Hey MJ... more questions:
1) They say never give a horse a green pepper, and limit onions. Are they generally smart enough to skip those, should a clever horse should chance across them?
2) You mentioned above ponies only really need each other when grooming. Is that to say they offer something to each other humans can't do? Would someone therefor always have at least two ponies?
-K
I've been told more than once by reviewers to lose words like "Just then"
Guilty as charged, so I guess I should weigh in.
Disclaimer: I overuse "just", "then", and "so". I've trained myself to spot them on 2nd drafts.
Joseph terminated the feed. “They’re insane..."
Just then, an explosion rocked the prison
As Deckland says, this "Just then" replaces the actual shortcut word "Coincidentally". It allows two dissimilar events to occur without build up. This is valid in rare or high-stakes situations. Used elsewhere, it's a shortcut.
Using it in an early draft is great. Now you can search it. Every time you find it, ping yourself with another -coincidence-
I recently caught myself having characters walk in on conversations at opportune moments: "... as if summoned, X rounded the corner...". Next draft, I'll be able to solve that by introducing X to the scene earlier, or mention X's imminent arrival at the start of Y's conversation.
Joseph terminated the feed. “They’re insane! They just put the fate of humanity solely in the hands of Emperor Bastardus!”
An explosion rocked the prison. Everyone ran out of their cells and looked for the source. A siren began to wail.
I don't have a suggestion for this one. Sometimes, "Just then" is really the perfect phrase. If this was Star Trek, it would be:
Joseph terminated the feed. “They’re insane! They just put the fate of humanity solely in the hands of Emperor Bastardus!”
[Cut scene to unrelated holodeck substory. Picard at a sleazy bar while Data learns to tell standup. Data gains some new insight or reveals a character growth.]
An explosion rocked the holodeck and the images flickered. Picard ran out and looked for the source. A siren began to wail.
add some <p></p> tags in your summaries. I do this all the time to force formatting.
Eye movements. It doesn't really bother me. It catches my attention, yes... but I'm able to overlook it (unlike a mixed up their/there, for example, which is just upsetting). Consider this my eyebrows waggling in nonchalant acceptance.
All this "nova" talk gave me a character name. Thanks!
Renaming "Naya" to "Nova". Never liked the original name - makes me think of bottled water.
Hummm Seabrass didn't like Nova. Maybe switch it back to Naya
What's everyone up to, either life projects or creative writing?
I go for 3 scenes per chapter... but I don't stick to that. Often one driving desperate scene. Sometimes scene-after-scene like a water fountain. I think my record is 10.
Totally unhelpful response, I know, but hey, we're not bound to TV episode limitations or Shakespearean plot arcs
Kdot,
Corn is the worst feed of all for a horse because it's so high in starch (sugar) and can make them colic - which is comparable to the worst upset stomach you've ever had times 10. Colic can and often does lead to death because horses cannot regurgitate or throw up like humans can. With that said, when corn IS fed, it's usually not on the cob, but rather cracked, rolled, or steam flaked or pressed.Yes, there are still people who insist corn is okay to feed to horses. Those folks will normally throw the entire corn cob in. If a horse has, say 10 corn cobs to choose from, they will eat the corn part first, then go to the next ear of corn and eat that corn. The cobs are left til last. Whether or not a horse eats all of it depends on many things - the horse's metabolic make-up (some horses will eat anything anytime it's handed to them...those horses are called 'easy keepers,' but that's not always a good thing. They over-indulge and gain weight, which leads to feet problems (founder) and fat deposits underneath their skin, plus they get lazy if not exercised regularly.) Those easy keepers will plow through the cobs without hesitation.
Oh, it's not feed. This clever horse has gotten into one of the character's packs and devoured the humans' dinner. I just need to finesse what's left of it when they catch the rascal. I figure, based on what you say, we'd see a pile of cobs lying around and horse working on the last few ears.
Horse will be a prominent character... I have to crawl into its head a little
ew to the ketchup part
Hello MJ
The sites say they'll eat corn typically first eating the kernels, then working their way through the cob. Can you say if this is a good rule of thumb? For example, will they leave the cob back if they're kinda full or have something better to eat? I imagine cobs can't be the best tasting food of all.
Hey horse people... some questions that Google is doing poorly at answering for me...
1) Do ponies try to herd with horses? Or it is more of a "we're too good to hang out with you guys?" kinda thing?
2) As a riding animal, can the larger breeds generally carry a small adult as well as a horse? (Say 100lb / 45kg range). Google says they're more durable, but can't find good stats on endurance under weight conditions. I chanced across a page that mentions ponies are "adept at avoiding work" which implies they're not gonna carry an adult very far.
I have more, just haven't resolved them clearly in my head yet
It'd be hard, but you could have the teens deliberately not interact with the apparitions when observers are about. For example, in VQA chapter 14, my main is partially aware that no one sees the child so they simply stop talking when others arrive. The 'apparition' has the option to interject as it wishes, but MC must wait for quiet time to respond
The talking aloud bit is a show stopper, I fear
All this "nova" talk gave me a character name. Thanks!
Renaming "Naya" to "Nova". Never liked the original name - makes me think of bottled water.
I read supernova as just a moniker, but I can see where the confusion lies. I suppose it's like star destroyers don't actually have the capability of destroying stars.
I have a vague recollection of Gilligan wandering along a pipe using some kind of sticky substance to plug holes in a pipe
bzzt!
I'm attempting to execute the "Damsel in Distress who Rescues Herself" trope. Which, of course, begs the question, what is H doing during this time period.
Best option I can see is that H is blissfully unaware she's in distress. Maybe she sends a messenger but he's off fighting a villain, and the message doesn't get delivered etc.
Another option... maybe he's aware but is too late. Not sure how that works as I don't think the hero's allowed to be late.
Note that at this time, the characters are already in love. The rescue is not pivotal to them getting together. The danger exists to help prepare the MC to assist in the final battle.
So my question is: To what extent does the average reader accept that a hero can't arrive in time? Is unaware the better choice? I can put him so far away there's no prayer of him arriving in time. Too obvious? It's great if he can arrive "just in time" that she's gotten out of the danger a split second before. Campy?
It could be worse. I could be blue.
This statement is quietly powerful
No particular character. Just the tone.
New profile image made me think of Babylon5
Oooh, reading this is a rather involved commit. He circles his point like a wagon train from the Old West
mmk. my thoughts on your thoughts on my thoughts
1. Ok, no problem - as long as you're aware you've made the Skills commonplace and ubiquitous enough to be taken for granted, you grasp the fundamental difficulty in making the story more otherworldly.
2. A "not" is simple and powerful expression ("John was the guy who'd never learned to dance"), but pile 3 into one paragraph...
Mark walked to his door and didn't look up. He didn't put on his shoes and decided not to drink a glass of water
At some point it becomes clear that the writer is visualizing a lot of action and has either overlooked that the reader can't or is being deliberately cagey.
A more realistic/relevant example: "John didn't believe in the war" in a book set in 1980 probably means Vietnam and works because the modern reader knows what to compare against. In a fantasy novel, this becomes a footnote that the reader is expecting will join up later (big war? Small war? Recurring war? Relevant war? What was the cost? Recent?).
Better: "John lost his wife in the war eighteen years ago" (War occurred once, is not still occurring, and is distant past - here's how it affects John now, and we can expect John to react certain ways because of it).
This is really a snippet of a broader discussion related to the old "Bob saw something" structure. I'm not suggesting don't use them - but rather think about what questions each one raises.
Here's an example:
For fourteen years—all her life—Skills had surrounded her, and she’d never given them a second thought. Her mother didn’t Speak, it gave her a headache, she said, and Izzy hated Jumping, even when it was necessary. And if Amma was tired and irritable, for weeks on end sometimes, she hadn’t put it together with the Creation of new clothes, or the way the pantries were filled up again
Notes:
1. "...never give a second thought..." trivializes them
2. There are 3 instances in this where we're told what did not occur as opposed to what did
3. Overall, this procession is very "nice". There is no true penalty for power use (at least none by chapter 4) - you just hug a Minx and you're off to the Garden of Eden
She'd dreaded reaching fourteen - the age the Darkening came upon them. Her mother, she'd been told, had been cursed with the Sat'tashé. For a hundred days straight, her village had kept her locked in a basement so no one would hear the screams as her power burned her mind. Even now, it gave her migraines to speak of it. For her part, Izzy hated Shadow-Sliding. She doubted she'd even do it to save her own life. The way membranous fingers from the other touched her skin made her want to shrink into Bada moth and flap her way to the setting of the third moon.
What I've done here is sprinkle random names instead of "Speak" or "Jump" etc and tried to envision it in a way that it's a power no sane person would want. Now the MC is no longer the "Chosen One" who gets the great power -- she's an average person who really doesn't want it - but fate will make her suffer until she gives in and accepts it
5 Myths Hollywood taught us about the middle ages
https://mic.com/articles/64339/5-bigges … .EDx67SGot
