Goodness. All I wanted was for someone to verify my grammar. :-)
I agree that the second sentence needs rewriting. The new version is a clipped "Father Coppola, the paramedics, and I." The speaker is a senior constable, whom I felt would want to speak intelligently among his peers and, in this case, his superiors.
Thanks to all for your feedback.
Thanks, Don. Looking forward to it.
Hi. I'm on the prowl for reviewers for my new series, described below. I'd be happy to reciprocate. Among others, I'd love to find a few Christians/Catholics interested in a supernatural thriller about the End Times prophesied in the Book of Revelation. I write about one chapter (two scenes) per month, except when life intrudes. My favorite genres to read are science fiction, thrillers/mysteries, fantasy, young adult, historical fiction, and religion, although I'm happy to try others. I generally don't read romance, erotica, or poetry.
Thanks
Dirk
About The Series
The End Times have come, and the Unholy Trinity — the Antichrist, the False Prophet, and Satan — is gathering for war. But the Bible has already foretold their doom: Jesus Christ will return in power and glory to conquer evil forever. In a desperate bid to avoid an eternity of torment in the Lake of Fire, Satan has issued one last challenge to God the Father that could upend the prophecies, destroy the Messiah and His Church, and give Satan everlasting dominion. But why would the Father agree to such a dare? What is so important that he would risk it all? Find out in this exciting series who ultimately becomes … Lord of the Earth.
About Book One - Saving Connor
Fourteen-year-old Connor, an orphan in Rome, has special gifts. He comforts the grieving, heals the sick, and casts out demons from the possessed. As the Catholic Church struggles to understand his supernatural abilities, bishops and cardinals in the city begin dying at an alarming rate, either by accident, suicide, or murder. Soon the Pope’s Council of Cardinal Advisers concludes the Church is being stalked by the Antichrist, and Connor becomes his main target. The Council must move swiftly to save Connor, who may be their long-awaited Christ returned as a boy, something no one expected. Thus begins a desperate struggle between good and evil that will decide the fate of humanity.
This is a supernatural thriller set in Rome, the Vatican, and the Holy Land. It focuses on the End Times prophesied in the Book of Revelation. Unlike the Left Behind series of books, this one is based on a Catholic interpretation. There is some End Times violence, little cursing, and no sex.
I'm used to using "me" in cases like this when I speak, but wanted to go for accurate grammar in my old age. I suspect eventually me will triumph over I as the English language continues to devolve.
I'm sure I say "me" when I shouldn't lots of times. But in this case, I'm asking which is grammatically correct.
I researched the use of I versus me before writing the two sentences below. One of my reviewers flagged the "I" at the end as incorrect.
De Rosa asked, “Who’s been inside since the body was discovered?”
“Father Coppola, who is waiting at the police tape, the paramedics, and I.
I chose "I" at the end because I read the sentence as short for:
"Father Coppola, who is waiting at the police tape, the paramedics, and I have been inside.
Is my understanding correct?
Thanks
Dirk
We're cross-posting in real time! :-)
JeffM & Kdot, thanks. But I was looking for the capitalization rule for a title when used in place of a name in direct address (e.g., Sit down, Captain.) I found it in my grammar guide, noted above.
I checked the Blue Book of Grammar & Punctuation (a US publication).
https://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/capital.asp
Rule 6a says to capitalize titles in direct address.
I've had two reviewers today tell me that constable in the following sentence should not be capitalized:
"Don't allow anyone except tenants into the building, Constable."
Isn't the rule that when directly addressing someone, even when not explicitly using their name, it should still be capitalized? I did this all over the place in my first book and no one flagged it.
Thanks
Dirk
Lordy, it’s a wonder you folks get any writing done at all...
LOL
"For the end of the world was long ago ..."
Nice! Mind if I use it? It's like the opening of a Star Wars film.
Yes.
In which chapter does the comet strike and destroy the world?
Book three has an asteroid on a collision course with Earth. A comet would work just as well.
No, it'll be:
Chapter 1, In the Beginning, Scene 1
Chapter 2, In the Beginning, Scene 2
Chapter 3, Next Big Event, Scene 1
Chapter 4, Next Big Event, Scene 2
Chapter 5, Even Bigger Event, Scene 1
Chapter 6, Even Bigger Event, Scene 2
Etc.
Better?
Yeah, Seabrass does that. It confuses me to see a TNBW chapter number, his book chapter number, and his scene number in the list box. I decided to avoid the book chapter number in favor of a chapter name, at least while I'm writing it. Not sure if the finished book will have chapter titles, since each chapter is about two concurrent stories. Hard to nail down names that cover both stories.
Christine, you can make the old version of chapter 12 inactive, assuming you don't want both to show up for your readers. Making it inactive still allows you to access the reviews given, in case you want to refer to them later. If not, you can simply delete the old chapter, and the reviews will disappear with them.
New wrinkle. I probably shouldn't use Italian for some words (e.g., police ranks & organizations) and not for others (e.g., types/ranks of clergy, Catholic Church, St. Peter's Basilica, etc.). And I don't trust Google Translate to give the correct Italian translation for everything I have to name.
Thoughts?
All good ideas. Thank you. I'll try using context, and if that fails, I'll translate it on first usage.
Thanks for your help.
My current work in progress is set in Rome, Italy for most of the story. Since I'm writing for an English-speaking audience, I've avoided the language issue by writing the story entirely in English without trying to explain why Italian characters all speak English. However, I use Italian character names, but English for other names. For example, Italy has a State Police, which is called Polizia di Stato, and a CSI team called Polizia Scientifica. I think most English-speaking readers would understand the Italian version of those names based on context, but there are other words that they would not, such as the Italian words for constable (Agente), senior constable (Agente scelto), chief inspector (Ispettore Capo), etc. I'd like to use Italian names wherever possible to give the story an Italian feel, but I see no way to reconcile that with words that don't readily translate to English unless you use Google Translate.
Suggestions?
Vern, thanks for your suggestion. The whole idea of reading someone their rights may now be out the window since I'm going to use a special ops team working outside the law.
Thank you very much for the links, Bill. I found the first two earlier today, but the third has a more complete sample Letter of Rights than what I found. The letter has to exist in all EU countries (except Denmark). The tricky part is how much is someone told at the time of their arrest, and how are interrogations conducted in Italy? They have a very complex legal system where prosecutors sometimes conduct interrogations, judges sometimes go out and gather evidence, and cases can take years to work their way through the system. Zzzz.
In my case, I intended to have two detectives lead a team that's hunting for a serial killer who may be the Antichrist. One detective is from the Vatican Gendarmerie, which is too small to have the resources (e.g., a CSI team). The other detective is from the Italian police, which has the resources and cooperates with the Vatican in many police matters in real life. Based on everything I read today, I have no idea whether/when to involve a prosecutor and a judge in the mix. Obviously, the Antichrist isn't going to submit to arrest and interrogation, but there are numerous witnesses and potential suspects that I need to include for story purposes.
Since it's a hunt for the Antichrist, I'm now thinking of using a special ops team who are sworn to secrecy to reduce the odds of word getting out that the End Times have arrived, thereby panicking the world and bringing every reporter from around the globe to Rome. I have the option of allowing that team to operate unlike the Italian/Vatican police when it comes to due process. That seems like my best option.
Does anyone know where I might find the Italian-equivalent of US Miranda rights? I'm looking for the actual wording (in English) used when someone is arrested. Italy is part of the EU, so certain information must be given to someone being arrested, regardless of country. However, after half a day of searching, the only actual wordings I've found are for the US, Canada, and the UK. I found lots of material on the Italian criminal justice system, so the day's not a total waste, but I'd hate to have to use the incorrect wording during an arrest.
Suggestions?
In Google Chrome, you can use x-line mode, then use Chrome's print function to print the whole review. I use it regularly to print reviews that require a lot of changes to my master copy written in MS Word.
Who judges these, by the way? Other members of TNBW?
Click on the menu on the upper right of your screen, click Reviews to bring up the four Review tabs, and click on Inline Posted. It should be accessible from there.
