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eBook, kindle specifically

Declan tho?? We need to talk

re the 2nd round of comments... There's no need (post Elizabethan period) to hide pain & suffering behind the curtain.

If your goal is to draw our attention to it, write it. Some actior will find you later and shake your hand for giving him the spotlight.

I did this hiding act in some of the early writes of VQ. I had [4 0 3] (my female ninja ballerina villain) at the end assigned to kill someone who she was told she was related to (but didn't believe it (and what villain politely requests DNA samples?)). I had the area around the mark coated in wet paint, then I showed footsteps in that paint at first showing haste (spread apart) then slowing, then turn away.

Implication: "someone" had rushed forward to make the kill, stopped, thought it over and changed her mind. Then a chapter later, I reveal the villain had paint on her shoes.

A few years later I was reading that complicated act and had a BFO. I was hiding the important part... that moment someone comes to deep, potentially life-changing terms. Why was I hiding it? To create a mystery. Okay, no problem. But it wasn't central to the plot. Many readers would have missed the connection.

This is what I see in the scene as you describe it. You've declared it's important your character sees the body and suffers a breakdown / moment of reverence. I see give the future director a scene with meat on its bones

PS: I'm still going to try to use the paint in VQ. Only as a way for a few smart characters to realize what happened. But I'll show the scene when I get there.

Edited to close that pesky double bracket

Interesting aspect introduced there.

Consider the "just" applies to a group of three.

Just (us)

Just (Father,paramedics,[me])

You could never get away with : Just (we)
It follows you cannot use : Just (Father,paramedics,I)

Yes.

In which chapter does the comet strike and destroy the world?

ok... in that case, you might be best to omit the scene so you don't post "chapter 9 scene 6" when it's really chapter 3 scene 6

My terms are way more alien than "agente" and I dont translate, so I think you'll be fine

Also, please beware, if I delete this post for no apparent reason

Read scene 1 but, unfortunately, I have insufficient material in there to leave a review. It looked to me like the true beginning was further in at the anointing scene, but I need to see more material to get a feel for the pace before I can say that with confidence.

You'll need to post it to premium for maximum viewership

Program his VCR