226

(17 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

It shouldn't.

227

(17 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

We tend to see folks post 1500 - 2500. The higher the word count, the more difficult it becomes to review a chapter or short story in one sitting. If I can review two 1500-word chapters VS one 3000-word chapter, the smaller ones often get priority because that allows me to reciprocate with two authors in the same time as it would to trade with the author of the longer piece. I eventually get around to the longer posts too, but it simply takes longer.

For the sanity of my regular reviewers, I split many of my chapters in two or even three to keep within the word count range I suggested above.

If anything you're trying to post costs more than 8 points, then your post is at least 2600 words. Most people go over that from time to time, although it helps both the writer and the reviewer to keep things short and easier/quicker to review.

228

(7 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Joseph sailed over his mother's desk and cowered behind her, his head under her skirt. Alexander grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and scourged him senseless for being such a wuss. Joseph wailed, terrified and in pain. His mother grabbed the Royal Sledge Hammer and hit Alexander in the nuts before tearing out both of his eyes with her fingernails.

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(7 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

I currently have the three sentences below in one of my chapters. Joseph is the POV character. Alexander is his father.

Is it better to write it as one paragraph?

Joseph walked around the back of his mother’s desk and stood behind her. Alexander walked over and placed himself next to her, both shielding their son. He looked over their shoulders, ready for… what?

Or three?

Joseph walked around the back of his mother’s desk and stood behind her.
Alexander walked over and placed himself next to her, both shielding their son.
He looked over their shoulders, ready for… what?


I lean toward the former. Granted, Alexander is the subject in the middle sentence, but all three sentences are very closely related (they're preparing for intruders who are trying to break through the study's doors).

Thanks
Dirk

When I was really young, my father took us to see his mother for the first time. I still remember looking up at her face and asking her why she had a moustache?

My cousin managed to top that one though. I won't repeat the actual words, but there's a rather offensive expression in German about Polish people, and I guess someone used it in front of my cousin when he was maybe 4 years old. One day, my aunt took him upstairs to see a neighbour, who happened to be... Polish. smile My aunt said she almost died when he said it. Lucky for her, the woman barely spoke German.

From the mouths of babes. smile

You could do space battles that way. Automated ships fighting automated ships, and automated ships dropping bombs, with drones and perhaps physical robots to land and seize infrastructure.

By the way, Leonardo's taxi had an AI (MIND) named Stronza, which is Italian for bitch. It was his ex-wife's car, thus he renamed the MIND. Of course, it would be no fun if Stronza had done the craziest driving. My favorite moment was actually suggested by Kdot. As the taxi tries to shake several pursuing missiles, it buzzed a pizza delivery drone, which then exploded in a superheated ball of metal, plastic, and mozzarella. smile

I named his wife Donna Pelosa, which is Italian for hairy woman. I'll probably rename her to something slightly less offensive. smile I wonder what the Italian word is for hermaphrodite? tongue

Just looked it up: ermaphrodito. Admittedly, that word is no longer considered politically correct.

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(63 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Will do. Can you please resend me the link and login details? For some reason they're not in my password manager.

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(6 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Thank you, Bill. I second all that for the folks here. Although, I can't promise to consume eggnog in moderation. smile

Check out my last big post near the end of page 52 since my thinking on some of these issues have evolved. Also, I'm pretty sure the 1000 years is a symbolic number in Catholicism, meaning a "very long time", and the rule of Christ is already well underway through the institution of the Eucharist.

Coffee's on. I only have decaf, I'm afraid.

Njc, can you suggest examples of holy but not righteous and righteous but not holy? I think that might help more clearly distinguish them for me.

One (potential) example that comes to mind is that Moses, in trying to free the Israelites, definitely was righteous, but the deaths of the Egyptian firstborn would not have been a holy act in my opinion.

Thanks
Dirk

Hmm. Out of curiosity, I looked up the actual definition of righteous. Then compared it to virtuous and holy. Depending on which definition/website you read, you get different answers. My favorite was the two sites that had almost exactly the opposite definitions of each other for righteous and holy. A total mess. And Gemini was equally useless.

Basically, I'm trying to decide if the mortal sinners at the end of the trilogy should strive for righteousness or holiness in order to get to that next plane of existence and closer to God.

If someone is trying to live a sinless life, I tend to think of that more as the pursuit of holiness, which is probably the better choice.

Of course, just to keep it interesting, someone online asked is it possible to be holy but not righteous or righteous but not holy. Can anyone suggest examples of those?

Thanks
Dirk

I would imagine imprisonment. Capital punishment would only work if you behead the criminal. I'd love to say that a beheaded criminal doesn't get to the next plane, but then what about when a victim is beheaded? Someone would have to decide if the criminal gets to the spiritual plane. Of course, that requires God, whose off singing Kumbaya with those folks who got to Heaven during the Apocalypse.

So where did I leave off with regard to Lesser King Constantino? :-)
Some of this may change as I go forward.

I've worked out that the Lake of Fire does punish those passing through it based on how grave their sins were. Those persons are then reunited with their bodies and transported to a place (usually a planet) that reflects their sins. The worse the sins, the worse the planet. The way I intend to remain (mostly?) consistent with Revelation is by taking the position (articulated by the Father, no less) that those planets are "inside" the Lake of Fire and the mortal sinners who were "thrown" into the lake will never return from there. Hence, they are forever being punished in the Lake of Fire. Tada! tongue

I took it a step further as well. They will remain "alive" and must "toil" on their planets until they develop into true righteous beings. Living forever when you have to work every day to feed and clothe yourself, etc., would be a hard life. Thus, the sane ones eventually choose to stop committing grave sins. Soon thereafter, they are able to "die" and enter a higher spiritual plane (though not Heaven) where their thoughts can subtly influence those mortals who remain alive, nudging them toward righteousness. Enough dead (ascended) righteous beings on a planet will slowly transform it into a righteous paradise for those who remain alive. Now repeat that thousands of times, once per planet, and each planet eventually becomes a paradise. Since these once mortal sinners can reproduce, there will be ever more of them, spread across ever more planets (sent to those places by God), until they spread righteousness across the cosmos (this last part is probably over the top, still thinking about it).

Connor asks God whether any of those beings will ever be allowed into Heaven, and the answer is (probably) no, since I want their souls so that the planets on which they lived all turn into paradises. But, the Father tells Connor he's not averse to additional "rescue missions" to lift some of them out of the Lake of Fire (remember, all those planets are, symbolically, in the lake) and into Heaven. Or, perhaps when their planets and inhabitants have been transformed, then the dead can enter Heaven. I currently lean toward the former.

Connor, whose new body is immortal, will have to rule this entire kingdom initially as Lesser King but will eventually send his children, grandchildren, etc. to all those worlds to rule them as Lesser Princes and Princesses on his behalf. The Father tells him to focus on becoming the Shepherd (spiritual leader) of all those beings. He's to help turn all those grave sinners and their descendants into righteous beings. The task will be much easier than trying to turn all humans currently on Earth into righteous beings since demons won't exist on human planets anymore.

During that conversation, Connor jokingly refers to himself as the Unholy Shepherd. But the Father corrects him and calls him the Holy Shepherd, telling him that the Antichrist no longer exists since Connor's old body, bred by Satan, burned up in the lake of fire. When Connor asks if he'll ever get to Heaven, the Father tells him to remember that the Father chooses his champions wisely (meaning yes), which is the line I used in the epilogue from book one.

Satan, as I mentioned previously, is transported to a moon spiralling into the Milky Way's black hole. Some of his demons may go with him, or all demons (except Satan) will go to a hellish world they can never leave. Unless there's a book four. :-)

The End smile

Thank, Lauren. And the same to you.

If you've seen the image of Connor generated by the AI, I decided that's how I ultimately want Connor to look by the end of book 1. However, i intend to keep him as is for the start of the second draft. So, over the course of the book, he undergoes a metamorphosis that parallels the development of his Christ-like powers.

He'll go from:
Green eyes to intense (glowing) blue
Brown hair to blond
White skin to caramel tan
Slim build, not muscular to a very fit, muscular build

All of those are elements of Connor's appearance that he knows how to adjust.

Now since Connor is ridiculously powerful, there's no way Satan could breed all of those abilities into Connor after only 2000 years. Fortunately, God has his own plans for Connor, so he helps speed up the breeding program by giving Satan's "herd" the powers Satan is looking to breed into them. And since zombie De Rosa is originally from the same program, that allows Satan to have many of the same powers as Connor with which to manipulate the physical world.

Except one of Campagna's ancestors is also from that program, which gives Connor a double dose of certain genes, making him more powerful than Satan in the physical world.

It just occurred to me that there is a great reason why Connor looks like his maternal grandfather at the same age. He doesn't just get his looks from his father (zombie De Rosa's DNA), he also gets them from his mother, who carries many of the same genes from the breeding program, only some generations removed. I was going to make her father the one who escaped from the breeding program, but that causes all kinds of potential problems. De Rosa saw the picture of Campagna's father at a young age, when he looked like Connor. If everyone in the breeding program looked alike (not quite twins, but close), then alarm bells should perhaps be going off in Satan's mind.

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(63 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Famous guest stars whose names you may know (from Gemini):

Zsa Zsa Gabor - she was great
Dick Martin - wow! I don't remember him on the show, and I'm too lazy to google
Don Rickles - annoying man
Phil Sillvers - fun episode where they put on a performance of Hamlet set to music from records/gramophone they brought with them on the 3-hour tour smile
Dick Sargent - I know the name, but that's it
Mickey Rooney

The rest of the top 25 list of names I don't recognize at all.

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(63 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Nyet. He would have just been born when the show first aired (1964). Whoever wrote/said that was probably referring to Kurt Russell. He appeared on the show as a guest star at the age of 13. He played a jungle boy who eventually goes up in a hot air balloon the professor had been making. He couldn't speak English, although the castaways had taught him a few simple words. I don't remember where he touched down, but when he was questioned, all he could say were things like boy and girl.

I am such a geek. smile

Minor post to move this up in the forum.

Quick edit to move this to the top of the forum.

Hi, finger. Welcome to the site. I sent you a "quickee" with some info you may find useful.

Moved the following from Amy's memoriam thread to here.

finger0126 wrote:

hello

Ending upon ending upon ending. smile After Christ crowns Connor the Lesser King, he will also give Connor the title of Unholy Shepherd. The reason? Connor will not only be responsible for ruling all those newly occupied planets, but, infinitely more important, he will be tasked with helping his "flock" (the mortal sinners) get to Heaven. That was always the purpose of the other planets, anyway (i.e. try again!), but this change will make him both king and shepherd. Since the demons will be eliminated (sent into the black hole or to some nasty world where humans will be forbidden to go), things won't be quite as evil the second time around (until the demons escape - book 4?). Although Connor, his mother, and Romano will be among the immortals, the mortal sinners won't be, so there'll always be a need for him and his descendants, who will be incredibly long-lived beings. He'll also be the Immortal Sinner, although I still have to come up with a reason to give him that third title.

It's the real reason God chose Connor for the great deeds he has to achieve -- to prepare him for all of the above in the "afterlife". smile

Of course, once someone defies God and goes to the planet of the demons, all Hell breaks loose. Literally, lol.

With the usual apology to Clement Clarke Moore, who spins in his grave every time I do one of these. smile

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the site, trespassers keep coming, hawking wares left ‘n’ right.
First Dirk and now Bill, both armed with dark power, delete you we may, fake members we scour.

Sol held a contest, new users were added, but more we do need, our ranks must be padded.
Our grand Christmas wish, revamping the site, review-only members, could help us that might.

Marilyn’s posting her latest great tale, a story of critters, sweet angels who ail.
Evildoers beware, cause Mellie’s off leash, a rottweiler dog, turned Vince into quiche.

Jack just completed a thrilling new yarn, subplots-a-many, mob gangsters he’ll harm.
Already he found, a buyer to publish; so tale that he wove, won’t end in the rubbish.

Terry has paused his wild posting rate, taking a breather, to recuperate.
His fingers grew tired of typing so fast, review he still does, and nits he does blast.

Bill’s been a-posting, his latest fine story, an undersea thriller, so far nothing gory.
But something dark lurks, beneath the still water, I don’t yet know what, nor who it may slaughter.

Dirk is still working on two endless tales; many fine heroes, but too many males. Aside from that issue, one thing does remain, a forty-page chapter, must trim it again.

George is progressing, albeit slowly, his story of spirits, the West, and things holy.
In thanks for his feedback, a smart move he hopes, I’ll make him a Cath’lic, the first female pope.

K is reworking his novel again, draft seven of Laurie, he prays it will end.
In thanks for his comments, mistake though may be, cause Kay he became, femme fatale now is he.

New Jersey’s a ghost, we see him so little, but help out he does, his thumbs never twiddle.
Immortal I made him, believe it or not, his name’s an equation, a part of my plot.

Nathan’s been here since 2008, at last he’s my victim, of a poem this great.
His portfolio’s huge, from memoirs to fiction, bigfoot to sailboats, all with great diction.

Barry still visits, reworking his tale, “The Twelfth Moon” — a sci-fi, space rangers can’t fail!
A little bit gross it may yet become, but those were old drafts, new stuff has he spun.

Morag is writing fine horror times two, perhaps Jimmy Hoffa’s in two-forty-two.
This year I did learn, Scots speak crazy fast, with commas too slow, their patience won’t last.

Randy I’ll venture is blowing stuff up, blood he will spill, filling thy cup.
Vern’s always here, lurking about, portfolio full, fine tales — have no doubt.
Pam has returned, connections remade, as soon as you post, reviews we can trade.

Alan’s away, he comes and he goes, caring for loved ones, we miss him he knows.
Alan and Di, we wish you both well, the spirit of Christmas, within you shall dwell.
Lauren, whenever, drop by if you can, root for you we do, you’re part of our clan.
Elysse is off too, recovering now, a series of mishaps, so time we allow.
Bobbie is absent, though we know not where, we wish her fine health, this season take care.

And so as I finish this horrible poem, my thanks to you all, cause surely I owe ‘em.
More time did I waste on this very date, when really I’d hoped to re-cip-ro-cate. smile

Happy Holidays!
Dirk

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(20 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

How about if I serve as nuncio from the Vatican to the USA?