dry. Eg, she goes in a room with the drone, then seals off the door and triggers the room to fill with amber. Amber dries, she chips her way out, done is stuck.

A costly method is go see an expert drone remover. Of course, you can't tell the guy "Hi, there's a drone following me that will kill me if I talk about it"... but merely sitting in the expert's office and chatting about your day should be enough - if he's an expert he's used to clients doing just that. He'll be like "nice day. Can you lend me 20 biluvian dollars?" Aedre passes over the bills then whisk-whisk no more drone.

A much less involved method (though much more hardcore) is to hop in a ship and travel a few light-hours or light-weeks away. This means whoever's watching has a huge delay in the broadcast.  She can take all the time she wants to get rid of it (I doubt they make hyperspace communicators tiny enough to load in the drone based on tech level presented).

A cheap, hardcore method is to hop in a cryosponge for a 50-year journey, then turn around and come back. 100 years round trip - all your enemies are dead. Problem solved.

A more involved method is to try to wear the thing out. Seeing at it can't have infinite power there must be a charging system (solar? Electromagnetic transduction? hydrocarbons? Antimatter?) Just hang out where it's dark, or no rotating core / magnetic field or in a desert etc. Or spray metal-dissolving acid all over the place. Set the room on fire (be careful with that one - hire a professional pyrotechnics engineer)

Sleep when I'm dead

that it is obvious x.x

Because Apollo loosely ties to he other series.

I sneak these in all the time - some more glaring than others

Edit: Master needs a 2nd Ed. too, but only syntax/editing clean up. Just glanced through the first few pages. So many repeat words and what not. Wouldn't change a thing about the plot/structure

also, re: "a few Nerthus months" just to clarify...

Imagine that a "Camite hour is 55 minutes" compared to Earth.
"a few Camite hours" / "a few Earthling hours" -> in the end, it's a still a few. Putting the name says exactly 55 minutes or exactly 60 then it's blended with "approximately" (a few).

Hope I managed to convey all this in that tiny box

Next on my hitlist... make it through any one Transformers movie. Maybe Austin Powers if I can find it

You've really taken a dislike to Last Jedi huh

*** SPOILERS ***

I still think if they were gonna kill off Luke they might as well have him die in the final battle. My friend observes that the way they did it means Luke goes out on his own terms - no one gets to kill him or rush him.

Ok, good and proper - go ahead.
a) Look at me! I sit on rocks and turn into pixie-dust!
b) Or I could go poof after single-handedly owning the bad guys.

One of these options looks better on paper.

from your description, sounds delineated to me