My current WIP has essentially two stories woven into one, but they rarely connect. It's a supernatural thriller about the Apocalypse, including the Antichrist, the False Prophet, and Satan.

One half of the first book is dedicated to a Catholic orphan that the Church believes may be Christ returned in the flesh. He's being pursued by the Antichrist in Rome, so the Church sends him to the Holy Land to keep him safe and to visit the places where Jesus once walked the Earth in hopes of jogging his memory about who he may be.

The other half of the book is a series of supernatural murders in Rome of bishops and cardinals also believed to be the work of the Antichrist. This half of the story follows two detectives as they investigate the murders and close in on the Antichrist.

The two story halves really only connect at the beginning of the book and at the end. The connection at the end is very strong, but beyond that they don't overlap. There will be two scenes per chapter, one for each story half.

Question: is this an acceptable way to tell a story? I took some flak with my previous book because it was two separate stories that had minimal connection until the climax, when both halves came together. My new story will have even less of a connection.

Thoughts?

Thanks. That looks like part of the Israeli side, I believe.

Good grief! The baptism site of Jesus is turning into a real bitch to research. It's an archeological site in Jordan about 500 meters from the modern Jordan River. Christians built anywhere from 3 to 5 churches at the same location, only to have earthquakes and the river keep wiping them out (the river used to run right past the building's foundation). It took me hours just to find a picture and, later, video of the original site. Apparently there is a visitor's center, a bus terminal, trinket shops, and shuttle buses to take you from the parking lot to the site. I can't find pictures of any of that, so the description of those is either going to be very minimal or made up. Parts of the archeological site has been covered with open wood structures supporting gable roofs. There's a long walkway around most of the site. Took me all day to discover that most of the pictures of those were out of date and they're now covered walkways. Opposite the church remains, there is an elevated walkway I have yet to discover in pictures that takes you from the remains to the Jordan River where, on the other side, the Israelis have built a very large modern  tourist center for people who want to dunk their heads in the river. I knew they both existed, but I didn't realize the Israeli side was so close to the original, nor did I know the archeological site is so close to the modern path of the river. Turns out the remains are built on a flood plain and when the river overflows, the ancient baptism site in Jordan gets enough water to fill the dried out river bed from 2000 years ago. I've looked at 100s of pictures, dozens of videos, and countless web sites to get a sense of where everything is, what it looks like today, and what it looked like thousands of years ago. Unfortunately, I have no info yet on where the highway is, nor Elijah's Hill from which he rode a chariot to Heaven (it's nearby and big, so I need to know where), and the modern mosque(s) and Christian churches that the motorcade will pass along the way. There are also numerous caves nearby that John the Baptist and his followers lived in. A small number of tombs were also located on the main site, but I'll be damned if I can find them.

I was going to have Father Romano take Connor to the false Israeli site first as a test, but I don't want to spend two days researching it just for a few paragraphs in the story. I may still do it, but only if I wrap up the original research by tomorrow.

This is probably going to be the hardest site to research because it's so remote, second only to Old Jerusalem, although I don't plan for Connor to go sightseeing there, since he's still being pursued. Just the key Christian stops and then back to Rome.

Way past my bedtime.

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(9 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Thank you. I already signed up for the trial, so hopefully I'm now on their list. I tried the software but find I prefer Grammarly because of its tight Word integration. Regardless, since it's so expensive, I won't use it until I do my final edits.

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(9 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Temple, where do you sign up for their blog/posts? I can't find a field to submit my email address.

Thanks.
Dirk

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(9 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Just tried AutoCrit. Interesting application. I couldn't tell if the overall summary number was a percentage or a number that can exceed 100. I got 87. My readability varied from grade 4 to grade 10, depending on which test it ran. Too bad the story requires so much violence. Otherwise, I'd have a YA novel on my hands.

Anyone know if you can sign up for their various writers' posts? I couldn't find a place to enter my email address to get on a mailing list. Seems like it would be a useful way to convince potential buyers to pay up.

Nazareth is done, including the Church of the Annunciation, where Gabriel told Mary she would give birth to Jesus. The lower church surrounds the remains of what is believed to be Mary's home. tripadvisor.ca has a ridiculous number of excellent pictures of the church (and probably every other church I care about). There's at least one church for every major event in Jesus's life, ministry, and crucifixion.

Next up, Jesus's baptism at Bethany Beyond the Jordan (river), now located in Jordan. I think I'll take Connor to the tourist baptism site in Israel first and have him realize that it's not the original site (a test by Father Romano).

Next up, Nazareth. According to the Bible, Jesus had some knowledge of his holiness at age 12 in Jerusalem. However, Jesus went to the Temple (now the Dome of the Rock) multiple times in his life, so I'll probably save it until the end of the trip, ending in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher. I'll have to recheck my list of miracles tomorrow. If he performed any major miracles in Jerusalem on earlier visits, then I'll need to take Connor there more than once, albeit to different locations. Possibly the healing pools.

I saw variations of that while hunting for armored cars tonight. I decided to go with a little elegance. If the president and pope can travel in style, so can Connor. No need to encase him in a landmine-resistant vehicle. The armored Mercedes can withstand hand grenades and assault rifles. All the guards will be heavily armed with whatever weapons the Swiss Guards normally use to protect the pope. I forget the make, but their similar to what the Secret Service carry under their suit jackets.

Correction. Make that the GLS550 flagship. By the time I publish, it will be out of date anyway. Seats seven, so there could be up to three guards in Connor's SUV, although that would probably be cramped. I figure one guard/driver in Connor's car and four each in the other two SUVs.

https://inkasarmored.com/armored-suv-ba … des-gl550/

The FIAT 500X looks like a toy car. Base price is $20K. I'm going with armored Mercedes.

Bethlehem & the Church of the Nativity are done! I could spend a week or two writing a high school-level book report on it, but I'm not that insane. Two days will do for now. It's a good thing the Vatican will assign one of its Jerusalem-based experts as a tour guide. There's going to be a lot to describe, and the Holy Land is rich with both Biblical and Roman history.

No, it's a Vatican mission and their vehicles really do have uniquely Vatican plates. I'm just extending it to use them on Connor's SUVs in the Holy Land. Now I have to choose an SUV type. I'll have to see if the Italians make any large, luxurious SUVs that I can make bulletproof. Mercedes makes a lot of them. Not sure who else.

Decided to go with three SUVs instead of two. Given that he may be Christ, one SUV full of guards seems insufficient. Gives me more SUVs to blow up too.

Good grief. The little things you have to think of when writing. The SUVs carrying Connor will have Vatican City State plates while traveling in Israel, Palestine, and Jordan. I can't find documentation if this is what they actually do, but it avoids having Israeli plates in Palestinian Territory and vice versa.

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(29 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Kdot wrote:

Unrelated note: Tolkien sure would get a lot of nits if he posted on this site. So many unnecessary words, including the "suddenly" that Norm's been taking fire for.

Delete(reason) wrote:

[Sam saw a strange and terrible thing. (OBV)]
Gollum on the edge of the abyss was fighting [like a mad thing with](cliché) an unseen foe. [To and fro](implied) he swayed[, now so near the brink that almost he tumbled in,](smaller sentences) now dragging back, falling [to the ground](where else would he fall?), [rising, and falling again](too many -ing's). [And all the while](not needed) he hissed [but spoke no words](implied by hiss). The fires below [awoke](fires don't sleep) [in anger](over explaining), the red light blazed, [and all the cavern was filled with a great glare and heat](Not important - smaller sentences).
[Suddenly](no suddenly) Sam saw Gollum’s long hands draw [upwards](too much direction) to his mouth; his [white](can any other colour gleam?) fangs gleamed, and [then] snapped as they bit. Frodo [gave a cry](cried), and there he was, [fallen upon](on) his knees at the [chasm’s] edge. But Gollum, dancing [like a mad thing], held [aloft] the ring, a finger still [thrust] within [its circle].

One of my reviewers hit me with a review like this.

https://writersweekly.com/angela-desk/a … -companies
As Ann pointed out last week, this is a small publisher's newsletter, so beating up on Amazon is what they do.

I've seen these third-party buy buttons many times on Amazon. I bought my latest computer on Amazon from a third-party seller. The next day another vendor was selling for $50 less. One bookseller put CA at the end of its name, suggesting to me they were in Canada (I was shopping on Amazon.ca). Turns out they were in the UK and the book took a month to arrive.

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(29 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Who's Norm?

Okay, Bethlehem is done, but I still need to do the Church of the Nativity, which is part of it. Errands tomorrow. Revised estimate: three days. :-(

Up first, Bethlehem! Currently in Palestinian territory. Fortunately, since the Church is behind this mission, they're using their diplomatic contacts to bypass normal travel restrictions and delays. I plan a "convoy" of two SUVs, one filled with Connor, Father Romero, their Catholic guide, and a Swiss Guard as driver. SUV number two is more Swiss Guards. The Swiss Guards are expendable. Normally, the elite Swiss Guards only protect the Pope and his residence, but given who Connor may be, they're not taking any chances.

Nuts. I have to do a modern-day summary of each major location in the Gospels from the half dozen or so pilgrimage and travel guides I bought. Fortunately, the combined books seem to have what I need, right down to travel routes. That incorporates the effort mentioned above, so I don't think my estimate will change. If I can do one location per day, it'll be under two months.

Just finished the longest book about Jesus short of the Bible: Jesus: A Pilgrimage. Highly recommend it if you have the time to read the whole thing. I had to fast-track my way through it or spend another month reading. It didn't have as much location information as I would have hoped for, but it fills in a few blanks that were left open by my other books. Fortunately, the last 20% was footnotes and bibliography. I'm now done my formal research! Next comes integrating two books worth of Kindle notes into my Word notes/tables. That's going to take much longer than I would have hoped. Two months, give or take.

The old site where Jesus was baptized has been designated a World Heritage Site by the UN. In English the site is called Bethany Beyond the Jordan (no relation to Bethany where Lazarus was raised). In Arabic it's called Al-Maghtas, which means baptism or immersion. The tourist alternative in Israel is called Qasr el Yahud and lies directly on the Jordan River.

You didn't spoil anything for me, Rachel. I don't have HBO, so the details will be long forgotten before I ever see it. HBO is only available through an expensive cable package in Canada. I don't watch TV, just the occasional Netflix show or movie. I spend most of my free time trying to finish the research for the trilogy. My latest research book has some useful elements, but it's incredibly long. I've been reading for two weeks off and on and am only 60% done. I've begun skipping passages looking for modern descriptions of New Testament sites in the Holy Land, which is why I bought it in the first place. For example, I learned tonight that the short route from Old Jerusalem to Bethany (where Lazarus was raised) is blocked by a wall built to separate Israelis from Palestinians, requiring a major detour. There's no mention of the wall in Google Maps. It looks like a short hop. Bethany and Bethlehem are in Palestinian-controlled territory, although they remain open for tourists. And the site where Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist is in Jordan. The Jordan River no longer runs by there, so someone built a modern baptism site on the Israeli side of the Jordan. For a few shekels, they'll rent you a bath robe and duck your head underwater. :-)