I think that if we only use literal meanings for fiction writing, we lose all the depth and embroidery of good description. I see nothing wrong with 'padded' for humans, it is a metaphor using the word to paint a mental picture of someone walking softly, like a big cat. Likewise, a cheetah's roar is what it sounded to the photographer, not to the dictionary.
102 2018-03-18 17:53:15
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
jack the knife wrote:
vern wrote:jack the knife wrote:Ignoring whether a cheetah does or does not roar, the given sentence is problematic in its construction. "Its" refers to the cheetah, obviously, but the subject of the opening clause is "roar," so "its" could be referring to the antecedent "roar," which of course is nonsensical. Replacing "a cheetah" with "the cheetah" helps a little but doesn't resolve the issue. The solution I'd propose in my in-line: The cheetah roared, startling me as I snapped its picture. This makes "cheetah" the unambiguous antecedent of "its."
As you state, "its" obviously refers to the cheetah, so, I suppose if anyone would attribute "its" to a roar having its picture taken, then we can throw all logic and the rules governing such out the window. I did consider the "a vs the" situation, but ultimately decided it had no consequence in the grand scheme of things. Nothing wrong per se with rearranging other than "startling me" is a bit less dramatic imo. Take care. Vern
The rules of sentence structure regarding antecedents are there for a reason: to avoid ambiguity in every instance, not just berry-picking examples. In the given sentence, it's fairly obvious the cheetah is the antecedent, but structurally, it isn't. Excusing this because the meaning should be clear here ignores countless other instances where the meaning is not clear and gives a pass to sloppy sentence construction. Next subject: dangling participles.
*wanders onto Google to look up antecedents...*
103 2018-03-18 15:16:27
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
jack the knife wrote:
Ignoring whether a cheetah does or does not roar, the given sentence is problematic in its construction. "Its" refers to the cheetah, obviously, but the subject of the opening clause is "roar," so "its" could be referring to the antecedent "roar," which of course is nonsensical. Replacing "a cheetah" with "the cheetah" helps a little but doesn't resolve the issue. The solution I'd propose in my in-line: The cheetah roared, startling me as I snapped its picture. This makes "cheetah" the unambiguous antecedent of "its."
I like that solution.
104 2018-03-18 14:55:48
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
vern wrote:
Lynne Clark wrote:Unless, of course, it was because cheetahs don't usually roar that the sound startled the photographer? That would be valid, I think.
Maybe. Nope, they're not just lazy, they can't roar, so "don't usually" wouldn't be valid in this case. Unless of course the photographer was on a mad scientist's island where all sorts of strange things might happen. Now, we're getting somewhere. The paperback should be out soon. Take care. Vern
I wasn't sure (see next comment...) so put usually in as a safeguard 
But the comment still goes, if the cheetah did roar, it would be totally unexpected, and the photographer would be startled.
Perhaps it wasn't the cheetah he heard, although he thought it was. Maybe the cheetah was loping along a path, and there was a pride of lions lying down, out of sight, in the grass of the savannah alongside. Maybe a lion roared, and the photographer, not realising they were there, assumed it was the cheetah. Maybe he was just as startled when the lioness tore his jugular from his throat.
105 2018-03-18 08:46:10
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Unless, of course, it was because cheetahs don't usually roar that the sound startled the photographer? That would be valid, I think.
106 2018-03-13 14:46:37
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I wouldn't be surprised if that isn't the root of the use of draught for the movement of air, i.e. it is 'drawn' from one place to another.
107 2018-03-13 12:35:48
Re: Opening stories with prologues and dreams (20 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I think the answer is: write excellent, thunderingly good, draw-you-in stories and you will be forgiven most things. Write purple, top-heavy, plot-light, leave-you-out-in-cold stories and you'll be taken to task about every tiny error you make.
108 2018-03-13 12:33:59
Re: Opening stories with prologues and dreams (20 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
There are also standard things that are frowned upon, like adverbs, yet I read thunderingly good stuff that is spattered with adverbs. My agent is not anti-adverb, luckily, and says that if there wasn't a need for them, they wouldn't exist.
109 2018-03-12 23:11:04
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I don't worry at all about US spellings being pointed out, I just like to spread the knowledge of UK spellings among my US friends Languages are lovely things
110 2018-03-12 19:08:28
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
E, I thought you might like this about draught/draft, especially the Canadian irritation in the comments 
http://grammarist.com/spelling/draft-draught/
111 2018-03-12 17:57:15
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
thank you very much for your review E, although this chapter won't be the first anymore, some bits of it I will cannibalise, so your comments (and everyone else's) are much appreciated.
112 2018-03-12 15:50:35
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I hate that sinking feeling when you realise they are just treading water. As you say, sometimes it just needs one thing. I am loath to put up any more of Breathing for review at present as the new changes will mean it will all have to be rewritten to fit the new world model. Sigh. I have rested the first three chapter rewrites for a day or so, I'm coming back to them today to see if a new plot is apparent yet...
113 2018-03-12 10:35:29
Re: Temporary hiatus (9 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
jack the knife wrote:
I've dismantled my latest novel from the site, due to its publication. I don't have a new one yet to start posting, but I'll be lurking in the wings to review novels on TNBW that tickle my fancy. N.B.: Whenever a member gets their book published, they should announce that in the Forum so that other members can see the result of hard work and get encouraged to continue with their dream as a part of this writing community.
congratulations!!
114 2018-03-11 09:04:42
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
It is interesting how people write. Everyone is so different.
I don't know what term is used for the kind of writer I am. I don't plan, I don't plot. I get one character, and then start writing. I don't have anything when I start. I let the character drag me along, introducing me to her/his friends as we go. When I get to about two thirds through, I stop and take a rest. At that point I work out the ending, so I have a point of reference in the distance. Then off I go again. This part of the writing can drag on for years in parts, be over in days, even hours for a short story, in others.
Once I get to the end, and I have a rough story, I rewrite. Again and again. Honing the story, taking out the 'day to day tedium' to try to reveal the kernel of the story. That's where I am at now. I still can't patchwork though, I have to start at the beginning, and work through until I get to the end. Then stop.
115 2018-03-10 09:07:24
Re: Guard or guard? (15 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I tell you, it's a minefield. I reckon, Norm, you should do whatever you bloody well like and let the Devil take the hindmost.
116 2018-03-09 23:11:27
Re: Guard or guard? (15 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
JP / Norm -- when you are reading about Germany, you need to remember that in German ALL nouns are capitalised, so there would never be a sturmmann, for example, it simply doesn't exist in German. So this particular section might imply that the organisation is capitalised, but it may or may not be. The English section at the end is not capitalised as it is using English words there.
117 2018-03-09 15:58:55
Re: Guard or guard? (15 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
as far as the original question goes, my tuppence worth is:
If I were referring to an unknown guard -- I don't know him, he is just a guard -- I'd probably say 'Go have a word with that guard over there.'
If it were a specific Elite Guard, I might say 'Go speak to Ellis, the Elite Guard over there.'
Does that make sense?
118 2018-03-09 15:54:16
Re: Guard or guard? (15 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
This is very interesting. My WIP has Skills that are magical abilities: things like Creation, FarTravel (which I have changed to Jumping due to far too many Fart Ravel jokes...) FarSpeech, etc. Also characters who are High Mistress (of the school) and Team Leaders. I am forever being picked up to put these in lower case, but I don't want to! They will remain U/C to differentiate them from ordinary words. I can't see any other way.
119 2018-03-09 12:24:59
Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation (42 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
sigh. (not burning, just a sigh...) Written humour is tricky, a real-life jest or pun is usually accompanied by winks, smiles, even nudges of the elbow. Emoticons help, but they don't do it all. And do we have an elbow-nudgy emoji? if not, why not?
There are pompous nits in all communities. I prefer to shrug than get offended, but some people today? I don't understand the desire to always be right. It makes no sense to me. But I am old. Maybe it is the arrogance of youth speaking? I don't know.
120 2018-03-09 11:44:28
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I wouldn't honestly go so far as to say I am optimistic, but I have a new start point, and I can only work hard at it and see what comes out of it. Thanks for all your support, guys, much appreciated.
121 2018-03-09 09:47:06
Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation (42 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
kraptonite wrote:
Lynne Clark wrote:kraptonite, I don't think you should use such short sentences...
Surely they are a sentence, not sentences? Given a sentence is singular container for words, the plural instance does not apply?
I was being tongue-in-cheeky, of course.
Surely they is a sentence?
They surely is. To is or is not, that are the question.
122 2018-03-08 23:18:13
Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation (42 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
kraptonite, I don't think you should use such short sentences...
123 2018-03-08 18:02:30
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Amazing LONG Skype call with my agent, working through the new draft.
I am going to excise the first 50 pages or so, and start rewriting half-way through Part One, the sooner to get to Part two and the real action.
I will be losing so much nice writing, it makes me want to throw up, but it is so necessary.
So, I may be away for a while.
But send me coffee and chocolate and all shall be good in the end.
124 2018-03-08 14:07:02
Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation (42 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Bevin Wallace wrote:
Lynne Clark wrote:kraptonite wrote:I think jeeeze! You don’t need the writer to take me for a walk around the garden in order to graphically explain that the blow hurt Jed and that he is going to fight back.
...and there’s the author thinking how gifted and gilded their prose is, and the reader thinking ‘jeeeze!’
I am totally in agreement here, florid, purple prose turns me off from the first time I read it. I NEVER see it in published books.
“I NEVER see it in published books.” LOL
Read twenty pages of the this monumental piece of published crap:
Fifty Shades of Grey LOL
Oh yes... I forgot about that. I should rephrase that to 'never in the books *I* read.
125 2018-03-08 13:31:24
Re: Lupus's blue eyes burned with exasperation (42 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
kraptonite wrote:
I think jeeeze! You don’t need the writer to take me for a walk around the garden in order to graphically explain that the blow hurt Jed and that he is going to fight back.
...and there’s the author thinking how gifted and gilded their prose is, and the reader thinking ‘jeeeze!’
I am totally in agreement here, florid, purple prose turns me off from the first time I read it. I NEVER see it in published books. I have problems in my own writing because I pare it such a long way down that I have to beware too many simplistic emotional descriptions, rather than the latter.
