My comma separates two thoughts. My teachers always said (Paraphrased) "toss in a comma if you want the reader to pause, even if there wouldn't normally be a comma".
John! John, the woods man. John felled the tree.
That said, I would normally strike out that comma in a revision
hah... don't assume it's correct if it's in a first draft. I just sprinkle commas like confetti
New question.
Contractions: yes to dialogue, but in narrative? Accepting that this is a close third, tightly in the POV head, with little or no authorial comment.
My agent is anti, I am dithering.
No contractions? Seems an unfortunate rule. I can think of best sellers who use them:
I can’t recall what her father did. Once, she explained to me in detail what he did, but as with most kids, it went in one ear and out the other.
--Murakami, Haruki. South of the Border, West of the Sun
Hey MJ... more questions:
1) They say never give a horse a green pepper, and limit onions. Are they generally smart enough to skip those, should a clever horse should chance across them?
2) You mentioned above ponies only really need each other when grooming. Is that to say they offer something to each other humans can't do? Would someone therefor always have at least two ponies?
-K
I've been told more than once by reviewers to lose words like "Just then"
Guilty as charged, so I guess I should weigh in.
Disclaimer: I overuse "just", "then", and "so". I've trained myself to spot them on 2nd drafts.
Joseph terminated the feed. “They’re insane..."
Just then, an explosion rocked the prison
As Deckland says, this "Just then" replaces the actual shortcut word "Coincidentally". It allows two dissimilar events to occur without build up. This is valid in rare or high-stakes situations. Used elsewhere, it's a shortcut.
Using it in an early draft is great. Now you can search it. Every time you find it, ping yourself with another -coincidence-
I recently caught myself having characters walk in on conversations at opportune moments: "... as if summoned, X rounded the corner...". Next draft, I'll be able to solve that by introducing X to the scene earlier, or mention X's imminent arrival at the start of Y's conversation.
Joseph terminated the feed. “They’re insane! They just put the fate of humanity solely in the hands of Emperor Bastardus!”
An explosion rocked the prison. Everyone ran out of their cells and looked for the source. A siren began to wail.
I don't have a suggestion for this one. Sometimes, "Just then" is really the perfect phrase. If this was Star Trek, it would be:
Joseph terminated the feed. “They’re insane! They just put the fate of humanity solely in the hands of Emperor Bastardus!”
[Cut scene to unrelated holodeck substory. Picard at a sleazy bar while Data learns to tell standup. Data gains some new insight or reveals a character growth.]
An explosion rocked the holodeck and the images flickered. Picard ran out and looked for the source. A siren began to wail.
add some <p></p> tags in your summaries. I do this all the time to force formatting.
Eye movements. It doesn't really bother me. It catches my attention, yes... but I'm able to overlook it (unlike a mixed up their/there, for example, which is just upsetting). Consider this my eyebrows waggling in nonchalant acceptance.
All this "nova" talk gave me a character name. Thanks!
Renaming "Naya" to "Nova". Never liked the original name - makes me think of bottled water.
Hummm Seabrass didn't like Nova. Maybe switch it back to Naya
What's everyone up to, either life projects or creative writing?
I go for 3 scenes per chapter... but I don't stick to that. Often one driving desperate scene. Sometimes scene-after-scene like a water fountain. I think my record is 10.
Totally unhelpful response, I know, but hey, we're not bound to TV episode limitations or Shakespearean plot arcs
Kdot,
Corn is the worst feed of all for a horse because it's so high in starch (sugar) and can make them colic - which is comparable to the worst upset stomach you've ever had times 10. Colic can and often does lead to death because horses cannot regurgitate or throw up like humans can. With that said, when corn IS fed, it's usually not on the cob, but rather cracked, rolled, or steam flaked or pressed.Yes, there are still people who insist corn is okay to feed to horses. Those folks will normally throw the entire corn cob in. If a horse has, say 10 corn cobs to choose from, they will eat the corn part first, then go to the next ear of corn and eat that corn. The cobs are left til last. Whether or not a horse eats all of it depends on many things - the horse's metabolic make-up (some horses will eat anything anytime it's handed to them...those horses are called 'easy keepers,' but that's not always a good thing. They over-indulge and gain weight, which leads to feet problems (founder) and fat deposits underneath their skin, plus they get lazy if not exercised regularly.) Those easy keepers will plow through the cobs without hesitation.
Oh, it's not feed. This clever horse has gotten into one of the character's packs and devoured the humans' dinner. I just need to finesse what's left of it when they catch the rascal. I figure, based on what you say, we'd see a pile of cobs lying around and horse working on the last few ears.
Horse will be a prominent character... I have to crawl into its head a little
ew to the ketchup part
Hello MJ
The sites say they'll eat corn typically first eating the kernels, then working their way through the cob. Can you say if this is a good rule of thumb? For example, will they leave the cob back if they're kinda full or have something better to eat? I imagine cobs can't be the best tasting food of all.
Hey horse people... some questions that Google is doing poorly at answering for me...
1) Do ponies try to herd with horses? Or it is more of a "we're too good to hang out with you guys?" kinda thing?
2) As a riding animal, can the larger breeds generally carry a small adult as well as a horse? (Say 100lb / 45kg range). Google says they're more durable, but can't find good stats on endurance under weight conditions. I chanced across a page that mentions ponies are "adept at avoiding work" which implies they're not gonna carry an adult very far.
I have more, just haven't resolved them clearly in my head yet
It'd be hard, but you could have the teens deliberately not interact with the apparitions when observers are about. For example, in VQA chapter 14, my main is partially aware that no one sees the child so they simply stop talking when others arrive. The 'apparition' has the option to interject as it wishes, but MC must wait for quiet time to respond
The talking aloud bit is a show stopper, I fear
All this "nova" talk gave me a character name. Thanks!
Renaming "Naya" to "Nova". Never liked the original name - makes me think of bottled water.
I read supernova as just a moniker, but I can see where the confusion lies. I suppose it's like star destroyers don't actually have the capability of destroying stars.
I have a vague recollection of Gilligan wandering along a pipe using some kind of sticky substance to plug holes in a pipe
bzzt!
I'm attempting to execute the "Damsel in Distress who Rescues Herself" trope. Which, of course, begs the question, what is H doing during this time period.
Best option I can see is that H is blissfully unaware she's in distress. Maybe she sends a messenger but he's off fighting a villain, and the message doesn't get delivered etc.
Another option... maybe he's aware but is too late. Not sure how that works as I don't think the hero's allowed to be late.
Note that at this time, the characters are already in love. The rescue is not pivotal to them getting together. The danger exists to help prepare the MC to assist in the final battle.
So my question is: To what extent does the average reader accept that a hero can't arrive in time? Is unaware the better choice? I can put him so far away there's no prayer of him arriving in time. Too obvious? It's great if he can arrive "just in time" that she's gotten out of the danger a split second before. Campy?
It could be worse. I could be blue.
This statement is quietly powerful
No particular character. Just the tone.
New profile image made me think of Babylon5
Oooh, reading this is a rather involved commit. He circles his point like a wagon train from the Old West
