I decided to revert back to the epilepsy scene as my story's opening. If I lose a few readers who want an action-filled opening, so be it (see above for details). I recall that the Exorcist took quite a bit of time to build up to the actual exorcism, so hopefully it will work the way I originally planned it.
1,776 2018-11-13 15:16:28
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
1,777 2018-11-13 14:28:45
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
For those reading my Lord of the Earth book, I'Ve encountered a bit of a dilemma. Originally, my first scene was about Connor at the orphanage performing his first healing miracle (curing epilepsy) as well as comforting Damiano, the new orphan, which is another of Connor's gifts. Since it's supposed to be a thriller (not just for Christian audiences), Rachel suggested a more action-filled opening. The problem I have with it (and Seabrass and John Hamler agree), nobody really cares about Connor yet and it gives away a key scene that was intended to be the climax of Connor's trip to the Holy Land, which is a major element of the story. If I remove the action scene, then the next scene after the healing miracle is an investigation of the first death of a cardinal at the hands of the Antichrist. However, there's nothing gruesome about it since that would turn off a Christian audience. The story continues back and forth between Connor and the Antichrist for several more scenes, at which point there is a (limited) action scene in the form of an exorcism. I haven't written it yet, so I'm not sure how pulse-pounding that scene will be. First and foremost, my target audience is Christians. If I can pick up other readers with an interesting story, so much the better, but they're not my focus. In short, I'm considering reverting back to the epilepsy cure as scene one.
Thoughts?
Dirk
1,778 2018-11-12 06:19:55
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
As Rachel suggested, I've published a new opening with more of a bang. I chose a sneak preview of the climax of Connor's trip to the Holy Land. It is not the climax of the book, however. The new opening is numbered scene 1. The story then backs up two weeks, starting with scene 2, which some of you have already read. Starting with scene 2, the story proceeds in a linear fashion.
Many thanks, Rachel.
1,779 2018-11-12 01:02:21
Re: Site Bugs (6 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Alternatively, choosing a new password should require me to enter my old password
You mean we don't have that? We definitely should.
1,780 2018-11-11 19:46:05
Re: WIP: Exile in Time (29 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Rachel, I decided to add a scene 0 that shows part of the climax of Connor's tour of the Holy Land. It's intense.
Thanks for the suggestion
Dirk
1,781 2018-11-11 04:53:54
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Thanks, Amy. Don't worry about nits. If you're up to it, I'm more interested in your overall impression. I've been told it's a bit of a slow start for a thriller, which is true. It would be more correct to classify it as a Christian thriller. I wanted the introduction to Connor to come first in the book, since he's the focus of the series. FYI, I'm posting scenes as separate chapters on this site, to make them easier to write/review. There will generally be two scenes per chapter. Scene two will include the first strike by the Antichrist.
Rachel suggested a preview of a later action scene, which I'm beginning to think is an excellent idea. I'm thinking of using the climax of Connor's trip to the Holy Land as the opening moments of the book, without giving too much away. I have to write it first to see if it works.
1,782 2018-11-07 18:07:54
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Would you suggest I only post actual chapters instead of scenes, so there is more material to review? I was hoping to keep the posts short, so people don't have to slog through five thousand words at a time.
The start of the story really is with the opening paragraph and everything that follows. There's a lot of setup and foreshadowing. Is it boring? I wanted both prayers in scene one. The first is meant to introduce Romano's internal struggle with his faith, whereas the second is Connor's first healing miracle.
Now, on to Temple's review. Yikes. :-)
1,783 2018-11-06 23:35:00
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Writing and posting individual scenes is also less daunting for me. Should give me more time for research in between posts. This book would be impossible without Google and my Catholic forum.
1,784 2018-11-06 22:20:52
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Finally! Scene 1 of chapter 1 is up. There will generally be two scenes per chapter in the finished book. To make them easier on reviewers, I'll be publishing scenes rather than entire chapters at once, which would be too long.
Thanks for reading!
Dirk
1,785 2018-11-06 20:10:10
Re: Progressive aspect and dialogue tags (46 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Just when I've been beaten into submission on this site to get rid of most of them, along comes someone who says [censored] to an editor.
1,786 2018-10-30 19:00:08
Re: WIP: Exile in Time (29 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
It's not true that build it and they will come.
Noah had this problem too.
1,787 2018-10-26 13:15:47
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Okay. Thought of several miracles that Connor can perform that are beyond anything Jesus said that any believer can do. Also, I was going to have Connor study ancient Aramaic, Greek, and Hebrew (so he can translate what he hears Jesus's aura speak in the Holy Land), but since believers can speak in new tongues, his fluency in those languages will be another sign of his supernatural abilities (he already knew those languages when he arrived at the orphanage at age seven).
1,788 2018-10-26 02:02:39
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
It's been a long time since my memory worked, but even in the past I don't think I could have put pieces together the way you do. My thinking was either hierarchical or linear. Maybe if I had done more puzzles as a kid...
My hats off to you.
1,789 2018-10-25 22:02:58
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I read in my Catholicism book that Jesus will return as an adult in His risen/glorified body, which contradicts the story I'm trying to tell. I threw it into my Catholic forum to see if there's a scriptural source for that. There are a few, but they're open to interpretation. Interestingly, two priests responded. One said it's a mystery and we can't be sure, although most expect Him to return exactly as He left. Of course, no one knows exactly what He looked like. That leaves me enough wiggle room to tell the story.
The bigger problem is that there are two endings to the Gospel of Mark in ancient manuscripts, a short version and a long one. The latter is considered canon in Catholicism. In it, Jesus says, "And these signs will accompany those who believe: by using my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes in their hands, and if they drink any deadly thing, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.” This quote suggests anyone who believes in Jesus can perform the miracles that Connor does, without them being the resurrected Christ. Granted priests are believed to have some of these powers, hence the anointing of the sick and exorcisms by specially trained priests.
I'm going to have to amp up the miracles Connor can perform in act I before the cardinals debate whether or not he is Christ. Fortunately, the Antichrist is after him, so he has that going for him.
Ponder, I must.
1,790 2018-10-23 05:23:09
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Amazon sells the entire Law & Order series (20 seasons) for $400. A little beyond my means, especially since I bought a blue-ray drive to watch the Exorcist Anthology. The latter was worth it for the research value. If I knew which was the best season (there were many great episodes over the years), I could buy it for about $40. Sam Waterston was my favorite prosecutor. I'll have to dig up an episode guide online and see if anything jumps out at me.
In the meantime, I found Law & Order: UK on Amazon Video in Canada, so I'll be paying a few bucks a month toward Prime membership. They now have a monthly rate for people like me, who don't want to shell out $100 in one go. If the UK version of the show is any good, it could give the Vatican investigation a foreign feel to it, which would be a plus since I have found little information about Italian law enforcement procedures. Until now, I've been relying on mostly U.S.sources for criminal investigations.
1,791 2018-10-23 03:57:34
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Woohoo! I finally figured out the key elements of the Antichrist's attacks in Rome and the hunt for him throughout the book by the Italian and Vatican police. Need to add a few more supporting characters. Everyone's a suspect, including members of the Pope's Council. Many thanks to Agatha Christie and Law & Order for inspiration. I need to see if I can find episodes of the original for streaming. For some reason, Special Victims Unit replays endlessly on TV, but not the original.
1,792 2018-10-19 16:12:31
Re: How to hide my forum threads from Google? - Site Usage (16 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Thank you, Sol. Is a private group still accessible to others on TNBW?
1,793 2018-10-19 05:48:52
Re: How to hide my forum threads from Google? - Site Usage (16 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
MJ, I checked my settings and it's already set as you suggested, yet my forum threads still show up on Google. You don't even need to be logged into the site to read them.
1,794 2018-10-19 05:39:22
Re: How to hide my forum threads from Google? - Site Usage (16 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I'm fully aware there's no way to delete every word I've written on this site, but that doesn't mean I should make it easy for potential readers to find all of the spoilers. When someone Googles my book's name, I don't want my thread to be the first thing they find. Removing the thread from Google indexing would address that. If a book I write ever takes off, I'm sure those who know how will find all of it online, including in the internet archives.
1,795 2018-10-19 03:57:38
Topic: How to hide my forum threads from Google? - Site Usage (16 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Sol (or anyone), is there a way to configure an existing group or thread so that it doesn't show up on Google? Right now, anyone can read my two running threads, which I want to prevent. The threads are full of spoilers, and I'm sure I've said things over the years that would offend my target audience if taken out of context.
Thanks
Dirk
1,796 2018-10-19 01:37:10
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Just watched a film about the Zodiac serial killer. Close to three hours, but well done. A newspaper cartoonist, who is privy to many of the facts about the killings through co-workers, decides to write a book about him. The author uncovered new evidence that led the police back to their main suspect, a convicted pedophile, from years earlier. They were getting ready to re-interview him based on the new evidence, including a positive ID by a Zodiac survivor out of a photo lineup, but the suspect died of a heart attack before they could do so. I'm guessing he didn't make the cut for purgatory, where naughty Catholics go.
1,797 2018-10-17 01:05:07
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I just watched Angels & Demons for the 3rd time. Lots of great suspense, especially as they're racing from church to church, looking for the missing cardinals. Nasty deaths, though. More than I want to use in my books. Mine are supernatural deaths, so I can do things that Dan Brown couldn't (e.g., a heart crushed inside the chest with no external wounds).
It occurred to me, though, as I was watching, that the Vatican police (the Gendarmerie) never called in for additional help from the Italian police to see if anyone else could get to the target church faster than the Vatican car could. The commanding officer was racing with Tom Hanks through the busy streets of Rome half the night. You'd think there'd be someone closer to the churches to call on. There is definitely cooperation with Italian police in real life because the Gendarmerie is too small. Very cool Italian car though (Lancia Delta, manufactured by Fiat). They no longer make them, so I'll be going with an Alfa Romeo Giulia (https://www.digitaltrends.com/car-revie … review/#/1). At $48K, I figured it was probably more than the Vatican would really spend on police cars, but I discovered that it's the main type of car used by both of Italy's national police forces (civilian and military).
1,798 2018-10-15 23:48:53
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,472 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Just watched Silence of the Lambs for the first time in 25 years. Anthony Hopkins was brilliant right up to his hilarious final scene in Haiti. The serial killer Buffalo Bill, who was the subject of the FBI's manhunt, was less interesting, at least until Agent Starling (Jodie Foster) got to his house. That was intense.
Picked up an important item to research. When do dead bodies start to smell? A quick search suggests an average of 24-36 hours, although it can be as little as 8-12 depending on temperature and humidity.
From https://www.quora.com/Decomposition-How … -smelling:
When I was about 16, I was cleaning and found a glass container with a lid and liquid in it in my parent's bathroom under the sink far back in the corner out of direct sight. It had old yellowed medical tape sealing the lid very well. Curiosity got the best of me, so I opened it after 10 minutes or so of trying. When I took the lid off, I almost threw up. Inside was the dentures of my great grandmother that she kept in that container to soak at night. They had been in there since her death about 20 years prior. It was loaded with trillions of bacteria and putrescine from foul mouth odor. If about 5% of sweet but rancid smelling urine was added to that, you'd have a good idea of the stench of death.
1,799 2018-10-14 14:22:35
Topic: Is this "telling"? - Writing Craft (2 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I have a character named Connor who is travelling through the Holy Land and reports seeing and hearing Christ at various traditional locations where the events of the Gospels are believed to have taken place (e.g. Bethlehem, Nazareth, Capernaum, Jerusalem, etc.). In order to maintain the mystery of what Connor experiences until the end of book one, he is not one of the POV characters. A priest who travels with him is the POV character. Connor relates through dialogue everything that he sees and hears, and I can get as detailed as I want about that. However, doesn't the summary through dialogue of his experiences make it all "telling" rather than "showing"?
Thanks.
Dirk
1,800 2018-10-12 17:56:12
Re: What is your favorite murder mystery/thriller? (18 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I see now why Seven was rated so highly. I saw this decades ago. The ending was a 10 out of 10.