I reread the ending to Into the Mind of God. It's some of my best writing, along with the revised introduction to the boys in chapter one, and the new chapter where Joseph confides in Elder Amos about the voices in his head. All of that is recent material. I'm trying to figure out if there is a way to salvage this book someday.
Act III, with Joseph in prison and Apollo trying to reign in his military, is mostly salvageable, IMO. Act II still needs strengthening, but it contains some good chapters (Apollo taking out a hit on Nero, Joseph getting drunk, the Maya, etc.). Act I is way too long, but nothing a good hacksaw can't fix. The parade for example, adds nothing but carnage to the story.
Based on feedback I've received over the years, non-Christians don't want to read it because they think it's Christian, and serious Christians will hate it because it's too irreverent, in spite of the changes I made in Act I. It's also violent since that drives the quest, although so is Star Wars. Since my other books will target Christians, I'm more inclined to target them for this book/series than I am non-Christians. That allows me to market to one audience without having two totally separate identities across all forms of online marketing. I figure non-Christians will find it if it does well enough.
A key question throughout is whether the boys are really hearing God or are mentally ill. It drives the story, along with the attempts of Apollo and Joseph to head off a man-made Apocalypse. Joseph is convinced that he's hearing God, but eventually comes to the conclusion that he probably isn't. Apollo is convinced he's going nuts, but eventually concludes the opposite. Those are their character arcs and I plan to keep them.
Joseph meeting Jesus in Act III and learning that Jesus was his biological father is a big no-no, unless the Christian reader is convinced by then that Joseph really is mentally ill. Ditto for the chapter in Act II where he rewrites the Ten Commandments. I need to either completely lose those chapters, or find a way to make them acceptable.
Also, Apollo's God is too snarky to be acceptable to Christians. I did that because Apollo doesn't have a wiseass in his head the way Joseph has Andrew. Apollo's God does double duty as a jokester to keep it light. Humor is a must for this story. Without it, I'd have to pitch much of my best material, which ain't happening.
I could put Apollo's friend in his head (I forget his name, but he was killed by Nero at the Colosseum) to keep Apollo's story light, allowing his God to become more serious, like Joseph's.
Thoughts?
