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Edit: Master needs a 2nd Ed. too, but only syntax/editing clean up. Just glanced through the first few pages. So many repeat words and what not. Wouldn't change a thing about the plot/structure

also, re: "a few Nerthus months" just to clarify...

Imagine that a "Camite hour is 55 minutes" compared to Earth.
"a few Camite hours" / "a few Earthling hours" -> in the end, it's a still a few. Putting the name says exactly 55 minutes or exactly 60 then it's blended with "approximately" (a few).

Hope I managed to convey all this in that tiny box

Next on my hitlist... make it through any one Transformers movie. Maybe Austin Powers if I can find it

You've really taken a dislike to Last Jedi huh

*** SPOILERS ***

I still think if they were gonna kill off Luke they might as well have him die in the final battle. My friend observes that the way they did it means Luke goes out on his own terms - no one gets to kill him or rush him.

Ok, good and proper - go ahead.
a) Look at me! I sit on rocks and turn into pixie-dust!
b) Or I could go poof after single-handedly owning the bad guys.

One of these options looks better on paper.

from your description, sounds delineated to me

This is a great idea. borrowing

@Amy I've only read one of those (plus this one) because I'm slow... but I can mostly follow ok

That particular scene has Paul in it, so I'm tempted to say "yes"

@Debbie: You don't need those elements to join the group. All genre are welcome

Noomy is heads & above the strongest character in the above list. Aedre is really going to have to bask in the spotlight to not get outshone by her. I mean she's kind of wind in the willows until she develops the gumption to quit her job where the guy's mistreating her. So when you juxtapose her to Yufu or Noomy, it will really stand out.

That said, your overview looks like a stronger story

Structurally, it's better that Nabi doesn't die off-screen. If you can't get her + Aedre + Bhaltair in the same area for her to die, consider having a hitman do the job on Bhaltair's behalf, or, even Nabi make the final transmission to Aedre just before the end. If you use the final transmission bit it's hard to get her killed off with finality - we'll be stuck thinking maybe she escaped after the screen went dark

Depending on your story's needs, you might have Aedre sent somewhere worse than a brothel because Noomy already has that part licked. Wait... what's worse than a brothel?? Hmm... they make her be a nurse in a place quarantined with contagious disease that is only a matter of time before she contracts it. (Maybe this disease turns people into Noirplasts?), If you keep the brothel part for her, just bear in mind Noomy will be far ahead of her (in the sex-slave trade) by the time she ends up there, so what new does she bring to the concept?

If you have enough points to start a v2 you'll probably attract new reviewers who might take notice that you've taken the time to do an overhaul. I find that's usually the case when I do a v2. Also leaves past work up so people can compare if there's any value to you for that