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Scene doesn't scream possession to me. If anything, this sounds like a logistical nightmare.

I remember an old ghost story. I think it was called "Le dernier soldat" though google brings up too many results to find it at the moment. They did their supernatural attack as footprints marching across the room. Approach would reduce the amount of choreography needed.

Temper this with my at-odds approach, but I would have the POV character shiver and perceive demons. I would make the fear transcend to the narrator and let Connor do his own thing

Kdot fix: Delete the lines

I've seen the latter used in mainstream books, but I dislike it. How can startle be used intransitively? Just seems odd.

fifty. So many great targets for the killing spree

I poked through it. I think I liked the pacing of the previous version better, but I won't know for sure until I read the final chapter so I can see that what the story is looking to accomplish

Anyway, keep going... I need to see like the first 75% of the story before I can offer anything useful to a chapter 2

Re-red it. I question the presentation of data around the dialogue in question, but I need to factor in the scenes before it and after. The questions in my head are where are the highs in the chapter and where are the lows.  How much do I care about Vitale or is it satisfying that me might get eaten.

No real need for him to tremble unless you have a particular story-wise need

No never watched or read those

Yes, being able to turn one sun "off" at a time vastly reduces your headaches, and your story has sufficient "magic" / "science magic" to support it.

You still have a minor issue that two suns will want to orbit themselves (If they were stationary with respect to each other, they'd join up, and who needs that headache?). As a result the planet would have to travel faster on some parts of its orbit -- to stay ahead of the creeping sun. In effect your planet's orbit itself would have to be orbitting to stay out of the path of the sun. Now, the planet moving its entire orbit is possible if you introduce mass that will upset the balance. But of course, the question becomes how is that mass moving around to move the orbit where it needs to be.

Fun stuff!

You've got what njc calls an impossible situation. You'll need to pull out "magic". And by magic I mean either actual magic or sci-fi-magic such as a self-propelled planet. Here's why...

First of all, understand that Earth's orbit is not just because we're spinning around a stellar body, but because the sun is so heavy, it can yank the entire planet around (and several others) like we're a bunch of pebbles

Our sun (and ours is rather tiny as far as suns go) will crush entire planets to dust if they get into the wrong place. And it would easily eat them all if they slowed down too much and "fell".

Your biggest challenge lies here:

Where the little sun is attempting to yank your planet out of the grasp of the bigger sun. Your planet cannot survive two suns acting in different directions. It will become an asteroid belt. Each sun will claim a portion of it.

(Actually, the smaller sun probably won't be able to beat the larger sun unless the planet is moving too quickly for the larger sun to hold it (in which case the smaller sun won't be able to hold it either, and your planet will go spinning into deep space. Wheee!))

There are more issues than that, but I picked the largest. Now I wish to turn the question around and ask what the goal is of this orbit. I ask this, so I can suggest something that may accomplish this goal rather than having to use magic