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Believe it or not, the summary doesn't help. It tells me what the book is about, but not /how/ it plans to arrive there. Doesn't specify the order of events in the final three chapters and the culmination of execution.

Therefore in this chapter, I don't know yet which version contributes better

A simple introduction is really beating you up

Sorry too much "fact" for me first two paragraphs. But take that thought into context that I don't read this genre and have nothing to compare to

If it helps, I followed no such patterns in book 6, bringing in Marsha-1's POV for the first time in like chapter 8, and generally picking whichever POV best fit each scene (as opposed to alternating). Large chunks of the opening chapters had one POV. No one commented on it, so not sure it mattered

You have arrived at the right place

I wish I had a better understanding of the finer points of the genre

Eh. A story set in Italy that Americanizes the culture for me might as well be set in Little Italy, New York. Audrey voice: "You can dooo eeeet"

In related news, Project L which is set in Earth Prime (eg our Earth) I'm really enjoying the writing process because it has terms like "midnight" and "o'clock". You wouldn't believe how awful it is to write around time references.

On the other hand, it's taught me (forced) to learn to downplay time.

A: When are you headed to the masquerade?
B: When the second hour tolls

So awkward! No way for B to answer this without using Earth terminology, so I make sure A doesn't ask with such precision

A: Are you going to the ball?
B: Tonight's? Of course

My take is...

a) if you like the prologue, keep it
b) If you're 50/50 on it, dump
c) If you don't like it, carry it to Diane's collider and toss it into someone else's dimension

Humour getting in the way of the dramatic moment is going to be hard to spot in your own writing by nature as we all have to work to distance ourselves and see our words through another person's eyes. However, I can help by showing you my own mistakes.

When you get time on your hands, consider scene 1 of this v1:
https://www.thenextbigwriter.com/postin … blue-18605
The (roughly) 500 words from the start until she first teleports. During the scene, characters trip over each other, and half-fight, and crack the predictable penis joke. (One character ([G a l i a h])never appears again in the rest of the story which also breaks a writer-reader contract  that if you're going to point out the axe, someone at some point should swing it).

I don't believe there is anything /wrong/ with the v1 approach. But I can certainly get more juice out of it if the characters aren't making fun of themselves. It's kinda hard for the reader to stay in life & death mode if the characters won't take their own situation seriously. She almost need not care about her peril. She says herself "She's leaving to escape the madness" and not primarily because of any implicit danger

In v2 (not posted yet), with the zaniness removed, the MC cannot ignore the reality that she's being hunted by someone faster, stronger, and can who sense her anywhere on the planet. I'll link it here when I get time.

I believe this might be what the publisher was saying. That humour is good but can kill urgency

Re: Involuntary reactions... as I've hinted before, they don't bother me as a reader, but I don't see them as useful. if a writer could kind of reach out of the book and ask me what I prefer, I'd say I didn't care what the reactions were as much as getting on with the story

involuntary:

Equivalent:

To me, the above are the same: They both force surprise onto me. It's like an exclamation mark used where there is insufficient context to infer it.

Preferred:

That said, Many mass market high selling authors have sentient body parts. Annette Marie in particular sets records with "My hand reached up to take the letter"and "My feet walked me to the altar" all over the place

Nice