killing a well-liked character only makes them better
676 2018-04-12 22:06:27
Re: (Plan8 Slaves) - Rayner Jamie Ye (34 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
677 2018-04-12 09:55:15
Re: A little turbulence (17 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Windows/Firefox 53
678 2018-04-12 04:20:23
Re: etc (68 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
My friend and I were discussing how each Sci Fi show has their own 'Jar Jar'.
For example Wesley is the Jar Jar of TNG and Neelix is the Jar Jar of Voyager.
679 2018-04-12 01:14:49
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,461 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Convinced you of Requiem?
680 2018-04-11 22:08:50
Re: (Plan8 Slaves) - Rayner Jamie Ye (34 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Dun fret about the review counts. Chapters 1-3 are greatly loved on this site. Once you hit chapter 4, things naturally dry out, and only the really dedicated reviewers remain.
Also welcome. You'll get a lot of help here, and I'll be able to pick on you even more for not writing Yufu
681 2018-04-11 02:20:22
Topic: Exile in Time (6 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
And it begins...
682 2018-04-10 05:12:27
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,461 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Is Thecla going to be in it?
683 2018-04-07 01:56:06
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
what is the angle bracket made out of... Vibranium??
684 2018-04-04 00:35:04
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,461 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Think about your hook... if you had to choose four words for my eye to fall on in the first sentence, what would they be?
I'd hazard to guess "fourteen boy special powers"
It's probably not "Living orphanage Rome fourteen". That "Grab" is for a very different book, probably closer to Les Misérables.
Once you have your key terms, try to topload them if you can.
These things are always easier to see in other people's writings, so he's a sample for VQS:
Travelling amongst various monasteries, Shinji, the son of an accountant, loses his Sensei on planet Venus. He must apply his skill with the sword to survive a hostile and alien world.
Thrust onto a hostile and alien world, Shinji must use every combat skill he can to survive. He's lost his Sensei. He's but the son of an accountant. How can he survive?
(Actually, that can be much more top-loaded, but that's a whole different topic)
685 2018-04-04 00:14:55
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,461 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Indeed. There is a reference to the Pope among some others I spotted. Rome is implied. Once you say Pope, you've also implied Christian and Catholic.
686 2018-04-03 23:19:21
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,461 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Paragraph two lost me by word #7 (Don't accuse me up pulling punches!). Hopefully by the time you're ready to publish you've got that whittled down to awesome-sauce. Here's my rendition of line 1:
Fourteen-year-old Connor has special gifts.
687 2018-04-03 22:13:28
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,461 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I like the first paragraph... it's snappy, it's clear who the players are, it sounds like an even match, and there's the mystery of the dare
688 2018-04-03 04:52:17
Re: The Galaxy Tales - Dirk B. (1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Now that you mention it, there is a certain redundancy in having a mother + a grandmother in one head + a father in the other.
Perhaps he doesn't cause her death - anti-religion lunatics do?
689 2018-04-02 00:21:16
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
It's an interesting place The Edge. I like working in there a lot, but it isn't actually seen until Book 2.
This one writer has a place called the [E a r t h w o u n d] that's a fascinating collision of energies that kinda creeps up on the reader. Basically you have this bad place. And the story doesn't get into exact details about how it got there. But the characters respect it, which makes it terrifying.
690 2018-04-01 15:56:25
Re: Can I reference a real song and artist in a work of fiction? (15 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
It seems that song is from the 17th century. Surely copyright has lapsed on it
691 2018-04-01 06:21:22
Re: Tech (5 replies, posted in Science Fiction, Steampunk, and Space Opera)
and half-naked Russian women wanting to be friends
I hear in Soviet Russia, Facebook delete you!
(All joking aside, does one ever delete a fb account? Or does it just go inactive and stay indefinitely so shady companies can harvest the data?)
692 2018-04-01 05:33:28
Topic: Tech (5 replies, posted in Science Fiction, Steampunk, and Space Opera)
693 2018-04-01 04:18:02
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Do you feel that it works as an early tempter for the other side of the world?
I didn't gather that's what they meant... but I don't think I need to this early in the story - not without it dominating the chapter to the point of distraction. "The Edge" is enough for now that I get a feeling it's not a place anyone wants to be.
694 2018-03-31 14:43:57
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,461 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Feather of the Dark Angel
695 2018-03-31 06:46:43
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,461 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Divine Treachery
696 2018-03-30 13:04:42
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
No major quibbles. Details don't override the pace. Of course you can thin / make precision-based finesse on future passes. But nothing felt brushed over - nothing screamed to me "missed opportunity".
697 2018-03-29 09:47:13
Re: No Reviews (7 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
To add to what Vern said, yes review lots... but realize that 90% of your current reviews are on members who haven't issued reviews in several months. You're only going to collect ROI on 10% of your efforts at that rate.
698 2018-03-29 00:26:18
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
God Emperor had a wicked ending
699 2018-03-29 00:20:00
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I thought the son did an ok treatment of Butlerian Jihad... but I still think Chapterhouse was heads and above the best of any in the series.
I have Hunters here unread tho. I read page 1, put it down and never came back. Erk
700 2018-03-28 23:02:46
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
today's obsession with opening In Media Res would rule out this engaging, fascinating opening
Not really progress, but fitting. here's just so many distractions these days, I find a book has to sparkle harder to get me engrossed. I go back to re-read books I liked back in the day, and sometimes I'm thinking wow, how did I ever have the patience to slog through 200 pages of this crap to get to the good part? (Tommyknockers, I'm looking at you)
All things being cyclic, this fad will one day disappear. Probably not until we as a society find a way to tame the noise of entertainment