This forum is getting very lively. I can't afford a professional editor either, so I'll be relying on reviewer critiques, grammar/writing software, and a course on English grammar, which I missed in high school. To those reading this post, I highly recommend giving Stephen's first chapter a read. It's an entertaining thriller and a smooth read.
Here's the kind of thing we learned in Literature 21 instead of grammar:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47bKTtIwrO4
Cool item. Islam has an Antichrist and foretells of the return of Jesus and the Mahdi (cue Dune music) during the Day of Judgement. The Mahdi will rid the world of evil. This will be great for book two, where the Unholy Trinity attacks all Abrahamic religions. Naturally, Judaism also has a Messiah at the end of days.
But, it won't require much knowledge of Christianity or Catholicism since I will be explaining those elements as they occur. Nevertheless, it's pretty much "in your face", unlike the Exorcist, where it was mostly a background element (although the book was more religious than the movie).
Too much? :-)
Well, there's the Pope, his Council of Cardinal Advisors, the Catholic orphanage, "perpetual adoration" in the orphanage chapel, a Mass at St. Peter's Basilica, rosary beads and prayer, a priest as one of the main POV characters, a lengthy trip through the Holy Land retracing the footsteps of Jesus, an exorcism chapter, several healings, dead cardinals and bishops, events from Revelation, the Vatican, visions of ancient events from the Bible, Satan, the Antichrist, the False Prophet, and Jesus Christ himself.
Pretty much a Catholic series, which was my intention from the outset. There is already a series of novels called Left Behind that tells the story of Revelation from a Protestant Dispensationalist POV (a literal interpretation). So many Christians think that's the Catholic POV, too, since there are no comparable Catholic novels.
The books are Connor's journey.
I checked on my cell phone, and the problem exists there too. I'm running Google Chrome there as well.
Let's not forget the Ewoks. Apparently, even The Empire Strikes Back had its haters when it first came out. How can anyone not like a huge dose of Darth Vader and Yoda? Lucas originally worried people would say he put Kermit the Frog in Star Wars. I can't believe he had the guts to make him green.
Somewhere along the way, I discovered (and then forgot) that requiem also means funeral Mass (not just music), primarily in the Catholic Church. Seems like a good fit since the old heaven and old earth will pass away in the End Times (Revelation). It's also completely unused on Amazon. It requires a little Catholic knowledge to get someone to click past the title, but so be it. Its one down side is that the reference to Heaven may turn away people who might otherwise stop to click/read the summary for a supernatural thriller. I had the same problem with the word God in the title of my space opera story. That was the original reason I settled on Unholy Lords of the Earth, but that title has its own issues. You put Unholy and Lord together in a title, and Christians will fume and skip right past it. They're my primary target audience (2.2 billion Christians and 1.2 billion Catholics). I have 4-6 years to change my mind another fifty times.
Time for OCD medication.
Christine, you convinced me. Back to Kindle...
Thanks, Christine. I think Requiem for Heaven and Earth is a highbrow title, and it remains a potential choice. I settled on Unholy Lords and decided not to touch it again until I have something written. The story won't change because of the title, but the title may change depending on how I feel about the story once it's written. My favorites (e.g., The Unholy Trinity) are all taken on Amazon, usually more than once.
Welcome to my thread. :-)
Google Chrome. Latest version. I cleared the browsing history and cookies, and restarted the browser. The problem still exists. Was there any work done on x-line view?
If anyone else is seeing this, please comment here.
I'll email you a screenshot.
Welcome, Christine. You're in the right place. However, I suggest you edit your above post to change the subject line to something like: [story name] - Christine Dreier. Many of us in this group have such brainstorming threads for help with story issues, additional feedback, writing craft, etc. It's a great way to improve your story/writing, in my opinion, beyond just what the reviews provide. It's also where you can collect everyone's ideas in one place, making it easier to find stuff later. We also shoot the breeze in them. Try to snag Seabrass, Kdot, and njc as reviewers, if they have the time. Amy S is also excellent, although I'm not sure if she has much time at the moment. There are others, too, all very helpful. Check out our threads and subscribe to the ones you want to be notified about. I'm not currently very active on the site as I'm doing research for a new series about the Antichrist, but I'm posting to a thread called The Unholy Lords of the Earth. Would love your input, time permitting.
Dirk
Sol, check out the latest review I did for Stephen Carter's book, Germ Line: Revolution. It's not displaying the comments correctly (the comment boxes are huge).
Malcom, where's your portfolio? Tick tock. :-)
I watched a long YouTube video yesterday about Jesus, and I made notes on paper as it played. Halfway through I got bored, so I paused it. That's when I saw another tab in my browser with the same video, paused at almost the exact same spot. I checked my notes file and, sure enough, I had made virtually the exact same notes.
Another video was about the finding of a tomb that some argue contained Jesus and his family. There are bone boxes inside for a man named Jesus (son of Joseph), James and Joses (brothers of Jesus according to the Bible), one or two Marys (there's some confusion about the inscriptions), and a son of Jesus. The argument was that Jesus married Mary Magdalene and they had a son, which would have been the norm for men of Jesus's age (most or all of the apostles were married). It turns out, though, that Jesus and Joseph were two of the most common names in that period, making up almost ten percent of Jewish males. Probability analysis suggested that it was still very possible to find all those names in a tomb without them being Christ's family.
I'd never heard of her before. I'll definitely have to get the Other Bible you told me about. But only after my first chapter is up. Too many unread books right now.
My estimate for finishing the majority of my research by the end of April wasn't even close. I'm still months away from having an outline for the first book. In the meantime I'm drowning in notes. What I would give for a better way to organize this stuff.
That book I read about the Via Dolorosa being the wrong route for Christ's final steps through Old Jerusalem is going to play a big role at the end of book one. $2 and time well-spent.
My latest book is called Walking in the Footsteps of Jesus, which I'm about 40% done with. I still have to convert all of my Kindle highlights to Word, though. Tedious.
The mother of all research efforts will be my recently acquired Ignatius New Testament Study Guide. Fortunately, mostly I just need the Gospels for now.
We must be related, Claire. :-)
Welcome to the site.
What genre(s) do you write?
V2 of the book summary. I shortened 'living in a Catholic orphanage in Rome' to 'an orphan in Rome', and used K's word order. I also trimmed elsewhere. Although not strictly required, I chose to keep Catholic in the summary, but moved it down. 'from the possessed' also isn't strictly required, although I prefer to keep it for now. I also decided to limit the dying to bishops and cardinals, no priests. The Antichrist would be after the Vatican leadership. Although 'Council of Cardinal Advisers' is a mouthful, I chose to use the Council as the proxy for the Pope. The Pope is ailing, so the head cardinal (the Secretary of State) will serve as my main Vatican leader. Connor will meet the Pope at the end of the book.
Fourteen-year-old Connor, an orphan in Rome, has special gifts. He comforts the grieving, heals the sick, and casts out demons from the possessed. As the Catholic Church struggles to understand his supernatural abilities, bishops and cardinals in the city start dying at an alarming rate, either by accident, suicide, or murder. Soon the Pope’s Council of Cardinal Advisers concludes the Church is being stalked by the Antichrist, and Connor becomes his main target. The Council must move swiftly to save Connor, who may be their long-awaited Christ returned in the flesh. Thus begins a desperate struggle between good and evil that could decide the fate of humanity.
The two paragraphs take up 2/3 of a well-spaced Word page, so that should easily fit the back of a book cover.
My thanks to K.
Well-reasoned, Obi-Wan. Fortunately, I have 4-6 years to rewrite it twenty times. I finally like the title, though. :-)
In definitely thinking about trimming it to be sure it all fits on the back of a book, but I hadn't considered shortening the first sentence since the target audience is Christians, especially Catholics. Also, I think the fact that I mention the setting being in Rome is a plus, although it's mentioned later, so I don't need it in the first sentence.
Ponder, I will.
Actually, it's not an either-or thing. I need both. The first paragraph describes the series while the second paragraph on each back cover will describe the individual books. The two paragraphs above will appear on the back cover of book one, called Saving Connor.
About this Series:
The End Times have come and the Unholy Trinity — the Antichrist, the False Prophet, and Satan — are gathering for war. But the Bible has already foretold their doom: Jesus Christ will return in the flesh and conquer evil forever. In a desperate bid to avoid an eternity of suffering, Satan has issued one last challenge to God the Father that could upend the prophecies, destroy the Messiah and His Church, and give Satan everlasting dominion. But why would the Father agree to such a dare? What is so important that He would risk it all? Find out in this trilogy, The Unholy Lords of the Earth.
The above summary is primarily to help me plan/focus the story (along with a pending synopsis and outline). The above will appear on the back cover of the book, along with a paragraph like that below, specific to each book.
Living in a Catholic orphanage in Rome, fourteen-year-old Connor has special gifts. He comforts the grieving, heals the sick, and casts out demons from the possessed. As the Church struggles to understand his supernatural abilities and reconcile them with accepted doctrine, priests, bishops, and cardinals in Rome are dying at an alarming rate, either by accident, suicide, or murder. Soon the Pope’s Council of Cardinal Advisers concludes the Church is being stalked by the Antichrist, and Connor becomes his main target. The Council must move swiftly to save Connor, who may be the Church’s long-awaited Christ returned in the flesh. Thus begins a desperate struggle between good and evil that could decide the fate of Christendom and all of humanity with it.
The above two paragraphs won't leave room for anything else on the back cover. Is that a problem? They seem like the most important things I could place there.
No, I want him to suffer the extraordinary guilt of killing her. I think it's fair to say, keeping both mother and grandmother, and only using them as needed won't fly, as noted above. Unless I can think of something better, I'll probably go with antidepressants and mania to get him to resume his quest. The mania could explain him going off the deep end while in prison, with his loony ideas about the universe, evolution, reincarnation, etc. He'll also get King David as his first father ever. I need to keep Jesus out of the larger part of the story, although He and/or God the Father may make a brief appearance at extreme moments in the story. That's another way I could get Joseph to resume the quest. He could be visited by God after his suicide attempt.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how best to handle the fact that Joseph has both his dead grandmother in his head AND eventually his mother, too? Both women have strong personalities and both play key roles, one military and the other motherly/decisive, although I rarely need them both in the same chapter. I'm thinking of killing off the mother completely and giving her lines to grandma. If I do, I need to come up with a powerful reason for Joseph to resume his quest after abandoning it completely and trying to kill himself following his mother's death, which he caused. Currently, he resumes the quest with relish because he believes his mother has joined him in his head, telling him that the quest is the most important thing he'll ever do. Or do I keep both and simply use them only as needed? In that case, one or the other might not appear for at least three full chapters, since Apollo's story lies in between as well (e.g., grandma advises Joseph, Apollo gets a chapter, Joseph's mother advises him, Apollo gets another chapter, then finally back to grandma). Even when they do appear, these ghosts have very limited lines since God and Andrew are Joseph's main ghosts. I think it would weaken the roles of both women. I suppose I could have Joseph O.D. on antidepressants rather than sleeping pills. Antidepressants often make one drowsy. He would then be manic long enough to get to Earth.
Thoughts?
I need to fix the overlap of personalities between Joseph's mother and Admiral St. James. Also, Joseph's mother should be a queen again since his religion will be Anglicanism on the world Britannia, which allows for a queen as head of state and the religion. Need to explain why Britannia's main royal palace is a modest mansion with a limited security force, whereas the British monarch lives in real palaces.
Apollo's father will end up in his head.
