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Candy and Cane

LOL

LOL. I would never use melancholy eyes; got it from a book. I appealed your rules to the Premium court. See Temple's answer there. It's quite good. I usually use expressive eyes in tense situations when showing is too slow. Admittedly, I also like eyes twinkling with mirth. :-)

Thanks, Rachel. Yes, Lehaye is my principle competitor and the primary reason the Protestant Dispensationalist POV dominates the Internet, even among many Catholics. Fortunately, there are 1.2B Catholics in the world who would probably appreciate a Catholic interpretation. I think other Christians might read it too. My story does not follow the Catholic version of Revelation entirely, though. There are plenty of really good study guides if all the reader wants is to understand Revelation. My novels will focus on the Unholy Trinity trying to capture the Church and destroying all three Abraham religions. I still have huge gaps in my outline for books two and the, but book one is coming together nicely. I may put up a trial chapter in a few months, after which I plan to go deep with the rest of my research, probably until early 2019.

Technique question.

My Connor character experiences frequent painful visions. Some are physically painful as he feels the pain of those in the vision, while others are emotionally painful because he has great empathy (one of his supernatural abilities). The visions range from Old Testament violence to Roman Era bloody battles to the Inquisition to gas attacks in WWI and so on. In the spirit of show don't tell, I'm seriously considering showing the visions to the reader as Connor experiences them. He'll narrate the visions. There are enough atrocities throughout history to have one vision per chapter for all three books.

My concern is how disjointed the result will feel. That'll be a lot of page space dedicated to visions that, while connected, won't be revealed as such until the end of the series. The reader will know something strange is going on since the characters will discuss the visions and their possible meaning, but I don't plan to make it easy to figure out before the final reveal.

The reason to have Connor narrate the visions is to create a connection to the rest of the story. For those who saw the original Dune movie, you heard Paul Atreides's thoughts whispered by the actor who played him. Same technique.

Thoughts?

Chapter 40, Post-Battle, is up. It's a cleaned up version of the same chapter from v2. Painful number of edits. I left a few of the larger problems until v4, like the fact that Joseph and Apollo should be at each other's throats. Of course, Joseph is more focused on throwing himself off a cliff.

Only one chapter to go!!! Not sure if I should split it in two. It has a very short final scene for each of the MCs.

Thanks for reading.
Dirk

I agree with you, though. Those require an exclamation mark. My opening chapter, though, had dozens.

Relying solely on said probably means using an exclamation mark in the dialogue. I got schooled for too many of those recently. I took advantage of the italics of mind speech to eliminate God said, although I like that God was silent for a moment. I'll add that in.

Chapter 39 of v3, Joseph's Sword, is up. It's a cleaned up version of the same chapter from v2. I incorporated reviewer feedback, removed a whole bunch of saids, and cut way back on exclamation marks.