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While Connor, the AC, had those powers, Connor, the emerging Christ, does not yet have them.
Also, since I'm reverting to the original write-up, he won't use violence. He'll get flattened by Alessandro, then play dead until they run away in a panic.

I'll try writing it with brood of vipers first to reinforce who he may be.
If it stinks, I can go a bit further. Admittedly, I still like rat pack.

Also, since Connor is supposedly just an ordinary kid who doesn't yet know he's Christ, I felt it was okay for him to think of the bullies as demon spawns and rats. He thinks in terms of "demon spawns" because that's what he himself is (that's me having a little fun), and rats is just short for the "Rat Pack", which is a phrase the other bullied kids normally use.

Since Jesus referred to the Pharisees as a brood of vipers, it's safe to assume he had to think of them as a brood of vipers before he said it. So, demon spawns and rats doesn't seem too much worse for a bullied kid.

Let's face it, none of those three are "charitable" thoughts.

EDIT: Connor also reveals that Alessandro's roommates refer to him as Tiny Tim behind his back. Because Connor is still trying to provoke the "beating" the rat pack intend for him anyway, he suggests Alessandro change clothes in the dark going forward.

Too much? If so, why?

Thanks
Dirk

I'm working on a new scene for Connor v2. It was intended to be a short scene added to the beginning of the original chapter 1, where Connor cures Alessandro of his epilepsy through prayer. The new scene is supposed to happen before that, where Alessandro (a bully towards Connor) roughs him up.

I was going to have Connor play dead after a nasty punch (and of course he can slow his heartbeat and breathing to appear dead). However, in writing that scene, it didn't carry much punch as the opening scene of the actual "story", when the plot gets rolling.

As I changed and expanded the scene, it took on a life of its own (8 pages), and I now need to make it a chapter of its own, at least in terms of what I post here. I always have the option later to combine chapters when I pull the book together.

Here's a quick summary (Connor's POV, but I steer his thoughts around his real identity):

- Connor is confronted by Alessandro and his roommates (the "Rat Pack") who bully many of the kids, especially Connor.
- There's a flashback to some of the past abuse that Connor has suffered, all while refusing to engage in a fight (he turns the other cheek).
- At the end of the flashback, Connor realizes the violence is escalating and decides he has to do more to protect everyone and end the bullying for good.
- Back to the present, where Connor intentionally becomes confrontational toward the rats, especially Alessandro.
- As Alessandro attacks, Connor shocks them with some of his power (he takes a vicious blow to the face and barely flinches, then stops Alessandro's fist cold with one hand and won't let go, and soon ends the fight with as little violence as he can, then forces the rats to agree to stop bullying others).

Question:

- Is it okay for Connor (aka Christ) to finally resort to limited violence to protect everyone, or is that likely to be seen as too out of character for Christ as a child (who supposedly doesn't yet know he's Christ)? At that point, Connor is "merely" an innocent kid who cares about others and tries his best to avoid violence. He doesn't want to reveal any other powers at that time, and he uses as little violence as he can against the rats.
- I really haven't left him any other options if he wants to protect everyone. The priests do what they can but can't be everywhere all the time. The rat pack are relatives (nephews and grandnephews) of senior Catholic clergy, who protect them from what they see as too much (non-violent) discipline by Romano, so he's limited to stern lectures and figurative slaps on the wrist.
- Romano cares too much about the other orphans, including Connor, that he chooses not to resign his role as rector of the seminary in protest.
- If it helps, Christ is supposed to return as a lion, not a lamb, in the Second Coming.

Thoughts?

Thanks
Dirk

Only $6.99? I may have to drive down there for cheap groceries.
I normally pay USD $5.60, give or take the exchange rate, although those are free range/organic.
Naturally, the price would go up if Trump invades and steals our chickens.
We're paying on average USD $4.40 per gallon for regular gas right now in spite of Alberta's drill-baby-drill dumbass mentality.

Ah, my favorite topic. Capitalization alone has probably added months to my writing over the past 12 years.

I questioned Gemini about this. It sees bus driver as merely a job, whereas it sees doctor, captain, astronaut, etc. as titles of respect. Of course, I'm sure there are plenty of cases where there would be no consensus as to whether to use titles of respect for given careers. I intentionally questioned it about astronaut and it says it should be capitalized in direct address ("Hello, Astronaut."). The latter is goofy since I've never heard of someone addressing an astronaut that way, although I suppose it's possible. Another case is someone with a master's degree vs. someone with a doctorate. Basically, no one calls me Master Dirk (except maybe if I had had a butler as a kid, lol), yet a friend of mine can be addressed as Dr. Lomow. Yet, if I'm a Jedi master or a mage, it would be Master Dirk.

If I had had hair over the past 12 years, I wouldn't anymore.

My mother despised the younger President Bush while she was still alive. Every time clips of him appeared on TV, she'd say she could just kick him in the face. :-)

She lived long enough to see Biden win in 2020 and probably thought, thank God that's over!

The period from 2016 through 2024 could never get made as a fictional TV movie because it's too far-fetched to be believed.

What kind of stories do you read/write?

It didn't previously, but I'll add it to the list of things it could be.
He's actually called that because I renamed the combat pit to rumble pit.

I'd create the group, but I'm at the limit (10). I'm the creator or sole moderator of most of the other groups, so, like Hotel California, I can never leave.

Feel free to create the group, though. We can always delete it later if it goes unused.

Welcome, LN.

There are definitely SFF readers/writers here who will most likely have a look-see, myself included. Many folks here, though, including published authors, often read/write other genres but will read the works of others regardless of genre. My Archangel Syndrome book (work in progress) has had quite a few members review it who normally fall outside SFF. They're experienced writers/reviewers, so their feedback is consistently excellent.

Have a look at another post in this forum for tips on how to maximize the number of reviews you can get. It's one of the posts pinned at the top of the forum.

Best advice is to dive in and start reviewing. Almost everyone here reciprocates. Be sure to click on their member name and check their profile to see when they were last online. If it's been more than a month, they may be offline for an extended period (people come and go as life and health dictate).

Try to avoid big monolithic posts like your first short story. It's harder for potential reviewers to find the time to dedicate to one long story. Many folks here prefer to review works (stories or chapters) in one sitting. You can split your stories in two (just name them to be obvious (e.g., -part 1 of 2, -part 2 of 2). I have chapters I've had to split in three to help keep my reviewers sane.

If you have any questions, feel free to post them here in Premium. That's one of its main uses. Also, you can send me a connection request, if you like, so we can talk about members behind their backs.   I'm happy to help you get up to speed as quickly as possible.

Funny spelling isn't a problem. Plenty of Canadians here, myself included, although I'm primarily targeting a US audience, so I use their philistine spelling and quote marks. Also, at least one writer from Scotland, a land of great music, fast talkers, and optional punctuation. :-)

Dirk

Musk probably wants to play president. You know, the way Dick Cheney ran everything under Bush Jr.
The only good news I've heard recently is that Musk was born in South Africa and is a Canadian citizen. He can never run for president of the US!   The scary part is he can probably run for prime minister of Canada.  >:-(

The only reason the Canada-as-51st-state idiocy drives me nuts is that the media on both sides of the border keep covering the damn story, keeping the nonsense alive. Apparently, there aren't enough people suffering and dying around the world to keep the media entertained. In 2017, I told Google's news feed to stop showing me any stories about Trump. I'll do that again soon, but I just can't look away from the impending train wreck yet.

Y'all are welcome to seek refuge in Canada as needed.

It occurs to me that if Donald tells his legions that the vaccine contains the disinfectant he suggested people inject, far more folks would be vaccinated. Of course, then RFK Jr. would have come along and revealed to people that the manufacturers, all of whom are secretly working for the Chinese government, are leaving out the Lysol for batches of vaccine going to red states. But once they're wise to the conspiracy, MAGA will storm Costco locations throughout the blue states, looking for Lysol. And if they run out, they can inject the highest quality maple syrup imported from the Union's newest northern member state.

The South shall rise again!