excellent list Marilyn, thanks!
1 2018-07-16 10:04:54
Re: 200 ways to 'shake your head' (5 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
2 2018-07-16 09:51:50
Re: Groups languish (24 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
also, another thing to add, I used to love forums and bulletin boards, so much chat, all about subjects I was interested in. But then came along Twitter, and Facebook, and then Insta and now the forums don't get a look in. I do my chatting in groups on FB (other than here, but you get my drift). The days of the forum may be numbered other than for cliques such as the medieval group who actively push it along.
And it just crossed my mind, I also found so many posts here to be political, it got right up my nose. So I went away for a while until I was encouraged to join the medievals.
Christine, I apologise for leaving you all for dead in the Crucible. I found myself unable to contribute anything useful
3 2018-07-16 09:47:03
Re: Groups languish (24 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
@Debbie: You don't need those elements to join the group. All genre are welcome
I wonder if it is time to change the name!!
I've got a thread there, but I've not been around for a while, lots of personal stuff. And that happens to us all.
4 2018-07-15 06:57:24
Re: Oh no! What should I do? (6 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
It looks good Rayner! I'm going to kick it off from the beginning again, and see if I can trace the story itself this time. There's such a lot of imagination in your writing, it will be good to see it allowed to show itself for it's true purpose, to tell the story. If you had to say whose story it was, whose would it be? I think you need to decide on your main protagonist from the start-- I'm assuming Aedre as she is constant through the book?
5 2018-06-08 10:16:29
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Don!t sweat it so badly. Preserve the scansion, even if it means that your editor will have to tolerate a contraction.
totally in agreement with you and K. I'm saying the occurrences out loud to myself and deciding from that which needs to happen. Thanks for all your input. x
6 2018-05-30 22:05:56
Re: A Question About Serial Commas (36 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Excellent Lynne ! You get First Prize! (A big hooray!)
Thenk yew! Thenk yew! *bows*
7 2018-05-30 17:16:45
Re: A Question About Serial Commas (36 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
That that is, is. That that is not, is not. That that is not, is not that that is. That that is, is not that that is not.
8 2018-05-30 16:52:24
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
ah, yes I get that. thanks.
9 2018-05-30 12:27:33
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
There are different kinds of narrative. Some narrative relates the experience of the character: "She didn't trust her judgement." This example also contracts a verb and the negating adverb attached to it. Others refer to the circumstance: "The sun's not up yet." This combines a noun and a verb. (In the present tense, it's also more likely to occur in dialogue.) "He'd not been ..." is a more common form in UK usage than in American. (Not sure about Canada/Aus/NZ.)
I think you're okay with contractions that describe the mind or experience of a character, and with contractions that compress verbs and negating adverbs. Pronoun-verb contractions in the present tense will be almost all in dialogue, but I'd okay them anyway.
I love your explanations NJ but I never actually understand what you are trying to tell me I'm not academic enough, I'm so sorry
10 2018-05-30 12:12:01
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Lynne Clark wrote:New question.
Contractions: yes to dialogue, but in narrative? Accepting that this is a close third, tightly in the POV head, with little or no authorial comment.
My agent is anti, I am dithering.No contractions? Seems an unfortunate rule. I can think of best sellers who use them:
I can’t recall what her father did. Once, she explained to me in detail what he did, but as with most kids, it went in one ear and out the other.
--Murakami, Haruki. South of the Border, West of the Sun
I think this example, as it is 1st person, isn't what I mean though. 1st will always have contractions as even the narrative is funneled through the POV mouth.
11 2018-05-30 12:10:52
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
yes, my feeling too. In particular would contracted to say, he'd or she'd looks and sounds better to me. So in a sentence: 'She had always thought she would feel differently. But she did not.' it just feels so much more likely to say 'She'd always thought she'd feel differently. But she didn't.' Especially with a teen audience.
12 2018-05-30 09:07:27
Re: A Question About Serial Commas (36 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Whatever you decide, be consistent. "
I think this is the most important. There are arguments for and against the use of the Oxford comma. Personally, I like it, I think it makes lists clearer, but not every style sheet likes it. But if you are going to use it, use it everywhere. Don't just scatter it around like buckshot.
13 2018-05-30 08:50:57
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
New question.
Contractions: yes to dialogue, but in narrative? Accepting that this is a close third, tightly in the POV head, with little or no authorial comment.
My agent is anti, I am dithering.
14 2018-05-30 08:48:59
Re: Projects (15 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
thanks Amy. I don't think my experience gets in the way, tbh. My perfectionism, maybe, but my expertise was in selling rights rather than editing, so I have nothing to unlearn
I have now pared it down past it's optimum, so now I'm going through putting back some texture and character that I've inadvertantly cut. I think the construction and pacing is much better than the first time round. I'll post the dropbox link here for anyone that fancies checking out the newest version when I've finished this work through.
Oh, and I have a query of you all... I'll pop it on my own thread.
Thank you also for your comment about my review. I do try to be honest. I prefer working with more experienced writers whose genres I can understand, where I feel I have something pertinent to add. I am not a natural teacher, and my honesty is hard for total newbies to take.
15 2018-05-28 07:59:51
Re: Projects (15 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I'm still quietly working on the rewrites of Breathing *sigh*. Got some active comments back from Angela (my agent) so I am incorporating them and itching to get back to book 2. In other news I had some very dodgy blood results back, and am concentrating my energies on losing weight, getting my liver back into some kind of non-fatty order and tidying up my life. We are decorating the front living room, and so I am painting a large display unit cream, from its now redundant mahogany.
I've not had the right mindset for reviewing. I open stuff and can't find anything positive to say, so I shut it again.
16 2018-05-13 07:07:38
Re: Date Wierdness in Reviews (13 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Dr. Jorge B. Francis is messing with the spacetime continuum again. Try an Acme keyboard and mouse; they're immune. You can get them shipped from New Bethlehem by Mama's Little Shipping for twenty-two terras.
Though I heard on the interwebs that the mice have a tendency to mutate...
17 2018-05-12 14:20:33
Re: Date Wierdness in Reviews (13 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Looks like you are living in a different universe with a time lapse...
18 2018-05-12 10:16:25
Re: Date Wierdness in Reviews (13 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
oh! I was wondering why it didn't appear on my review list at the top! It came up as today in my emails, and I accessed it from there. I've replied inline and in the comments btw, thanks so much for your insights Commenting further on my own stream in Magic about Shayne.
19 2018-05-11 16:43:54
Re: My worded thoughts (9 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I do sympathise, and I know exactly how you feel. Every time I think my stuff is ok, and coming along, I read something so much better that I can't imagine ever creating anything that good. But really, they probably went through just the same angsting with their first drafts, and it's only after a lot of work, reviewing the plot arc, deleting half of it, rewriting, putting it away, pulling it out again and trying again, that their work got to the high level of professionalism that makes me weep.
I do find that critiquing other people's work is very useful for making me think about what works and what doesn't so I can use that in my own portfolio. I try to give a reason for the things that I comment on, rather than just saying delete, or changing the wording, as that teaches me to be positive in my criticism, and also to think carefully about why I want to change something. So I would say leap into critiquing others if you don't have sufficient confidence to put your own work up, and make sure each comment you can justify. You'll learn loads that way.
20 2018-04-26 12:22:53
Re: Germ Line: Revolution - Stephen A. Carter (22 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
of course, Vern, you're right. For some reason, I was thinking the chapters had been posted as stories, not books. My bad. Yes, take Chap one and build the other chapters into that, then make the other inactive so people don't get too confused.
I think it was because I had a story I wanted to turn into a book, with additional chapters, and was unable to do so. I had to start from scratch again.
21 2018-04-26 07:55:08
Re: Germ Line: Revolution - Stephen A. Carter (22 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I can't figure out how to combine books already published, Vern, but I'm digging into it. I may try to see if admin can help if I can't figure it out.
You can't. You will have to start again, marking them as a book and then adding in the chapters. I too discovered this the hard way when I arrived. Waste of points but better now than later and it makes it much easier as you go along.
22 2018-04-24 11:24:50
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
mmk. my thoughts on your thoughts on my thoughts
...
This is really a snippet of a broader discussion related to the old "Bob saw something" structure. I'm not suggesting don't use them - but rather think about what questions each one raises.
thanks, and yes, I'll give it a good think and come back with some new ideas.
23 2018-04-24 07:42:39
Re: How to Breathe Underwater (trilogy: Lessons in Skills for Life) (197 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Huge fun K. Not the book I am writing, of course, but my stuff is more about what is under the surface, I think.
Thanks for the review btw, always helpful. Asking this question has also made me realise that making it all more obviously alien isn't working for me.
Here's an example:
original wrote:For fourteen years—all her life—Skills had surrounded her, and she’d never given them a second thought. Her mother didn’t Speak, it gave her a headache, she said, and Izzy hated Jumping, even when it was necessary. And if Amma was tired and irritable, for weeks on end sometimes, she hadn’t put it together with the Creation of new clothes, or the way the pantries were filled up again
Notes:
1. "...never give a second thought..." trivializes them
2. There are 3 instances in this where we're told what did not occur as opposed to what did
3. Overall, this procession is very "nice". There is no true penalty for power use (at least none by chapter 4) - you just hug a Minx and you're off to the Garden of Eden
ok. my thoughts on your thoughts.
1. I don't think it trivialises the Skills. It is just dawning on Izzy that the things she, as a child, took for granted aren't as simple as she used to think. 'When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.' It is time for her to put away her childish things.
2. Realisations are often about what is not. The rest of the narrative is about what is. This is about the comparison.
3. It might appear to be easy, but this is EARLY in the progress. She's soon going to find out that living in this society is not easy at all.
24 2018-04-21 16:16:02
Re: Anyone want to play again? (13 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
2nd try:
'Do you think,' she said, peering closely at his dead, gaping mouth, 'that his teeth would fit Mr Armitage? I just flushed his down the loo by accident.'
25 2018-04-21 14:52:20
Re: Anyone want to play again? (13 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Matron allowed her stiffened coif to tilt towards Leonid.
'Are you sure?'
He coughed, gesturing towards the nurse to his side, his fingers flickering his need for water. 'Totally...'
Across the room, Arthur sat up on his cot.
Everyone waited.
Everyone except Rosa. She picked up the tray, pretending to pay attention to her work. But her eyes kept travelling towards Leonid.
Would he tell their secret? Or would he die silent, her disguise intact ?
She couldn't leave the room until she knew.