btw he's on Twitter, you could always ask him!
https://twitter.com/TheLeeGreenwood
76 2018-04-01 16:49:54
Re: Can I reference a real song and artist in a work of fiction? (15 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
77 2018-04-01 16:48:31
Re: Can I reference a real song and artist in a work of fiction? (15 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
if we all just used Google, there'd be nothing to talk about here...
78 2018-04-01 12:01:29
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
njc wrote:
On dialogue: moments ago I heard a radio advertisement in the form of a conversation about a dilemma and the product that solved it. The dialogue had to introduce the people, the problem, the product, and every one of its claimed virtues, in encyclopedic detail. It was loaded to breaking with modifiers; it ran every detour into detail; it bubbled and burbled with praise and delight.
It was a magnificent anti-exemplar of dialogue writing.
sounds like the theatrical maid on the telephone trope...
79 2018-04-01 07:44:31
Re: Can I reference a real song and artist in a work of fiction? (15 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I think you only have problems with lyrics and quotes when things are in copyright, but to be sure about Lee Greenwood wanting to be in the novel, why not find out if he has any web presence and ask him?
80 2018-04-01 07:29:32
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Norm d'Plume wrote:
Lynne Clark wrote:Oh, and the 'had' problem. That is a harder one for me.
Just rewrite them all using was/were. ;-)
That leaves it in the current timestream though. I'm trying to move it all up in time so not so much is remembered. That will solve those pesky hads.
81 2018-04-01 07:28:29
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Kdot wrote:
Do you feel that it works as an early tempter for the other side of the world?
I didn't gather that's what they meant... but I don't think I need to this early in the story - not without it dominating the chapter to the point of distraction. "The Edge" is enough for now that I get a feeling it's not a place anyone wants to be.
That's great! It's an interesting place The Edge. I like working in there a lot, but it isn't actually seen until Book 2.
82 2018-04-01 07:26:43
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
amy s wrote:
Pick pick pick:-)
I am a terrible picker. But the newest version I DO like better than the others. When will it stop???
83 2018-03-31 17:23:34
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Well, I've been rewriting it all again, taking into account lots of the things you have pointed out NJ, got another run through then I'll overlay the lot for new readers. Up to you if you wish to cast a lazy eye over it again, I'll put the links here when it's ready.
84 2018-03-31 16:39:46
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
the Unholy Trinity Rides Again
85 2018-03-31 12:11:08
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
some good ones there... also, my suggestion
The Unholy Apocalypse
86 2018-03-31 11:17:21
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
njc wrote:
The point is that I need to know to look! TNBW alerts me when you do the basic reply, so I look then. If you add to it after thst, just let me know.
Thanks nj, just responded to your inline on Air and Water. My inline reples are added at the same time as the basic reply, so if you see that you'll see them too. I like that we can keep a specific conversation going inline if we wish to, or as you say, we can just bring it here. Thanks for all your comments about my appalling paragraph breaks. It's not something I'd applied myself to, so that is really useful.
Oh, and the 'had' problem. That is a harder one for me. I guess the only way out is NOT to combine flashback with current action.
Everyone, what is your preferred way round the pp problem?
87 2018-03-30 21:28:35
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
njc wrote:
I will read the replies at least once when the main reply is filled in and I'm informed that you've replied. Feel free to reply in the forum if you prefer.
I find it easier to reply to questions inline as I don't have to keep flicking between tabs and copying stuff over. But there was no point in replying that way if you prefer not to go back on your reviews.
88 2018-03-30 21:27:00
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Kdot wrote:
No major quibbles. Details don't override the pace. Of course you can thin / make precision-based finesse on future passes. But nothing felt brushed over - nothing screamed to me "missed opportunity".
Gosh what a kind review K, thank you very much. I'm trying not to overwrite any of these chapters, but I had to change the voice here or it wouldn't work.
Do you feel that it works as an early tempter for the other side of the world? It isn't planned to appear until the 2nd third of the book now, so should I add another tempter somewhere in between the chapters about Izzy's learning curve?
89 2018-03-30 10:51:07
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
NJ, thank you for all your reviews, I have a busy Easter ahead, working through them chronologically. Do you read replies to inline comments? I can clarify some stuff there, but I know not everyone reads those replies so I will clarify here if that works better for you?
90 2018-03-29 16:28:51
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
New chapter 2 up now, shoe-horned in (and other chapter numbers altered accordingly) to introduce the antagonist nice and early. He won't appear again until Part 2 though. What do you think of introducing him and his world now, then leaving it to ferment in people's minds?
p.s. I hate to think what NJ will make of this one...
p.p.s. Link in case it is all getting confusing https://www.thenextbigwriter.com/conten … /version/0
91 2018-03-27 11:49:21
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
njc wrote:
ONCE UPON A TIME when the world was young there was a Martian named Smith. Valentine Michael Smith was as real as taxes but he was a race of one.
This book shakes and shocks us, half a century after its first version was published. But today's obsession with opening In Media Res would rule out this engaging, fascinating opening, surely in the top 100 of all English Language novels.
Is the James Bond style of In Media Res progress, or just fashion? Is it, perhaps, a crutch for writers who have no other interesting opening?
I think in the adult fiction arena, all openings are acceptable, depending on the style of the writing. But I am guessing that with their lives lived in snippets and on screen, the teen reader needs more action from the off. Personally, I like both. There are chunks of interesting personality that came through in the earlier versions, but are missing in the new in medias res version, but the life and zing of the new version offsets that. Which is better? Who is to say...
92 2018-03-25 08:11:54
Re: Anyone Need Credits? (3 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on:
our stories are always worth a read! thanks for this!
93 2018-03-22 10:11:51
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Izzy spends her life being hungry.
I will have a think today and give you something to chew over later.
94 2018-03-21 13:42:57
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Oh sorry, it was you, K not NJ who mentioned that, I mistook the avatar.
Hmmm So you would elaborate a bit more where Vair calls her in? There is more of this scene in Chap 2 as recollection, but it is later in the scene, rather than upfront.
95 2018-03-21 09:43:34
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
thanks NJ, problem is, I had all that in the earlier version, but no teenager liked it, it was just toooooo slow and full of info. So this time, I am dumping them into the middle of something happening, they don't know what, or why, or what the world is about, they have to read on to get all that.
96 2018-03-20 22:40:42
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I don't know, it just felt right to me. I don't want multiple versions of the same thing.
97 2018-03-20 17:54:44
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
No, that's why I put it here, you here and the crucible group, are the main people I am interested in hearing from. There are only three chapters to overlay, so I'll be onto new stuff shortly, and I wanted to keep it all in one place.
98 2018-03-20 17:14:17
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Edited the changes in, the earlier stuff is then reachable through the reviews. Sadly, it doesn't pay anyone who has already left a review again, but it keeps it all together for me.
Here's the link in case it is lost in all the other stuff here. https://www.thenextbigwriter.com/postin … -one-24430
99 2018-03-20 14:26:18
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Total rewrite in progress, I'm changing the world, the plot, everything except Izzy, the other girls and the Minx. I've put the first two rewritten chapters up now, they're not perfect, but I'm at the stage of putting things in to take them out again, so it's probably time for new eyes.
Most of the first 5 chapters will be drip-fed in as backstory.
Thanks for taking a quick peek for me.
100 2018-03-20 11:58:06
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Kdot wrote:
Is this approach unnecessary pandering to the reader? Is it allowing Gen AutoCrit to win? Probably. On the other hand, I'm only losing a few words I didn't care about. Having gone through all my work and removed the word "pad", I find my stories unharmed. I feel like I made a picture, and the market is squabbling about what frame to put it in. If they'll only buy it with a golden frame, fine, here's a golden frame for you.
I don't foresee myself hunting down every use of "roar". Not sure why. Well... tedium is one factor. I know for sure I haven't applied it to cheetahs, so I think I can sneak under the radar on that. I think such a quest would result in oversterilization. There's only so much reader-service I can deliver.
But that is your sole prerogative. You are the writer; you alone are the creator. There is no reason for you to listen to Amazon, us, or anyone else. You just need to find your own music and write. I think problems like the question of antecedents and sentence structures need careful regard, but the creative use of words to mean what you wish them to in the imagination of the reader is why so many stories can be retold and still be new and amazing.
I have always put my trust in the wise words of Humpty Dumpty.
"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less." "The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things." "The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master—that's all."
